Please Tell me it Gets Better - 6MO Sleep

[MintGreenLife]

We are five weeks into hourly wakeups and it’s killing me. He started waking every hour, after being an ok sleeper (waking 2-3 times a night). At first this felt hellish, but slowly over time he’s got increasingly difficult to get back to sleep, and put down. Sometimes it can take hours and 10+ goes at getting him in his cot, for him to wake again 40 minutes later.

He is EBF and will only fall asleep feeding or with rocking. He’s never fallen asleep by himself, and I’m starting to feel like this is the source of the problem. Things just seem to be getting worse and worse, no matter how much effort I put in to his daytime naps and bedtime routine. He also wakes up screaming, and picking him up doesn’t calm him at all. He will continue screaming until he finally drops back off from rocking (can take 10 mins with him crying the whole time) l, or I feed him.

Where are we going wrong?! Can someone please advise! I’m currently sat at 3.30am with him sleeping on me (which I haven’t done in months) but I just can’t carry on with this never ending battle to get him asleep, in his cot, and get him to stay there for more than half an hour 😭

@milkieway we have a cot bed which is big, I think it would just about fit in our room, but I’m not sure if there’s a level that would line up properly with our mattress. We did have a next 2 me cot, but he’s too big for that now, and it was lower than our mattress with a lip that lined up with the edge of the mattress, meaning I couldn’t feed laying down because of the lip/height difference. I have coslept in the past out of desperation. I’m going to give in to it and do it again for a few nights and see how we go. At the moment I’m spending over 50% of the night either feeding, rocking or trying to put him back down, whereas I guess with cosleeping I can cut all this faff out. I did end up feeling broken physically from cosleeping before, but I think if I do a mix of letting him sleep on me (while I stay awake) and cosleeping then maybe if I don’t spend all night long cosleeping I won’t end up aching quite so much. Do you mind me asking how you got your cot level with the bed and how you secured it to the bed? X

www.laleche.org.uk/safe-sleep-the-breastfed-baby/
This is useful if you are doing some cosleeping

I think I just focused on doing what would enable us to get the most sleep on that night - taking it one night at a time and asking what will help me get more rest right now - and kind of ended up being quite inventive in the end and finding things that DID work for us. Then in any case things did improve I promise you that no matter what you do this will get better

We did something similar to this

wonderfullyaverage.com/baby-and-toddler/sleep/how-to-make-a-co-sleeper-cot/

There is a facebook group called "uk co sleepers" too that's quite helpful and "the beyond sleep training project"

I found it really took a while for my body to get used to sleeping on my side but I managed to get comfy enough with cushion in my back and also between my knees

Hope you're doing ok @MintGreenLife

@milkieway thanks for checking in :) things are much the same. DS seems to have progressed to waking every 30 mins now and is spending very little time in his cot. Last night initially he did 1 he 20 mins, and then only managed to get him in his cot around another 3 times for the rest of the night, and he woke after 10-30 mins every time. I tried cosleeping a few nights ago, but he was having none of it. May try again. I think I’ve just learnt to cope on so little sleep now. It’s awful and we are all suffering for it, but we’re getting by just about x

Hi @MintGreenLife just wanted to check in. I replied to your original post saying we were in the same position. I'm now 2 nights into some sleep training and things are looking up. We've gone from feeding to sleep, cosleeping and hourly wake ups to him settling himself after 10 mins in his own room and 3 wake ups a night.

Having done a whole ton of research on sleep I found Just Chill Mama's 6-9m online course (£49) and The Happy Sleeper book to be the best guidance. I followed their plans for settling methods starting Friday night and honestly it is so worth it. You sound like you're on the fence about sleep training. I won't lie, there are tears but nowhere near as many as I thought. The book in particular explains the science behind the method and why it's necessary for your baby. So if you've any doubts or think you'll feel guilty, read it and it should help.

The first night we had 30 mins of crying, the second night about 10. There are further bouts of crying when he wakes in the night but not as long.

I know sleep training isn't for everyone, especially on here, but for us it's really helped. We still have a smiley, cuddly baby in the daytime but I also have my evenings back and am getting some decent sleep! It's early days but within a few nights I'm hoping there will be no tears at all.

Hope this helps. It's so hard but whatever you choose to do your baby will sleep one day!

