Co Sleeping - question

[Gimli]

Sorry to go on about DS's on going sleep problems, however, after much disucssion DW and I decided to try co-sleeping. DS has previously refused to sleep unless held and this has left DW and I getting very little sleep given one always has to be awake holding him. Problem has been compounded by my having to take nuclear strength pain killers thanks to car crash (whiplash, back injury, ds completely unharmed thank God) which have left me very drousy and unable to do this or much else (stopped them now - side effects worse than the pain itself). Our flat's geography is awkward but we have jury rigged our bedroom as best we can to try and prevent him falling out (only five weeks and has not shown signs of moving that much so far). I sleep on sofa (which because of frequent insomnia I often do anyway) DW has bed with DS. Her worry, however, is she will roll on him. I have been told this can't happen with the mum. Am I right? Would like to reassure.

btw anyone else had the holding thing? (ie screams when not held). What did you do and how long did it last? DS is not quite six weeks so I realise he's quite young.

btw anyone else had the holding thing? (ie screams when not held). What did you do and how long did it last? DS is not quite six weeks so I realise he's quite young.

i co sleep with both my dcs and have done so from birth. they start in their own beds and then come into our bed if/when they wake. is no probs. Ds is 8 months now but we co slept with him from birth. When he was about 4 months we started putting him in his cot for the evening and he slept no probs... i think in the early days you just have to go with what your baby wants and of course most babies want to be with their parents.

Aren't most new mums extremely sleep deprived and tired? For about the first three years or so.. (!!)

I know exactly what happened and what the midwives did wrong.

Don't want an argument or anything, just was sharing what goes through my mind when I see threads like this..

Will shut up now...

can i ask why one of you stays awake? can't you sleep baby next to mum next to dad in your bed? you could put pillows on the floor next to baby in the event he did fall out, although this might be more a prob once he starts rolling. you could then give baby a bit of space but still be in physical contact with him.

not if they have had the opportunity to learn how to bedshare safely and are philosophically committed to it - rather than as a remedy to 'catch up' on sleep deprivation caused by say child illness or a child who is not adapting well to sleeping alone

i speak as a fulltime working mum who bedshares every night and currently nursing a very ill toddler who woke up a lot last night. Solution, feed her back to sleep which soothed her hacking cough and put her back to sleep with out getting out of bed or even waking up for more than 10 secs.

I felt fine all of today.

i am not arguing btw. you are raising common misconceptions and fears about bedsharing (rooming in and bedsharing are 2 forms of cosleeping). it is an opportunity to answer the questions and fears which a lot of people have but haven't addressed.

Hi mollythetortoise

One stays awake because the only way we have managed to get to sleep over the past fortnight or so is to actually physically hold him as opposed to having him sleep next to dw in bed (which we are starting to try, although dw remains wary fearing she will roll on him). He can sometimes be lowered into his moses basket if he falls into a deep enough sleep but doesn't often stay asleep there for long. Not too worried about him falling out as such, because when asleep he doesn't roll much at present.

could you sleep with him on your chest , you slightly propped up by pillows . he could sleep tummy down on your chest with his head to one side. you might be able to get a bit of sleep yourself. you can't carry on getting no sleep everynight. also have you tried him with a dummy? might help sooth him.
slings during day might also help.
sorry i really feel for you, it is tough. my first dd was like this , my son on the other hand was a dream but i think that is because we decided to co sleep from the off and followed his lead - ignored all the rod for our own back talk. it will pass and will get better but it is v hard work at the time. good luck.

That sounds like an idea. Thanks.
Dw has a sling and, after a difficult start, is gettng used to it. We'll try it more.
Funnily enough I was so wiped out last night I fell asleep with him sitting up, while he was positioned sort of like that on my fore arm.
Later on Kept wondering why, when he was positioned like that, my forearm was slightly uncomfortable, even painful, only to realise he'd been sucking on it - it's mostly bone there too. He'll take a dummy for a few minutes but spits it out, but realised he'd been happily chewing on me for over an hour!

My DD slept wrapped around my forearm for months! We cosleep and it is true that if you're breast feeding you have a sixth sense about where baby is.

