Help. 10 year old won't sleep alone

[Weekesy123]

Hi
I have a ten year old who has not slept properly for the last 18 months. She suffers anxiety and will not be left alone to go upstairs, sit downstairs or go to sleep alone. She often wakes in the middle of the night and we are always getting broken sleep.

I wanted to know if there were some good news stories out there that could be shared.

We have tried everything from yoga to melatonin to homeopathy to reward charts etc.

From a stressed and tried mummy x

Have you tried honestly? Like ‘you are 10, so a big girl. When you wake us up and we get constant broken sleep it makes us very exhausted. What can we do to ensure you stay in your room?’ Is she aware she can listen to audiobooks/read/chill when she’s awake, to relax her?

Also what’s being done to help her cope with her anxiety? Because if it’s really this bad then you might need some real advice from professionals who can get to the bottom of it.

I feel your pain op. I have a 10 year old exactly the same, and yes - we have tried everything. Next stop gp.

I know this sounds daft but we have peaceful unbroken nights when we let the dog sleep on her bed.

Similar. We got cats and have them sleep on her bed.

Plus audiobooks and quiet toys.

My youngest was like this, I just let her sleep with me, she needed the reassurance of being close to me at night, I organised her some counselling through a local charity and after 5 or 6 sessions she was ok to sleep on her own again, she still comes in with me occasionally. Your daughter is still young, she needs you.

We’re having this so we’ve put a blow up mattress in our room. DD 10 is happy to sleep on that on the floor, it’s enough to reassure her. I wonder if the anxiety is from covid but I’ve no idea really. Working on basis she needs us but at her age it probably won’t last for a lengthy period

Try having her sleep in your room for a bit, it's quite cosy and it feels safer for children and often families if they are all snugged up in the same room. We have done it at various times in the past when someone has been struggling with some thing. The kids still sometimes sleep in our room at the end of the bed or on a makeshift bed on the floor by me. I actually quite like it. It takes the pressure off 'going to bed'. Another one is to make a little sleep corner in the corner of the sitting room and have her sleep there so you don;t have to send her up alone to bed.

I was apparently like this till 11 and actually slept with my mum but grew out of it when I went to high school. X

I said kids but mine are all teenagers now but they still will sometimes sleep in our room from time to time. Their Dad is usually away though so there is room.

Glad to find your thread OP and see there are quite a few people sleeping in thesame room or making other adaptations to give nighttime reassurance to kids who need it.

I hope you find a way to give support and improve your own sleep. I was a bit reluctant to go back to virtually cosleeping recently but I’m less exhausted (less disruptive nights) and DS is sleeping much better.

I've no advice sorry.

My 8 year old sleeps in with me every night 🤣

It's just me and him in a double bed so it's not that bad.

I've given up lol. I come up to bed at 8pm he falls asleep next to me and I waste time on my phone for hours whilst he snoozes. I fall asleep about 1am and I get a good night sleep till we both wake up.

I realised I wanted sleep more than anything haha.

I just hope he will grow out of it 😬

My DD can’t cosleep any more - she needs her own space but she also struggles to get to sleep! No one wins! She sometimes likes the same song on loop just to occupy her mind, she’ll ask for suggestions of nice memories to think of and the dog definitely helps. Also endless reassurance that it’s not a big deal and no one minds if she wants to pop down to see us, otherwise she just gets so wound up.

Many adults will share a bed with their partners.
Why have we accepted that children should sleep alone? Our culture is so messed up.
It will pass. Comfort that kid, enjoy the cuddles whilst you can.

Sleepiest app has sleep stories which are good, I don't always listen but have them on low as I find the murmur of words comforting (I grew up living above a pub so muffled voices are what I fall asleep to!)

Either that or can you make up a bed/floor bed in your room and say it's fine to come in but to get into bed there and not wake you? It's not ideal but you'll all get some sleep

I'm another let her sleep with you person. It won't last forever and it should mean you get sleep. At this point, her anxiety in anticipation of the fear she will feel in the night is probably making things worse. You can remove that by letting her know she can sleep in your room. It's a phase and it'll pass quite quickly if you don't resist it.

This.

My 8 year old is asleep next to me right now!

@Oiseaux is right. Sometimes they just need the parent to snuggle up to and everything is ok. Pretty sure most adults would love that option if they could , to have a parent close and take the stress away. Don't see any problem kids in parents bed. If they're happier and relaxed in mums bed then great. I have another child who likes his own space so love that too, as a parent yoh need to support your own child's individual needs, and doesn't matter what anyone says, some kids need the space others need the love.

It will eventually get better, my 10yo was like this until about 6 months ago, I still have my 7yo in my bed 🤣

The only thing that has worked is time in my case. As long as you all get sleep then that's the priority.

Our 12 year old has been a co-sleeper on and off all his life. Two years ago we moved into a flat where he could see us in the living room across the landing from his room and that resulted in more nights where he slept in his own room - and when we dog sit for my sister, he is more than happy to share his room with her Labrador.

Sometimes he just needs a 'top up' of feeling secure with us for the night - he'll suggest coming in to snuggle up and 'help' me with a word puzzle on my phone before bed .. and will fall asleep with us for the night - we are more than happy to go along with that.

He comes in less and less as he gets older - and he recognises it's harder to sleep alone after a night in with us - so he now tries different ways to feel comfortable in his own room (night light, audio book etc - he likes listening to Andrew Cotter reading his books about his dogs - I'm sure Mr Cotter isn't on here, so can say that his voice is just the right mix of soft-drone-y-ness for sleeping along to).

I've always joked to my DH that our lad will grow out of it ... he won't be 45 and still snuggling in to do word puzzles at bedtime ..... he might know all the words to Andrew Cotter's books by then though! 😂

Yes I have tried!!! She has had professional help. Doctors and psychiatrists and they have diagnosed her with anxiety. She is now having CBT but when she wakes in the night she is too scared to do anything but call us. She is well aware she can read or listen to music. She knows what to do but is paralysed by fear.

Doesn't sound daft at all.

This may well have stemmed from covid and we sleep with her so we are there. But she's never needed us before and is so confident. It's getting to the point where it is really effecting our marriage. The whole house is down and miserable due to months of broken sleep. She's slept three times this year all the way through! It's tough.

She's due to go to high school September 2023

When you say cosleeping. Are you sleeping in their bed or them in yours and how does this work with your partner ( assuming you have one that is) thanks.

Glad that works for you. I'd like to have an evening to watch rubbish tv or make sandwiches ready for school and just do those jobs you need to do as a mum in the evening not the morning when I'm shattered.