What is a dangerous amount of sleep?

[firsttimemum1403]

I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old and I just don't remember the last time I slept. I'm a light sleeper, every little thing wakes me up. I have a fitbit and according to my fitbit I'm averaging about 2-3 hours sleep a night but I know it's probably less than that, or it feels less than that. I'm just wondering when does it get to dangerous levels? I know 10 days without any sleep can kill you so 4 months on 2 hours must be doing some damage? I'm a zombie with a migraine that never goes away. I am angry all the time because I'm just so shattered I can't regulate my emotions any more.

Yesterday I ran a red light and performed an emergency stop. I didn't even know I have done it. It was purely muscle memory or my body reacting far quicker than my brain could even register. Do you know how I know I did those things? Because my shopping on the passenger seat was on the floor and the car I had almost hit was beeping at me like crazy, mere inches from my bumper.

I don't hear people when they talk to me, it's even worse if they talk to me on the phone. They ask me for my name (house hunting at the moment because our babe of a landlord decided to sell) and I don't even remember what it is sometimes. I must look like a right idiot. My mind is turning to mush. All I know is I feel very overwhelmed, angry and I want to cry all the time. In fact I do cry, all the time. My poor partner has had enough of me. It's not a case of "if" we'll break up but now just a matter of "when".

So what is the least amount of sleep people can have before it gets dangerous?

ps - I should say my kids aren't even that bad. My son has stopped the 2 hour feeds but he still needs a feed at 11 and will wake between 4 - 6 for another feed, but if he wakes up at 4 then that's it, he's up for the day. My 2 year old is a light sleeper like me, last night she was awake from midnight until 4 maybe 5 (I passed out after 4 but I heard her still awake) and that was with me going in there talking/trying to get her back to sleep etc throughout the night. She will wake at least once a night, usually between that 11 - 4 period. My partner is around to help me but he works long hours so needs his sleep.

I think you'll find that you're working long hours and you need your sleep too.

Get the lazy fucker to take over and give you a break.

You need to see a doctor for advice and please don't drive, it is not currently safe for you to do so.

Partner to deal with the 2 year old.

This. I'm presuming that your partner doesn't work all say every day and has at least one day off a week? You take yourself off to bed when he's off work and he deals with the kids on those days.

Why are his long hours more important than you nearly crashing your car?

He needs to let go of his long hours for a bit and give you some sleep.

You can't drive in this state. It's not safe for you, your kids and other people on the roads. I'm sure your husband does work long hours but his wife is hanging on by a thread so he's just going to have to cope with a bit less sleep. One person can't be operating on empty while the other person is carrying on as normal.

Are you using white noise for you and DD to block out some noise?

I don’t know. But when Ds was 0-12 months he literally woke every 45mins and fed for about 30mins. On repeat.
I stopped driving in the main for a while as like you it really wasn’t safe as I would be falling asleep.

I can really suggest much. But could you a) also stop driving at the moment for safety b) go to bed as soon as baby does in evening to try and get some extra.
With two, I suggest your dh takes over all 2 year old wakings. Maybe he takes camp bed into toddlers room a few weeks so you aren’t disturbed by wakings at all and can focus on baby

I don't want this thread to vent about my partner. He does get the weekends but I am a very light sleeper and he isn't. He doesn't hear our son crying and he's right next to us. If he gets up with the kids it's because I have nudged him awake and by that point I'm already awake and struggle to fall back asleep until he's done and the kids are all settled. It's not his fault, it is a me problem. If he wakes me up, which he usually does even if he's just going to the toilet at night, then it takes me a while to go back to sleep. I'm at that stage where I'd have to sleep on the sofa, but we live in a flat so even the living room is too close to everything. I'd wake up anyway. I'm scared to ask the doctor for sleeping pills because I'd sleep through the kids waking up and so would he.

I’d say you’re there in terms of dangerous. Please don’t drive, modify your day so that you can nap with the children. Your sleep is top priority right now.
Plan days at home, the baby can nap, your toddler can snuggle on the sofa with you for a film day.

If you do the cooking, can you use one of those subscription boxes? Or do a supermarket delivery if you prefer.

Does your partner help around the house? He needs to be doing.

You say that it’s a case of when you split, does he not show you any compassion OP? Does he not understand or care about how tired you are and how it’s affecting you?

You and your partner are a team, he needs to do his share. You are on the verge of being very unwell, if this happens then he would have to step up.

Just wondering if it's dangerous to go on like this and what people have done in the past to try and help their sleepless nights? God, why did I think having two under two would be the best idea ever haha

That sounds horrific.
Have you tried earplugs? You can get a selection pack from Amazon to try different ones. You’ll still hear the baby, don’t worry.

Can you get friends/family to have kids during the day so you can sleep?

I honestly believe that these men who 'can't hear' a baby crying next to them do so because they've classed it as not their problem to deal with and not worthy of waking up for. If he was a lone parent, what would he do? Just leave his children crying all night?

