Co Sleeping - question

[Gimli]

Sorry to go on about DS's on going sleep problems, however, after much disucssion DW and I decided to try co-sleeping. DS has previously refused to sleep unless held and this has left DW and I getting very little sleep given one always has to be awake holding him. Problem has been compounded by my having to take nuclear strength pain killers thanks to car crash (whiplash, back injury, ds completely unharmed thank God) which have left me very drousy and unable to do this or much else (stopped them now - side effects worse than the pain itself). Our flat's geography is awkward but we have jury rigged our bedroom as best we can to try and prevent him falling out (only five weeks and has not shown signs of moving that much so far). I sleep on sofa (which because of frequent insomnia I often do anyway) DW has bed with DS. Her worry, however, is she will roll on him. I have been told this can't happen with the mum. Am I right? Would like to reassure.

Is she breastfeeding? Far less likely to roll on or turn over if she is. How old is your DS?

Out of need for sleep, DS1 would sleep in our bed, and while I didn't squash him, he did go under the covers sometimes.

I haven't seen your other posts about your DS's sleeping problems, but if he will only sleep being held, what else can you do. (I'm presuming you've tried swaddling and placing a worn night shirt in his moses basket)

Is she bfing him? Then she should be more aware of him. Try putting him at her head. That way he is less likely to be caught up in the covers/duvet.

I co-slept with twins and it was wonderful. Sleep at all costs was my motto. Did it with all 5 and wouldn't change a thing!

BF topped up with formula at moment - he's five weeks and has severe tongue tie so he finds bf extremely hard (although we are persisting and have been reffered to a hospital about the tie). Other posts entitled Colic hell and howel!

As long as she is not over tired,or has taken drugs or alcohol then things should be fine.
(Not sure why breast or bottle feeding should make a difference.)

We coslept with dd2 and wish we had with dd1.

I used to sleep facing her with my knees bent so she didn't slip under the covers.

Where in London are you? You can get the snip done in the Royal Free (Thursday appts I think) and at Kings.

Get your DW to feed him lying down. He should get more of her breast in his mouth and that should help with the tt. Do get it snipped. It's really worth it.

A very natural worry, but

Mums, esp bf mums, do develop a sense of where the baby is in their sleep. Think about the last time you accidentally rolled out of bed in your sleep beacuse you didn't know where the edge was? Never? It's a bit like that but more acute.

I co-sleep out of necessity (velcro baby like yours) and my tiny dd sleeps sort of "under my wing", I have one arm stretched out above her head so she can't migrate upwards, and my leg bent underneath her (I mean further down the bed, not that she is on top of me IYSWIM) so there is nowhere for her to shuffle to. She is snuggled into my side usually so that I can feel her at all times, and very often my nipple is still in her mouth - hard to detach sometimes without waking her!

VERY important not to co-sleep if you don't tick the guideline boxes re smoking / drinking / drugs / v overweight (I think, someone correct me on that one if I'm wrong) or very exhausted. Also not adviseable for prem babies.

I found it took a few weeks before I really relaxed and trusted myself. Possibly the worry played a useful role in the early days to ensure I learned how to perfect the art!

Co sleeping is the norm around the world, esp places like Japan (lowest SIDS rate in the world) and after all, it's how we evolved.

Co sleeping saved my life, and has played an enormous role in keeping the bf going.

Good luck, and congratulations on your baby!

Been referred to Kings. GP V reluctant but bf support got us reffered. We think it may be the cause of a lot of his troubles and poor thing does get really upset that he can't latch on properly which upsets DW a lot.

verylittlecarrot
Thanks - the falling out point is I think a very good one (and the Japan for that matter). Will mention it to DW.

Oh, I believe that the bf thing is about the hormonal cycle that goes along with the feeding. It makes your sleep lighter and also sleep cycles tend to synchronise with the baby, so you "tune in" well, and if they mooch around you wake easily. But thank goodness, sleep quality feels good, despite the waking.

I think.

I expect ff mums can co sleep just as effectively but possibly lack that natural assistance of the different sleep pattern, so have a harder job of it.

