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Original poster

Tried Controlled Crying with 16 month old... I feel awful

27 replies

pag2020 · 08/12/2022 22:22

My 16 mo DS has been sleeping terribly for about 2 months and myself and DH are on our knees with exhaustion. I went to see our HV today out of desperation and she suggested we tried CC, where we go in every 2,4,6,10 mins etc. And her words were "don't cave or give in".

We tried it this evening and it's very much upset me. My poor poor boy got so upset he vomited. I don't want to do it again and don't intend to but equally have no idea how to solve the sleepless nights 😭 please help

OP posts:
mishmased · 08/12/2022 22:38

Then don't do it.
It may feel like it will never end but it will.
What are his wake ups like?

carefulcalculator · 08/12/2022 22:40

You don't have to do it Flowers

I just waited and it stopped. I know lots of people say you have to teach them to sleep but I didn't and we were fine.

Do you co-sleep, after they wake up have them in your bed? That made it easier.

lalala1234 · 08/12/2022 22:44

I did that technique with my eldest but she was 7 months at the time. She took to it really well and didn't cry much. It worked and she was sleeping within a week.

With my 2nd, she went absolutely ape shit. Screaming and crying the whole time. She was beside herself. I just couldn't do it to her.

I think the temperament of the baby plays a massive part in whether it works. Having said that, my youngest is now nearly 3 and still wakes up every night so perhaps I should have persevered!

catsnore · 08/12/2022 22:48

If it feels wrong, don't do it. Try a gentler method instead. There is no right way and as pp said, it will pass eventually.

BHRK · 08/12/2022 22:50

Don’t do it, it’s cruel. I know it’s really hard but they do get better at sleeping, you just have to ride out these awful periods.
At this age i would pop then in bed with me after the second wake up so we all got more rest. It’s not forever. They grow out of that too.
have you checked all the usual things -hunger, nappy, not warm enough?
sometimes at this age it’s teeth or the start of night terrors

Twinkle1208 · 08/12/2022 23:00

Controlled crying may work with some babies who are able to self sooth but will not work for all.
Try and remember this stage won’t last forever, if having him in the bed with you means you can all sleep that’s what I did, my 3 year old still occasionally gets in our bed in the early hours and I secretly enjoy it as I know he won’t want to one day..

theskyisbluernow · 08/12/2022 23:14

From my experience it takes max 2 nights. And though v hard at the time (only 2 nights), it's all about giving your child a great opportunity to sleep so much better (potentially forever - which is what happened with my 2) in the upcoming months/for the rest of their lives.

Original poster
pag2020 · 09/12/2022 08:15

Thank you everyone for your replies.
@mishmased he goes to bed between 7.30 and 8pm. He will then wake up screaming anywhere between 11pm - 5am. The times are always quite random. Sometimes, although rare, he can be settled by popping his dummy back in and a quick sssh but most of the time we have to bring him in to our bed and even then he may not settle down. You can see he is trying to drop back off but will just set off screaming all over again. We offer water but that makes him even more hysterical. We are trying to avoid giving him a bottle.

OP posts:
mishmased · 09/12/2022 08:29

Can you give him a bottle and see if he goes back to sleep? What is his food intake like during the day and what time is his last meal? I have an 18 month old and I give her a mix of porridge, banana and plain yoghurt before bed or some weetabix and banana about 90 min to 2 hrs before bed. And then I feed just before bed. It is tough but will get better hopefully soon.

mishmased · 09/12/2022 08:31

Also could he be teething or cold? How does he go down usually, does he go to childcare and what are his naps like?

Original poster
pag2020 · 09/12/2022 08:52

He recently dropped his bedtime bottle, point blank refuses it or drinks maybe 20ml so we give weetabix mixed with a bit of banana before bed, but thinking maybe it may be too close to bed? He has his dinner around 5pm but he is not the best eater, never has been. He goes to nursery 3 days a week so yes he does pick up a lot of germs!! Could be teething yes, but this has been ongoing for a good 2 months now 😭 I've accepted this morning we are just going to have to deal with it. I'm not doing CC again, traumatic for everyone

OP posts:
Original poster
pag2020 · 09/12/2022 08:53

@mishmased sorry forgot to mention his naps. They are good. He goes down after lunch around 12.15/12.30 until about 2pm

OP posts:
DrJump · 09/12/2022 09:01

The no cry sleep solution book is really worth a read. As it's got lots of little ideas in it that you put together yourself. So you might do a little bit of withdrawal but also you might do a bit of food stuff. Or it might be you do night shifts where o E parent does one night and the other does the next.

Original poster
pag2020 · 09/12/2022 09:07

@DrJump thank you, I will have a look at that one

OP posts:
Appraiser · 09/12/2022 09:13

I am sorry you’ve had a bad time with sleep and then this method. As others said, if your gut is saying it isn’t working, stop.

