What is a dangerous amount of sleep?

[firsttimemum1403]

I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old and I just don't remember the last time I slept. I'm a light sleeper, every little thing wakes me up. I have a fitbit and according to my fitbit I'm averaging about 2-3 hours sleep a night but I know it's probably less than that, or it feels less than that. I'm just wondering when does it get to dangerous levels? I know 10 days without any sleep can kill you so 4 months on 2 hours must be doing some damage? I'm a zombie with a migraine that never goes away. I am angry all the time because I'm just so shattered I can't regulate my emotions any more.

Yesterday I ran a red light and performed an emergency stop. I didn't even know I have done it. It was purely muscle memory or my body reacting far quicker than my brain could even register. Do you know how I know I did those things? Because my shopping on the passenger seat was on the floor and the car I had almost hit was beeping at me like crazy, mere inches from my bumper.

I don't hear people when they talk to me, it's even worse if they talk to me on the phone. They ask me for my name (house hunting at the moment because our babe of a landlord decided to sell) and I don't even remember what it is sometimes. I must look like a right idiot. My mind is turning to mush. All I know is I feel very overwhelmed, angry and I want to cry all the time. In fact I do cry, all the time. My poor partner has had enough of me. It's not a case of "if" we'll break up but now just a matter of "when".

So what is the least amount of sleep people can have before it gets dangerous?

ps - I should say my kids aren't even that bad. My son has stopped the 2 hour feeds but he still needs a feed at 11 and will wake between 4 - 6 for another feed, but if he wakes up at 4 then that's it, he's up for the day. My 2 year old is a light sleeper like me, last night she was awake from midnight until 4 maybe 5 (I passed out after 4 but I heard her still awake) and that was with me going in there talking/trying to get her back to sleep etc throughout the night. She will wake at least once a night, usually between that 11 - 4 period. My partner is around to help me but he works long hours so needs his sleep.

When I had my first baby, I didn't wake when she did. I remember a few nights washing refreshed and meeting at how well she'd slept, but it was that my husband woke, feed her and got her back to sleep whilst I didn't stir. So similar to your partner by the sounds of it.

I took myself and my baby to the lounge for a few nights. I slept on the sofa', and she was in the Moses basket next to me. No husband to get there first! Within a few days, we were back in the bedroom together and I was waking fine (and we alternated feeds).

Not waking can be a genuine problem, but its one that can be solved.

Is baby breast or bottle fed?
I felt human if I could get 4 straight hours most nights. That usually involved going to bed as soon as DS had dropped off, to maximize time til next feed.
I also slept most of Saturday and Sunday afternoons as soon as DS has started weaning - he just didn't get milk for a few hours.

You need to find a way to get more sleep, you are making mistakes and not functioning correctly.

You mustn't drive, and you must tell him and your dr that you are dangerously over-tired. Sorry that sounds so bossy, but you are a danger to yourself and others.

One night in a hotel is not going to cut it. You will build a lot of hope on that idea and place a lot of pressure on yourself to find it has fixed you. (I know, I've done it, several times)

You need many nights of better sleep, not just a possible (not even guaranteed) binge. You could weigh up the jobs you are staying awake for that he could possibly do to allow you to go to bed 2 hours earlier than usual - set that against the night-time waking with the kids. Which solution works best between you? And maybe look for somewhere different to sleep in the house.

Please, please, please prioritise your sleep.

I had no history of mental illness but sleep deprivation triggered psychosis for me. It then led to a couple of horrendous years and a diagnosis of bipolar which is for life.
Getting away to a hotel for a decent sleep is probably the best idea. Book a late check out too. It might also be worth seeing if your GP will give you something to help you sleep more soundly.
You do not want to end up where I was, believe me.

Of course it’s dangerous. You are really risking your health.

I’m glad that you have decided to stop driving. Please go to your doctor.

You are at the dangerous point on the amount of sleep you describe.
Talk to your partner about it and prioritise it. Could you go to bed earlier, take daytime naps at the weekend etc?

