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Original poster

11 month old, not sleeping well since birth, please help I can't take much more

32 replies

JodieG1 · 13/12/2007 21:58

Ds2 wakes 4ish times a night (classing night as between about 11pm and 6am) and all through the evening, about every hour or so and feeds for 30 mins at a time. I'm still bf. I really want to carry on.

He often wakes mid-evening and stays awake for over an hour, he's up now after waking 3 times since 7.15pm. He's now playing and walking about.

Me and dh both try to keep him asleep, dh holds and rocks him and I do the same plus feed him and nothing works. He'll go down upstairs and then a few mintues later wake up, sometimes longer but it's becoming unbearable.

I'm totally exhausted waking so much in the night for 11 months and looking after dd (5) and ds1 (just 4) too.

I co-sleep, bf and am not looking to cc at all but I need to do something. Dh is annoyed and him getting annoyed at the situation makes me feel worse about it, maybe I could just about cope otherwise but I can't now. He even just said to me, "Well you wanted him" I know he's just irritated but what a crap thing to say.

Ds2 is a lovely and amazing little boy and I love him so much but I just wish he'd sleep! He's never slept for longer than 4ish hours in a row.

I know this post is a long one so thanks if you got this far.

OP posts:
charliemama · 13/12/2007 22:02

Poor you Jodie. As a relatively new mum of 3 with a difficult sleeper I can really empathise with your exhuastion. Come and join us on 'Sleep is for the weak' its a very friendly and supportive thread.

gigglewitchyouamerrychristmas · 13/12/2007 22:03

well done on bf-ing number three, deserve a medal for hanging in there. just going to re-read and scratch my head a bit, i also have three and bf them, just wanted to get an answer in quick
back soon

GColdtimer · 13/12/2007 22:05

Jodie, I can't be much help as my dd has never been a great sleeper but wanted to acknowledge your post.

One thing that did really help my dd was a cranial osteopath. She still wakes in the night but nothing like she used to . CO diagnosed a tight neck and back (probably from the fact she was transverse) and a problem with her ear. She is a lot more settled now than she used to be and I just wish I hadn't left it until she was 15 months to try.

Original poster
JodieG1 · 13/12/2007 22:06

Thank you both, I'll have a look for that thread. I've tried medicines for his teeth as he has 6 and looks like another coming, karvol when he has a cold and just about everything I can think of. I don't like giving him too much unless he needs it and have given medised twice only because he had a really blocked up nose and teething but he didn't sleep anyway, most say their babies sleep after that. Not that I would give him that to sleep, I wouldn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
JodieG1 · 13/12/2007 22:08

Cross posts twofalls, ds2 was OP, not sure that has any bearing? Also a fast, natural labour, relatively easy but intense and painful.

OP posts:
karen999 · 13/12/2007 22:09

What is his day like? How much does he sleep? Does he go down in his cot during the day?

imdreamingofawhiteKITTYmas · 13/12/2007 22:10

My DD2 was exactly like this sleep was always all over the place at 12 months she would be up at least 5 times during 8-8 and only a BF would put her back to sleep. We coslept too.

This is what I did after her first birthday I went on boob strike at night. We put her in her cot and when she first woke up DP cuddled her, rocked her, ssshed her, the first night she was crying for 50 minutes, DP never left her side. She fell asleep for the rest of the night after that. Next night she was crying for 20 minutes, night after that she slept through.

I don't know how you feel about that I went on to BF her for another 3 months after that just never at night. It was sad we weren't cosleeping anymore but to be honest she was getting so fidgety it was disrupting our sleep too much and DP gets up at 6am for work. She went into her own room a month after that no problem and is a good sleeper now. After a year of disturbed nights it was great.

Original poster
JodieG1 · 13/12/2007 22:12

Karen - doesn't always nap at all during the day, he seems not to need much sleep, like his father When he naps it's either in the car or being held after a feed. Attempts to put him down fail. He has a cotbed upstairs which he goes in until I go to bed and when he wakes up I co-sleep with him.

