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Will this ever end?

49 replies

Trinityhome · 03/09/2021 15:30

After some advice / reassurance / anything Confused

DD is 15 weeks old, I wouldn't describe her as the happiest baby, she screams in pushchairs & car seats so I've always struggled to get her to nap. She was initially breastfed but we switched to combi feeding before going to fully bottle fed due to being convinced that the breastfeeding was making her very clingy (it took 4 weeks for my partner to be able to hold her without her screaming) but nothing really changed to be honest.

She's always been a massive sleep fighter but the last 3 weeks have been HORRENDOUS, she can now only nap for 30 minutes maximum and I can't put her down for a nap otherwise she'll wake up, she's super restless when napping (presuming she's not getting into a deep sleep) and is now waking throughout the night being restless. We've had to swaddle her at night otherwise she never slept as was constantly attacking her face. I've managed to get her to finally take a dummy however she has learnt how to take it out. She is so miserable everyday and I'm genuinely embarrassed to go anywhere as she looks knackered and I look like I'm depriving her of sleep!
Currently she is rocked to sleep with white noise playing the whole duration of her sleep and a dummy but it takes soooo long to get her to sleep for her to wake up 30 minutes later still tired.

I know it's likely that this is sleep regression but there must be a way that I can help her to settle.

I've been reading into sleep training but I have no clue where to start and whether this is the right thing to do...

OP posts:
Pickle2021 · 09/09/2021 09:43

More calories in the day the better, and add a dream feed!! Honestly I added at 5.5 months old as I thought yh yh not going to work. She takes anywhere from 3oz to 7oz at this feed, and sleeps through till 630am.

I gave this job to oh he does it about 11pm ish x x

Trinityhome · 09/09/2021 12:26

So I attempted a nap an hour after she woke from nap. During that hour I tried to feed her but she spat the bottle out every time and got quite annoyed.
She was definitely not tired an hour after waking up and when I attempted to get her to sleep she kept trying to play, spitting dummy out and laughing. I persisted but she ended up getting very annoyed, after 45 minutes she finally settled and slept for another 30 mins 😂

OP posts:
Pickle2021 · 09/09/2021 12:50

😂 Babies eh? In bouncer?

Trinityhome · 09/09/2021 13:32

No did it in my arms as just wanted her to sleep and worried it'll take longer to settle her in the bouncer

Yep they like to keep you on your toes!

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Pickle2021 · 09/09/2021 14:15

Hahaha yes on our toes. I swear my LO changes every week!!

I would just keep trying and being consistent x

I'm sure fatedestiny will explain why lo is resistant maybe cause overtired? X

FATEdestiny · 09/09/2021 18:50

[quote Trinityhome]@FATEdestiny I'll try the bouncy chair today.

So if she sleeps for 1 hour then wake window should be 2 hours? What about the first nap of the day? How long should wake window be? [/quote]
Crossed post. I didn't see you posted at the same time as me.

Yes, that's right. Timing the first nap is a mixture between how well baby slept overnight, and normal wake window. If you're normal WW is 90 minutes but baby slept solidly through the night without waking, then maybe 2h. If normal WW is 90 mins but baby had worse night then normal, make it shorter.

Whatever happens, 2h is the absolute longest awake time at any time, until you are regularly getting long naps. Only a really well rested baby will cope with 2h awake window.

She currently feeds every 4 hours so not sure how I would feed her every wake window if she only naps for 30 mins?

What are your nights like? She may need more daytime calories - which is achieved with more regular feeds, not bigger feeds.

But if baby won't, then just don't feed in every other wake window. Still keep awake times short though.

No did it in my arms as just wanted her to sleep and worried it'll take longer to settle her in the bouncer

Maybe it will until baby gets used to it. But it makes life much easier for you, since you're getting stressed over settling baby to sleep. So take that pressure off yourself by sitting on a sofa and watch a netflix show. Maybe it'll take half an hour. Maybe it won't. Either way, you're drinking tea and distracted by something good to watch.

Your baby is only young. I assume your first child (?). So you're only 4 months into this huge, steep learning curve that is becoming a parent. Be kind to yourself. It's a marathon not a sprint.

Trinityhome · 09/09/2021 19:17

@FATEdestiny thank you ❤️

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Pickle2021 · 10/09/2021 09:07

@trinityhome How's it going?

Trinityhome · 10/09/2021 09:36

@Pickle2021 currently attempting a bouncer nap although she's sat grinning at me 😂

She woke up at 6am, had a bottle and then went back to sleep at 7.50am. My partner gave her the bottle and attempted to get her to sleep but it wasn't happening. So he brought her up to bed with me and I laid her next to me in our bed with a dummy and within 5 mins she was asleep. She slept for 30 mins.

She's now been awake for 1hr 15mins, had another 6oz bottle and is in the bouncer, she won't take a dummy at the moment though, I do keep offering but she doesn't want it

OP posts:
Trinityhome · 10/09/2021 09:47

So she's taken a dummy now but spat it out 4 times to grin at me. She's rubbing her eyes and yawning but no sign of going to sleep 😂
How long do I leave it? I'm worried she's going to end up overtired and it'll be a nightmare to get her to sleep

OP posts:
Trinityhome · 10/09/2021 10:03

She's now crying, won't take a dummy and is attacking her face with her hands so definitely overtired.

Doesn't look like bouncer naps work for us

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FATEdestiny · 10/09/2021 12:52

It's your first try. I can't think of any reason to give up on something so instantly. Your posts do sound a bit defeatist. Honestly, most babies are like this, yours isn't unusual. Just be persistent.

