Page 2 | Quick Poll Please Answer: DS 6mths I am stopping night feeds...how many nights shall I sit with him while he cries?

theprecious · 2008-01-07T10:53:13+00:00

He's fine - not hungry, just likes a bit of boobie in the night. I've sat with him for three nights, while he's cried for 1-.30hr to 45mins. I have been singing and rocking him so he knows I am there. He's more angry at not being picked up than anything else. How long would you do this for until I leave put the earplugs in and leave him to it?

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fishie · 07/01/2008 17:35

worse than that, poor baby his mother is sitting right next to him letting him scream for an hour and a half. how on earth is he supposed to know that you won't pick him up because it is dark outside? please don't do this, it is really cruel.

yelnats · 07/01/2008 17:57

i think for the first time ever I disagree with Moondog (sorry Moondog but that was a bit harsh).

I think if your baby is on 3 meals a day and is taking enough milk in the day then he really shouldnt need a feed in the night.You know your baby better than any1 else. How often is he wakng in the night? At what times? What time does he go to bed/wake in the morning?

I stopped night feeding (bottle fed) really really early wont say how early for fear of hounding!) with dd1 and to the other extreme dd2 (11months and breastfed) still gets the odd night feed if she wakes up. I really really must try and stop this altogether as I know she definately does NOT need it as solids are well established. To the same end we are still co-sleeping which was a big no no with dd1 (cheeky monkey comes in now mind you).

Your ds will not suffer long term from this and you will not f*ck up his head.

FrannyandZooey · 07/01/2008 18:01

how are we definining need here, just out of interest?

people seem to be using the term to mean "they will not die without it"

babies need an awful lot of things that they could theoretically survive without, comfort and security being two of the most important

ProjectIcarus · 07/01/2008 18:06

Bollocks to not needing it. Clearly he tried to tell you he was hungry for ages before he passed out with exhaustion. How can you sit next to a tiny crying baby without at least picking him up?

He is a baby and needs to be cared for. Mentally as well as physically.

Sorry sensitive souls but I am am firmly in the moondog camp here. You are being cruel.

andiemustlosehalfastonemore · 07/01/2008 18:08

I agree with everyone saying he is too young not to need feeding at night
breastmilk is so easily digested that it is entirely possible he is hungry in the early hours my 6 month old still feeds 3x a night and he is on 3 meals a day tbh I would feed him and let him go back to sleep asap instead of upsetting you and him with all this crying
also 6 months is too young for cc if that is want you want to do

Original poster

theprecious · 07/01/2008 18:44

LOL! At poor abused baby. You should see my ds, he's 18.5lb and on the 75th percentile whatsit for his age. He's also the happiest baby around.

He goes to sleep at 7.30pm quite happily. He doesn't tend to wake before 2-4am. He does have at least 5fl of step-up milk at 10.30pm

OK so I won't be leaving him to cry alone (in case some one calls social services). I do sing to him and have my arm on him so he knows he's not alone.

As I said he isn't massively hungry in the morning at 7, he's quite happy to play before feeding for a bit. So I still don't think he's hungry at night. Why do people think he is? (just out of interest, not in a confrontational way)

I do take the point that it's quicker to feed him to put him back to sleep BUT I can't see him deciding to give up the 3am feed. I don't want to be used as a human dummy just because he's in the 3am habit.

OP posts:

Pannacotta · 07/01/2008 18:52

"Human dummy" is a bit of a misnomer, dummies were invented as nipple substitutes, not the other way round!

Your baby, your call, but since you were asking for advice, I don't think its right and it seems lots of other mothers feel the same. Whether it's hunger or comfort he seeks why are you so opposed to giving it, simply because it's at night?

andiemustlosehalfastonemore · 07/01/2008 19:05

precious size is not an indicator of not needing night feeds the whole point of bf on demand is that the baby asks for feeds and you give them my ds is on the 98th centile

maxmissie · 07/01/2008 19:07

I feed my dd (6 months) with formula and have only just started weaning so obviously not quite the same experience as you and your ds. However she has one or two feeds in the night (between 10pm and midnight and between 2-3am) and then when she wakes up (around 7-8am) is not hungry for more milk until at least an hour/an hour and a half later.

I just assume that she needs and has had enough milk in the night and given that she has not expended much energy overnight doesn't need feeding the minute she wakes up. Could this not also be the case for your ds?

My dd is also a big baby (20lb 4oz and on 98th centile) and usually happy - when not teething! - so maybe as he is quite big he just needs extra sustenance in the night at the moment?

If you really don't think he is hungry and just needs settling then try leaving him in the cot and stroking and shushing him and then leaving him for a few minutes - we try this a few times, which usually works. If she is still upset then we get her out of the cot to try winding her and check she definitely isn't hungry! She usually is hungry if she moans and cries for a while (with us trying to settle her every few minutes!) but sometimes it takes her a while to actually eat!

flowerybeanbag · 07/01/2008 19:18

I knew when DS was ready to give up his night feed. He started moving it later and later, 4am, 5am, 5.30 etc, and started to not feed well at all at about 7-7.30 then was fine until his normal next feed.

So I started cutting down his night feed gradually, so he was draining the bottle but not making a fuss for more and going back down easily. Eventually he just stopped bothering to wake up.

chibi · 07/01/2008 19:20

My dd was waking up sometimes hourly to be bfed when she was 5 1/2 months old. What we did was say, ok, during the day she doesn't need to feed every hour, so she shouldn't really at night. we then took the max time she could go happily before asking for a feed (about 4 hours) and decided not to feed her before 4 hours were up once she had had her pre-bed feed. Instead, we tried to settle her by other means.

