Should I publish my 6 month DS’s bedtime routine??

[Regressionisreal]

So I’m thinking of getting my 6 month DS’s bedtime routine published as a recommendation for other parents, based on what he did this evening - what do you reckon?

6.30 - final feed in order to remove feeding as a sleep association.
7.00 - bath
7.10 - book
7.15 - actual final feed, because who are we kidding.
7.30 - attempt to unlatch
7.35 - attempt to unlatch
7.40 - attempt to unlatch
7.45 - realise baby’s head is boiling hot against your sweaty arm and you have probably cooked him to sleep. Place comatose baby in cot and sneak out.
8.03 - baby wakes, send husband to settle.
8.05 - inhale dinner while listening to baby shout at husband.
8.15 - rescue husband
8.15 - 8.30 - sway baby fruitlessly in 27 degree heat.
8.30 - place shouting baby in cot in case he magically self settles this time.
8.32 - turn baby onto side for bottom pats and head stroking. Endure baby’s withering gaze.
8.40 - start swaying again, this time with reiki music
8.45 - curse reiki music for giving you false hope when it worked for one nap yesterday
8.50 - remember that thing you read on Mumsnet and retrieve yoga ball from spare room. Knock over baby monitor in your hurry to leave the room.
8.50 - 9.05 - bounce on yoga ball with baby, feeling like a bit of a dick, but consoling yourself that at least it’s some exercise too. Endure baby’s laughter.
9.10 - try swaying again. Listen to baby chatting to wardrobe like drunk elf.
9.15 - decide the issue is probably that baby’s sleeping bag is too small now, lay him down in bed to switch him to the bigger one.
9.16 - take off sleeping bag, watch baby roll onto tummy, only to remember he can’t roll back yet and start shouting.
9.17 - point travel fan directly at baby despite SIDS guidance, cos what the hell.
9.18 - attempt baby massage - this will chill baby out for 10 minutes. Text husband to let him know the baby is really taking the piss now, but it’s working.
9.27 - baby starts shouting again. Put sleeping bag back on.
9.30 - Give up and feed to sleep again.
9.40 - place sleeping baby in cot.
9.41 - trip over yoga ball.
9.42 - sneakily roll yoga ball out of room, close door and go downstairs.
9.44 - remember the baby monitor is still on the floor, swear, go upstairs and put it back.
9.50 - wine.

Obviously if any parents need a bit more flexibility then they can remove certain elements, or shift the routine back or forward 5 minutes or so, perhaps by 1 minute each day.

Thoughts?

Nailed it!

There's a book or a blog in it

😳

Thank goodness that wasn't my experience!

Oh god this is giving me flashbacks!

Is this your first? If it's any consolation my first was not like that and the universe sent me one of those second time around. Maybe you'll do a flip and better luck next time??

It does end OP, promise. It's not like this for ever.

Defo publish lol

@Regressionisreal instagram vs. Reality 😅
If parents and baby are still in one piece then I’d class it as very successful 🤣

Welcome to parenthood OP. It’s the best job in the word - but it’s an absolute shit show 🤣

I hope you enjoyed your DS stayed down long enough for you to enjoy your wine 😊

I've never read anything so painfully accurate before 😂

I agree wine is the solution!

Nailed it op

I still thank God those days are over and my youngest is about to start school

Excellently written- so funny! 😆 Love that you still have your sense of humour- you must be knackered! My first one was like this. My second was easy peasy!

Amazing - you're a pro

But how do you do bathtime in 10 mins? I think that's the only part I couldn't relate to

Haha I was almost considering a second then I read this and IT ALL CAME FLOODING BACK.

You've missed the bit at 9:32pm where you mutter several times to nobody in particular that this getting 'bloody ridiculous'

Another who had a wonderful first so I’m still shook to the core that my 2nd was this baby! (And he’s now gone 2 and the most irrational thing I’ve ever met)
Who’s idea was 2 anyway?!

Brilliant! Where do I sign up to part with extortionate amounts of money for you to give me my personalised plan based on the above?

“Send husband to settle” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I still remember DD’s shriek of rage when DH entered the room to attempt to settle.

Nailing it OP.

The truth 😂

Yes yes yes to tripping over the yoga ball

Funny and oh so true in my experience! Multiple children and I never got better (the babies never got better?) at this sleeping business…

Nailed it OP

My first was like this. Second is easier but also I haven't even bothered attempting any routine just yet (almost 4 months)

Hope you enjoyed your wine

Our family tale is I screamed so much as a baby at night times that someone called the police. No, I'm not joking
My mum was a paediatric nurse and mortified

I don't have children too scared they would be like me

Brilliantly put: not much different for a 16 Yr old

11.32 told to turn phone volume down
11.42 runs down stairs whilst sending a voice note and makes a drink.
11.42 downs said drink of squash abd makes another one but doesn't put squash away
1144 makes toast leaves butter and jam on the side
1150 runs back upstairs eating toast whilst scrolling Tik tok
1200 midnight wee
1205 back in bathroom cleaning teeth
1207 banging and clanging of wardrobe doors
1209 text normally sent saying she needs to tell me something
1212 if awake go and find out what the something is usually some weird tik tok video that she thinks thinks i will find amusing
1215 usually another 100mph run down the stairs to get another drink
1220 laughter and stupid noises from room whilst sending voice notes to friends
2am flick the landing light on as loud as you can before another bathroom visit
3am you wake up and realise your 16 yr is finally quiet.
🤣🤣🤣

You missed the bit at around 8.17 where you and husband huddle on the landing outside the baby's door and consider the possibility that the baby is broken and should be returned to the shop.