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Sleep

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Original poster

Considering "uncontrolled crying" but would appreciate your opinions first.

52 replies

ThomasTankEngine · 03/12/2007 14:13

7.5 month DS will settle straightawy in night if I give him even just 3 mins of breast milk.

If I give him water, and reassure him with a cuddle he stops crying instantly, but as soon as I put him down he shouts again, until I give him some breast milk.

He is therefore usingbreast milk in the night not for food, but fr comfort.

I am knackered, so tried controlled crying.This goes on for 1.5 hours.

So considering just not going in to him.

Is this cruel? Should I just continue to give him breast milk?

Any comments appreciated.

Thank you.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

WriggleJiggle · 03/12/2007 14:16

You're feeling brave .... are you ready for the millions of posts?

Original poster

ThomasTankEngine · 03/12/2007 14:17

Yep. As I said, I am considering it and ALL opinions sought.

OP posts:

WriggleJiggle · 03/12/2007 14:18

How many nights have you tried cc for?
How many times does he wake at night?
Is he in your room or his own?

Original poster

ThomasTankEngine · 03/12/2007 14:18

Am exceedingly tired, and have 2 other DSs aged 4 and 2.

OP posts:

Psychobabble · 03/12/2007 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBadger · 03/12/2007 14:19

my opinion?

feeding for 3min is much less stressful than listening to hours of crying

MegBusset · 03/12/2007 14:21

I am in the process of doing cc with DS (9mo) but tbh I personally would not have tried it before this point, I just don't think he would have had any understanding of what was going on. Even now I have not left him alone longer than 10 mins.

Could you co-sleep for a while to see if things settle down? Also it could be teething? How long have you been trying cc for?

TrinityRhino · 03/12/2007 14:21

just cosleep and feed him (FOR COMFORT) whenever he likes, he will grow out of that

please dont leave him to scream for hours, he is only screaming for your reassurence and security, please dont do that to your little boy

moljam · 03/12/2007 14:22

is uncrontrolled crying same as crying it out?imo hes only a baby-babies dont sleep!3 minutes bf must be better alternitive to crying it out.we did controlled crying btw which lots of people dont like but for us it was about listening to ds,realising his needs and ours.

MegBusset · 03/12/2007 14:23

Also the main reason I am trying cc is because the boob stopped working as a comforter in the night -- if it settled him in 3 min I think I would have carried on with it!

Original poster

ThomasTankEngine · 03/12/2007 14:24

xpost.

ok, 3 weeks ago, started trying to stop night milk. He was feeding 2x, and less during day.

last wk he was sleeping 7 to 2, then ccing, 7 - 3, ccing, 7-4, when I fed him, 7 - 4.30, then I fed hem, 7-4.45, then I fed him,

Then HE WAS BACK TO MILK AT oops caps at 12.30, so did ccing. So I spose I ve done in on 3 occasions, for the last 2 nights at that took 1.5 hrs each time. i caved last night and gave hime BM.

OP posts:

moljam · 03/12/2007 14:24

i agree with the cosleeping btw,ds did this till 1 ish and we all got more sleep,i only bf for 5-6 weeks but bf whilst cosleeping is probably much better than getting up if already tired.

WriggleJiggle · 03/12/2007 14:28

Personally, though I was much tempted to, I couldn't have done this at 7.5 months. dd was too young to understand.

I understand the overwhelming feeling of exhaustion though. Has dh/dp (?) tried settling him? Do you have an endlessly patient gp who might take him for a sleepover for a night or two, so he gets all the cuddling and reassurance, and you get some sleep?

WriggleJiggle · 03/12/2007 14:30

Will he take ebm? would that have the same response?

Original poster

ThomasTankEngine · 03/12/2007 14:32

Tried co-sleeping, but he thinks its time to get up as thats how we start the day: at 7 (or when he wakes)he gets into bed with us.

If I'm not consistent in my answers, its cos its a bit of a blur.

OP posts:

Original poster

ThomasTankEngine · 03/12/2007 14:34

ebm goes down the same as water, mad sucking, gulping in air, then he's ok cos hes in my arms, but he won't go back down in his cot til he's had milk direct from the breast..

OP posts:

EssieW · 03/12/2007 14:44

if you're thinking of CC - you need to be consistent (and that means no BM at all in the night, and no giving in). Harsh but its the only way it works - otherwise baby gets confused.

I don't think 7.5 months is too young though. I've used CC on my 7 month old and it worked fine - and resulted in a much much happier baby. And less crying because he used to wake several times in the night, have a couple of minutes of BM and then go back to sleep. However, I wouldn't always here him straight away so the crying was more than it is now.

