Please Tell me it Gets Better - 6MO Sleep

[MintGreenLife]

We are five weeks into hourly wakeups and it’s killing me. He started waking every hour, after being an ok sleeper (waking 2-3 times a night). At first this felt hellish, but slowly over time he’s got increasingly difficult to get back to sleep, and put down. Sometimes it can take hours and 10+ goes at getting him in his cot, for him to wake again 40 minutes later.

He is EBF and will only fall asleep feeding or with rocking. He’s never fallen asleep by himself, and I’m starting to feel like this is the source of the problem. Things just seem to be getting worse and worse, no matter how much effort I put in to his daytime naps and bedtime routine. He also wakes up screaming, and picking him up doesn’t calm him at all. He will continue screaming until he finally drops back off from rocking (can take 10 mins with him crying the whole time) l, or I feed him.

Where are we going wrong?! Can someone please advise! I’m currently sat at 3.30am with him sleeping on me (which I haven’t done in months) but I just can’t carry on with this never ending battle to get him asleep, in his cot, and get him to stay there for more than half an hour 😭

DS is 18 months but ugh I remember these days! Dreadful days. I promise it gets better. DS started linking sleep cycles around 12 months and the hourly waking (so regressions) have reduced since 12 months! Before 12 months, it was two weeks of hourly wakings, then two weeks of waking every 3ish hours then back to hourly wakings. Every time we did a period of hourly wakings, my glands would all flare up cause I was so exhausted. Since around 12 months, we've had NO hourly wakings anymore. we still have some ups and downs but it's nowhere near as bad as the first 12 months.
Hang in there, it gets easier

It really does get better the first year or so is a real bumpy ride with highs and lows but absolutely does improve

sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/07/24/the-rollercoaster-of-real-baby-sleep/amp/

How fixed are you to baby being in a cot?

Is baby in same room as you?

@MintGreenLife I just wanted to add support for the method outlined by @Lancssss above.

We did an almost identical version of this with DS when he was 6.5 months so a similar age.

He had moved into his own room and was fine with his usual 2-3 wake ups but after a few weeks he suddenly was up every 45/1 hour exactly as you describe. I was desperate.

I was ASTOUNDED at how quickly it worked. There were some tears on night one but we shushed, sang and also reached our hand in to comfort/pat him. We used our voice constantly but put the hand in for 1 minute, then removed for 2 minutes. He slept so much better night 1.

Night 2 we did the same and he slept until 5am for his first and only wake.

Night 3 we only put our hand in if he cried and he slept through all the way!

We then gradually moved the chair back until we could just put him down and leave.

I am so pleased we did it at this age. Any later and I think he would have noticed more, or got up and moved around the cot.

We actually fell back to this method every time we had a further sleep regression and it always worked as it was familiar to him. We only changed it up at 2 years where we realised we needed a bit more of a 'grown up' fix and introduced a gro clock etc.

My only advice is if you're going to do it, decided on how and stick to it rigidly. And stick it out for a week before rethinking it!

Good luck!

@Opus17 thanks for your words of positivity. I’m currently sat in my nursing chair with him asleep on me. We got him to bed at 7.30pm with no real issues, but he woke half an hour later and haven’t been able to put him down since, apart from once where he lasted a grand total of 7 mins. He used to sleep on us all night long at 2 months for about 6 weeks as we just couldn’t put him down - one of us stayed up and we slept in shifts so one was awake holding him while the other slept.

@milkieway thanks for the link. We moved him into his own room around 6 months, which was about 2-3 weeks into the hourly wakeups, it’s made no difference him being in his own room. I’ve done bits of cosleeping here and there out of desperation, but I hate it and get so achey as a result.

@SexPeopleLynn thank you. We will seriously consider this. I just know he will scream his way through it, and what in earth do you do if they won’t stop screaming?! I know you have to stay strong and keep going, but he gets so worked up so quickly that he’s coughing and spluttering between screams 😖

@MintGreenLife I think perhaps you'll have to work out what will be most effective for you. My friends DD was the same and staying in the room actually only ramped her up so she used the Ferber method of leaving and going back in short intervals as she calmed down better without my friend there.