@LydiaFTM thanks so much for updating me. So glad things are going well for you! Something has to change as he’s hardly sleeping more than a couple of hours in his cot the entire night. Cosleeping doesn’t seem to help much, so I’m mostly sat awake all night long with him sleeping in me 😖

I read ‘the sleep solution’ and we are considering trying the mrhkids in there starting on Friday. I’m still unsure/nervous though. Do you mind me asking vaguely what it is you did? The book I’ve read outlines a plan of sitting by their side, putting them into cot awake and reassuring/staying with them while they fall asleep, but not picking up. I’m expecting a lot of tears, and my fear is that this could go on for hours, and then what do you do?!

P.s we had one random good night on Friday where he spent most of the night in his cot, still woke often, but he was noticeably in a better mood the next day, and I felt full of energy just from being able to sleep a few hours in my own bed, so surely it’s got to be worth doing something if everyone is so much happier for a good night’s sleep!

Hi OP, long post incoming but I'd just like to add my experience.
My DS is 6 months too and has never been a "good" sleeper. Had our fair share of hourly wake ups, sometimes every 20 minutes and it's been really tough sometimes. He is EBF and every wake up he has, the boob is the only thing that will settle him. He will not take a dummy. I was going crazy thinking it'll never get better, what am I going to do, fully sleep deprived and at a loss. But I knew I couldn't leave him to cry or do any sort of sleep training, because honestly my way of thinking is "why does he need to suffer to learn how to sleep better?".
Baby is now in his own room, and we are on day 5 I think of better sleep. He is now waking around 3 times per night which is a massive improvement, and going back down fairly easily/quickly. I haven't changed a single thing. It has reassured me massively that he is learning to sleep better on his own because he is ready.
I have watched him on the monitor stir and become unsettled in the night and go back to sleep without me. It is completely each to their own in regards to sleep training but I wanted to share our experience

@tobi21 thanks so much for sharing ☺️ That’s great news things seem to be improving! My DS was in his next 2 me when this all started, and about two weeks in we moved him into his own room and I don’t think it’s made any difference to be honest. His sleep is just as bad in our room as it is in his own room. The funny thing is I’ve witnessed him do the same - cry out in the night, and then settle himself back down. A few nights ago I saw him do it twice! Which is very unusual. So I know he can do it…he just chooses not to 😂 mine is EBF too, but about two weeks into this I decided I couldn’t feed him 8+ times a night and so now I only feed 3 times and the other wakeups we rock him back to sleep, unless he’s having none of it, then I give in and feed. How long the hourly wakeups last for you? I think the most difficult part about how things are now is that he won’t go in his cot for more than a few hours a night, so I’m sat awake with him on me for most of the night which is just would destroying when you’re so exhausted 😭

@MintGreenLife honestly the hourly wake ups (with the exception of a few days) lasted pretty much since 3months+. Some nights were better than others but overall he was a shit sleeper since then. How long is he managing to stay in his cot for? And what's your bedtime routine like?

@tobi21 oh no! This kicked off for us at 5 months. He always woke 3ish times for a feed before that, and when he was newborn until he was 3 months old we couldn’t put him down, so we slept in shifts taking it in turn to hold him.

So last night he went to bed at 7.30pm. Did dinner together at the table, then some quiet play. Then changed for bed, sleep bag on, red night light and white noise on. Book, then feed to sleep, then put down asleep.

Last night as an example, he slept 1hr in his cot, woke up and fed back to sleep, 30 mins in his cot, woke up, rocked back to sleep. Tried to put down 3 times, each time woke, rocked back to sleep. Gave up then. Let him sleep on me until midnight. Put down and slept 1hr 20 mins. Woke up and rocked back to sleep, tried to put down a few times, no luck. That last wake up was around 1am. From 1am until 5am slept on me or DH. Tried to put down again at 5am, slept 30 mins, fed back to sleep and then slept on me or DH until 8am.

So in all he’s only spending a few hours a night in his cot. Last night was pretty standard.