This stopped the constant wakings and now when she wakes in the night she feeds properly, not 2 half-hearted sucks.

She is also on 3 meals a day, and her night wakings really vary - never more than 2x between 7 and 7, but she will often go the whole night. I can say from my own experience that not every bf baby must be fed at night all the tiime - mine doesn't! Sometimes she does, sometimes not.

You know your baby best!

Tutter · 07/01/2008 19:23

he may well still need a night feed

at this age ds1 slept though without a peep

i still feed ds2 (nearly 6mo) once a night. he's also on solids and is huge (21lbs) but this doesn't mean he doesn't wake hungry

in terms of getting them back to sleep, i couldn't bring myself to leave ds2 to cry so have done shh-pat (a technique favoured by the baby whisperer [can't remember her name]) to great success. i can give you a brief desc if you like

Pannacotta · 07/01/2008 19:24

yes but leaving a 6 month old to cry for up to 1.5 hours whether he is hungry or not, bit extreme isnt it?!

routineschmootine · 07/01/2008 19:24

ThePrecious I have a 6 month old DD and she has at least 2 feeds between 7 and 7. Like your DS she is not really hungry for her first feed of the day, but regardless, I have no intention of trying to curtail her night feeds. She is a good sleeper otherwise so I trust that she is hungry, and give her what she needs. I just figure it wont last forever. Maybe try to hang on in there and give him the feeds for now. If anything else, surely it's not worth the effort to not feed him!

routineschmootine · 07/01/2008 19:24

ThePrecious I have a 6 month old DD and she has at least 2 feeds between 7 and 7. Like your DS she is not really hungry for her first feed of the day, but regardless, I have no intention of trying to curtail her night feeds. She is a good sleeper otherwise so I trust that she is hungry, and give her what she needs. I just figure it wont last forever. Maybe try to hang on in there and give him the feeds for now. If anything else, surely it's not worth the effort to not feed him!

Tutter · 07/01/2008 19:25

not sure who you're talking to, pannacotta, sorry

Pannacotta · 07/01/2008 19:29

Tutter, was talking to chibi who was saying to the OP that knew her baby best.
You and I cross posted.

Mercy · 07/01/2008 19:30

3 meals a day at 6 months? How many milk feeds inbetween

I think 6 months is too early too. Both of mine were needing/wanting a feed in the night at 8 - 12 months.

karen999 · 07/01/2008 19:30

Sometimes I wonder what the point of Mumsnet is for when you get comments like Moondog's? Posters post questions etc for opinions and experiences - not for completely horrible comments!!

Its unnesccessary and hurtful. FWIW - I did not bf at 6 months but dd was going through all night. I dropped the dream feed at this age as she was on solids and I knew she was not hungry as when I lifted her for her dreamfeed she would not take it.

I would get someone else to go in and try it as he knows that he can get milk from you. I did CC at 3 months (oh shoot me) and it worked.

Hope you get a more peaceful night tonight...good luck xx

justabouttosplashoutinthesales · 07/01/2008 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabiesEverywhere · 07/01/2008 19:44

Make life easier for yourself and feed him.

Surely it would be much easier all around to give him a quick feed than to spend up to 90 minutes a night listening to him crying

I don't think that a babies age can accurately dictate their night time needs.
I am 33 years old yet when I wake in the night, I often feel thirsty or have a full bladder.

I don't NEED to drink/wee but I ALWAYS DO get a drink/pop to the toilet before I go back to sleep. I think my DD deserves to have the same needs met, so although I won't play at night, I do comfort, change nappy/potty and nurse.

scattyspice · 07/01/2008 19:47

My 4 yr old still has a drink of milk during the night (he gets it himself though).

IwansMam · 07/01/2008 19:49

theprecious (and Octo), I accept that you think that your DS is not hungry, but are you sure he's not thirsty (I know I have a drink in the middle of the night)? If not, then you could always try reducing the length of the night feeds night by night (described on this board recently I think) rather than resorting to 'cold turkey' and crying. If you have a look on the Breast and Bottle Feeding Board I think there has been some recent discussions about methods of reducing/eliminating night feeds.

Disclaimer: I've not tried any of these methods since I'm lazy and find feeding far easier

chibi · 07/01/2008 19:54

Pannacotta, if the OP doesn't know her baby best, who does? Some random person on an internet forum? Maybe she is trying to drop the night feeds because she feels she has to - perhaps if she looks at her baby more closely she will see that he needs to feed at these times. Or perhaps it will confirm that he doesn't need to feed.

I often wonder if the 'ooh you're going to fuck up your baby' posters really know what hard core sleep dep is like - and I mean hourly wakings for at least 3 months. I remember almost walking into the path of a bus whilst out with dd in her pram because I was so exhausted that my brain didn't register what my eyes had seen. Had we been run over they could have carved on my headstone 'she was a responsive mother who always lept up at the first peep'.

3 meals a day at 6 months isn't too unreasonable - my dd started eating at about 24 weeks, BLW, and within about 3 weeks was having 3 meals a day. I offered, and if she took, I offered a little more until she no longer wanted it.

sarah71 · 07/01/2008 19:58

I have a 4 month old dd who at the moment (don't hate me) generally sleeps from 7-7. she used to wake at 4am for a feed, but then not be interested in eating again til at least 9am. I slowly reduced her 4am feed until she slept very happily through. She does still wake up v v occasionaly at 4 and I always go in and give her a small feed to settle. We all have an instinct to know what is right for our own babies and can distinguish their different cries - i think you know your baby best and should act accordingly. You know he is not hungry. Have you tried a cuddle and a drink of water instead?