Back to work and a baby that is struggling with sleep :(

[Wednesdayaddams13]

my 9 month old ds is struggling with his sleep and has been for a couple of months now. He used to be amazing, he started sleeping through at 12 weeks old for 10 hours each night but the last couple of months have been hell.

things have improved slightly since he has moved into his own room 3 weeks ago - we are no longer disturbing him and his cot seems much comfier for him that his next2me crib.

we have a lovely bedtime routine and always have - bath, story, bottle and bed for around 8pm. Most nights I put him in his cot awake and leave him with Ewan the dream sheep and he falls asleep himself which I know is a good thing. However at the same time every single night…. 1am …. He is Awake and balling his eyes out. I mean that awful shouty cry. He won’t stop till I pick him up and cuddle him. I try everything… calprofen (for teeth), white noise, heater on to warm his room, teething gel, milk. He falls back asleep in my arms but wakes soon as I begin to lower him into his cot! So I have been sat awake holding him till about 3am till he’s in a deep deep sleep so I can put him down again. But he is awake sobbing again shortly after. My partner works long hours which involve long distance driving and I worry about disturbing him and him being tired while driving. He has almost fallen asleep behind the wheel when he has got up during the night to help me.

I have tried co sleeping and my partner has slept in the spare room so ds can sleep in bed with me, but he still sobs so loudly in his sleep even though I am right there next to him! Even when I pick him up he continues to sob in his sleep and I’ve no idea why.

this has been going on for so long, I am exhausted, but I am back at work at Christmas and I work long days. How will I cope with such lack of sleep???
Anyone else experienced this?

Anyone????

i am in work at 8am tomorrow (as in Monday) for a Keep in touch day and here I am once again sat up in bed desperately trying to rock ds to sleep, he’s had me up 3 times since midnight, third time I’ve given in and asked dp to go to the spare room. Changed ds nappy, gave him a bottle, teething gel, calprofen, teething powder, and he is STILL in my arms wailing in his sleep. I put him next to me in bed and he just wakes up shouts and screams till I pick him up again. But when I’m holding him/rocking him he falls asleep but thrashes about and cries out in his sleep. I can’t win.

someone help me please before I die of sleep deprivation. I honestly can’t cope anymore I’m losing the plot and I can’t see how I can go back to work properly when he is like this every single night. I wear an Apple Watch to track my sleep and I average about 3/4 hours of sleep a night at the absolute most. I don’t know whether to ask my parents to just take him every night now. I think they would if they knew how badly I was struggling and with my mental health too. But then I would never see him properly with work etc :(

Also to add, I absolutely have to go back to work, I’ve got no choice, ds is 9 months old now and SMP has stopped and we are absolutely broke. We can can’t afford for me to not work full time or take longer maternity leave

I didn't want to leave without replying, although I don't have any practical advice - more just solidarity.

My first baby (who is now neatly 7) was the absolute worst sleeper I have ever even heard of. He woke every 40 minutes (pretty much without fail) for nearly 2 years. I tried everything, read everything, asked everyone I met for advice, went to an NHS sleep therapist who told me there must be something medically wrong with him.

There was nothing wrong (although he did have reflux which we sorted with medication), he just didn't sleep well.

I genuinely thought I wasn't going to make it through. I was breastfeeding so my husband couldn't help much at nights, and I went back to work when he was 10 months, and it was hell. But he did, eventually, sleep better. He still doesn't ever sleep through the night - he comes in with us about 2am, but he does sleep.

If you have ruled out anything medical, my only advice is just to try and get as much sleep at any time of the day and night that you can. Co sleeping helped me - I could pretty much feed him in my sleep, and going to bed at 7.30pm when he did.

My heart just absolutely goes out to you - I know it must be so so awful. Just try and get as much help from others as you can, and take any chance to sleep, no matter when or where. You WILL get through this, and it will eventually just be a (not so funny) story to tell people.

@flibbertigibbety thanks so much for your reply.
I can’t sleep during the day as he contact naps and at night we are co-sleeping now, he goes to bed around 8/8.30pm. After not seeing my partner all day that’s when we spend the evening together but like you suggested I’m going to have to start going to bed with him so I at least get a couple hours sleep before he starts his games :( my partner is already annoyed we can’t share a bed anymore but the sleep deprivation and pacing around at all hours Trying to get ds back to sleep and in his own cot has nearly killed me.
I’m sure there isn’t anything medically wrong, the only thing is teething but we use the teething powders, calprofen and teething gel so I think his pain is well managed. And I know the difference in his cries.. this crying at night time isn’t a ‘in pain’ cry, it’s a temper cry. He wails and slams his legs down onto his mattress till I pick him up :( it’s a behavioural thing.

my mum told me to try controlled crying but I don’t think I’ve got the heart to do it, has anyone ever tried it ?

