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Sleep

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Original poster

Hubby fell asleep feeding our newborn

57 replies

Axelsmum · 19/06/2022 16:15

Hi guys,
new to this so apologies if I’m doing this wrong. Last night hubby was doing night feed, I heard baby crying so went in to the living room to see if he wanted a hand and baby was on the floor and hubby asleep on sofa - he had fallen asleep feeding him and he rolled off. I was hysterical and so was poor hubby when he realised. Both absolutely terrified. Baby absolutely fine not a single mark on him thank god but now I’m terrified about letting him do night feeds. I’ve felt myself nodding off doing them before so I know how easy it is and we spent the first week in hospital in nicu so got no sleep so both shattered. Have now made a pact to do night feeds together for the time being but any other tips or advice or calming words? My anxiety is through the roof! I can only imagine how awful hubby is feeling too!

OP posts:

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Hugasauras · 19/06/2022 16:20

If there's a risk either of you will fall asleep during a night feed, I would personally feed in a safe co-sleeping position in bed so that if you one of you does nod off, the risk is much reduced v sitting upright with baby on you or on a sofa. The mistake a lot of people make is thinking that being on sofa or chair is automatically safer than being in bed, when the reality is that falling asleep on an unsafe sleeping surface like a sofa is far riskier than falling asleep in a safely set-up bed.

it also might be worth listening or watching to something to keep yourself awake too. I used to stick the TV on for night feeds sometimes as I can't fall asleep with a TV/radio on.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/06/2022 16:21

I would be wary of him feeding the baby, too, especially because the baby is so tiny still. This could pose a huge suffocation risk. The baby was crying on the floor and your husband kept on sleeping? Yikes. I feel exactly the same way you do.

GoldenEclipse · 19/06/2022 16:23

Aquamarine1029 · 19/06/2022 16:21

That could just as easily happened to the OP unfortunately.

As a PP suggested, maybe look at safe co-sleeping arrangements?

Hugasauras · 19/06/2022 16:24

The other alternative is to split it so that he doesn't do overnight feeds if he can't stay awake and can't hear baby, but do shifts instead. So he stays up till midnight or so and keeps baby, you have baby from say midnight-6, and he takes baby at 6 again.

Sometimes it's good to work to your individual strengths. I need a lot more sleep than DH but I can manage fine with it really broken into chunks, whereas he needs less sleep overall but does much better in one long stretch. So we found a way that works for us where we each get the sleep we need in the way that suits us best.

SeaToSki · 19/06/2022 16:24

Is there anyone who could come and help for one night or two so that you can both get a full night of sleep as a reset? I am assuming you are FF.

Then the person feeding could make sure they are chilly as that might help them not fall asleep.

Try and split the nights so one person goes to sleep at 6.30 pm and the other does all the feeds until 12.30am, then switch and the early nighter does 12.30am until 7am. That way you both have a decent stretch of sleep each

Ponderingwindow · 19/06/2022 16:25

I did this out of pure exhaustion early on. Luckily with the chair we were in she just landed in my lap.

we switched to cosleeping the next day.

ZigZagZen · 19/06/2022 16:25

I really don't see how both of you doing the night feeds will help this. If you really can't bare the worry of him doing the night feeds then how about you do them all but he does all the cooking and cleaning. Or you do it in shifts so he feeds until say 1 am but doesn't go to sleep until after that. Then you take over from then.

erikbloodaxe · 19/06/2022 16:27

It could easily have been you Op. Go easy on yourselves. Chances of him doing it again are slim as he had a fright and will be more vigilant in future.

You cannot not allow him to do
Night feeds, it's his baby too.

LittleOwl153 · 19/06/2022 16:33

Tough one OP. However first thing to note is BABY IS FINE! Whatever happened all is OK now. So don't beat either yourself or DH up over it. It won't help and it won't change anything.

Others have ideas about safer co- sleeping and staying awake.

What I came on to say was depending on how new your baby is - you said you'd been in nicu how long have you been home? Nicu is an ordeal and an exhausting one for everyone. Is there anyway that you could each spend some time away to catch up on your sleep? Would a friend or grandparent help for 2-3 days so that 1 of you stays with baby - with some help - the other goes elsewhere and sleeps (for 12/18hrs) to catch up and then the other one does the same? Just giving yourself chance to catch up and make everything a little bit safer for baby? Newborns are brutal on sleep anyway but nicu babies can be something else.

