Please Help. I feel so lost :(

[TallulahTaboo]

Firstly, thank you for reading. Just like my title explains, please help, I feel beyond lost. My LO won't sleep through the night. And I know this i is a completely normal but this has been ongoing for months.

My LO used to be a fab sleeper, 10/12 hours a night sometimes and since the 5 month sleep regression, he wakes every night. He's nearly 8 months.

And I feel I've tried everything (or maybe not?) and I'm still no further forward. Ive tried allowing him to nap long, nap short, an early bedtime, a late bedtime and still nothing seems to work. We have a routine in for bed and have had that since he was a newborn and never had any bother putting him down. Naps are good too, maybe 1/5 are a struggle but he always goes down.

What am I doing wrong? Am I not doing enough? Should I be calling in a sleep consultant? I should say I bought Just Chill Mamas online course, done everything and still nothing!

He's not got new teeth coming through, he's not ill.... I'm nearly at breaking point. And not to mention how mentally I feel like a failure (I know I'm not but I feel like it) especially when all my friends little ones who are similar ages are sleeping through.

And people who say 'it's just a phase' are probably absolutely right but if doesn't help.

Can anyone suggest anything else? Am I doing something wrong?

@LapinR0se yes. He was up at 5.22am annoyingly. And literally within 8 minutes of bum change, into his sleeping bag and milk, he's asleep. 🙌🏻

He’s using the morning nap to compensate for night sleep so it’s a vicious cycle.
Make sure he’s awake after 45 mins so up by 9.
Next nap can be 12.30-3

….or 12-2.30

I think the problem here is that he's essentially learned to feed to sleep. So when he's waking in the night he doesn't have any self settling skills but he's not hungry so feeding to sleep won't work and he's just getting more tired and distressed.

Also, cry it out doesn't work on a single occasion so it's not worth trying that as a one off in the middle of the night, it's just too distressing for everyone.

My first was a terrible sleeper so you have my utmost sympathy. Have you tried just leaving him when he wakes up in the night? We would always rush in ASAP to try and get her back to sleep as soon as possible but I read in a book to let them try and go back to sleep for 5 mins. It feels like a really long time at 2am but we tried it and it worked, she went back to sleep alone. Three nights later and she stopped waking up at 2am completely. It was the last of many hurdles for us but she's 9 now and still sleeps a solid 12 hours a night. So there is hope!!!

I echo what the poster above has said

I think he's connecting feeding with sleep. It may be that he goes into the cot awake but he's probably a little 'milk drunk' and primed for sleep so not quite self soothing and this is then causing a problem in the night. I also agree that controlled crying as a method every now and then doesn't really work so it's best to pick a method and stick to it.

It's entirely up to you what you do and you may feel it's best to carry on.

The two things I would try would be to try and put some time between feeds and sleep to break the association and a gentle sleep training technique like the disappearing chair.

We did this with my 7 month old and it did work and now 2, we go back to this method if we every hit a regression (and providing he's not unwell etc)

We started putting 15 mins between feed and sleep and moved bedtime milk to straight after bath but then introduced books and stories afterwards. There are a few things you could try.

There are a few different ways to do the disappearing chair. We started sat right over his cot. We soothed him and patted him night one. Night 2 we only patted him every other minute but kept singing and hushing.
3rd night only patted if he was really crying. 4th night moved the chair back and only got up to pat if really necessary, otherwise just sang or hummed. Kept moving the chair back and removing our voices until the chair was by the door. Eventually you just put them down and leave.

We found the above to have almost no crying and worked but appreciate this isn't for everyone.

Obviously this isn't everyone's cup of tea!

I don’t think the OP is feeding to sleep. She is putting him down drowsy but awake.

…however I agree that putting down fully awake after feeds is a good idea for a while to make sure there is no association there.

On the dummy- can he replace it himself? By 7 months they should be able to physically manage it but you might need to teach him- don’t put it in his mouth, hand it to him instead and let him do it. Then throw a load in the cot knowing that if he wakes he can find one himself and (hopefully!) go back to sleep without needing your help.

@RNBrie @BlusteringBoobies thank you for your input, I appreciate it.

I do think his sleep association is with his milk as when he first started his naps, I would feed him in my arms and then put him down. But he would fall asleep being fed and then wake a few minutes later after being in the cot. So a friend said to feed him in his cot and I've find that for a good couple of months now. However previously when he has woken up during the night and I've tried to feed him, he's been disinterested. And if he has taken any milk it's been an ounce or less and it doesn't help him drift off sadly.

And I'll literally try anything to help him and me so I'll see if I can put 15 minutes between his milk and bed.

We've also tried the JCM approach with the 3x shh's and a firm hand on his chest. We repeat this beat enough every night and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. We could be in his room 1-10 times before he goes over and if he doesn't, this is where the sobbing starts for hours.

I really do appreciate everyone that is taking time to reply. You're all making me feel better and that I'm not alone. And that in itself has really made me feel better already 🤍

Your doing nothing wrong. I do agree to not putting lo down until your desired first nap time - say 930am. I have and do this. It's a hard slug from wake up till first nap. But pushes everything to the more normal times.

Capping to an hour is an idea and I went through a stage of waking after an hour.

For my 8 month old i have started using the huckleberry routine.

I think cause little one afternoon nap finishes quite early before 3pm. That's a long time till 7pm, and maybe the frequent wakeup are overtiredness. With huckleberry it's more managable I found as it doesn't push their limits too much..