I have to admit that he does settle much easier when I am lying there with him, at least he will feed and then go back to sleep. Some nights I just feel I need a little of time to myself though and so I stay up and make things worse by becoming even more tired. This time does make a difference though as I feel better in myself.

OP posts:
charliemama · 13/12/2007 22:12

Jodie I don't know how to do links, but 'Sleep is for the weak' is in the sleep section. I think we are on about part 8 now.

Original poster
JodieG1 · 13/12/2007 22:15

Kitty that sounds like a dream! I'd love to be able to do that. I'll have a think about the not feeding at night but he does seem to need milk at night still as he takes proper feeds. Maybe it's a mixture of hunger and needing comfort? He is a baby that needs a lot of holding and carrying, not that that's a bad thing just that sometimes it gets a little much; such as now.

OP posts:
gigglewitchyouamerrychristmas · 13/12/2007 22:16

at 11 months, i wonder if you need to look at what he is eating and when in the day, and how his bedtime routine works for him. Also his sleep pattern through 24 hours.

at that age my DC were getting three little 'normal' meals each day, tending to give them their main meal at 5pm ish, mashed as necessary as they were all late getting teeth, and then some chill out / playing time, baths 6:30 and bed after milk feed (ok, like you, lots of milk from me) I also found that bottling my milk earlier in the day - if this is practical - and giving it to baby from a cup (or bottle if it would work better for you, my DC wouldn't have them) worked better, because it seemed to be a larger quantity available in one go, and when cup was empty they realised it was "finished". We also started to 'organise' their sleep a bit, rather than it being just as and when which is 'baby' mode, and altering it a bit to make one substantial sleep after lunch, and not a lot of other naps during the day. this made them more human, as it were, and meant that they were suitably worn out by evening.

you are obviously a great mum, just a very worn out one, and if number three does stuff that 1 & 2 didn't (my no3 did this too) it really takes you back to new-mum panic, doesn't it?

Has he always woken like this? from the op it sounded as if he has, but just wondered whether anything like teething is making him more fretful just now?

Sazisi · 13/12/2007 22:18

I'm going through similar stuff with my 10 month DD3, so would like to commiserate with you!
Kitty's suggestion looks promising, I'm gearing myself up to try something like that.. I saw very precise instructions on some website for a very gentle, gradual way to get bfed babies to stop waking all night..racking my brains to recall the name..

karen999 · 13/12/2007 22:19

JodieG1 - I was exactly the same with dd1. I would do anything to get her to sleep at night. I co-slept. Would take her up to bed at 8pm, lie with her till she fell asleep and by that time I would be asleep myself! I never got any time at night and it was exhausting. I have dd2 now and have to admit that I have a much more structured day. It has helped tremendously and she sleeps 7-7 every night, in her own cot. I put it down to teaching them good sleep associations. It is not easy but it is worth the effort. And I feel that it benefits them during they day, as after a good nights sleep they are bright and breezy the next day. After falling pregnant with dd2 I dreaded what the nights were going to be like, but it has been totally different this time. Does he have much of a routine in the day? I know some people are against routines but they work for me.

GColdtimer · 13/12/2007 22:20

Jodie, I meant to add that dd was also OP and had a really long early stage and very, very fast and intense second stage. CO said all of that had a bearing. It might be worth a try, you can find one here

ArrietyClock · 13/12/2007 22:21

Poor you. Have you seenwww.mumsnet.com/Talk/5/424570? If the suggestion at the top of the thread is an expensive suggestion (get a jam jar and start collecting those pennies!) the book at the bottom might be of help.

Original poster
JodieG1 · 13/12/2007 22:28

Giggle - We've gone the blw route and he eats qutie well, 3 meals and usually snacks too. Dinner around 5pm. He was eating proper food before he had any teeth hehe. He will drink from a bottle or a cup, I'm surprised at that actually but he's ok with it. I pick my other son up from pre-school at 11.25 and by the time lunch is over there's about an hour and a half or so before I have to pick dd up from school. Then she has after school activities as well. We do tend to do quite a lot so I thought he'd be a littl worn out at least, he does look tired a lot but just won't sleep.

