Help! Cry out method happening now

[iloveburmese3]

Hi mamas. I need seriously encouragement and help... currently sleep training method when you leave baby 3 minutes, 6 minutes, 10 minutes. Daughter is 18 months and is having an absolute melt down. Screaming Dadda and choking she's crying so much. Going in doesn't soothe her she's just desperate to be held. Help! Anyone done this? Am I doing the right thing? I have an baby on the way in April and really want to nail the sleeping thing.

I couldn't do it. Sounds awful. Cry it out is just teaching the baby not to cry. Support her to get to sleep, she'll do it on our own, in her own time.

My 2 girls. Oldest was around 15 months. Youngest is 18 months and happily goes to sleep by herself, but only started in the last month. Before that, she needed someone in the room with her.

OP if you can afford it I highly recommend a sleep consultant. They can look at everything with a fine tooth comb and give you the best advice.

All your doing is teaching your baby that no one will come to her if she's in distress , this cry it out method is bullshit and needs to stop

Just out of interest, when a two year old is screaming and sobbing half choking on the floor because you wouldn't give them the chocolate they want, is that also child abuse?

There are so many harsh replies here. What you need to do re. sleep training completely depends on your personal circumstances. Many people responding will be from two parent families, both of whom work 9-5 and so have two parents for bed time. Not everyone is so fortunate. We tried the method you are using when my son was a similar age because we were completely exhausted. No help with childcare, second baby on the way, both parents working shifts so only one around for bath and bed. Sadly it didn't work but I don't feel bad for trying it. Your baby will benefit from the greater amount of attention she has when you're waking up refreshed rather than exhausted.

Unfortunately it’s a really hard age to make a change. You may have to experiment a bit. With my first the gradual retreat worked, with the second nothing happened. In the end I ended up cuddling him to sleep a bit further down my body each night until he was falling asleep on the bed between my legs rather than in my arms. Then over the next weeks I moved further away until he could fall asleep without me touching him at all. Once that was established I sat next to the bed, and once that was working I did the coming and going thing until he was falling asleep alone in the room.
My sister in law still has to cuddle her 11 year old to sleep so I don’t think they always grow out of it if you don’t try to change things.

Don’t do this, there are way more gentle training methods. Also super important to remember babies love consistency, so extending your minutes is confusing!!

pick her up, give her a cuddle, get her calm and start again.

pick your key phrase that you and partner say at every nap and bedtime “night night we love you”.
then leave.

starts crying wait 2 mins (no more than 5 mins), back in (no lights), hand on chest, say phrase leave (no more than 10 secs). Restart timer for another 2 mins. If quiet for more than 15 seconds, restart the timer.

do They use a comforter or dummy?

Wow some people are being arseholes on this thread tonight, what a horrible way to treat a mum who's struggling and trying to find a way though.

I hope you find a solution that works for you OP as this sounds tough and very tiring.
Is she hungry when she wakes or just looking for cuddles and attention?
I'm no expert in this area so won't start offering you advice I just wanted to sympathise really...sleep deprivation is just so hard 😴

I did notice you were trying for bedtime around 6:30pm - if she is up at 7am, I wonder if that's too long a night for her? so that would mean she'd need to sleep 12.5 hours which may be too much if lower needs. I'd start by tracking sleep - how
Many hours is she sleeping in 24 hours? Over a week... then you can almost backwards engineer a routine. If she can sleep through lots of nights, there's no reason she can't do that more consistently!

(And I don't mind a Montessori bed in some situations - but at this age you may be in for lots of bedtime battles!!! I'd maybe stick with the cot, continue supporting to sleep and look at the daytime routine to begin with!)

What a shame that there are so many harsh, judgemental responses when this mum has asked for support. She’s made it really clear that she has given the method a try after what sounds like being pressured into it but it isn’t for her - I personally couldn’t do it either but would never make anyone feel rubbish if they chose to!

OP as others have said maybe have a look at the gradual retreat method. Alternatively, sometimes finding reasons to pop in and out of your little ones room can work eg “mummy just needs to go to the toilet, I’ll be back in two minutes” , “mummy just needs to go and ….” Etc while you encourage them to close their eyes and lie down while they wait for you to come back. Although that probably works better for older children.

April is a good few months away so hopefully this phase will have passed by the time baby number two comes along. Good luck with everything x

You've left it very late. She's not a baby really, at this age? Does she understand when you explain it to her? I did sleep training at 7 months. It only takes couple of days and everyone is happier for it.

Why do this? It feels wrong because it is wrong. Cuddle your baby!

Sorry didn't RTFT. Well done for going in to her.

OP - you're upset by comments from strangers on the internet. Your baby was distraught at being abandoned in her mind by her parents. Can you see why people have more sympathy for the baby?

That’s a poor comparison. Whatever reason a child is upset I would leave them alone uncomforted. They don’t have the brain development or reasoning skills to soothe themselves. It’s not ‘giving in’ to comfort and reassure them.

OP it sounds like you know this isn’t going to work for you or your child, that’s ok. Night waking is hard, my DS was also still waking at night at 18 months and coming into my bed, and I was pregnant (still am) I’m not diminishing that for a second. I think this method can ‘work’ for some kids, in that they either give up trying to get your comfort, which is really sad, or they were ready to go to sleep on their own/sleep through anyway and it was just good timing.

But sleep is developmental and every child is different. DS went from never sleeping through once at 19 months and always sleeping with me, to happily sleeping through the night every night in his own bed by 20 months. I did spend about 3 weeks sleeping on his floor to get him used to staying in his own room, but beyond that I did nothing, he was just ready to sleep through.

It does sound like your DD might need less sleep though, bedtimes and sleep both got better here when I accepted DS doesn’t need to go to bed as early as some other toddlers (or as early as I’d like!) he goes to bed at 8.45-9pm now and it’s no battle, just lie with him for 20 minutes or so till he goes to sleep. He wakes around 7am. He’s not needed 12 hours of night sleep since he was tiny, sounds like your DD might be the same.

Try not to compare your DD to others, she’s only herself. I did find the Gentle Sleep Book helpful for understanding little ones sleep better, might help you? It won’t be this hard forever x

I left my DS if he was whinging and whining a bit, he'd usually go back to sleep. If he started to cry I'd get ready to go in but wait until it went from slight crying to full blown as sometimes he'd have a slight cry for a few minutes and fall asleep. If he ever progressed to proper crying I was there - screaming crying and choking there would be no question. They are so little still. Sometimes they really do just need us close.

I sympathise, my son is now 3 and he will go through spells of needing us close to him at night sometimes and it always feels never ending but within a few nights he's back in his own bed. They all get there eventually, don't upset both of you in the process.

When I was trying to get my son to sleep in his cot for naps and at night I used to put him down and then do quiet tasks in his room (like fold clothes or nappies) until he fell asleep. That way he knew I was there so didn't cry for me but he was still learning to fall asleep by himself. It worked really well :) He was around six months old though so I don't know if his age made a difference there.

Try the no cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley. I think she has a website too.

Personally I would get some professional help if you can. You also need to be resolute this is what you want and you will see it through otherwise it's just not fair on your toddler. I have only half sleep trained but it has helped the self soothing. I would suggest no longer than 2 mins intervals. And stay in for a minute or so then leave. Keep it up for as long as it takes. Try not to give in. See if that first night makes a difference.
Or, start w daytime naps. Are you sure she's not overtired? I know you are really tired and I don't judge your choices but I think you need to start small as your LO has been "allowed" to do this way for a long time now.