I think either way you need to be prepared that there will be tears and I guess decide whether that's something you can push through or not (and no judgement here whatever you decide!)

For me, I rationalised that this was short term upset for better sleep for both me and DS and the long term benefits were worth it. I was very surprised with how little my DS did end up getting upset and naps and bedtimes became easier and both me and my DH felt he was happier in the day as was better rested.

But I know sleep training can be divisive and not everyone wants to do it which I completely respect.

Currently up with my 10 day old DS and fully plan on doing the same again at around 6 months if we also get the dreaded hourly wakes!

@SexPeopleLynn huge congrats on your new arrival! How’s it going so far?! We briefly tried the Ferber method (literally just for half an hour) and he got so upset that we packed it in. Going in to him just seemed to make him more upset! So I don’t know, that didn’t help at all, and I worry this gradual retreat method will be just the same 😭

We used Shhhh Pat, was hard work but the only one I felt okay with initially (around 6/7 months as we'd been rocking to sleep up till then and our backs were ruined) then eventually she wouldn't even need patting as it'd be a distraction so we'd leave the room and if there was crying we'd give her 2/3 mins then repeat shhh Pat. Now she just needs a cuddle for 5 mins, lay her down, she sometimes gets up and walks about her cot and then falls asleep no crying. And if she does cry these days 16m, we know that something is up and we can go right in without disruption as she knows how to sleep.

The process took about 1 months or so in total , really hard work but now it's well worth it

Have you considered side car cot to your bed - we changed bed set ups so much still at this stage I know there's no way my LO would have been ready for his own room at 6m

Do you feed lying down? Lots of pillows helped me get comfy eg def one behind my back

Sounds really like baby just wants to be close to you at night at the moment which is biologically normal (but I know its v hard!)

Anyway just offering another perspective as it sounds like you're not 100% comfortable on the sleep training but maybe also not wanting to keep baby with you at night ...so I guess its really hard to know where to go from there... I hope things get easier soon for you all - sorry I can't be more helpful x

@MintGreenLife apologies just replying now!! Our babies sound identical!! Our DD will scream until we pick her up and either a) bounce/rock her to sleep or b) boob!! Sometimes she won't even let my partner settle her - she just builds and builds until she's spluttering and choking she's gotten so worked up!! It's awful and I know she just wants that comfort but we are beyond exhausted! She's still in our room in the next to me as I can't yet face the hourly wake ups plus moving between bedrooms!! 🙈

I've been reading your replies in the thread and, like you, we've tried different methods if shush & pat, ferber method etc and she just becomes hysterical for them all! She gets so upset it's awful and very distressing for all of us 😔

I hope you're okay and are able to get some naps in over the weekend where you can get some rest - it's so tough!

Your baby sounds identical to my first DD. Sorry to say controlled crying/gradual retreat etc all failed miserably for us. Whatever we tried she just got angrier and hours later was no closer to sleep so it was clear it wasn’t going to work for us. So just in case you don’t have any luck with whatever you decide to try (and I hope you do!) I just wanted to offer a different perspective.

Like yours, my DD never ever fell asleep on her own. That wasn’t because I’d done anything ‘wrong’ - I tried all the ‘awake but drowsy’, ‘eat play sleep’ etc but she needed to be fed or rocked to sleep. It was just her. We persevered with Moses basket/cot for ages as I was desperate to do things ‘right’. She absolutely refused a dummy. In the end I gave up on it all and just gave in to cosleeping. I also hated it at first, woke up achey etc, but then I realised I got more sleep that way and so did DD, so just embraced it. I stopped worrying about how little sleep we were getting and I didn’t look at the clock. I also vowed to stop worrying that she would never be able to fall asleep herself in future, and that she’d never sleep through.

It’s all a blur now so I can’t remember exact timescales, but I know by 10months I was getting enough sleep to function when I went back to work. By 2 I know things had massively improved (I stopped BFing around then and saw improvement with that but not all improvement coincided to then). By 3 she needed a story and one of us to sit there until she fell asleep which was usually around 15 minutes and she occasionally slept through or stealthily crept in to us at some point in the early hours without waking us. Now, at 4.5 she gets a story and a cuddle and most nights sleeps through, only coming to us if she’s had a bad dream. She just needed to get there in her own time.

