16 week old waking frequently, not resettling, I am broken

[pixiedust21]

I've absolutely had enough now. I just want some sleep and we still have so long to go until I'm going to get any it seems.

Baby is 16 weeks. No idea if he's going through a 4 month regression as we have nothing to regress from.

It's just bloody awful. He is waking often in the night, at least every 2 hours. Sometimes just needs helped back to sleep, sometimes needs a feed. Irs a bloody nightmare trying to resettle him in the crib. He wakes up properly as soon as I put him back down. Thrashed around and kicks his legs. Sometimes he'll finally go back to sleep if I keep my hand on his chest, almost keep his legs pinned down (obviously not using a lot of pressure but just holding them). Other times he just won't. Either way it takes fucking ages and this is with every wake up.

I am absolutely sick of my life as i can't even get time when he goes to bed in the evening as he's started waking every hour or from then, needing resettled.

I can't cope as I have no energy in the day and it makes me so bloody resentful. I feel like this has broken me,

I'm up with my baby too. Going to try putting him down now. Just wanted to say you are not alone! Hopefully someone along with some advice soon 🙂

Sympathies OP. My D.C. wakes every 2 hours for a feed and is 16 weeks too. It gets easier apparently... good luck to us both

Hey, it's ok! Up until 20 weeks my baby used to wake up every 2 hours.. (now it's twice a night, 4 hour break and then 2 hours) although you have some time until his sleep duration increases I'd recommend speaking to your partner to see if you can sleep earlier say from 7/8pm - 11pm/12am whilst they look after the baby. Hope this helps!

Thanks all. I just feel like nothing really prepared you for this lack of sleep. I love my baby but I hate how I feel during the night and as a result of being so tired.

People always say that these things will pass and of course it will but it’s not easy to remember that at 2am. I just feel really broken down and have been sitting here in the dark crying over it all.

I will see what I can to to catch up on sleep during the day and see if I can get someone to help with baby more perhaps,

Here for solidarity 💐 My 15 week old is trying to break me too. Up hourly tonight and now refusing to go back into the crib. As pp has said, I think the only cure is time, it will get better!

Have you got anyone who can help out? My partner sometimes does 9-11pm or 5:30-6:30am when the toddler gets up. It makes a difference just knowing I don’t have to face the whole night alone. I also go to bed when the baby does but stupidly messed around on my phone until 9pm tonight. I’m regretting that now!

@Carbis

Here for solidarity 💐 My 15 week old is trying to break me too. Up hourly tonight and now refusing to go back into the crib. As pp has said, I think the only cure is time, it will get better!

Have you got anyone who can help out? My partner sometimes does 9-11pm or 5:30-6:30am when the toddler gets up. It makes a difference just knowing I don’t have to face the whole night alone. I also go to bed when the baby does but stupidly messed around on my phone until 9pm tonight. I’m regretting that now!

Yeah I stayed up too but at the time I felt I really needed some down time just to chill but clearly that was wrong

It's really difficult for my partner to help during the nights just due to the hours he works, but we can try and work something out maybe. Even if it's just to help with w couple of hours here and there for me to lie in or whatever.

Baby is now just wide awake and talking to
himself. I just don't know how to get him to settle in his crib easier without all the flailing around and waking himself up , its so frustrating.

Oh well.

So much love to you OP. i remember crying on the floor many many many nights. It WILL get better. The one thing that helped me (almost 9 MONTHS ON!!!) was the only advice I always thought was absolute bullshite : sleep when the baby sleeps. I was like “sure, and I do the laundry when the baby does the laundry right?” The answer is : DON’t do the flippin laundry! Don’t cook : sandwiches for all. Every meal. Every day. For 3 months if need be. As soon as tge baby dozes off, you put your phone down and you go lay in the dark, phone off. I know I know… but the groceries, phone call, laundries etc. Eff it. It changed everything for me, as I wasn’t anymore shattered with sleep deprivation. I was just exhausted. Then just midly knackered. Go to sleep as soon as you can, kick people out if you have to.

