13 month old please god when does this end?

[Etherealhedgehog]

So right now we have molars coming in, we're on day 10 of her third bug since the start of nursery and even before all of this she was starting to wake up at 4am - not necessarily up and ready to start the day, but awake and unable to get back to sleep.

We've recently started giving her a bottle when she wakes that early because we had noticed she was always starving first thing and was clearly ready to fall back asleep long before the 2+ hour wake window we had been leaving. A couple of days ago she woke at 3.45, had Calpol and a bottle and went back down til 5.30....bliss! (Literally - I used to think 5.30 was early. No longer...)

Today she woke at 3. Just gave painkillers but she was furious at being put back down so gave bottle. Will not go back down. Have been sat up with her nearly two hours. She's yawning her head off but every time I make moves to put her down she starts screaming furiously. Only Cocomelon will do.

She's great at getting herself to sleep and doesn't generally wake through the night but has always been completely incapable of getting herself back to sleep after about 4am (at least not without a significant break of awake time). Sometimes that cut off is even earlier.

Don't know what I want really, other than to hear if this sounds familiar to anyone and that you survived / how long it took them to get through it. I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take. We're in a one bed flat (which doesn't help), supposed to be househunting, haven't seen family or friends in ages due to never-ending nursery bugs, she's just been un-night-weaned which obviously feels like a massive backwards step - this honestly feels like the worst stage yet - harder than the newborn phase by far

Oh OP I feel your pain.

It does get better. I can't remember exactly when but it does. I am now the one who wakes up early while DS is still asleep!

Do what you need to do to survive. Other than that I have no advice but lots of sympathy.

Also, if anyone else found this age to be a really hard phase, how long did that last for you? I feel like we have the start of tantrum type things, but nowhere near enough communication skills to start to deal with it. Between that and all of the above, our previously sunny, jolly little baby is howling angrily A LOT of the time and with regular 4am starts and full-time jobs it's just...hard....

@orangejuicer thanks - good to hear you made it through! We are definitely just in survival mode, though I worry that's just prolonging things - based on today I feel like we're creating a monster who's going to need drugs, milk, Cocomelon and toast before she goes back to sleep, every time

I hear you on the sleep front. Mine is the same age and recently did a stint of 3 a.m. and 4 a.m. wake-ups. Exactly as you describe- awake and grumpy but won't go back to sleep. I'm so tired it's affecting my job.

So no advice, but solidarity.

You poor thing. This stage is awful. It does get better. Bloody teeth are a nightmare.
Suddenly they just sleep all night and it’s lovely.

How is she when she wakes? Is she poorly or wanting to play? We used to give ours Calpol but then realised they just wanted to be up and playing. We left them to cry it out for 3 nights and we never had an issue again, but as I say they weren't actually ill.

Yes our sunny ds turned into a misery after one! I remember both of mine being happy from 4!!! I.e. the tantrums had stopped.

It will improve soon. Then regress again. Then improve. Honestly it is hard to keep track. My advice - survival means you don't get to have an evening. Get yourself to bed at 8pm. I found if I got a solid 6 hours sleep it is more than enough. Any more is glorious. Forget your life for a little while, you'll be ok again soon.

Try leading some makaton, teaching the baby. It is really good for helping communication pre speaking.

Sympathies

This was a killer for us - I’m a teacher so always working till at least 10 or 11pm at night, then DD1 would be up at 3 angry but unable to get back to sleep. We did initially take it in turns to sit with her but she seemed to find her daddy too exciting (he’s the fun one) so I’m the end I used to go in there, give her a bottle and then put her back in her cot and fall asleep myself on a mattress next to her. I could therefore ignore any grumbling because I knew she wasn’t alone, and she eventually realised no one was going to get up and play with her so started putting herself back to sleep. At around 18 months she started dropping her last nap completely and we bought a Gro Clock - not sure which of these did the trick but she now doesn’t get up until the sun comes up at 6am.

My biggest tip is to keep it boring. We tried letting her watch Bing on an iPad in our bed. BIG mistake - wide awake and singing away!

1yo-2.5yo has been the most difficult time for me with my three. They're on the move, can't really communicate that well, are constantly learning new things/ teething/ picking up bugs and to top it off you're back at work and running around like a blue arsed fly.

The sleep thing is very relatable. All of mine have done the long duration wake ups at stupid o'clock. There's nothing I can recommend to stop it as everything I attempted failed miserably. I just tend to go downstairs with them and put trashy TV on until they give in and fall back asleep and I nap on the couch with them until my alarm goes off. Then I spend the day in a grumpy fog and repeat for 18 months .. sleep improved with my older two at around 3-3.5. youngest is only just 2 so have a way off yet. 😭

11-13 months was pretty bad for us, but 14-17 months was great. DD started sleeping through properly then, and actually waking up after 6am !!!!!

I wouldn't give calpol when they wake up. Don't even turn the lights on. Keep things quiet and boring. Shush and pat. I know it's easier said than done! We had a fair share. But I remember DD waking up last time and she was kicking and screaming when I wanted to give her some teething gel ... she just wanted to sleep but didn't know how to :(

Water when they wake as it’s boring . Agree teeth, bugs etc all don’t help. I’m hopeless between 11-4.... I hate my sleep being interrupted but sometimes have to deal. Otherwise try a bit of cereal before bed to help keep her full and not in her bottle.

Ds3 is 17m. Every. Single. Night. He is up at least once between 3-4 then up for the day at 530. It's sooooo hard! My others were fine by this age. It's dreadful isn't it OP.

It's 3 a.m. and I'm here again! Bubs has been wide awake for the last half hour 🙄.