I honestly believe that it was just her personality. I now have DD2 who is 4 weeks. I’ve done nothing different (if anything I’m less stressy about trying to put her down, not feeding to sleep etc). She’s fallen asleep on her own regularly and is doing up to 5 hour stretches at night, either in her Moses basket or co-sleeping if she’s not settling. Just a different baby.

Good luck, hope you get some sleep soon!

[quote MintGreenLife]@Lancssss p.s what age was your LO when you did this? I’m worried 6 months is too little![/quote]
It’s hard to remember now but I think a little bit older. I know it’s awful when they’re so upset especially little ones. I guess you just need to decide what’s worse and whether you can stick it out for another few months. Things might resolve on they’re own, they go through so many phases.

Hello! Just wanted to say that my son is 5.5months atm and we're going through the same :'( - 1 to 2hourly wakeups..it's driving us crazy now! On a 'good night' he'll sleep a mix of 3-3.5hr stretches. We have a fixed bedtime routine too with bath, expressed bottle feed, storytime and he manages to fall asleep on his cot with little fuss. My husband does his night feed and sleep. So going to sleep is no problem... It's when he wakes up at night is when trouble begins. He can absolutely cry the house down if we don't console him. The issue is that he cries still half asleep i.e his eyes are shut but he wails, so he's less receptive of our soothing techniques. With me I just end up nursing him so he stops crying... And I know he's associated that with sleep now :(. This weekend my husband's on baby night duty so I can catch a bit if sleep.. He's been soothing him back to sleep by holding and rocking him. But it's made it worse and he's waking every hour! I'm desperate to try sleep training now!
Sorry, I've been of no help but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!

Has anyone tried paid online sleep programs?

Oh god I remember these days. I ended up cosleeping and leaving my baby attached to my boobs all night.

Eventually we sleep trained her. It was not nice for three days but after that it got much better.

If we do get a night waking I don't leave her to cry, I check on her, offer her milk and if she's uncomfortable or I think she might have teething pain I'll offer calpol, then I leave her.

Usually if there are no problems she'll go back off on her own.

You can look up gentle sleep training methods which is what we used.

It’s nothing you’ve done. I have a 6m old too.

I really recommend www.facebook.com/georginamaysleepfb/

Op I would do controlled crying. My baby was similar in that he woke up crying multiple times in the night and was increasingly difficult to get back to sleep. 6 months is a good age for sleep training as they are not yet mobile and don't have separation anxiety yet.
I did it at 6 months. I hated the idea but there was no alternative as I was unable to carry on the way things were and my baby was crying a lot at night in spite of Co sleeping, feeding on demand etc.
I did the timed return method, go back every 5-10 mins to pat and shh just for 20 seconds or so. Initially just did the beginning of the night. That took 3 nights. I won't lie there was a lot of crying. A total of at least an hour per night some of it quite bad. But after that he was going to sleep on his own. He still woke throughout the night so after 2 weeks I did the same thing but committed to a full night. I expected to spend the whole night going in and out but it was actually not that bad, I only went in twice each night for the first 3 nights, there was crying but mostly more grumbling and moaning not hysterics. Since then he's slept at least 8 hour stretches per night. I still feed him once in the night.
What I would say is you need to be consistent with sleep training. You can't let them cry but give in at 5 am and put them in your bed. What I read said commit to it for 2 weeks although most of the crying is done in the first 3 nights.
My baby still cries in.the night if he needs me. The difference is he no.longer needs me to go to sleep. So if he cries it's because he's hungry, wet or ill.

Thanks everyone for replying since I last wrote o here.