@Skinnymimi

So much love to you OP. i remember crying on the floor many many many nights. It WILL get better. The one thing that helped me (almost 9 MONTHS ON!!!) was the only advice I always thought was absolute bullshite : sleep when the baby sleeps. I was like “sure, and I do the laundry when the baby does the laundry right?” The answer is : DON’t do the flippin laundry! Don’t cook : sandwiches for all. Every meal. Every day. For 3 months if need be. As soon as tge baby dozes off, you put your phone down and you go lay in the dark, phone off. I know I know… but the groceries, phone call, laundries etc. Eff it. It changed everything for me, as I wasn’t anymore shattered with sleep deprivation. I was just exhausted. Then just midly knackered. Go to sleep as soon as you can, kick people out if you have to.

You know what, this is such good advice and I'm really going to have to try and be a bit strict on that. I think it sounds like the only way I'll survive the next however long. Thank you X

Hey op, I'm up with my 16 month old who has woken for the third time tonight... it it brutall. But last night she slept though!

The four month regression is a real thing but with both of mine after that has passed things have taken a sudden massive turn for the better and wakes went down to 2 a night in general, unless sick or teething, and then down to 1 around one year old.

It's all very normal and actually helps protect them from cot death but they doesn't make it any easier when you're going through it.

Day naps for you, very very early nights at least some of the week and also just accepting your limitations with this tired all helped me. And please don't look at the clock - it doesn't really matter what time it is when they wake

@YukoandHiro

Hey op, I'm up with my 16 month old who has woken for the third time tonight... it it brutall. But last night she slept though!

The four month regression is a real thing but with both of mine after that has passed things have taken a sudden massive turn for the better and wakes went down to 2 a night in general, unless sick or teething, and then down to 1 around one year old.

It's all very normal and actually helps protect them from cot death but they doesn't make it any easier when you're going through it.

Day naps for you, very very early nights at least some of the week and also just accepting your limitations with this tired all helped me. And please don't look at the clock - it doesn't really matter what time it is when they wake

Thank you it's definitely good to know from those who have lived through it that there is hope of sleeping again

I agree about not looking at the time actually, I've tried not to do that so much this week as it helps nobody.

I think I'll definitely double down on the naps during the day and going to bed with baby at night just to try and catch up on some zzz.

I'll probably not even feel so bad about things tomorrow. Everything really does just feel worse in the small hours.

Thank you for that though, genuinely.

Didn't want to read and run. My 19 week old is up every two hours, too.

My 2.5 year old was up every 30 minutes - sometimes less - and we tried literally everything and spent thousands of pounds on 'remedies' to try to get him to sleep. I was so depressed I could've happily jumped off a bridge. My brain was constantly in such an awful fog.

One day around 19 months he just randomly slept for a three hour stretch. And it's slowly progressed since then. He's now up around 3x per night and DH sleeps with him whilst I sleep in another bed with baby.

In comparison, baby sleeps much better than DS1 ever did at this stage. The sleep regression has come and gone (every 40 mins waking). Which is very positive.

The thrashing could possibly be wind? Have you tried the usual suspects - gripe water, infacol etc? We used colief drops for a month or so and noticed he was much more settled. I bed share (safely) and this seems to put him in to deeper sleeps - although I appreciate this isn't for everyone. I very much agree with PP in that you do the bare minimum to get by and even rest when baby sleeps through the day. It will help ease the absolute sheer exhaustion.

@EstoyCansada

Didn't want to read and run. My 19 week old is up every two hours, too.

My 2.5 year old was up every 30 minutes - sometimes less - and we tried literally everything and spent thousands of pounds on 'remedies' to try to get him to sleep. I was so depressed I could've happily jumped off a bridge. My brain was constantly in such an awful fog.

One day around 19 months he just randomly slept for a three hour stretch. And it's slowly progressed since then. He's now up around 3x per night and DH sleeps with him whilst I sleep in another bed with baby.

