Advice from experienced co sleeper please

[ExcitingTimes2021]

Baby is only three and half week old but refuses to settle in her next to me crib. It’s a battle that takes hours every night. I have swaddled her, walked her around rocking, tried music, white noise and silence, night light and darkness nothing seems to settle her at night. I nurse her to sleep. Transfer her to the crib, she lasts maybe 10 mins then she wakes up and will not settle til she is picked up again and nursed back to sleep.
I started to trying to get her down at 7pm last night and everything I tried didn’t work. She wouldn’t settle and just screamed with dad so he couldn’t even take her off me so I could have a break. I kept nursing her to sleep and putting her down but the cycle just continued. At 1am I had enough and just let her lie next to me in bed and she fell asleep straight away and slept for nearly 4 hours! Then woke for a quick feed, nappy change and fell back asleep for another hour and half! It’s not the first time I have let her sleep next to me in despiraton. I fell asleep briefly Nursing her on my chest the other night so thought it would be safer if she was at least flat on my bed when I get to the point where I feel myself nodding.

Basically it has never been my plan to co sleep. I have the fancy next to me crib which is apparently useless as she feels she isn’t close enough to me. Before I let her sleep in my bed i read all the guidance on safe co sleeping and think I’m following the safe seven advise. I don’t smoke, not drinking at the moment, no drugs or medications, I’m breast feeding, I slept in the c shape with her on my side so partner and me couldn’t roll on her. The next to me crib is making a barrier so she can’t roll out of bed. I tucked the pillow behind my head so it couldn’t flop on her. Tucked the duvet between my knees so that wouldn’t flop on her either. I stripped her to the vest and just used a Muslin as a blanket for her so my body heat wouldn’t make her too warm. She is only three and half weeks old and now weights 7lb 9oz so weight is ok. Mattress isn’t the firmest in the world and is a pocket style one so has the little dimples in it. So it not completely flat and firm. I don’t want it to be a regular or long term solution but do any experienced co sleepers have any words of wisdom? Any advise on how to make sure she is safe? How do you arrange bedding to make sure it doesn’t flop on her? I don’t think I could sleep not covered up. Or should I just try to nip this in the bud and keep going with putting her in the crib over and over hoping for sleep? I will try the crib every night but when she just won’t settle I feel like I don’t have a choice and I need some sleep to function and keep her safe all through the day aswell.

Thanks for any advise or shared experience anyone can offer! X

Co slept until 7 months. Had a colicky reflux baby who just wanted to be close. Mostly put dc in a nappy or vest at most with her own little cellular blanket. Bought a summer duvet for my self and just have it on my legs.

You sound like you've read all the guidance. Some have mentioned about having an 'accessible boob'. The only thing I would say is to make sure you are awake when feeding (even just laying down) until baby pops off then wriggle away back into C shape. BF hormones help you wake quickly but also go back to sleep quickly. I've read some horrible things about babies unfortunately suffocating on mums boobs so make sure you hear and feel them pop off at the end!

I'm not trying to scaremonger, I co slept with both of mine and my dc has just gone into her own cot and I dearly miss our snuggles.

@HairyMaryMyCanary

Put the mattress on the floor. Put your pillows aside for the next year. Don't swaddle or restrict a baby in bed with you. Never drink or take drugs. Keep her on your side, not between you. Fathers are not as tuned in to babies. Sounds sexist, it's not it's just how it is. I used a warm top, pulled up, to keep my shoulders warm. I kept my duvet away from her and she had her own little cover over her. She survived - she's nearly forty now.

Same.

I co slept with 4th. Was best thing I ever did.

I think you are trying to get her down too early at this stage. Does she settle in her pram? If so, get her in that downstairs with you, TV on and feet up with your DH and enjoy your evening while you can. Take her up with you when you go to bed and you are much more likely to get a decent kip. Putting too much pressure on a bedtime now is just going to have you more frustrated I think. Good luck x

I used to ditch the pillow completely.

Ah thanks again for the replies. Since I originally posted the temp has dropped significantly so she is in her sleeping bag now instead. She has a 2.5 tog breathable pureflo one, it is one of the that can be a sleeping bag arms out or swaddle arms in. I don’t do the swaddle option if she is in my bed as I’m sure I read somewhere that you shouldn’t swaddle and co sleep. I tried the swaddle in the basket but didn’t work and was more hassle then worth letting her arms out for feeding.
I’ll have to start smelling her breath for sicky smell. She spits up a little after feeds occasionally but not every feed. She will happily sleep in my arms.
She sometimes settles in pram. Sometimes not. Iv not got a set bedtime for her yet but normally take her up when I feel tired (well I’m always tired so when I say tired I meen I feel like I’m about to die).
She has had a very trumpy bum the last few weeks so we wondered if that was causing her discomfort and stopping her sleeping. Health visitor recommended infacol and maybe introduce gripe water at 6 weeks. I feel so much better when partner is off work as he helps so much. When he had work I just feel so alone and helpless. I don’t want a magic cure, just a block of sleep would be amazing. I miss being close with my partner already aswell x