I couldn't not respond. Your post really resonated with me. I'm a light sleeper with bouts of barely sleeping and my partner could sleep for england, and he never got up in the night with DD. My daughter seems to take after me.

In my experience, eventually your body will need sleep and you will crash and sleep for longer. Adrenaline and over tiredness can only keep you going for so long.
Are you able to relax? Sleep hypnosis apps are great for downtime and often will help you fall asleep, if not at least you will be relaxed and more likely to over time.

Don't drive if you don't feel safe to do so.

Explain to your partner you can't go on like this. Are you able to accept any help from grandparents or even consider a night nanny?

How I combatted this was by getting my partner to take over so I could get a full stretch of sleep in. My oh leaves at 4am and works until 6 with sone overnights yet during my sons sleep regression he had to do his part: it wasn’t even a question he couldn’t bare to see me like it. He would have our son in another room.

another thing I had to do was sleep train. It’s been a game changer.

You're going to get all three of you killed at this rate OP.
If it isn't the car it'll be leaving the gas on or falling down the stairs holding the baby or walking in front of a car.

Poor DH works hard so needs sleep. What does he think you do with two kids all day and night? Why is your welfare worth less?

You'll be suprise how much DH hears when he KNOWS you're not there to do it.

If you can't sleep in your house then you need a good sleep in a hotel this weekend and then day naps in his day off. You say there's nothing to do but if you live so rurally there's no Macdonalds / Park / Shopping Centre within an hours drive he can take them for a long walk.

No chores, no I'll just do this... Proper food, then bed.

For their sake if you can't do it for you

I have to agree with @mawbroon , I suffered in this way to a lesser extent
You can sleep and your body will let you. Try not to worry too much. Maybe a trip to your GP is in order to help you reset yourself.
Wishing you all the best x

I found with sleeping pills I did wake up when DD did. If you take them try to get an early night so you have had 4 or 5 hours of sleep before your DCs are likely to wake up.

What worked for me:
Melatonin (Biovea, a US site will ship to UK)
Magnesium supplements
Exercise (I know this may not be possible with 2 under 2) or trying to get out into daylight in the morning
Sleep hypnosis (google Glenn Harold)
Memory foam earplugs and ear mask
Roll up camping mattress to place on floor next to DDs bed, so you are comfortable and can doze. Not great but better than nothing
Know that this won't last forever- easier said than done but you will sleep well again
Take any help offered
X

I was given sleeping pills you can still wake for baby but getting back to sleep should be easier. You need more sleep and you need to find a way to get it. Earplugs etc leave the wee ones to go back to sleep themselves as long as safe in a cot at this rate you will kill yourself and them trying to drive in this condition. Let them fall back to sleep and maybe soon they will be sleeping through. Your two year old sounds over tired if she is waking for four hours at night, is she getting a nap during the day. You need help. I hope you get it.

Can you not stay in a hotel for a few nights just to catch up? Or send the kids to a friend/family for a night? Perhaps even an overnight babysitter if you must?

It's really not good to be running on this much sleep.

Some other things you could try to induce better sleep:

Melatonin tablets
Magnesium (you can get magnesium salts, mix in a bath with lavender before bed)
CBD oil/tablets
Medicinal marijuana (might get some heat for this but there are trials across the UK)
Keep a white noise machine on at night to drown out the silence/noise disturbances

Definitely don't drive!

I've always been a deep sleeper and slept through loads of stuff but I don't believe you wont hear a child. If you ended up in hospital or dead what would he do? Put them up for adoption because he's a deep sleeper and couldn't do night care 🙄.

He can take some annual leave and maybe you can go to a hotel or sleep on the sofa with ear plugs.

It is dangerous to get as little sleep as you are getting. You're certainly not safe to drive. I remember reading that driving while sleep deprived is as dangerous as driving when drunk.

The suggestion of nursery is good, so that you can sleep while the children are there.
Only do the basic minimum of housework - enough to keep you all fed and clothed, and forget about the rest.