Tell DW to try and sleep in a C shape around the baby.

Also, perhaps one of those toddler bed rails and a baby mummy and Daddy formation would stop you having to sleep on the sofa.

My DD (16 months) these days just reaches out in her sleep and if she feels me she doesn't wake up. The key is to get used to it from the off. It's difficult adjusting to a wriggly older baby if you're not used to bed sharing.

PS. it's lovely too having all those extra cuddles

second the sling, absolute godsend. There are a few baby wearers on mn that can advise you if you need it

If you have the room an alternative is a bedside cot or crib

I had prem twins who were very tiny when they got home and would only sleep very briefly in their cots before needing feeds and cuddles through the night. For about a year or so we endured what you are suffering now. Best solution was to put them in fleecy sleepsuits so no duvet reauired and then use cushions and duvet to create a nest around the child in bed so couldn't roll out, aldo between me and the baby so I couldn't roll onto them, but with a gap at the top for my arm to reach them.

When even this didn't work it was all rearranged so I could cuddle them half propped in bed until baby slept, again with a mound of cushions to support us both.

As for the future, it was a year before I had the strength frankly to work at fixing the problem and then it took a few weeks of being up many times a night to pick them up, calm them down and ut them back in their cot. Took quite a while but we got there in the end for ds who then slept beautifully all night and still does.

DD progressed to sleeping with me on the sofa for another year ( ! ), before we moved house and gave her a double bed of her own ( on the grounds that I would be sharing her bed so may as well be comfy!) and miraculously she started sleeping by herself, stretched out star shape!

lol gimli

you just reminded me that dd once gave dh a lovebite on his collarbone when he fell asleep with her on his chest. Took days to fade!

think he had renewed respect for my nipple fortitude after that...

my dd sleeps

1. in a sling
2. in my dh's arms whilst he bounces on a gym ball
3. in bed with my nipple in her mouth (occasionally I can remove nipple without hysterics if she's in a deep enough sleep)

She can not sleep in a cot, moses basket etc. She resists sleeping in a car seat and will wake up as the car slows for traffic lights etc. She is a very light sleeper and wakes easily.

Now I say this not to traumatise you, but to reassure you. Do what you need to do to survive!!! Some babies are wired differently, they can't fall asleep on their own when they are tiny, and need help.

I have blind faith that this will have changed before she goes to uni...

P.S. typing this whilst lying on bed, baby attached to boob ans sleeping peacefully.

Ouch... Lol.
This actually makes me feel much better - because your DD sounds just like DS (apart from the car, which he likes) - have read it to DW and she said the same (and felt better too).
I'm begining to think bugger the official advice. We're going to have to go with what works for him. He does seem to like the sling tho... We've only had it recently and seems to be helping.

DD was (is!) a clingon baby and slept in my arms for weeks. When I was awake we just did that sitting, but when we were sleeping she just kind of slept in the crook of my elbow. I still have a dead arm from it! I would get her to sleep with me sitting them manouvere us VERY slowly down to the mattress and slowly retrieve a little bit of arm. Once she was a couple of months she was happy just lying on my hand at night. And then I started feeding her with has both lying down. I could then slide my boob away and just hold her hands. She slept on her side which is a bit of a 'no-no' but I couldn't roll her to her back.

I know what you're saying Chardonnay, but sometimes there just isn't a choice. For us it was cosleeping of DD went out of the window (I'm serious ).

agree about trying to get him to sleep lying on your chest with you propped up on pillows, that's how my dd slept for the first week, then slowly got her lying on the bed next to me but in the crook of my arm, then onto the bed, then a bit further away etc.
(an aside -my mw told me there is footage of bf/ff mums sleeping with their babies and the bf mums tended to adopt a protective position around the baby, knees up and arm over top of their head, but most ff mums did not, so if that is true I guess that is one reason why it is safer to co sleep if you are bf)
what kind of sling have you got? maybe your dw could borrow another one to try, they take a bit of getting used to sometimes.

A freedom sling. DW is starting to get used to it, the CD Rom of instructions that came with it is good - a life saver really given some of the awful instructions we've seen for some of the baby things we've bought (neither of us good at following them).