Hello
FTM here and I seem to have a very unhappy baby.
He will be 10 weeks on Thursday.
He was 10 days late born by emergency c-section after a failed induction. Was born 8lb, but dropped 7% and has been slow to put on weight so is only 10lb3oz at 9 weeks (midwife/HV/GP not concerned as he has always put on weight just very little at times).
He is fussy in the day; doesn’t like to be left on his own/in a pram/Moses baket/bouncer/swing. Either needs to be held or in a sling (& is only happy in the sling about 70% of the time we are trying it). Cries a lot, but we do get two-three 10-15 min blocks of alert content time, and during this time you can get some pretty big smiles by smiling and playing with him.
I could cope with the days if we had some respite in the evenings, but they are worse (and seem to be getting worse). He has a feed at 10pm (ish) (all his feeds are breast milk) and then after burping etc we get him in his Moses basket (which is currently inside his next to me after kicking off going in there) with white noise playing at about 10:45. Then we start a cycle of 40 min sleeps followed by an hour of settling. Sometimes we can get two hours but I can count on one hand the amount of times that has happened.
when he wakes up he doesn’t cry immediately- it starts with him tossing and turning and arching his back, flailing his arms, grunting and grizzling. I try to leave it but only once or twice has this led to him going back to sleep, the rest of the time it builds up and up until he cries consistently. I’ve tried just putting a hand on his cheek or chest and stroking him, but it only delays the inevitable by about 5/10mins. I see people on hear complaining about their baby only sleeping 3 hours, but I’m here thinking what I would give to have a three hour slot of sleep!
i dont want to co-sleep, I move a lot in my sleep and would be paranoid something would happen (& something did happen in the past to a family member which has always stuck with me), he doesn’t like to be swaddled, I can’t catch up on sleep in the day as he will only sleep on me/in sling, I have no family near by to help. His poos are not green or mucussy/frothy and he doesn’t throw up, so I do not believe it is an allergy. I did think it could be silent reflux, but he has been on gaviscon for almost two weeks and the only difference I’ve noticed is his poos are like smooth peanut butter now. We have used infacol and a dummy since 4 weeks, he often spits the dummy out when fussing in his cot.
I find it really hard to cope with a fussy day on the little sleep I’m getting. I love my little boy so much but there are times in the night where I silently sob and wish I wasn’t a mum anymore because I can’t cope with this level of sleep deprivation. I get anxious on the build up to the night, I’ve said things I regret the next morning. I feel like a terrible mum and terrible person, but this lack of sleep is turning me into a shell of my former self :(
does anyone have any advise/words of wisdom/reassurance that it gets better.