I think the problem is maybe coming from the fact that we put him down asleep, and he’s more aware now so that’s not working any more. Perhaps jarring if he’s gone to sleep in our arms and then stirs and in his cot alone? Also as we ‘help’ him to sleep and he’s never fallen asleep by himself, seems if he wakes in general or at the end of a sleep cycle he needs help going back to sleep x

It does get better, hang in there! My youngest woke MULTIPLE times a night to BF from 4-7 months. I was exhausted. Just when I thought I couldn't handle it anymore, she started sleeping 12hrs a night and has done ever since! This too shall pass x

@tobi21 I will admit that bedtime and his bedtime routine is pretty inconsistent. For bedtime, I tend to follow wake windows and he goes to bed some time between 7-8pm. Routine sometimes includes bath, always try for a story, but sometimes he won’t tolerate it and just wants to go to sleep, which I suppose would suggest overtired, but there’s never any constancy to it. Last night he had 3hrs before bed and was fine, sometimes it can only be 2hrs and he’s losing it during getting changed for bed and will cry until fed to sleep 🤷🏻‍♀️

@ToddlerMumma thanks for sharing, so glad things got better for you! Did she just suddenly start sleeping better?! We are 8 weeks in and I’m honestly not sure how much longer I can do this for. Every week I think it’s got to improve, and it never does, in fact it just gets worse and worse x

@MintGreenLife my LO doesn't fall asleep by himself either, he's always put down asleep, sometimes he will stir a little when being put down but I always have my hand on his chest gently for a little while and he seems maybe slightly aware and settles? Not sure. But one thing I will say is our bedtime is very consistent, we do bath, books, and then feed to sleep every night. Have done since being very small. I don't know how much this actually does anything but it can't do any harm. Also my DS also cries during getting changed for bed sometimes and sometimes he's less patient to read a book so I'll read very fast or skip to the last page in terms of sleep cycles I think they honestly do learn to link sleep cycles better on their own

@tobi21 maybe I’ll try and be stricter with the bedtime routine and see if that helps. To be honest I’ve tried absolutely everything I can think of, and nothing makes any difference, so it all feels like a lot of wasted energy, although of course a nice bedtime routine isn’t wasted energy. Haha, if he’s crying I give up on the book, maybe I should at least read for a minute or two to keep things consistent. I usually sit him on my lap, open the book, read one page, and if still crying turn the light off and feed. Really hope like you things just get better. Did your LO still manage to sleep in his cot even when waking regularly? It’s the sitting with him sleeping on me that’s the most difficult thing at the moment 😭

@MintGreenLife I actually think he might be sleeping better in his own room because there's less chance of me and DP waking him up, he never slept more than 3ish hours in his next to me in our room and he's doing 5 hours in his cot in his own room. It's not perfect, like last night he woke up around 4 and wouldn't go back down and we co-slept but even getting till 4 with 2 wake ups beforehand I'm quite happy with.

When you try and move him after he's asleep on you do you know he's in a deep sleep? I can usually tell when my DS has properly drifted off and is in a deep sleep. It's not full proof of course but recently he's been much easier to put back down

@MintGreenLife of course I'm happy to tell you what we did but I understand it's not for everyone.

First, we've established a consistent bedtime routine. After tea, we play for a little bit in his bedroom with a lamp on (not bright overhead lights) until it's time for a bath. No electronic toys or screens, just physical play and letting him practice his new skills. After bath, we go back to his room and from then speak only very quietly. We dress him in his pyjamas, and turn on white noise. I read a short book and then feed him, keeping him awake while feeding. I then sing a nursery rhyme while I transfer to the crib awake. Once in the crib, I say 'it's bedtime now, mummy's right outside, I love you' and kiss him goodnight. I then leave the room.

There are tears. And that's why it's not for everyone. Once crying starts I make checkins every 5 minutes but when I go in I only stay for enough time to repeat the phrase I said when I put him down, with my hand firmly on his chest. I leave again. The idea is that the check ins are reassurance that you will come back, you're consistent but giving him the space to fall asleep.

We tried doing it while we stayed in the room but we were too distracting and he was getting frustrated so it took longer. I obviously don't like listening to him cry but last night it was for five minutes. I never even had to go back in to do a check in. He still wakes in the night but much less. I repeat the same process except if it's been more than 3 hours since the last feed and then I'll feed him.

He knows we will come back, his needs are being met but we are also teaching him to sleep independently. It's not for everyone though and I completely understand those who are against it or don't want any form of sleep training where crying is involved. For us, it's absolutely necessary as we'd tried alternatives and I'm going back to work soon and need (a) better sleep and (b) for him to settle with other caregivers.

This is a really good Facebook group she recently did a live session on hourly waking

www.facebook.com/groups/381273662469448/?ref=share

Do you have a consistent wake up time in the morning?
How long does he nap during day?