Offering solidarity too. Mine is slightly older but his sleep has been getting worse over the last month, and has turned into him waking every hour. I'm on my knees as I have another child who is bouncing around by 6am. We've done some sleep training for the first time tonight as sitting in with him or attempting to cosleep wasn't working anyway, he was still screaming a lot. He's been awake 12-2 and 3.30-now tonight though Let's hope he improves over the week or I might combust.

@saywhatwhatnow

Offering solidarity too. Mine is slightly older but his sleep has been getting worse over the last month, and has turned into him waking every hour. I'm on my knees as I have another child who is bouncing around by 6am. We've done some sleep training for the first time tonight as sitting in with him or attempting to cosleep wasn't working anyway, he was still screaming a lot. He's been awake 12-2 and 3.30-now tonight though Let's hope he improves over the week or I might combust.

Is he getting too much daytime sleep?

Why not take them into your bed to sleep, always worked for us.

@TheWomandestroyed

Why not take them into your bed to sleep, always worked for us.

We bedshare but when he's awake, he's awake. Keeps trying to dive off the bed, the little sod darling.

@Etherealhedgehog Mine is the same age OP! It’s difficult!! I’m sure you’ve been through everything but just a couple of things that have helped us:

• how much daytime sleep is your DD getting? Our DS is definitely in the process of trying to drop to 1 nap but isn’t quite managing it all the time. He definitely wakes far more and earlier on nights where he’s napped twice that day!

• KEEP IT BORING! I honestly can’t stress that enough. Do you have a chair in the bedroom? I find with DS when he wakes that as soon as I talk to him or take him out of his bedroom that it’s game over - that’s him awake. Instead now I lift him out of his cot, quick feel to make sure he’s not wet/dirty incase that’s why he’s woken, cuddle him in and sit down on the chair. No lights, no talking other than “shhhhh”. He soon drifts off back to sleep. I repeat this as much as is needed until 6am. At that point if he wakes then I take it as him being up for the day.

Also, probably not at all related but just incase - I find my DS is a absolute stickler for routine at the moment, especially now that he has some words. Eg, after breakfast when I lift him out of his high chair he says “bru” (brush) and motions brushing his teeth because he knows that’s what we do next. He does the same after his nighttime milk. When I get in from work we have a cuddle and a play then he points to the livingroom door and says “ba” (bath) because he knows that’s what we do next. If your DD is regularly waking early and getting TV time could it be something she’s just getting used to and wanting?

@PanettoneSeason all good tips! I do think that overtiredness is a big part of it but she's in full time nursery and although they will give her a morning nap (and do) their schedule is set up for babies on one nap a day so the timings aren't great. I'm sure that's part of the problem, though tbf she's no better on weekends when she's on a proper two nap a day schedule (and gets more daytime sleep overall).

When she wakes earlier in the night we do exactly as you describe and she usually gets back to sleep pretty quickly. The challenge is after 4am when it just doesn't work. The longer we keep at it, the more frustrated she gets, and we end up with a solid hour of screaming before we give up and get her up. It doesn't help that we're in a middle floor flat, with people sleeping above and below - if I was less aware of that I might have more appetite for trying the noisy route but we've recently stopped trying for the full hour as we know it just never works at that time.

At some point I might try to cry it out, as a PP did, but not now while she's ill/teething, and we're all sleeping in the same room (one bed flat) so it will be particularly horrendous. I'm just desperately hoping this is a phase she'll grow out of before we get to that point

I know what you mean about routine - it's hilarious! DD likes to get her and our shoes to show it's time to go out to nursery (which is heartbreaking when she's off and I am instead taking her to the COVID test centre )

@PanettoneSeason just reread and saw your DS sleeps worse on the days he naps twice - that's interesting, I'd assumed our problem was that she's not ready (she did drop from three to two very late). It's very frustrating - without these crazy early wakes (when she's clearly not actually wanting to be awake) she could probably drop to one, but as it is the morning wake window would just be waaaaaaay too long

@TheWomandestroyed really not keen on this - DP would be on the sofa, which isn't a long term solution, and we actually tried this when she was smaller and couldn't get back to sleep after about 4am (has always been a problem) - she would sleep on my lap clamped to boob but otherwise slept no better in bed with me than in her cot

Sorry for everyone else who's suffering but glad to hear we're not alone - I feel like this particular variant of crap sleep is not one I had previously heard of, so it's comforting to know it's not just us. She was up today from 4.15 - we're meant to be going on a long postponed visit to my parents so kept her up til 7 so the day's schedule wouldn't be completely impossible, and of course she's gone and woken up from that first 'nap' after half an hour, screaming. This is the other frustrating thing - it feels like even when she's well, the bonkers schedule makes it so much harder to do things on the rare days we can.

Big fingers crossed she sleeps in the car!

@TheWomandestroyed he's 21months and breastfed, so then wants to be attached to me all night which I don't want to do anymore. Totally my choice so please don't judge, it's not working for me anymore to feed all/at all through the night. I find if hard to sleep and feed, I'm obviously happy to still feed on demand in the day. He eats well and has a big bedtime feed. If I ever do bring him in and don't feed him then he just larks about. Cosleeping isn't always the magic fix unfortunately.

@ThirdElephant he has 1-2 hours around 1pm so no don't think he's having too much day time sleep?

@saywhatwhatnow good luck with the sleep training - will be interested to hear if it works and what you did if so. I'm not at all opposed - we did gradual retreat at seven months and it worked a treat. It just doesn't feel like a very applicable technique for this, but maybe we just have to go back to doing it very systematically and stop worrying about the neighbours