I don't believe he doesn't hear them - sorry.

However, there is another alternative - he takes them out for a whole morning so that you can go back to bed. He should do this at least once (ideally twice) next weekend.

You don't have to ask how many hours is dangerous - you already know!

Fortunately he does do equal share of cooking but it is not equal share of cleaning but again that is my fault. I keep the house very clean and orderly throughout the day so by the time he gets home there's nothing to do, but if there is he will do it. I find it very hard to sit in clutter and filth, my mum is a horder so I've always been like that way before kids. I don't mind it, cleaning is an escape in someways.

I think I need to be more open with him about the situation. He will support me and I think he keeps hinting he's fed up with my behaviour as a way to try and "wake me up" and try to "get through to me" to make a change, but it's hard to tell somedays if he's doing that or if he's genuinely had enough of me. I think lack of sleep has made me unable to regulate my emotions, I'm so angry all the time and if I'm not angry I'm just sobbing. I don't blame him for feeling this way after 4 months of the absolute mess I have become.

Today is a rarity, MIL is babysitting so I could have a break but I'm going to house viewings and calling around for flats etc so it's more of a mental break away from my kids.

Your husband doesn't wake up because he's used to you waking for the kids .

I'd do everything in my power to get the two year old sleeping through, being up 4 hours in the night isn't because she's a light sleeper. Sleep training asap and then that's half the battle. Bed is non negotiable, getting up in the night is not an option, you need to show them how to self settle just like we teach them everything else.

Do NOT drive at the moment.

DC2 is 9mo. He has not ever slept longer than a 2 hour block. He normally wakes every 45 minutes through the night. My Garmin tells me I've not had any deep sleep since he was born, I'm tired but perfectly able to function most days and average about 3-4 hours of broken sleep. I try and catch up on sleep at the weekends when DH takes the baby. I go back to work when he's 11 months and really hope he starts sleeping for longer stretches but it seems unlikely

okay I will not drive at the moment, that's as fair as it is sensible.

my 2 year old used to be an amazing sleeper, but I think we need to do sleep training again with her like you have suggested. I don't know what was going on with her last night, she didn't even want to get up and play she just wanted to lay in her cot feeling sorry for herself. She's not much of a talker yet so communicating what she needs is a little tough.

I'll also put my foot down with my partner, he'll have to deal with the 2 year old and take them out of the house when I need a nap. Easier said than done though, there's no one and nowhere to go to for a few hours but we will come up with a plan and/or something. I genuinely don't know how much more of this I can take.

I dream of the day I get 5 hours sleep lol

I'm going to try and book a premier inn or something this weekend as well to try and catch up on some sleep as well.

I'm really sorry to hear that. I can only sympathise with you and say you are not alone, but I know these words don't tend to help. Is there anything you can do to try and change the situation? We have to try and scratch our heads and come up with solutions. We deserve sleep too.

I'll also put my foot down with my partner, he'll have to deal with the 2 year old and take them out of the house when I need a nap

Any reason why he can't also take the baby?

there's no one and nowhere to go to for a few hours

Really? Park, swimming pool, café, museum, soft play - or even just walking around! There has to be something to do/somewhere to go for a morning

Soft sponge type ear plugs are great too, you'll still hear the children but it just muffles everything so you sleep more deeply.

Start using ear plugs and a very dark room. You are chronically overtired which is making your sleep worse.

Some nights away with just the baby could help.

I am a very light sleeper but fortunately my DC went through the night early and any waking was brief.

When we were in this stage DH co-slept with the toddler and dealt with him if he woke in the night, and I co-slept with the baby. It was the best way to maximise everyone's sleep. We also had very good blackout blinds and either a fan on or white noise on loop all night. At weekends DH can get up when the kids do and you can go back to bed with earplugs and get a proper few hours of rest.
Sleep-deprivation really is a form of torture and you're right in the thick of it, you just need to do whatever you can to get through it safely and keep telling yourself it will get easier soon!

You need a night in a hotel / friend / family's house without your DC.

I've been there, similar to you, although we didn't have to house hunt until the year after.
We did a year of not getting more than a few hours sleep, with the occasional night where we got more. I worked out the minimum I needed to function as a relatively normal human was 4 hours straight (not broken sleep[.
I couldn't even complain about my partner as he did nights but I'd get woken up and then couldn't get back to sleep.
It was horrendous. I used to say I'll rest when I'm dead.

The best thing I found was getting the children outside as much as possible during the day, we mainly went to the park, have very simple picnics. Then they'd sleep better at night. Minimum screens for the toddler, even though this is very tempting.
If you can possibly afford it hire a babysitter to take them out for a few hours a week and you just sleep.

Pay to put both children in nursery so you can sleep. Or just put the 2 yr old in and nap when the baby naps. That's what I did.

It's dangerous now. You know that.