Newborn not sleeping at all at night

[Hullabalooobs]

My baby is only 4 days old, so I know early days! However, she is not getting any sleep at all at night time and I’m worried this is not good for her! She will feed, get all sleepy but as soon as she is put down in her cot, wake up screaming. She is then asking to be fed again, but I think this is often for comfort. She is not having any naps at night and I’m not sure what the best way forward is. Does anyone have any suggestions? I want to persevere with next to me cot as much as we can. We are working hard to keep night times low impact, calm and no stimulation so that she starts to learn difference between day and night. She is feeding well in the day and sleeping for long periods, with periods of wakefulness too. Thanks everyone.

Are you winding/burping her after feeding but before putting down to sleep?

Assuming you are, she may have silent reflux. One of my DCs had this and as well as winding/burping them for a good fifteen minutes on my shoulder before putting down, I bought a sleep wedge. It’s this wedge you put under their bottom sheet so that they are sleeping in a slight incline head above chest. This helps prevent reflux which is basically the milk coming back up to their throats with stomach acid and hurting them so they wake up screaming.

Is she breast or bottle fed?

Definitely make sure she's not got wind first. Is she sleeping in the next2me in the day too?
Is it silent when you go to bed at night?

Sounds like a normal newborn baby to me

Have you read up on the fourth trimester ?

www.google.com/amp/s/sarahockwell-smith.com/2012/11/04/the-fourth-trimester-aka-why-your-newborn-baby-is-only-happy-in-your-arms/amp/

Your milk may not have fully come in yet so she's probably still hungry. It will get sorted in the next couple of days. It could also be cluster feeding. But she's probably like it to drive up your supply. I could be wrong nut looking at how young she is I reckon it's thar Xx

It'll almost certainly be hunger/cluster feeding. I had to switch to formula v early on with mine (for other reasons) and immediately he was like a different baby- sleeping through 6 hour stretches at a time happily in his cot.

(Not saying you should switch to formula by the way, just my experience!)

Totally normal! Night is often when milk production is higher and they cluster feed to increase supply (I assume you are breastfeeding as you mention comfort–at four days I would be expecting her to feed a lot as your milk has just come in, she'll have weight to regain after the initial loss, and she'll be trying to increase your supply).

I found it easier to not really worry about what time of day it was and just sleep when I could and watch TV/read/etc when she was awake and feeding. At four days, just cuddle and try not worry about it. Everything works out in the end!

Congratulations on your DD! She has no idea its night time and won't for some time. Feeding is her priority.
Will she sleep on you if you don't try to put her down? Shifts with DH to stay awake at night were the only thing we could do. It passed quickly though and started to sleep in her crib after a week.

You can try warming the crib first with a hot water bottle, using a more snug moses basket, putting her down with a muslin you've had on you so it smells like you (remove it afterwards), swaddling, all might help a bit

For the first 6 weeks, my daughter fed most of the night and slept most of the day. It's so hard and exhausting but it's normal (especially at four days old). Congratulations!

Also: we ended up cosleeping as she would just not be put down. That worked amazingly.

This is completely normal newborn behaviour. She just wants reassurance that you're there, it's a human survival instinct.

She's 4 days old, she's brand new to the world. Just follow her lead.

She’s 4 days old.. after spending 9m growing inside of you she does want to be on the cold hard mattress.

It’s totally normal.

Yes dont worry, the phrase 'sleeping like a baby' actually means no sleep ever. Mine is 6 years old and now sleeps fine. Its all ok and its only a disaster is you stress about it.

@FTEngineerM

She’s 4 days old.. after spending 9m growing inside of you she does want to be on the cold hard mattress.

It’s totally normal.

That 9 months would, on an ideal world, be 12 months. Hence the “fourth trimester”. Of course she doesn’t want to be in a cot. She ideally wants to be held constantly, hear your heartbeat, breathing and stomach gurgles, fed on demand and generally treated as though she were still inside you.

Do you have a dh / DP? For the first fortnight we did stints of turn taking at night. 1 person to hold baby for a couple of hours and other person to sleep then swap and repeat.

@Hullabalooobs just echoing what others have said - brutal but normal. What really helped for us was a dummy. I hung on until day 8 and when I was struggling at 2am with a baby who wasn't feeding anymore (on the advice of a midwife we also did some tiny formula top ups in the first few days until my milk came in but she was refusing these so I knew she wasn't hungry) but just suckling for comfort and I needed to sleep - my husband suggested we try the dummy and we never looked back.