Thanks, it's so difficult, being the third that is different isn't it? Yes he has always woken this way, more as a newborn though. He's never been a good sleeper but is worse when teething.

Sazisi - let me know if you remember it and thanks.

Karen - The thing is he is usually just fine during the day even with the lack of sleep, he is happy, laughing and cheery. I'm in an out of the house during the day taking the kids to school/pre-school and picking ups/ lunch etc so there isn't lots of time to try to get anything in a rountine as such. I've never got on with rountines myself in the past.

OP posts:
Original poster
JodieG1 · 13/12/2007 22:32

Twofalls - ah I see, I will look into that also then, thanks

AC - It would be worth it for the sleep! What does she do though? What is the process? Thanks for the link.

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karen999 · 13/12/2007 22:34

I know it's not easy. I have an older dd (8) and I am the same as you - in and out all day!! Your wee boy must be made of steel to go all day with hardly sleeping!! My dd (10 months) sleeps a total of 3 1/2 hours per day) She cannot go for more than 2 hours without having to sleep!! He must like to see everything that is going on!!! If he is happy in the day and not sleeping much, could it be that he is not used to getting into a 'deep sleep'? I think most kids come into a 'light sleep' every 45/60 minutes or so....this could be what is waking him?

gigglewitchyouamerrychristmas · 13/12/2007 22:40

this might be the maddest thing anyone suggested, but would it be possible to get him a nursery place for a couple of mornings a week? then at least you might get a chance to get a rest,with all three out? or partner or grandparent to take him off for the couple of hours that no2 is at preschool.... have a think

Original poster
JodieG1 · 13/12/2007 22:50

Karen - I know what you mean. He doesn't like to miss anything, even if he's feeding he'll turn around if he hears a noise during the day. I think he does deep sleep, I've read about sleep stages and I think he does get there. It's shorter for babies, the whole sleep cycle is shorter than for adults.

Giggle - My parents help out but my dad disabled so I don't like to put upon them too much. They visit often which I love though. I couldn't put him in nursery, I just couldn't and my mum would kill me hehe.

Feeding again so slow posts.

OP posts:
Original poster
JodieG1 · 13/12/2007 23:00

bump

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadowOfSnowball · 13/12/2007 23:10

Jodie, I had that with my youngest. I got lots of good advise from my gp, my hv, and the sure start sleep team.

Basically, to summarize all the advice:

A baby that old does not need to feed at night, the greatest gift you can give a child is to learn to sleep properly at night, and on his own preferably. To achieve this he should not be offered anything to eat or drink at night. He should not be taken out of the bedroom, held or rocked at all. He wakes up because he expects something to happen, he has not yet learnt that night is for sleeping. He needs to learn this, and this will best be achieved if both parents are really commited and follow through with the same tactics. First week, mummy is staying away totally from putting to sleep. Only partner is involved. Even if it means running in 10 times in the night. Baby should not be lifted from the bed at all, but you can hold his hand, sing to him or talk soothingly. It is best if you contact your hv and gp and talk in detail. This must be driving you nuts. But if you follow this approach, your baby may sleep through the night within a week. If he realizes there is no gain in waking, he wont. It is not easy. But that is how we did it.

karen999 · 13/12/2007 23:12

QuintessentialShadowof Snowball - very good post. Totally agree with you. You are right, its not easy, but if you can persevere then it is so worth it.

Sazisi · 13/12/2007 23:16

I've found it

www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

I know it looks like it's about co-sleeping, but when you read it it's more about how to stop them waking for feeds

(I originally found that site when someone else here linked to it)

I haven't actually tried it myself yet though

Sazisi · 13/12/2007 23:17

oops, forgot the bracketty things

www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

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