Co-sleeping wasn't an answer for us, as my son finds it too disturbing (and sleeps less - because he thinks daddy is there for playing).

nannynz · 03/12/2007 17:50

Does he fall asleep while BFing when you put him to bed for the night? If so then I would discourage this.

Introduce a lovey for him.

What's his sleep/eating routine like during the day?

I would leave him for at least 15 minutes before going in, then I would BF him, but rouse him before putting him to bed.

Is he waking because of coldness?

Also does he have dream feed? If not I'd BF him before you go to bed and see if that helps him sleep through, although if it unsettles him then stop.

I've also done controlled crying with a few children aged between six months and a year. You have to be consistent, I always write down a plan and also you need to make sure he is eating enough during the day, not sleeping to much during the day and that all is needs are met.

ProjectIcarus · 03/12/2007 17:59

A lot of bF babies need food in the night untila year. You have no idea how much he is downing in 3 mins it could be loads.

I think cc is horrid Tbh and would never do it.

JodieG1 · 03/12/2007 18:02

My ds2 is 10 and a half months and still wakes 3-4 times a night for milk plus in the evenings. I wouldn't use cc though as I don't agree with it. I'm also knackered but am used to it. I have a 5 year old and a just 4 year old as well.

I'm just going to wait it out as he won't wake up in the night forever.

Psychobabble · 03/12/2007 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ThomasTankEngine · 03/12/2007 19:38

I don't like (actually hate) ccing. DS and I have been sad all day.

Having read your thoughts i will

Try a dream feed

Leave him a while before going in to BF.

Try and reduce the length of time he BFs

actually have been BFing him to sleep at 7pm (can't believe I'm so stoopid) Will stop this.

Treid introding a lovey, but he's not interested so far.

Thank you for all your comments.

Still keen to hear from others who've opinions, tho.

OP posts:

Habbibu · 03/12/2007 19:56

Thomas, no idea if this will help, but there are other options - my daughter didn't want to feed in the night (spent many nights wishing that's what she did want) - we hate cc, so did a sort of gentle removal shh/pat at bedtime, and everytime she woke up - started with shh/patting to sleep, (should add now that each stage took a few days!), then shh/hand on to sleep, then shh next to cot to sleep, then shh in room, then shh outside door (have glass of wine/cup of tea, book etc handy). After a few weeks we just put her down and left her and she was fine. She's not been 100% this week, and so has been a bit more difficult to settle, and I've had to pop in and do a bit of shh/patting to settle her. For all of about 2 mins, and it now feels like a HUGE intervention.

It is a bit of a drawn-out process, but we took it in turns, and liked doing it as it felt right, which meant we could stick to it. We also introduced a story (same one every night) after her breastfeed. She started to like a teddy quite recently - maybe at 9 months or so - we played with one with her during the day, and then gave it to her at bedtime, so it was familiar and fun.

I wanted to say that I really don't think it's stupid to breastfeed to sleep - it's nice, and seems biologically natural. We only had to do this as she gave up feeding to sleep all by herself. I think the No-Cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley gives good tips on gently stopping breastfeeding to sleep. I didn't buy this, but browsed it A Lot in bookshops.

Good luck!

walkinginaWILKIEwonderland · 03/12/2007 20:02

Thomas - thought I would be the flip side of the coin

Think 7.5mths is a bit young to let cry it out, my DS is 11 months and I have only just started to feel comfortable with it unless he is really going for it, then I go in and comfort. I couldn't leave him really crying IYSWIM.

Have you tried a dummy?

I personally agree with you that he is suckling for comfort which is fine for some people (i.e. the ones suggesting co-sleeping and feeding on demand) and whilst I respect that opinion, I am not that way inclined and would persevere with trying to wean him off this 3 min comfort feed so you can get some sleep.

I don't know all the answers but the shush pat technique is quite effective.

However, what works for one doesn't work for another so you may need to try a few different things.

You could always try cry it out for 15 mins max and see how you get on? Just don't let him get into a state as that would be cruel.

My ds crys but I know the difference between being genuinely upset and just wanting me. You know your own baby.

TwinklyfLightAttendant · 03/12/2007 20:06

There's a big difference between milk and water! Milk fills you up, water doesn't. So he probably is hungry.

What is wrong with feeding for 3 minutes if it sorts him out? Are you afraid of 'spoiling him'? Rest assured he will grow out of being hungry or needing you for whatever reason at night, this is what babies do, please don't leave him to cry.

It won't go on forever - how many 8 year olds do you know who still breastfeed?!

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