In comparison, baby sleeps much better than DS1 ever did at this stage. The sleep regression has come and gone (every 40 mins waking). Which is very positive.

The thrashing could possibly be wind? Have you tried the usual suspects - gripe water, infacol etc? We used colief drops for a month or so and noticed he was much more settled. I bed share (safely) and this seems to put him in to deeper sleeps - although I appreciate this isn't for everyone. I very much agree with PP in that you do the bare minimum to get by and even rest when baby sleeps through the day. It will help ease the absolute sheer exhaustion.

Yes have used infacol with him for quite a while as he's been quite a windy baby but it's eased up a lot recently. I am not sure if it's wind or not as he magically seems fine again when I bring him back out of the crib!

We do co sleep a little in the mornings and to be honest we did it for a lot of his early weeks but it's just really really impractical for me to continue doing it properly.

He went through a stage recently ot settling and sleeping a bit better in his crib (relatively speaking) and now it just seems awful again.

Seven month old cot refuser here :( I know it will pass as we have a older child but my god it's brutal. Keep trucking on OP and prioritise sleep like other posters have said that's the only way :) sending love and lots of sugar to keep going through the day :) x

He won't even go back to sleep and we've been up over 2 hours now. He's tired but when I put him down he just tries to practice his rolling (cos it's a great time to do that) and then grizzles.

I've just lost it tonight and can't stop crying. I'm so done in.

Anyway thanks for all the advice and hopefully from tomorrow taking naps where I can and going to bed whenever he goes to bed might help a little, fingers crossed.

There is a developmental leap around week 15-18. Try looking it up 😊
I’m also up every 2-3 hours with my 4 week old. Just trying to soak up the cuddles and find a good Netflix show.

Just wanted to add some solidarity OP. My 17 week old slept for an hour and a half at the start of the night and has been waking up every 20-40 mins since then. I settled him with the dummy once but every other time I've had to get him up out of his crib for at least 30 mins. It takes longer to get him to sleep than he actually sleeps....

Hello!

Hope you managed to get back to bed. Sorry you're feeling so awful. It's really rough isn't it?

This can go on a while I'm afraid, I know it's a shit thing to hear, but I think it is good to psychologically prepare yourself for the possibility as much as you can.

My son is now almost 7m. He was waking every 45min, then got slightly better, waking every 1.5-2h.

It's only in the last 2 weeks we've seen another slight improvement. He'll now sleep from 7pm-10pm, wake for a feed, and then sleep 10.30pm-1am. Then comes into bed next to me. There are usually 2 more wake ups, and we're up for the day at 5am.

We are hoping he'll gradually be able to sleep for longer periods in the second half of the night too. And in his own bed. The early evening used to be awful, we were resettling him as often as every 20min, and he'd co-sleep with us from 11pm. He's a right grumpy sod from 5am until his first nap.

So yes, it's not a guarantee your baby will come to the end of a 'sleep regression' and then start sleeping through.

This is a really good article www.bbc.com/future/article/20220131-the-science-of-safe-and-healthy-baby-sleep

@ChocolateButtonsOfShame Thank you - yes we went back to bed about half 5! had a brief wakening at half 7 then we cuddled/snoozed til 9.

thanks for that article - I actually saw someone else had linked it on Instagram a few days ago but didn't read it properly.

It makes a lot of sense and yes, preparing for not getting a good sleep for a while is more helpful than constantly hoping to sleep well and then being frustrated when I don't. To be honest I am not expecting him to sleep through the night or anything.

I think I am just feeling the collective tiredness creeping up from the last 16 weeks, the relentlessness of it all is shocking. And people do ask: "how does he sleep" and "is he sleeping through" like that's a reasonable thing, I mean he's still so little, but I think it's been subconsciously stressing me out.

Some nights just feel really hard and I think I am still shocked by how much tiredness can actually get to you.

But we are both okay today.

Thanks so much to everyone who replied to this, I was really feeling desperate and beyond all reasonable thought in the wee small hours of the night.