We’re having a bad night with him waking every half hour. Just now I’ve been trying to get him back in his cot for an hour and every time he wakes screaming. The only thing that will get him back to sleep is really energetic rocking. I even tried to sit down with him asleep on me at one point but he just won’t stay asleep unless I’m jigging him. I honestly have no idea how anyone could carry on like this. We’ve had hourly wakeups for six weeks now and it’s killing me 😭

@SnackSizeRaisin I really don’t know if controlled crying would work for us 😭 we tried the Ferber method once before, only for half an hour, but every time we went in to ‘settle’ him he just got more and more worked up. And I think the method is that you settle them down at set periods of time, however he won’t resettle with patting, shying etc. to be honest he doesn’t even resettle from being picked up. He just screams and screams until he falls back asleep again, either by rocking or feeding.

@MintGreenLife I'm so sorry to read you had such a bad night!

Listen, I'm going to be forthright in my suggestion, and do please ignore my advice if you're still unsure!

But...at this stage if you are on your knees I would do the Ferber method. I know you say you tried it but if it was for 30 mins then you didn't. It can take a week to work so I wouldn't dismiss it so quickly.

I think to break this pattern it may get worse before it gets better and there WILL be crying. So if you want to do this, you need to take some breaths and be prepared to follow it through as half doing it can just cause upset for no reason.

Decide on your set bedtime routine and stick to it. Settle him down with a real breezy reassurance-don't let your voice betray your emotions. Leave for 3 mins. He will cry-you won't be leaving him nice and settled as this is night one. Then when you go back, you need to decide whether to pick him up for a cuddle or just go in and reassure him with a bum pat and shushing. Again, he will probably cry throughout this as hell want you to do what you have been doing. Stay in for no longer than 30secs/1 min and leave for another set period of time. You can do another 3 mins or extend it to 4. Whatever works.

Night one may take over an hour but it should yield a better night with less wake ups and night 2 will get better and so on...

BUT I know you're really on the fence about this so it's obviously entirely up to you. But from where you are now, I think you either just wait for this to ride out or do something very different to change it.

Honestly just the best of luck as I remember this place with my DS and it is brutal! And sleep deprivation just makes you question everything! 💐

It does get better and you don't need to do anything special to make it better. Sleep is developmental, hourly wake ups are brutal but really normal. Do whatever you need to maximise rest to get through it. For me that was cosleeping and I never got the hang of naps but I did make sure I prioritised rest over everything else whenever he slept. Hang in there

@MintGreenLife just waving in solidarity.. dd is just over 6months and been the same for past 7 weeks I'm wrecked!

But occasionally she will wake up give a cry or 2 shuffle round the cot and go back to sleep so she can do it!
Also have a 3 year old and the idea of letting dd cry is so hard but also knowing that her crying will wake ds is too hard right now!

The fact that you feed/rock him to sleep is almost definitely the problem. This was exactly us at six months. We did a sleep training method called gradual retreat at 7 months and she was down from five to one wake ups on night one - all because she had fallen asleep herself

@MintGreenLife so sorry to read it's been another awful night - no advice, our babies sound very similar! We were also in the same situation last night, in tears by the end of it as we're so exhausted! Sending big hugs, lots of cups of tea and hoping things change for the better soon! Xxx

@Shmerlock I’m having a good cry now 😭 I’m trying to get him napping more in the day, and putting a lot of energy into getting him to have a nap with 2-3 hours of wake time in between. Took 15 mins of pushing the pram on the drive to get him to sleep. Brought him in, got on with some jobs in the house for 15 mins, then sat down with a cup of tea. Got a few sips before he woke up gasping/choking?! Took him back outside, took half an hour of pushing, but he finally fell asleep again. Brought him in and every time I stoped jigging the pram he woke up. So sat constantly jigging, and 5 mins in the food delivery turns up and I have to stop pushing the pram and go bring it in, and of course he wakes up. Literally soul destroying! So sorry you’re having it just as bad. I end up feeling completely desperate in the night. Sometimes I seem to have more patience and just go with it. Other times I just can’t handle it 😭

@Etherealhedgehog I’ve got notes on my phone for this method, but I’m so worried it’ll be hellish and I won’t be able to do it. I know that’s what the problem is - the feeding and rocking to sleep, but I honestly can’t see how this method would work for my LO. There’s no way he will tolerate us just stroking his hair etc and slowly moving away from the cot. He will absolutely scream and scream for hours I’m sure of it. What on earth do you do if they just end up screaming for hours?!