Any help - feel like I’m about to go insane

[Kvg888]

Hello

FTM here and I seem to have a very unhappy baby.

He will be 10 weeks on Thursday.

He was 10 days late born by emergency c-section after a failed induction. Was born 8lb, but dropped 7% and has been slow to put on weight so is only 10lb3oz at 9 weeks (midwife/HV/GP not concerned as he has always put on weight just very little at times).

He is fussy in the day; doesn’t like to be left on his own/in a pram/Moses baket/bouncer/swing. Either needs to be held or in a sling (& is only happy in the sling about 70% of the time we are trying it). Cries a lot, but we do get two-three 10-15 min blocks of alert content time, and during this time you can get some pretty big smiles by smiling and playing with him.

I could cope with the days if we had some respite in the evenings, but they are worse (and seem to be getting worse). He has a feed at 10pm (ish) (all his feeds are breast milk) and then after burping etc we get him in his Moses basket (which is currently inside his next to me after kicking off going in there) with white noise playing at about 10:45. Then we start a cycle of 40 min sleeps followed by an hour of settling. Sometimes we can get two hours but I can count on one hand the amount of times that has happened.

when he wakes up he doesn’t cry immediately- it starts with him tossing and turning and arching his back, flailing his arms, grunting and grizzling. I try to leave it but only once or twice has this led to him going back to sleep, the rest of the time it builds up and up until he cries consistently. I’ve tried just putting a hand on his cheek or chest and stroking him, but it only delays the inevitable by about 5/10mins. I see people on hear complaining about their baby only sleeping 3 hours, but I’m here thinking what I would give to have a three hour slot of sleep!

i dont want to co-sleep, I move a lot in my sleep and would be paranoid something would happen (& something did happen in the past to a family member which has always stuck with me), he doesn’t like to be swaddled, I can’t catch up on sleep in the day as he will only sleep on me/in sling, I have no family near by to help. His poos are not green or mucussy/frothy and he doesn’t throw up, so I do not believe it is an allergy. I did think it could be silent reflux, but he has been on gaviscon for almost two weeks and the only difference I’ve noticed is his poos are like smooth peanut butter now. We have used infacol and a dummy since 4 weeks, he often spits the dummy out when fussing in his cot.

I find it really hard to cope with a fussy day on the little sleep I’m getting. I love my little boy so much but there are times in the night where I silently sob and wish I wasn’t a mum anymore because I can’t cope with this level of sleep deprivation. I get anxious on the build up to the night, I’ve said things I regret the next morning. I feel like a terrible mum and terrible person, but this lack of sleep is turning me into a shell of my former self :(

does anyone have any advise/words of wisdom/reassurance that it gets better.

It could be silent reflux. If it is you will need Zantac and Neocate milk (if you are using formula) from your doctor. You have my sympathies.

My baby is only 4 weeks but has not agreed to be put down on his own for longer than 15 minutes since we brought him home. So, we split the night into two shifts, I go to bed around 9pm and DH is up with the baby until 2-3am and then I take over and we just stay up and he sleeps being held. We tried a few nights of getting him to settle in his crib and it was terrible. At least this way we both get about 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I’m breastfeeding but I pump for one feed that my husband can give during his shift and I don’t need to be woken up.

I’ve seen someone comment on another thread that they did a similar arrangement for 12 weeks and the baby eventually just grew out of the extreme clinginess and was happy to sleep on her own, just needed time.

I really empathise. It does sound like baby has silent reflux based on my experience of ds having it. Do you hold little one upright after feeds?

How is baby napping? Overtiredness made mine cry even more and crying made the reflux worse. I was shocked when I realised they need like 4/5 naps a day at that age. He was not a baby to just fall asleep when needed. Sorting that made a huge difference to his general demeanour in the day time. Which made coping with any difficulties at night more bearable.

They do grow out of silent reflux. Mine did after he learnt to roll. Then his mood improved with every physical milestone achieved. I think part of the day time crankiness was just not enjoying being contained. He was much happier as soon as he could sit up and crawl.

And then lockdown lifting and being able to take him to places also made a huge difference, he was such a different baby in a busy place with stuff to watch. I think he was bored a lot of the time too. Do you get out to groups? I'd recommend stay and plays, usually at churches. I know they're aimed more at toddlers but chances are you also have a lo who would really love all the stimulation and watching the older ones.

Can anyone take baby out for a long walk so you can both restringing? Sending you hugs. X

Also as you said baby takes a bottle for dad you could buy some carobel and put that in. See if it helps? Its the thickner that is put in anti-reflux formula. Ds could chugg down bottles of that with no screaming or arching.

I'm too tired to type anything useful except to say you're not alone and it must get easier. Don't compare too much with others whose babies sleep, it just gets you down.

This sounds quite similar to how my DS was at that age. Turned out he had silent reflux and gaviscon has helped. For us cranial osteopathy also really helped him settle down. I also had a difficult birth like you and was advised that cranial osteopathy is ideal for babies who go through assisted birth. May be worth looking into.