Everything feels so much harder at night time. Then the morning comes and somehow we do it all again!

The questions about sleeping through really bug me. They often come from the same people who warn you about sleepless nights before you have a baby. It’s odd that as soon as the baby arrives they forget that it’s totally normal that babies don’t sleep well 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes - I find other mums can be a little reluctant to talk about their baby's sleep. I think because there is an expectation almost to say yes, I have a 'good' baby. Then after a little while they might open up and say, well actually we got up at 4.30 today. Not to say there aren't good sleepers, but I've noticed this a few times.

I've sobbed while rocking my baby in the middle of the night. I bet a lot of mums have.

Hourly wakings are horrific. Some days I felt like my soul had been stolen. But you sort-of become acclimatized. And it gradually gets better.

If you feel awful tonight post here, there probably will be other mums up too 🙂

Yeah we had/have one of these. Ours is 16 months tomorrow and it started to get slightly easier around 9 months if I remember correctly. We started taking turns, so I would do 7:30 until midnight or something, then he'd do midnights until 5am. We ended up taking it in turns per night eventually, so me one full night, and DP the next etc. I felt utterly broken too, even when DP was on night duty.

To make matters worse our DS was, and still is the most whinging moody child I've ever known 24/7. He cried for the first year of his life. Then discovered how to roll, and crawl so got ever so slightly easier. Now he is walking he is much better but still whiney most of the time unless we feed him snacks constantly or take him outside. His sleep is still hit and miss, waking once or twice per night. Sometimes for a couple of hours at a time (but that's rare now).

He has discovered he likes to sleep on his front, and I think he sleeps a lot better now he's worked that out.

Honestly, it's been the biggest shock to me so I completely empathise with you. The lack of sleep and the constant moaning/crying is relentless. I had two children before him (they're now teens) who were completely different so gave me a false sense of security!
I've ended up wishing his little life away to move onto the next milestone thinking it'll make him sleep better or improve his mood. It makes me so sad.

I've not much advice, just solidarity!

You are doing so well @pixiedust21 it’s really so hard, I have been crying at night many times - it is always harder to deal with alone and in the dark when you are just beyond exhausted.

My little one is 23 weeks now and in the last 2 weeks or so we’ve been having more good nights than bad, although we are still getting some bad - last night I only slept 4am-6am which seems ludicrous but after 2 nights with 4-5hr stretches I’m managing much better in the day than I was when every night was a bad night. We’ve done nothing to improve our sons sleep, just lots of feeds, cuddles, and time.

It does get better ☺️ and then it probably gets worse again, then better etc 😂

My husband is unable to help at night due to work schedule but on weekends he takes DS to the lounge if he wakes anytime after about 5ish so that I can get a couple more hours rest.

I always answer the ‘how does he sleep?’ question with ‘he sleeps like a baby’ and a smile. Those who know are supportive and those who don’t know just move on with the conversation- agree it’s annoying though!

Hope you managed a restful day today - take a pack of biscuits or something for your bedside table tonight, I always find a bit of sugar boosts morale xx

@Carbis

Everything feels so much harder at night time. Then the morning comes and somehow we do it all again!

The questions about sleeping through really bug me. They often come from the same people who warn you about sleepless nights before you have a baby. It’s odd that as soon as the baby arrives they forget that it’s totally normal that babies don’t sleep well 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes! It's the exact same people, it's infuriating

Good idea about the snack supply @Lemongrass9

I genuinely didn't think I'd find it so difficult dealing with disturbed sleep, I know that sounds ridiculous and naive. But I think it's the accumulative tiredness plus it's not just a case of being up late, it's being up with a loud and demanding baby while your body is screaming WE SHOULD BE ASLEEP

It really is hard going and I'm sure we'll have ebbs and flows where it's better and worse. I mean hell I'm 35 and I don't always sleep through the night

Anyway what will be will be. He has his 16 week jabs tomorrow just to throw those into the mix!