It's more the nap 930/945 nap hour and half. Awake 11/1115

230/245 next nap - awake 4/415pm

Were still adjusting to this routine, and get bit of whinging in middle of night. And I also do a bit of later bedtime then they say but works for early rising. I do 8pm bedtime.

And I would put lo in Cot awake completely.

@TallulahTaboo how is the day going?

@LapinR0se we've had a good day...

First nap I woke him after an hour. Second nap I went by him and he slept 1.5 hours. But he needed a third nap but only let him sleep 30 minutes as there was no way he was going to go 2-7pm without one. Followed everyone's guidance on here, protein for lunch and dinner, socks on over his baby grow, feed and leave for 10/15 minutes (we read him two books) and put him down fully awake. He fell asleep within 5 minutes himself.

I'm really thankful to you all. You gave me a surge of confidence and I was ready to take tonight's bedtime on. And I'll keep implementing everything this week in the hope we both get a good nights sleep! 🤞🏻

Really hope tonight goes well OP.

First night of trying something new is always tricky but hopefully things will improve!

Great that he was out down totally awake and still went to sleep himself. This just shows he can do it so can also do it overnight too.

Let us know how it goes tomorrow

Well done!! Stay strong. Hope you have a brilliant night

My baby is 9 months old and has never slept longer than 3 hours in a row 🤣
He wakes normally every two hours during the night for a boob.

We cosleep and that makes it easier.

It's definitely nothing you're doing wrong. It's just what babies do.

Fingers crossed since outdoor have managed to give tips that help

I do think your expectations are too high though - most babies dont sleep through at this age, and often they do start and stop sleeping through, sometimes several times. And people won't necessarily tell you when they've stopped, so not as many of your friends babies are probably still sleeping.

Its totally normal for them to wake, sometimes a lot, at this age, and it's just a myth that sorry starts off bad and improves in a linear fashion

My eldest slept well (not 'through but 6-7hr stretches) at 6w. Slept badly from 4m-3yr (with brief stints of sleeping through). She stopped at 4, started again at 4.5 (sometimes).

My youngest woke every 2-3hrs until 6m. 6-14m(ish) she woke 5-15 times a night. Then 14m-2, 2-4 times a night, but often for hours at a time.

Then she turned 2 and suddenly started sleeping 12hrs a night. She's now 2.5 and we are back to a wake up most nights, sometimes a few of them.

Its a marathon, not a sprint, this baby/toddler sleep thing, and it's really hard going back to work with non sleeping ones. More people than you can imagine have lived through this and survived to tell the tale, and one day, you will be one of those too!

@Babyboomtastic thanks for your reply. I definitely am expecting too much and I think it's because he was a great sleeper and seeing all my friends little ones gave great nights kinda makes me wonder why mine isn't?

Sorry to hear your LO is back to not sleeping. It's crazy how they can jump from being fear sleepers to not. Frustrating as hell. I hope she turns a corner and sleeps soon.

And I absolutely agree, it's a marathon, I just hoped that after so long he would sleep. 🤦🏽‍♀️

@LapinR0se @Blueberry12345 @BlusteringBoobies The night so far had gone ok...

He woke at 10ish so I went to his room and resettled him and he went back over.
He woke around 3ish but wasn't gurney or anything so I left him. He's now been crying and moaning since 3.42am. I went in when he was crying, gave him a cuddle and put him back down. He seemed very settled until now... he's back up crying (probably more through tiredness than anything I think) ...I'll go through and give him a cuddle and resettle him and hope he goes over.

Here's hoping for a few more hours sleep 🤞🏻 hope you're all having a good night!

Hope you're well away now OP but that sobbed promising, hope it continued that way

“ Also, cry it out doesn't work on a single occasion so it's not worth trying that as a one off in the middle of the night, it's just too distressing for everyone”

Totally untrue. It’s not pleasant but the assertion that it never works is a bizarre lie.

^ apologies, I inferred that to mean ‘never works ever’ but I see now you mean ‘as a one-off’, which is true. It has to be a committed, week-long strategy.

So after thinking that was him off after my post, the sobbing started again so I went through, picked him up for a cuddle (probably a minute or so) put him back down (he started crying again) but gave him his comforter, a firm hand on his side and a few 'shhh' and he went off until I woke him at 7.30am this morning. 🙌🏻

And looking at Huckleberry for yesterday he had 3x naps totalling 3 hours and 20 minutes (had to introduce a third nap since he was up so early) but he slept collectively overnight for 11 hours and 24 minutes. So all in all, I think that's a good amount of sleep?

I'm thinking nap wise today might be easier since he was up later, aiming for 9.30/9.45 for his first nap.

I don't mind him waking up at all, it's just the hour drag and sobbing that goes with it. But we go again tonight 🤞🏻 and as always, thank you for all your input!

I think the 10pm wake is a habit wake or overtiredness but at 3am it could have been hunger as the crying went on for so long.

@LapinR0se do you think? It was intermittent crying. I think on about 3/4 occasions after I had settled him it would look like he had settled then start up again. If he's up at that time again tonight I'll give him a boyhood and see if he takes it.

He gets 3x meals a day along with little snacks (rice cakes etc) and 4x 7oz bottles. He does always finish his bed time bottle... maybe I should up that bottle to 8oz?

If he is finishing his bottles I would up them to 8oz and for the last bottle even make up 9oz and see how much he takes.