About to start Ferber method, good news stories needed

[GemmaRuby]

My 6 month old DS has never been a good sleeper, used to wake every 1-3 hours. Now he stirs every 35 minutes and if I don’t put his dummy back in he will wake fully and cry. He will not nap for longer than 35 minutes.

We also feed him every 3-5 hours at night (formula) when he won’t go back to sleep with the dummy.

Writing it out sounds ridiculous, but the reason for the frequent night feeding is that he had severe reflux so we had to feed little and often. He is genuinely hungry and night, it’s not just for comfort.

Recently been diagnosed with CMPA and started special milk. Sickness has reduced. Now I’m confident he’s getting enough in the day we need to feed him less at night.

He is easy to get to sleep (rocking and dummy) - takes 2 minutes, and then put him in cot asleep.

If we rock without the dummy he screams. When he stirs in the night (every 35 mins) he can’t go back himself because he is used to dummy and rocking.

This week we’re going to slowly reduce the amount we’re feeding him at night.

Planning to start Ferber method next weekend. I’ve researched other methods but it’s the only one that will teach him to go back to sleep on his own with no dummy or rocking.

Any advice appreciated.

Oh yes it is. (Panto season starts early).

@Lesserspottedmama

No one in the history of the world ever expected babies to sleep alone until wealthy Victorians and even then they usually paid a nursemaid to be a ‘rocker’ and rock the crib at night. Babies biological norm is to be with their mother at night. I’m not judging you, just keep that in mind as you go through this process. It’s normal for your baby not sleep well on his own but I know there are mums who have success in helping their babies adjust to modern expectations. The gentle sleep solution/the no cry sleep solution might be a bit more work for you in the short term but you could consider it a long term investment in your babies health. There are studies that show links between crying it out and depression/anxiety and low self esteem in older children and adults.

All these studies and yet you haven't linked or referenced any of them.

@NavigatingAdolescence

Oh yes it is. (Panto season starts early).

Yeah that wiki entry is wrong (and has a note on its own page saying the facts are disputed)

Google “cry it out vs Ferber method” for the difference

But you aren’t abandoning them - you go in and reassure them every x amount of minutes, if they only stopped crying because they were feeling ‘abandoned’ and they realised crying doesn’t work they wouldn’t ever stop crying and go to sleep?

And if they can’t learn this skill (because they don’t have the cognitive ability) then why do they learn to go to sleep with no crying at all after like 2 days?

@MumofOne111111

But you aren’t abandoning them - you go in and reassure them every x amount of minutes, if they only stopped crying because they were feeling ‘abandoned’ and they realised crying doesn’t work they wouldn’t ever stop crying and go to sleep?

And if they can’t learn this skill (because they don’t have the cognitive ability) then why do they learn to go to sleep with no crying at all after like 2 days?

A new born baby’s brain and sleeping patterns are cognitively entirely different than a 6-month olds, making your point entirely irrelevant. If you don’t understand the science of sleep within the first year of life, then I really do not think you are best place to advocate leaving your baby to cry because you believe they understand what’s going on. I have researched sleep and baby’s cognitive abilities extensively, hence why I will never leave a baby to cry. I suggest you do more research.

Am I missing where anyone suggested leaving a newborn to cry it out?
I meant when you sleep train after 2 days (sometime less sometimes more) babies go to sleep without crying - was not suggesting sleep trying a 2 day old baby!!

@MumofOne111111

Am I missing where anyone suggested leaving a newborn to cry it out? I meant when you sleep train after 2 days (sometime less sometimes more) babies go to sleep without crying - was not suggesting sleep trying a 2 day old baby!!

They learn there is no point crying. Eventually they get so tired they fall asleep, but you've not taught them to fall asleep, you've taught them not to cry.

Always reminds me of that NSPCC advert from years ago. 'Miles is a quiet baby. He has learned nobody comes whether he cries or not.'

Always reminds me of that NSPCC advert from years ago. 'Miles is a quiet baby. He has learned nobody comes whether he cries or not.'

This is just ludicrous and there is absolutely no comparison between people who do controlled crying and actual child abuse. There isn’t.

There is no way that 6 months (or however old the baby is) of love, care and attention is broken in 1-2 nights of the baby crying for intervals. And to compare it to actual child abuse is both ridiculous and insulting.

Always reminds me of that NSPCC advert from years ago. 'Miles is a quiet baby. He has learned nobody comes whether he cries or not.'

What a low thing to say.

Sleep trained babies don’t just lie there not crying for hours, they lie there happily asleep. And cry as per usual at other times of the day.

My lo still shouts for me if she needs me in night and we did ferber method 🤷‍♀️ she hasn't learnt that nobody comes when she crys....

@GemmaRuby best thing I ever did! Ignore everyone else - everyone I know who didn't sleep train is still up at least once a night with kids 2+. You aren't ignoring, you're checking in, they know you're there. If you're getting 30 mins sleep at a time you'll be having miserable days and your baby will too. Get some sleep! I also have friends who have tried to sleep train older kids and I really don't envy them, sooo much easier to do it earlier.

