Help! Cry out method happening now

[iloveburmese3]

Hi mamas. I need seriously encouragement and help... currently sleep training method when you leave baby 3 minutes, 6 minutes, 10 minutes. Daughter is 18 months and is having an absolute melt down. Screaming Dadda and choking she's crying so much. Going in doesn't soothe her she's just desperate to be held. Help! Anyone done this? Am I doing the right thing? I have an baby on the way in April and really want to nail the sleeping thing.

Personally I couldn’t do it in a million years if there is genuine distress. (rather than the pissing about shrieking my DS does)

if you can, all power to you.

Oh ffs that's awful. Your poor child. Go and cuddle her.

Sounds like your instinct is saying it’s not right. I wouldn’t leave mine in that level of distress

It's child abuse. Her cortisol and adrenaline levels are through the roof if she's screaming and choking. She will lose trust in you. Is that what you want???

Please please either you or her dad go in right now and hold your poor baby.

Hi everyone - I lasted 3 minutes - and went in to comfort her. I was following the advice of everyone I know, they all did this. But it's not for me. She was so upset and I got her to sleep in 10 mins in my arms as always. What's the other alternative??

What's the actual problem?

You'll just have to keep cuddling her to sleep. She'll get there

You have a long time until April so don't worry.

Problem is when she wakes at night she can keeps us all awake for hours - and when you're pregnant and working it's utter hell. That's the problem! So I wanted her to learn to self soothe herself (hence this experiment everyone seems to do) but I gave up so back to square one

The alternative is to meet your baby’s needs, even when it’s inconvenient. You’ve done the right thing, don’t leave her to scream until she chokes again. You wouldn’t like it if your husband did that to you.

What do you do when she wakes in the night?

Guys you're being so judgey! I bring her into my bed where she wiggles and keeps me awake throughout the night. Where's the support here? I left her 3 minutes she's clearly not used to it be fe how upset she was and wow now I am. Logging out!

If she is awake for periods during the night, I'd be looking at her daytime routine. If she has too much daytime sleep (or bedtime is too early) this can cause this type of "split night". And all the self soothing in the world won't fix it. What does her daytime routine look like? Wake time, nap, bed?

Does she have naps without help at the moment? If not that's a good place to start

I think other mums just find this an appalling method and are distressed someone would ever leave a child in such distress. It's not you personally OP it's the whole stupid cry it out idea that get people wound up.

Personally I think you've left it way too long she's too old and if you want to do controlled crying, it will take longer than with a child who is say 6 months old.
Wow at the posters who held their kids to sleep until they were 6 years old.
Inmho kids should be taught how to self soothe. But each to their own

Oh my goodness - harsh responses! I think it's just that you wrote the first post while responding to the distress and it comes across as a very fraught situation.

Lots of evidence to say that sleep training does no harm if done right and can help children in the long term.

I wonder whether you've jumped in the deep end a bit though? You may already have done this, but these things can make your life much easier (and might even negate the need for crying-led approaches)

• introduce a structure for daytime and limit day time sleep to age appropriate limits
• have a good bedtime routine that slowly evolves away from cuddles as the last thing (cuddle first but change to patting, handholding etc for the actual sleep. Pick up and put back down at signs of distress)
• make sure baby is getting enough to eat and drink and enough stimulation in daytime.

Not saying they're all the answers but I think others have been really harsh to you here. This is not easy, you have my sympathy!

My daughter is 18 months and this broke my heart to read. She still needs cuddling / soothing to sleep and I'm prepared to do that for as long as it takes as there's absolutely no way I could bear to hear my baby in distress like that. I'm trying not to be judgemental as you have to do what works for you, but this broke my heart. 😥

I have a gut reaction to this. I just find it incomprehensible. The thought of leaving my baby until she was so distressed makes me feel physically distressed myself. I just don't get it.

Just meet her needs. If you aren't going to meet her needs when it's inconvenient to you, then why on earth are you having another? You can't pick and choose when it's convenient to be a mother.

Poor baby.

This is needlessly unkind. She is trying her best and asking for advice in a vulnerable moment. Give it a rest.

Back to respond to the kind people who are not being judgmental but actually really helpful - you know who you are, thank you 🥺 Just to clarify my daughter is so loved, I've never left her to cry before, ever - hence being so upset after 3 minutes - and I'm so soft I gave in before it got to 4 minutes. I've had so many mums I know say the method works so I tried it. I've left it too late as one has mentioned / I agree. To explain better, she eats very well and only sleeps 45 mins in the day. One nap; this short. She wakes up after this amount and is full of beans and raring to go. In short she's the happiest girl imaginable and doesn't need any sleep - equals a very tired pregnant mum who just needed some sleep (husband travels a lot so I'm alone a lot) and although she doesn't wake every night, when she does it's for 4-6 hours.

Leaving an 18 month old until she's choking due to crying and screaming so much is needlessly unkind, imo. And the 18 month old has no choice about her part in it either.

@Traisonthewine78 your opinion was noted, I'm sure. It doesn't mean what you said wasn't needlessly unkind. Questioning a pregnant woman's sense in having another child because of ONE attempt at an established sleep training method used by thousands of people is nasty. You might not agree but you don't have to be like that.

I'll be honest OP. I tried this. I got to absolute rock bottom and needed to sleep. Like you I gave up after she had screamed but at that time I could not function and needed a break. I promise it will get better. I thought my little one was never going to go to sleep without being cuddled. It took until she was over 2 and then all of a sudden it got better. Its so tough.