Op it sounds like you're doing a great job. Feeding and rocking to sleep is NOT a bad thing. You are offering your little one comfort.
Sleep deprivation is awful. I had bed dread for months at this age on and off, and my husband couldn't even help even though he tried as my DS never wanted him at night (still doesn't at 19 months!), Despite their close relationship. I had multiple gland flare ups from exhaustion, half an hour wake ups and 20 minutes to resettle. We spent most of the night awake really. I used to look at my watch and be in disbelief that it was only 1am cause i had been woken maybe 5/6 times and I wished for morning to hurry up and come because I couldn't bear the 6 more wake ups to come.
12 months old - everything changed and it became much better - 15 months sucked though as he was ill🤣. Since Christmas Eve (17 and a half months), he's been mostly sleeping through the night. We get one or two wakes ups sometimes but mostly he is out for the night now. I still feed to sleep and cosleep. Last night, he was up having a grump at 2:30 then he went straight back to sleep. I haven't had a gland flare up in a long time. I feel refreshed in the mornings.
Keep pushing through. This age sucks. Sleep when you can. I know that isn't helpful but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

@tobi21 I hoped the same - that he would sleep better in his own room, but no such luck. Last night I was on wake up two by 9.30pm 🤦🏻‍♀️ And I didn’t manage to get him down again from that wakeup until midnight. It’s tricky as I try putting him down a few times and if no luck I let him sleep on me, as otherwise nobody is getting any sleep, but maybe I’m making things worse by letting him sleep on me. I just figure at least he’s asleep, even if I’m then stuck awake.

@LydiaFTM so brilliant this worked for you. I don’t think I could try this approach myself. We are considering trying the disappearing chair method this weekend, as you stay with them the whole time and offer reassurance, but I’m not convinced at the moment.

@milkieway thanks, will have a look ☺️ So I was waking him at 7.30am for a couple of weeks, but the last few days I’ve given in to letting him sleep as long as he needs with the nights being so disturbed, plus waking him at a set time didn’t seem to make any difference. Today he slept on my husband until 8.30am. Day time naps are much better than they used to me. I follow wake windows of 2-3 hours and he naps in the pram, whereas he definitely used to get over tired and it would take a good half hour of rocking him ti get him to sleep and he had all his naps on me until about a month ago. Again, making sure he has regular naps hasn’t made any difference.

@Opus17 Awh thank you. I’m so torn as to whether to let this continue and just be there for him as much as I can, or to try and teach him to go into bed awake and fall asleep like that. I have so much admiration for anyone that just keeps going through this. It’s been 8 weeks now and I feel broken with it, and that’s with my husband being able to get up and do a few of the nightly wakeups! We had a random good night on Friday where he slept most of the night in his cot (still waking every hour, but at least I could get my head down in between) and DS was in a noticeably better mood the next day, and I felt like I was a better Mother to him because I had the energy, so sometimes I worry if I’m holding us back by not teaching him to get to sleep without quite so much support from me. It’s so tricky!

@Opus17 do you mind if I ask if the very bad sleep carried on all that time, until 12 months?

It wasn't constant. It was up and down. Sometimes the hard times would last weeks then we'd have a "better" week (so every 90 minutes -2 hours, instead of every 30 minutes). It was so up and down, I've lost track of how often it happened. But it wasn't just at the "regression" times. And I remember accepting it around 9 months old but that didn't mean it was easy😅

Sorry op if someone has already suggested this as I haven't read the whole thread. Seems like it's putting him down that is causing the grief? We had this too but not as bad as you.

Have you considered just putting his mattress on the floor and baby proofing the room? It's a montessori thing. Get him to sleep on the floor bed and simply roll away - cue no putting him down and no co-sleeping. Yes sometimes he will roll out but sometimes he will just go back to sleep on the floor. We also have a rolled up blanket tucked under the sheet to mitigate this a bit. Honestly it was a game changer here and made my life so much easier. It greatly reduces the amount of time I need to be awake each time he wakes.

BTW, I used to put her to sleep by rocking & singing to her then transferring her, ninja style, when she was fast asleep. I had to rock her for at least 8 minutes after she fell
Asleep before I transferred her otherwise she'd just wake up. I can put her to bed 'tired but sleepy' now but she's nearly 2. There is no way this would have worked for us at 7months! Again, good luck x