1. here’s a hand hold. Newborns, in my experience, are at their worst 6-10 weeks. You’re going to get there, but this is the peak of sleep deprivation and torture. Know you’re not alone.
2. things to potentially try: colic drops, maybe a bottle rather than boob as their last feed of the night so you know without a doubt how much is in their belly, even if pumped (tip from my wee old gran who raised a lot of children). Baby gas relief exercises (cycling legs etc videos on YouTube). Ours had a tough time at the same spot, ultimately I do think something in my milk was upsetting her, and we tried a little formula mixed in with a pumped milk bottle, like 20/80 ratio and it instantly got better, might just be us though. Our doctor told me to cut out all dairy, chocolate, fish, bread etc. I tried a tiny bit of formula instead as it has probiotics, and it worked. Formula also takes longer to digest and keeps them down longer. Also I got truly desperate and put a book under one side of the crib legs for a few nights to help literally angle the gas out while she slept. That may not be classed as safe though, so want to flag that. Ultimately time does really help. My poor DH also walked up and down flights of stairs with ours in the baby carrier, for 30-an hour each night. It did help burp some out. Unfortunately you’re in the worst newborn weeks in my experience, but it really does improve!
3. there’s an insta account someone on mn told me about: talkingcarababies that so far seems to have a good blog online and sleep tips
4. with our second I wouldn’t hesitate to get a night nurse for a weekend or even night to literally save our sanity early on. We did it for one weekend at 8 months with our first and she was a miracle worker who fixed all our mistakes even down to the positioning of the white noise machine. Wish I’d done it months earlier, but pride and new mum feelings got in the way.

good luck!!! 🍀

Thanks to everyone for your very supportive and helpful comments - sometimes you just need to remind yourself that this too shall pass - as they say.

me and my partner currently split shifts and I pump one bottle for him to feed, so I do tend to get at least 4 hours which is something. We give him infacol (which is gas drops) and he has been on gaviscon for about 3 weeks - we did two weeks of two sachets of powder a day and now we are up to 4. If anything he now seems worse on it - for half of his feeds now he pulls off half way through and screams the house down and it takes a good 10 mins to settle him enough to get a consistent latch on again - it’s really put me off feeding him out and about which means I’ve had to cut down plans (I do try to pump and take a bottle, but I don’t pump very well - it’s sometimes a days job just getting enough milk for one bottle for my partner in the night).

I have been considering adding a bottle of formula for his evening feed, or doing a mix of that and breastmilk for one feed.

He really is a lovely baby and we get some cracking smiles out of him - I just wish he would sleep for longer periods at night (even a 3 hour stint would be heaven), and off me in the day. We do wake windows and he gets a decent amount of naps in the day and will be settled if he is on me (I do have to help him to sleep in the day too - I look for tired ques then rock him and he goes off quite easily) Don’t get me wrong, I adore the cuddles - and the sling does help - but it would be nice to get some things done in the day.

Thanks again to everyone

It's like torture isn't it? It will pass though and it sounds like you're doing a good job.

Infacol will make reflux worse as it's quite acidic.

We found gavsigone crap for our DS who had silent reflux. It just bunged him up with constipation. The only thing that worked was liquid omeprozle from gp and that took 5 months of me fighting with them. This was height of covid though so no appointments.

Chat with gp to see if they can help.

Any chance he has a dairy allergy? What are his nappies like? Look up CMPA symptoms and see if anything resonates. The only way to be sure is to completely cut out dairy (and maybe soya) from your own diet and see if there is an improvement. Try and keep him upright for 20-30 mins after each feed - annoying but should help if silent reflux is a factor.

Another tip we got which was incredible for lengthening sleep was to buy nappies one size up for nights only. As they get older and can sleep longer they will hold more and cause less wake ups. Tips from elderly colleagues/experienced older mums are the best 👍

Op this sends me right back. Especially the part about screaming mid feeds. I emphasise so much. I used to feel like the only thing I had to give him was my breast and even that didn't work. I felt so low and anxious all the time that he wasn't getting enough milk because of it. I felt like a failure.

I want you to know that you are doing an amazing job and all your love and energy that you're putting in right now will give you such a strong bond with your lo.

I also shared your terror of going out to public places in case he screamed the place down and everyone would stare at me. The first time we were allowed to meet as a group in public I met the nct mums in the park. I warned them all about our situation. But you know what, he was completely fine that day. I kept him upright all day, I fed on angle, and gave him some gaviscon and it was fine. He was actually the most contented of all the babies there, even the ones who were apparently 'super chill easy babies' (mums lie it transpires) were crying quite a bit. Mine not at all! I was so surprised and I felt 100 times better for having got out and he just loved all the activity.

It's so tough and nothing completely solves it until they grow out of it. And I promise you it does end. Here are somethings that helped us a bit that you could try if you haven't already:-

1. Baby takes a bottle so get some carobel to mix in with it. If that helps consider some formula feeds (it's really tough to pump enough, just give yourself a bit of a break once in a while) for out of the house to alleviate your anxiety about screams during feeds.

1. Feed on an angle so baby's head is at least 45 degrees higher than bottom.

1. Hold upright for at least 20 mins after feeds. We used to prop ds up on our legs

1. Use the sling where possible for transportation but if not possible ditch the carry cot part of the pram and put the chair bit on instead at a bit of a slant.