FATEdestiny · 10/09/2021 12:53

You've gone from

She is so miserable everyday...

to

she's sat grinning at me

This is better, isn't it?

QforCucumber · 10/09/2021 13:03

My first loved a 30 min nap, it was a nightmare - he must have been having 4 or 5 30 min naps a day!

bizarrely, at about 6 months old, I found he would nap longest on the sofa - here he would do 2 hours, anywhere else still 30 mins.

not helpful, but I fell your pain and being rules by naps is so hard when you're in the thick of it.

DS2 was much more textbook with naps, but woke every 1.5 hours every night from being 4 months to 11 months, and refused bottles (great with a full time job) there's at least some small wins!

Pickle2021 · 10/09/2021 13:05

I felt like I tried 6000 times before i tried another alternative. It worked first time for my Oh 😳🙄 infruitating 😂
Don't give up with the bouncer keep trying!! Give it a chance as fates says, and enjoy Netflix and your pot of tea while you try 😂

Something must be working if LO is smiling ☺

FATEdestiny · 10/09/2021 13:06

Sorry for multiple posts, I keep pressing post too soon, by accident 🙄

If she's happy, grinning or whatnot. Just leave her be in the bouncer and watch TV. It's good for her to chill in there. Don't stress that she's awake.

She's rubbing her eyes and yawning

She's already over tired at that point. Any outward signs of being tired mean baby was tired at least half an hour earlier.

Your issue is baby and you have not yet figured out how to help her feel comforted and relaxed enough to sleep when "just got tired" (as opposed to thoroughly exhausted).

So it isn't that baby won't nap, it's that baby can't. As in, baby doesn't know how to do it. Baby and you together are learning.

As with learning anything - it takes time, lots of patience, repetition, some fails and eventually you get it.

She's now crying, won't take a dummy and is attacking her face with her hands

Sounds like you're about an hour over the just-turned point now. If that was my child I'd shift from sitting on the sofa to sitting on floor next to bouncer. Carry on bouncing but with my arm/hand. Then I'm close enough to help with dummy throughout. Probably increase the tempo and ferocoty of the bouncing. And carry on watching Netflix.

BTW - Is the dumny relatively newly accepted? Unusual to be against it it as a comfort tool once it's been bonded with.

Pickle2021 · 10/09/2021 13:10

Oh and my LO was like this too with little naps 5 naps a day sometimes more. Suddenly after persistent of lengthing naps (took couple weeks) I get usually 1.5 in morning. Lunch times 1.5 to 2 hours (i may have to help lengthen it) I put down for last nap and that's a battle but sometimes she sleeps for over an hour again and she's over 6 months now 🤞 hope I haven't jinxed it. It does get better promise!!

Trinityhome · 10/09/2021 14:17

Sorry just catching up.

Yes I will definitely keep trying with the bouncer naps, I have in a little earlier today as OH was working from home and I know the crying can be distracting.

I managed to get her to sleep in my arms and I went out for a coffee with a friend and she fell asleep in my arms again. I think she falls asleep really easily snuggled into my chest which is probably because she always used to breastfeed to sleep so it's almost recreating that.

I think I'm just going to accept the 30 mins naps for now but just try to transition her away from me gradually. I did think about getting her drowsy before putting her in the bouncer?

I think she's just a cuddler that needs her mum.

In regards to dummy, she's never been bothered by it to be honest and for about 2 weeks she refused it all together. She can take or leave it but I know she falls asleep quicker with it

OP posts:
Trinityhome · 10/09/2021 15:57

@FATEdestiny out of curiosity how many hours a day should a 4 month old sleep?

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Pickle2021 · 10/09/2021 16:28

I only got out of cuddling naps about 4.5 months old and it was HARD work to get her to sleep in cot and buggy.

Yep just go with the flow with your LO. Loves her mummy by sounds. Glad you got out for a bit 🥰

FATEdestiny · 10/09/2021 17:26

15h in 24h would be a decent average. Like all things though, it's an average and there will be a range.

It depends on lots of factors though. Like a baby having 8h uninterrupted nights sleep will cope with longer awake times in the day compared to a baby having the same 8h total night sleep, but broken with multiple wake ups.

Like everything with sleep, there's no one size fits all answer.

Trinityhome · 18/09/2021 19:55

Just wanted to jump on here to say that things got better!!

DD is now taking longer naps (1hr 20 mins earlier) and I've even been able to put her down for some.

The biggest improvement though is at night she now goes to sleep on her own in her bed with me just holding her hand. A few nights ago I was bouncing her at 3am and she was moaning so I put her in her bed as thought if she's going to moan I might as well let her moan in her bed without me bouncing, I held her hand and 10 mins later she's asleep. We couldn't believe it!

My plan is to now slowly try to get her naps in her bed as I'm still rocking her to sleep during the day.

It's made me realise that I was stressing myself out and actually my little girl is learning to sleep all on her own.

Thank you @FATEdestiny & @Pickle2021 for being a shoulder to cry on during the low times!

OP posts:
Trinityhome · 18/09/2021 19:57

I should also add that we're even out of the swaddle! I still have to put her dummy back in a couple of times but once she's in a deep sleep she tends to drop it and I don't put it back in.

OP posts:
Pickle2021 · 18/09/2021 20:08

Yah glad it's all improving 🤗🤗 then it will all change again 😂 I posted on my Los changes as she confuses me. Get in a little routine then thinks I will throw a new trick in!! X

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