Just wanted to update this for anyone who might find it in the future.

So we used the Ferber method(ish) at 6 months and it was life changing. DS went from waking every 35 mins and being fed 3 times in the night to sleeping through the night with no feeds.

We didn’t follow it exactly - we did pick him up (mainly to burp) rather than strict hands off method.

The most he cried was the first night we didn’t give him his dummy - 25 mins on and off.

We slowly increased the intervals between feeds over 3 weeks. He amazed us every time we thought he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep without a feed, but after a few minutes fussing he’d go back to sleep. And then the following nights he wouldn’t wake up for his feed until later and later.

Now he goes to sleep within a couple of minutes of going in his cot. He does still wake up in the night sometimes but just goes back to sleep on his own after a few minutes. Or if he’s having trouble, we go in, reassure and then he goes back after a couple of minutes.

I would encourage anyone to read Dr Ferber’s book (I got the e-book) - don’t just follow the method, I found it really useful to understand the mechanics of sleep and what we were trying to achieve.

p.s. if you want to accuse me of not caring about my baby etc etc, please read all my posts first and then decide if you still think that’s the case. And then bugger off

Fantastic news @GemmaRuby it is life changing I agree. Also ditto reading the theory because I was able to apply this to two subsequent babies with completely stress free sleep training having laid the groundwork early. So please for you and your Little one ❤️

@GemmaRuby
Glad you’ve had success!!
I know you posted just over a month ago but we started Ferber this evening and I have the same problem you had with your baby- 35 min wakings every.single.night.
We tried everything- into cot drowsy, ssshh&pat/pick up put down- to no avail. So, currently on night 1 and DD has fallen asleep after 35 mins… fully prepared for this to take days but husband’s off just now so he’s doing the check-ins 🙃
Anyway, just wanted to say that your post helped me and it’s nice to know others have been going through the same issue as us(!) 35 min wakings are torturous.
We know that, if it works, Ferber will improve things for everyone. DD so frustrated waking up so frequently too. Fingers crossed for success 🤞🏻

There is a lot of research that concludes that children under the age of two should not be left to cry it out as they develop negative neurone pathways in their brain which will lead them to problems later in life. Those pathways can't be undone. Babies cry to communicate, babies also are not independent at 6 months so don't force them to be.

I can completely understand how exhausted you must feel but it doesn't last forever, I would really not use this method until after two years old.

That's great news. My son is an extremely happy well adjusted 26 year old...I used this method when he was 6 months and can honestly say he was the easiest toddler out of my three!Well done 🙏

25 minutes crying is a ridiculous length of time to leave a 6 month old crying.

You are saying people who don't agree to bugger off but I really think you are promoting a very controversial sleep method to babies who are too young.

Did it with my 8 month old
And it worked after a night!

We never left her alone terribly upset

We left her for short periods of time going back in and patting her until she went to sleep

Now 2 months later we literally put her in the cot and she goes asleep no tears.

I’ve never left her alone for longer than 10mins when she is crying

Please don't. If you would like some peer reviewed evidence here's an article from the University of Durham www.basisonline.org.uk/hcp-the-costs-of-sleep-training/

@Gymandtonic00 good luck!
It’s been such a relief knowing that we can just put the baby to bed and he just goes to sleep after a couple of minutes.

Now he’s learnt how to go to sleep, he doesn’t cry at nap times - just has a little crawl round the cot, a little chat to himself and then lies down and goes to sleep! Never thought it would be possible.

And most importantly, stays asleep from 7pm to 7am

we haven't sleep trained but my very nearly 2yo sleeps 8pm - 5/6am then again till 7.30/8am. He has always breastfed to sleep at night (still does) and during the night and we cosleep (happily!). we had periods of 35 minutes waking, think around 4 and 6 month regressions, but although awful at the time, they didn't last more than a few weeks. I had periods of doubt, was I failing to teach him to sleep, would he always wake loads, etc. but his sleep has steadily improved, with ups and downs of course but overall in the right direction. just wanted to add a perspective from someone who didn't sleep train and isn't up during the night now with an older baby/toddler. glad you are getting more sleep now OP

I'm going to try Ferber tomorrow night. My 9 month old needed cuddles to sleep when she had her first tooth and got her first cold 2 months ago. I've been reading through the comments and found them very helpful and encouraging. Thank you OP for posting what happened.
I'm sure you're keen to close this discussion but wanted to put forward my two pennies!
Re. the 'research' into the long term effects of Ferber on attachment styles in adulthood, I wouldn't really trust the validity and reliability. It's correlational at best. It would be impossible to isolate the variables and carry out a study to prove causation. Surely it's more beneficial to promote independence rather than reliance on others (as mentioned by many other posters).