1. Time gaviscons for important times only. Eg. During the night, when going out etc... it makes them so constipated it can cause as many problems as it solves. Ask for a prescription of lactulose too.

1. Do everything you can to encourage rolling and sitting.

Agree with this one too. Sleep much improved when we started DS on the pampers night nappies.

Thanks so much for this message - it is so reassuring to hear from other mums who have been through this!

yes we found our DS to be very constipated on the gaviscon! We have stopped giving gaviscon and the screaming during feeds seems to have stopped but he still has a nice content feed for about 10 mins then latches and delatches constantly so I find it impossible to know when he is actually finished and he still cries at the end of it.

Yes it is funny how mums perceptions differ - we met our antenatal class recently and one said “our baby never cries - they just chat” but then when the baby “chatted” it was what I would describe as a cry 😂

We have just been prescribed omeprazole but going to do a separate post on this as I feel quite nervous giving him such a strong drug! The mum guilt will kill me I’m sure!

Thanks to everyone who has posted, I will try your suggestions and those who have just reached out to say they understand, it’s offered me comfort on those difficult nights ❤️

Oh bless hour heart . Definitely a reflux baby

It is incredibly hard i hear you .

But it will soon pass .

My DD and DS had reflux and needed special baby millk and ranitidine. Feeds were horrific and it got to the point where my DD associated feeding with pain so just didn't want to feed full stop - she failed to thrive for quite some time - she was 9lb something at 3 months old .

But - Every day is a day their little digestive system is getting stronger and one day it just changes.

Mine are 14 and 16 now , love their food and are beautiful human beings 😊

This wont last.

Oh OP, your post took me right back to my first ds. He had silent reflux and didn't sleep for longer than 40 minutes. I used to hand him straight over to DH when he walked in from work, wrap him in a soft wrap and DH would sit up on the sofa watching tv from 5pm to 12pm. And I would sleep! I would take over from 12 to 6am then DH did another 2hrs before work. And I napped every minute the baby napped. He also had a tongue tie so didn't latch for longer than 10 min and swallowed lots of air - did you have him checked for a tongue tie?
Best thing beyond having that snipped was omeprazole and time. It started turning a corner around 12ish weeks. Definitely true that the nights are long but the years are short, feels like a lifetime ago already. It will get better :)

@IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls Thank you for this. DS being 14 seems so far away and I’m sure it will be here in the blink of an eye and I will miss these days ❤️❤️

@Discwriter thank you - I’ve heard the saying “the days are long but the years are short” and it is so apt! Even just looking at months - he will be 3 months on Friday and I keep thinking “where has the time gone?!” Whilst also a single day can sometimes feel like 3 months 😂

the midwife at delivery thought he had tongue tie but then the midwife who did a home visit said not.

My baby has bad reflux caused by laryngomalacia, which also makes her very gassy. It meant we couldn’t breastfeed as she couldn’t get a deep enough latch (although I didn’t know this was the reason at the time and felt like a total failure but that’s another story) so we’re bottle feeding but this is what has helped us:

• infacol (I know many say don’t use this with reflux babies but the paediatrician recommended it and it really has worked) burping every oz rather than just at the end of the feed and holding her upright for 30 mins after. We also do tummy massage in the morning which seems to release a lot of wind. Feeds take ages but it’s worth it.
• changing formula until we found something that suited her (she doesn’t have allergies but was gassier until we found our current formula)
• liquid omeprazole. Do not be fobbed off with the “dispersible” tablets like we were, they don’t work. It’s been two weeks and her reflux is so much better, no more constant fussiness, gulping, swallowing etc and she can now be laid flat. Finally smiling on her playmat at 9 weeks old! Last two nights she slept 9pm until 3:30am and we had no sick in her bed or gulping/grunting.

It’s soul destroying until you get to the bottom of it. I’m on antidepressants because I struggled so much with it! It took 6 GP visits before I could get a referral to a paediatrician. But things are so, so much better now and we seem to be turning a corner. You will get there too ❤️

My DS was like this and it was silent reflux. Gaviscon made absolutely no difference and it’s so hard to give to a breastfed baby! Omeprazole completely changed our lines and meant he could actually sleep!

I read all of this and it took me right back to my eldest. Who also had silent reflux.

Get him on the medication. DS was given ranitadine which apparently they don't prescribe anymore. But it, along with weaning, was a game changer.

My advice would be keep him as upright as physically possible. Both of my DC hated being laid flat with a passion. Interestingly they both slept on their front as soon as they could roll and still do now they're older.

@WorryMcGee i hadn’t heard of laryngomalacia before but I wonder if it is what my DS has! He makes stridor noises in the night (I recorded the noise and our GP sent us to a&e - the paediatrician said he believed the noise was stridor - which I also hadn’t heard of before)!!

@Kvg888 that’s it - stridor! We were in the hospital and she was crying, and the paediatrician said “she has stridor when she cries” so I played the noises she makes at night, that I’d played the GP and was told “normal” even though I swore it bloody wasn’t…and the paediatrician diagnosed it! Then I find out it goes hand in hand with reflux and finally things made sense.