Soiidarity. DD didn't sleep for more than 3 hours at a stretch until she was 3.5.

Practically, red bull and flapjack.

Sleep train- Ferber method

We did controlled crying, worked in days. My DS are both large teens now and I know methods have changed so much.

But it worked.

You need him to fall back to sleep by himself in the cot ! Some controlled crying for sure. Start now.

You don’t literally have to leave him in there sobbing alone

I did a gentler method in the room while daughter was crying

leaving for very short periods of time and returning to reassure her.

it worked and now i still do the same if she wakes at night - she’s 20 months and sleeps through half the time but sometimes wakes at 1/2am - I don’t go into her unless it gets to about 15 mins of her crying / not resettling herself

normally she lies back down eventually and goes asleep herself.

I tried controlled crying when he was 18 months old, only ever staying out of the room for 2 mins max. It was an absolute failure, and he was so traumatised by it that he wouldn't go near his cot for months after.

I think you know if you have the sort of baby that might respond well to it - I knew he wouldn't, and went against all my instincts doing it and I still regret even trying it.

Can you nap when you're lying next to him during the day?

Revisiting this thread I started months ago because things are worse than ever and I need help/advice desperately.

ds is now 13 months old and there have been barely any changes since I last posted in November. Infact I think it’s got worse.

I am now on long term sick at work as I went back at Christmas and after 3 months of working full time, long hours and still having this battle with ds during the night, it’s nearly killed me and I can no longer function at work :(

I love my ds so so so much, I truly adore him, but he is killing me now. I feel like a total failure. Nothing I have tried works. He goes to bed between 8pm - 3.30 after his bottle fine (falls asleep in my arms and i just put him in his cot). On a GOOD night we might get to 3am before he wakes. Most nights it’s around 1am he wakes. On a bad night (like tonight and last night) he’s awake for 10pm and it’s like this constant battle to get him back in his cot. I rock him, feed him, change his nappy, sing to him, talk to him, cuddle him, rub his back, everything and nothing, absolutely nothing works. I have tried leaving him to cry, I’ve tried pick up put down, I’ve tried co-sleeping (this is what gets him to sleep for longer periods but he still wakes up crying and pulling my hair etc)

when he wakes he smacks my face, pulls my hair, launches his dummy, launches his teddy, you name it.
I don’t know how I can carry on like this any more. I’m sat on the spare bed with him lay in front of me on/off crying. I’ve put him down because I refuse to hold him a second longer while he pulls my hair and scratches me face. It’s what I can only describe as a temper tantrum. Dh works very long hours as a HGV driver, he tries his best to help me during the night but he needs his sleep and ds only seems to want me.

ive no life anymore. My relationship is out of the window. Career is now going down the toilet. I never see anyone anymore. I don’t have the energy to take him anywhere. We just stay in and I try to play with him but I am just so tired :( I feel terrible and I feel like a dreadful mum because I love him so much :(

please someone come along and help me :(

Sleep train. This situation isn't sustainable for you or your baby. It worked in two nights for us. Went from multiple wake ups, up for hours at a time, to sleeping 12 hour stretches. She's a much happier baby now. Ferber method is very effective, and you keep returning so baby doesn't feel 'abandoned'.

P.s. you need to do it properly and consistently for it to work. If you can possibly find the money, work with a sleep consultant over zoom. You need someone to hold your hand and help you apply the methods properly.

If you can't afford sheep consultant, get the Ferber book and follow to the letter.

Sorry, SLEEP not sheep consultant. Not sure how helpful a sheep consultant would be.

100% sleep train. This is not sustainable. And don’t feel guilty about doing it.

Thanks guys, I have tried the Ferber method, we tried for 3 nights, all it resulted in was us both crying and ds crying so much he couldn’t breath :( I’ve tried pick up/put down for a few nights, I’ve tried a gentle approach where I’ve put him in his cot crying but stayed in his bedroom and kept going over stroking his back, everything I tried just resulted in his screaming and crying so much he couldn’t breath and I honestly felt terrible. But then again his screaming on a regular night is awful too. It’s that awful high pitch temper scream. A few weeks My next door neighbour actually asked me was everything ok and if I needed help during the night to knock on for her because she’d heard how bad he was!!