There's research out there somewhere but I don't have it to hand, sorry...

I would imagine that tt is a source of the problems. Lots of my clients that had it snipped saw an instant improvement! Hopefully your DW will be able to move to fully bfing your DS. But now I really must go to bed!

just a thought....Have you tried swaddling?
I know it sounds very old fashioned but it really works.
For the first few weeks I was unconfortable having him in our bed. He slept in a moses basket (on my side due to breastfeeding). He liked to be really snug. Swaddling + keeping his head in contact with top of the basket worked really well. If he's right by your side you can put a hand on him and pat gently back to sleep.

Hope snip resolves your problems.
Don't worry it's just a little phase. Take care.

Thanks. Have tried swaddling, but he's not keen - struggles to escape the swaddling! He used to sleep in moses basket near my head while I had sofa and DW was upstairs to allow her to get rest but recently he's been refusing to sleep in it. Kicks up a storm, stopping only when picked up! Still, on the whole we're pleased he's a baby that likes (loves) to be picked up and cuddled

oh I do miss those cuddles, well you seem very happy to indulge......enjoy.

what I like to do to minimise risks is to keep DD in her own sleeping bag, on top of the duvet (now she's older and longer). I have a pillow, with my head on the very edge. Her 'side' doesn't have anything and she's quite high up. I find that if I keep a hand on her or her sleeping bag I'm very aware of her - she's a speedy crawler and hasn't (touch wood) made it off the bed without me waking yet.

Good tips. DS (only 5 weeks) seemed to like co-sleeping at first but still decided he wanted to be picked up and howled until he was (ah well we tried). So tonight I'm holding him until 3 or 4 so dw can sleep! Still, he's awesome. Sleeping on me at present.

Oh come on! admit you're the one who loves it!!!!!

Be carefull what you wish for........

Actually Gimli, that sounds familiar. At that age my dh would take the baby downstairs and hold her in the "tiger in the tree" position, then bounce on the birthing ball (which we never deflated, thank goodness. It has been a godsend and continues to be) She would crash out in his arms easily.

I would get a wee break until dd decided she was ready to settle down in bed for the night with me.

It does get easier. I promise.

(not easy, note, easi-er )

sorry to hijack your thread but cant seem to find answers anywhere else. What do you do about covers when co-sleeping? what should the baby wear?

Hi Cosima - grobags are good when co-sleeping cos then your babe can lie on top of the duvet and you know they can't wriggle out and get cold.

thanks piper - is this okay for a new born?

It depends on the baby's weight and the sleeping bag guidelines cosima. Some sleeping bags are for 7lbs +, some are for 10lbs +. Also, I find that even though DD is on top of the duvet, she's still gets a lot of my body heat etc and I dress her with less on under her sleeping bag than I would if she was in the cot on her own.

Actually, I'll confess that if she gets chilly, I take the sleeping bag off and put the duvet over her

I always feel a bit reluctant to contribute to these discussions on co-sleeping. Have never done it myself or anything and I don't know a thing about it I admit. But it always makes me feel really uneasy because I have a really good friend who had to endure what would probably be described as every mum's worst nightmare. Her name is Lisa Salmon and I won't go into detail but if you google her name you will probably find out what happened.

Not trying to cause any type of argument, just passing on an experience. Good luck with whatever u decide!!

Chardonnay, you friend's baby died because the midwives on the maternity unit broke one of the most fundamental rules about cosleeping - do not cosleep when you are extremely sleep deprived and tired.

just because they are midwives doesn't mean they know what they are doing sometimes, unfortunately.

this incident has been cited on MN before and someone has pointed out what I have said before. I don't know if you are aware of the simple guideline that the midwives broke.

I see the point but baby v young and mother exhausted. Horrible story but our proglem is DS simply will not sleep at all unless he is held (screams when left alone for too long) and we are both suffering. We'll therefore try anything. The worry is, given he has to be held virtually constantly, that one of us will fall to sleep with him on a sofa - supposed to be a big no no and worse (I would guess) if Dad does it. Half dead at moment from staying up all night with him last night so DW could get some sleep (did the same the previous night).