I'm not sure if you're breastfeeding - I was and still am and its made no difference. I was reluctant at first because of what I'd read about nipple confusion etc but never became an issue. I still let her cluster feed in an evening and she quickly got into her own little routine of falling asleep around 11pm for a few hours before waking for another feed and going back down again for another few hours which made the world of difference. We also used white noise and made sure we got out every day even if just for a small walk so she got lots of daylight etc. I know it's normal for them to want to be held but for my own sanity I needed to be able to put her down to sleep at night - I couldn't sit holding her on my boob all night and I was worried I'd fall asleep holding her. I made up for it during the day with lots of cuddles ☺️

Hang on in there and things will hopefully change quickly - we saw a huge change after the first week.

Totally normal and googled the same thing when I first had my LO. Literally I was hanging. I was in hospital first 7 days of my LO life. Literally its the hardest part of sleep I found... Even now I get 6 to 8 hours a night and I still want more 😂 it's the built up sleep deprivation!

When I got home. I literally gave my OH our LO and went to bed. Then we split the nights. He usually had the first part of night. I went to sleep about 7pm. Then I took over from 12/1 and then I woke him late morning so I could shower and nap.

It does get easier but split shift it for time being.

LO will take a while to get used to day and night. But I did the whole bright and cherry 7am ish, change clothes. And in night time, dark monotone voice. Change into pjs. Dunno if it helped but made me feel better.

Things that I found help and not sure if your doing?

Dummy. White noise. Swaddle. Warm enough. If LO does have reflux, try laying them upright resting their head on your shoulder after a feed for 30 mins. Or another trick try laying them in your arms on their left side - apparently helps digestion. Pop your old t-shirt you been wearing in cot during the day when lo not in there. Though need to remove when they go in it. Or another one I did was pop my pillows in her cot warms and also helps to smell it. Another one was hold lo until they go into next sleepcycle then try to pop them down. Think that's all the tips I can think off

Oh and give a good winding - try the hanging monkey i think it's called x

At this age your baby have NO idea whether it's day or night.

Those first few nights are really hard. Baby will cluster feed lots and you're tired. It's all very normal and will pass.

Sleep during the day if you can.

A great book is called your baby week by week. Might help with these early weeks when everything is anything but consistent.

What also helps is not trying to understand why baby is doing something. The answer is most likely 'because they are a baby' which is no help at all lol

My DD is now 13 weeks old and would not sleep other than on a person for a couple of weeks. DH and I took it in turns and swapped over around 3-4am , it is tough but your baby will get there eventually, it is just a bit of a shock to them to start with. Also as previous posters have said small babies are oblivious to day and night time so I wouldn't waste your energy on worrying over it for now

Is she swaddled? Mine both loved being wrapped up tight.

If she is napping during the day where/how are you managing that? Are you able to get some sleep during the day at all?

Good luck

Thanks everyone for your time and generous responses! I expected not to sleep much in these early days (and beyond) but did not expect no sleep at all at nighttime. I am def anxious and over-thinking it all so likely do need to try and go with the flow a bit more.
She is breastfed and my midwife said breastfed babies don't need winding, so I haven't been doing that. I'll give it a go though. She naps regularly in the day no problem- but she is in her Moses basket, so I wonder if she needs somewhere more confined and cosy in the evening. I haven't swaddled so that's something else I will try. Also will try white noise. Thanks for the suggestions it's really helpful. I'm also going to work on accepting I have no control over this little one and keeping myself relaxed and napping when she does. Gosh, it's a learning curve.

Nooooo. This is a myth. My baby was bf for first couple weeks. They do need winding, well mine certainly did, I was told same thing. But other midwives said they do. Some say they don't. LO may be suffering with wind at night and laying down makes it uncomfortable.

I would use moses basket day and night until grown out of. Obviously very comfy if settles in it in the day.

Go with the flow is best advice and when lo sleeps you sleep. No ifs or buts sleep 😴

Congratulations on your baby 🎉

Your midwife is wrong. 3ebf DC here and all needed winding to varying degrees so give that a go.

You could Google "safe cosleeping", if you can learn to feed lying on your side it's one of the major benefits of bf (at night they can do self service by around 4m).

Don't restrict yourself to sleeping at night. If you can nap with baby during the day then do it.

It's totally normal for babies to want to be held when asleep. They normally grow out of it but may go back now and again (my dc3, 6m, is going through a phase again 🙄).

The best bit of advice I was given was to do whatever to make baby happy. If they are getting what they want/need then you will have relative peace.

Re:winding.. whilst most air gets taken in when feeding so obvious bottle feeding is more likely to produce wind, they take in air when swallowing and crying anyway so either way just give it a go