Right now I’ve managed to get him to sleep in my arms. If I so much as edge towards his cot, he will wake up and scream because he will know I’m going to put him down. I know this sounds stupid but I feel like he is trying to control me in every way and if i don’t do exactly what he wants he’ll kick off :/

I have considered and sleep consultant and have Googled many times. Has anyone used pjs and are they worth the money?

One* not pjs

Please sleep train. Find a method you can stick to consistently and be sure to stick to it consistently. I’ve hire a sleep consultant (in a different country) and it was the best money I’ve ever spent.

This sounds really hard.

How is his daytime sleep? I'm just wondering if overtiredness could be an aggravating factor now?

I know you said you're too tired to go out, but regular daylight on the skin first thing in the morning might help reset the body clock (melatonin etc) and exercise and stimulation in the daytime might help improve sleep, can you rope in any help to get that?

There's also some info here about split nights where they regularly wake for a long period in the night, this sounds maybe like where you started but not so much where you are now. www.babysleepsite.com/baby-sleep-patterns/baby-insomnia-split-night-why-and-how-to-fix/

Another possible cause is allergies. Ours slept better once we cut out milk and soya, is there any sign of bloating or digestive upset?

It's so hard surviving on no sleep, I hope something shifts for you soon.

Sorry I just went back and saw you said he contact naps in the day. Will he sleep in a moving pushchair or car? Ours would despite terrible and contact only sleep at other times, not being flat helped I think. We bought the wake window function on Huckleberry app, followed it taking a pushchair walk every time a daytime nap was due and it extended the nap length, reduced the overtiredness and improved things generally. Maybe something you could rope in help with, can anyone push him out for a nap sometimes while you catch up on a few zzzs? Once overtiredness is fixed they may stay asleep in a non moving pushchair and then you can rush them home once sleeping and get a mini nap yourself, every little helps.

Hi Op, had some terrible nights with mine when mine started nursery at 10 months. I want you to know you are not alone. This a long post but what you're saying has really resonated with a lot of my experience and I want to try and help!

I think it's easy to think one thing is the problem and you sort that it will all sort itself. Hence self settling actually not being the magic fix, that's a load of bull ime. I think in reality there's probably lots of different things causing the issues.

At this stage for us it was-

1. Nursery routine out of sync with home routine, only one nap at nursery despite desperately needing 2, so wildly different bedtimes
2. Molars
3. Chronic ear infections
4. Breastfeeding back to sleep not working as well anymore so was regularly taking 30mins to go back to sleep
5. Nursery bugs

It all calmed down after a few months when he was 14 months old when he was ready to fully drop to one nap, the teeth had come through and we learnt to spot the ear infections early and nip them in the bud immediately. It became much more predictable once I nightweaned at 15 months and then he got grommets at 18 months.

A few things jumped out to me -

1. baby sounds in pain especially as it makes little difference when sleeping next to you. My ds will scream in his sleep with both molars and ear infections. Even with pain killer. I would really get his ears checked, sometimes the only symtom can be dreadful sleep as the pressure is worse lying down.

1. baby doesn't like the cot and a lot of your sleep deprivation is caused by trying to get him back in it, but not sleeping in the same bed as oh is causing marital strain. Could you ditch the cot and get baby on a double mattress in his room? You could start the night in your room then join him in his bed when he wakes. Big bonus is he doesn't get in the habit of coming into your bed in the middle of the night.

Good luck op, you're in a really tough stage at the moment. It won't be forever but you can make little changes to make it more bearable.

Hi everyone

i don’t know if I’ve had a breakthrough since I posted the other day. Ds has slept straight through the night for two nights now.

on Wednesday I was changing his nappy and noticed a huge molar at the back of his mouth, and a lump on the other side where the next one seems to be coming through. I feel terrible that I’ve never noticed it before.

and after a phone call with my health visitor, on the back of a recommendation from her i have swapped his cows milk bed time bottle with oat milk for two nights in a row.

so the last two nights I have dosed him up with ibuprofen and teething powder and anbesol, and he’s had oat milk rather than cows milk before bed. And both nights he has slept through for 11 hours.

is it a coincidence????

What's the rationale behind oat milk? I need some tips too!