I highly recommend reading this blog, it’s useful to know what and when to change patterns but also in a gentle / attachment parenting type of way. We made it work for us and our DC & was an equally joint approach from DH and myself (not just on me)

www.drjaygordon.com/blog-detail/sleep-changing-patterns-in-the-family-bed

Original poster
pag2020 · 09/12/2022 09:33

@Appraiser thank you for this. I'll have a read of it today. Appreciate your help 😊

OP posts:
Appraiser · 09/12/2022 09:44

pag2020 · 09/12/2022 09:33

@Appraiser thank you for this. I'll have a read of it today. Appreciate your help 😊

Go easy on yourself. When you’re in the thick of it all, it can feel like you’re failing - but you’re not, at all.

The 14 month + age is tough going. Those who had a baby who slept through regresses, those who never had a baby who slept through, gets worse. Their little minds and bodies are constantly growing and changing and that ultimately affects sleep. Sometimes that “this too shall pass” attitude is all that is needed to calm mum/dad to just be there for your DC to get them through it.

I wouldn’t rule out the following though:

Teething /pain (worse when lying down too, so may be fine during day but night times painful)
Bed / mattress - if still in a cot, consider moving to a bed. A decent mattress and pillow could be a simple answer.

Original poster
pag2020 · 09/12/2022 14:48

@Appraiser yeah I'm beating myself up about this a bit. Keep thinking I've done something wrong or am not being consistent enough.

In terms of a bed, he is not quite walking yet and if on his back, can't get himself back up as he never rolled, so a bed isn't an option yet incase he falls out 😵 but have been considering giving him a duvet etc rather than his sleeping bag yo make the environment a bit more "welcoming". He has a pillow so it's a start

OP posts:
mishmased · 09/12/2022 15:50

@pag2020 I suspect your baby is like my ildest and just like @Appraiser reading Jay Gordon helped a lot with my first two but especially my first. Go easy on yourself, it doesn't matter what anyone else's baby is sleeping, your goal is to get sleep and do it safely. He not be in your bed forever.

mishmased · 09/12/2022 15:54

His brain is going through so much and with all my three their sleep became worse before major development phase eg crawling, walking. I might give a bit of calpol/paracetamol just to rule out any teething pain.
Also get yourself to bed around 8 or 9 and let your partner do the tidying up. They can also go to baby when he wakes up.

MolliciousIntent · 09/12/2022 15:56

Off topic, but I'd be pretty concerned if a child that age couldn't get up from his back, have you had him seen at all? There might be something else going on.

NiceParkingSpotRitaThanksJanet · 09/12/2022 16:08

Don't feel bad, there's so much out there about sleep training/controlled crying and pressure to 'help' babies and toddlers sleep through. It's been suggested to me by friends but never felt right, I think my boy (14 months) would react similarly to yours.

Mine isn't a great sleeper but we have him in bed with us which I think probably helps. I think (but don't quote me!!) there's something about night terrors starting at this age? My son will sometimes wake up screaming too. As others have mentioned it could be a number of things such as teeth, illness etc.

I say don't beat yourself up. You did something suggested to you by a healthcare professional (although I'm pretty confident this advice isn't something they teach health visitors as standard, healthcare professionals have their own individual opinions, experiences etc) and it wasn't for you. We've been through so many phases of terrible sleep and it always passes, or goes on to the next issue (!) within a couple of weeks. At this point I think fuck it, I'm going with the flow and just remembering it won't be forever (plus plotting my revenge for his teen years - 6am Saturday wakeups will do nicely!!)

bigheartlittleheart · 22/10/2023 05:05

@pag2020 hi! I know it’s been some time since you posted and your little one is all grown up now! But I am going through the exact same thing atm - did your baby get over this? My son is sleep trained and Ferber method worked from 6m but suddenly he is waking up at night hysterical. He has all his teeth apart from second molars. He is 16m but I assume these will come early as other teeth did too but I haven’t seen any signs of them yet… any tips would be appreciated! Thank you

justanothermanicmonday1 · 22/10/2023 05:48

So sorry op. This happened to us with our 16 MO who is now 19 MO. We where in a 1 bedroom flat, I was 8 months pregnant and she wouldn't sleep in her cot. She ended up being in beside us for a few months.

We did her usual routine of bath, bottle, cuddle & bed and when she woke in the night crying we just went with it and let her in beside us. DP slept on the couch bless him.

You just have to roll with it sometimes if it means everyone gets a sleep.

She's now 19 month old, in our new house & in her big girl bedroom and cot.

Have you tried co sleeping?

justanothermanicmonday1 · 22/10/2023 05:49

Lol just saw this thread is from 2022.

You can tell I have a newborn and sleep deprived.

Ignore.

I hope you managed to get it resolved!

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