Simonjt · 19/06/2022 16:36

This has almost happened to us a few times, now if we’re really tired and doing a feed the person doing it generally stands up, or does it in the next to me, so if we fall asleep it doesn’t matter.

stayathomer · 19/06/2022 16:38

Hope you’re all okay after the shock op. As others have said it can happen to anyone and is unlikely to happen again. We alternated and organised so we could both get a few hours sleep with one weekend night fully off each. Best of luck, hope it all eases up for you

PashunFroot · 19/06/2022 16:39

Safe co-sleeping. It’s a lifesaver.

diaperqueen · 19/06/2022 16:58

It happens. Don't beat him up about it, just make sure it doesn't happen again.

ChittyBang1987 · 19/06/2022 20:00

I was in hospital for 10 days when lo was born. The amount of times I have caught myself nodding off when feeding. It happens, in an ideal world it wouldnt happen but it does. Your exhausted. Baby is fine. Remember as someone said to me once there is a reason why sleep deprivation is used as torture.

Same as everyone else. Split the night. I was often asleep by 7 to 730pm most nights and took over from midnight to 1am. Then until 10am ish then partners turn. Then my shower and such.

Please don't beat your partner up too much. He relises what his done from what you said. Likely he will beat himself up for it and will never forget it.

ChocolateHippo · 19/06/2022 20:39

It sounds like you are both exhausted.

If you do it in shifts, you can make sure that you're both getting a good chunk of sleep. It might be that your DH is best to take over as soon as he gets back from work (assuming he's working at the moment) and do, say 6pm to midnight. You can then take over at midnight and do midnight to 6am.

I fell asleep a lot when feeding my baby in bed, but I was mostly breastfeeding and followed the safe co-sleeping guidelines (no stray pillows, duvets etc). I'm not sure I would have been happy with DH doing that if we'd been bottle-feeding and he could have shared night wake ups simply because he slept a lot more soundly than me (I slept more lightly and seemed to have an instinctive sense of where the baby was even when asleep, which he didn't). He'd stay up until 1pm or 2pm to do bottle feeds sometimes when I was exhausted and had had enough.

It's actually not the worst thing for the baby to fall or be dropped onto the floor when you accidentally fall asleep - usually they don't suffer serious injury. It's much more dangerous to be in a position where they might be wedged in between you and the sofa or chair arm and have their breathing obstructed if you nod off unintentionally.

Littleraindrop15 · 19/06/2022 20:43

do you have a next to me crib you can get one second hand from Facebook marketplace for around 20 or 30 if money is an issue but was such a night saver for us

LorW · 19/06/2022 21:17

We had a next to me crib and I used to feed baby in there for the first few weeks of pure sleep exhaustion (I never had the sides down, I just stuck my arm over) I never fell asleep but figured if I had then baby would be ok (especially compared to falling asleep on the sofa)

cosleeping isn’t right for everyone, i would have been terrified, what about doing shifts? Probably would work out way easier, play to your strengths.

MeridianGrey · 19/06/2022 21:41

This or something similar has happened to most babies as parents get so tired. The first time my baby rolled over was to roll off the sofa I had put her on for a minute. Could baby be sat in a bouncy chair for night feeds? This is at least a semi upright position.

fugde08 · 19/06/2022 21:54

Some really good advice here. It is so difficult in the early days.

The things that kept me awake on the night feeds were having a cold water drink at every feed and having some earphones in with a podcast or music playing.

Discovereads · 19/06/2022 21:58

It’s happened to me too. The early months are exhausting. Especially when you already have toddlers as well that keep you up all day when the new baby is napping.

I’d have a drink of cold water, and I’d set a timer to go off every ten minutes on my phone so that if I did nod off, it would not be for long.

Pinkcadillac · 19/06/2022 22:03

My only tip is to feed him standing up. Don't worry too much OP, we've all been there.

Notbluepeter · 19/06/2022 22:05

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lawandgin · 19/06/2022 22:05

Do shifts, it's the only way in my experience. And in the early days there were a lot of sugary snacks and feeding standing up. My DD is 8 weeks now and things are a lot better already. Hang in there and be kind to each other.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 19/06/2022 22:09

He needs to stand up if he's likely to fall asleep sitting down

darlingsweetpea · 19/06/2022 22:13

I feed in bed but eat and drink constantly, I find the best things are boiled sweets. By eating I'm concentrating on not choking, therefore I stay awake.

It is natural to fall asleep whilst feeding as a hormone is released.

A lot of us are guilty of nodding off, it happens as lack of sleep is hard so don't beat yourself up about it, just think of ways to learn from it.

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