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Original poster

Ferber method with 5 month old

75 replies

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 14/07/2021 08:53

Please be kind as I'm at breaking point. another night of two hours sleep. I'm breastfeeding and cosleeping but my son just can't settle himself at all and sometimes is awake for hours. We have a great routine in the day and is spot on with his naps but night time is awful. A good night is 3 weeks a bad night like last night innumerable. I am seeing a therapist for stress and anxiety which has developed since he was born. Last night I had a melt down and bit myself because I was so frustrated and I screamed into a pillow. I can't cope with this. I can't sleep in the day as I have a toddler. My husband tries his hardest to settle the baby in the night but he screams if it's not me. With me he witn scream but he won't settle and he will poke and scratch and kick me for hours. I've decitthis can't go on and I want to try the Ferber method with him. I know it goes against advice as he's only 5 months. We did it with my older son at maybe 7-8 months and he has slept through most of his life. Hence we are thinking of trying it with our baby. I am full of feelings of failure, guilt and feel so exhausted stressed and anxious. Has anybody else tried this method with a slightly younger baby? Any advice please. And I know sleeping training is contentious but please be kind and no nasty comments please, I'm already on the edge.

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Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 21/09/2021 21:14

@homelife124 it went well. Up until two weeks ago he only woke once for a feed. Last week he dropped the feed himself and started sleeping through! Then his first tooth started causing him problems and today he's started with a tummy bug so all bets are off. But when he's well we'll get back on it. I did a modified softer version of Ferber and it worked very well.

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Homelife124 · 22/09/2021 07:55

@Higgeldypiggeldy35 oh that’s great! We are thinking of doing this soon :) what was the softer version?

Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 22/09/2021 18:31

Basically I never went over 10 mins crying. Initially I did 2, 4, 6 etc then after a few days I did 5, 7, 10. I generally go in after 5-10 mins

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Homelife124 · 23/09/2021 17:31

Thanks that’s really helpful!
I’m glad it’s made things a bit easier for you :)
Wish us luck!

jemimafuddleduck · 23/09/2021 20:55

@Higgeldypiggeldy35 being honest, how hard does he cry? I'm doing this with my 6.5 month old DD and sometimes she gets REALLY upset and I feel AWFUL 😞 But, we have seen improvements in her sleep. I have got to absolute breaking point though.

Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 23/09/2021 21:48

@jemimafuddleduck some nights at the begining he cried hard and I was going in every 10 mins for an hour or so. In that time he would stop and start. But honestly there were only a handful of nights like that and now I can lie him in the cot and he goes off to sleep straight away. I haven't been very consistent with how I've managed his night wakes but I try to leave him a few mins and often he'll settle, after 5 mins I'll put in the dummy for him. If he doesn't settle after a couple of check ins I'll check nappy and or consider a feed but he has dropped most of his night feeds now. At the moment he's teething and has a vomiting bug so he's back in our room and waking a couple of times in the night but I'll start Ferber again when he's well.

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mswales · 23/09/2021 22:04

I would 100% do controlled crying. You could always wait a couple of weeks then he's nearly six months which is the supposed minimum age. My sister did it with hers aged five and a half months and he's slept through ever since apart from when ill or teething. Being awake for hours at night won't be good for him as well as breaking you. Good luck x

LoveYouHoneybear · 24/09/2021 11:02

Can I ask what you do when you go into check on your baby at the interval? Do you just pat/shush them or do you pick them up? Curious as I would like to try this method!

Homelife124 · 24/09/2021 17:09

Did anyone who had success with this just start with night time first? And still hold/rock for naps?

Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 24/09/2021 19:03

I give him his dummy if he's lost it. Usually he finds it himself but sometimes hes lying on it. Then I shush and rub his back for a short while then I leave.

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Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 24/09/2021 19:05

I read back my first post and was shocked how distressed I sounded. It's like a blur and I don't really remember how bad it got. I was so so tired all of the time and so angry and resentful. I'm so glad I feel better now. I am having councelling which helped so if anyone reads my first post and thinks 'thats me!' then please ask for help. It does get better.

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Homelife124 · 24/09/2021 19:21

I read it and feel exactly the same at the moment so your post is really helpful!

Luxembourgmama · 24/09/2021 19:48

Oh thats brilliant I hope you feel better

Homelife124 · 25/09/2021 07:40

@Higgeldypiggeldy35 I’m up after another night of no sleep! We are in a right mess. Has to be held can’t put her down, co sleeping arguing with my partner and no life what’s so ever!
I am thinking of trying the sleep training this week but looking at her I wonder if I can do it?! She has never been just put down to go to sleep I’m not sure I can bear her little face wondering why I’m not comforting her! But we are at breaking point I don’t know what to do. She is so happy in tbe day times I’m worried it will upset her too much? Did you find any difference in behaviour while doing the training or afterwards? X

Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 25/09/2021 15:05

@homelife124 I felt exactly the same. How old is your little one? I moved mine into his own room at 5 months (I know not advisable) but he immediately slept much better. Possibly couldn't smell me and also he's a light sleeper. The first few nights were hard but really not as bad as I expected and as I said I kept with short windows because I couldn't bare the crying and it still worked for us. I didn't notice any change in behaviour. My baby is a very placid happy baby during the day now.

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Timeturnerplease · 25/09/2021 15:05

I didn’t have to do this with my first as she was generally sleepy after a bedtime feed and would go off independently after a few minutes of cot jiggling (old, rickety cot was perfect for this), which we gradually reduced until she no longer needed it. Bloody awful napper though.

However, I really won’t have the time to do it so gradually with DD2 due to having two to get to bed plus fit in a few hours of work each evening (teacher). Thus it’s likely I will need to sleep train at 6 months ready for when I go back to work.

Can I ask anyone who knows - can you still feed in the night using this method, if needed? Am more than happy to be doing bottles overnight if needed and wouldn’t want to deny any nutrition (neither of mine took/take much per feed so overnights are key)….I literally just want to use the method as a way of getting it so that one of us can bath them both together, give them a cup/bottle and then pop them in their respective beds to go to sleep independently by 7 so I can fit all of my planning/marking/admin in and DP can sort dinner etc!

Scotabroad24 · 25/09/2021 15:20

Do it.

We used the ferber method at just over 5 months for DS. It was the best thing we did.
Ignore anyone that says its cruel, cruel is an overtired screaming baby who's miserable all day from lack of sleep, and an emotional stressed mum on top!
It took ONE night for DS. We went back in at all the timings, patted and shushed and he was asleep after an hour and a half. First nap the day after he went straight to sleep. He's 9 months now and sleeps through most nights, if he wakes its once for a bottle and that's it

Scotabroad24 · 25/09/2021 15:21

Oh. Just realised its an old thread! Oh well.. hope it worked Grin

Homelife124 · 25/09/2021 16:20

@Higgeldypiggeldy35 only just 5 months!
That’s good to know I think we are going to have to try it, we can’t continue as we are thank you x

Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 26/09/2021 18:51

@timeturnerplease I bf mine. He's 7 months. When we started at 5 months I did a dreamfeed at 10-10.30 and then when he woke as long as it was about 4-5 hours later so 2-3am. In-between those feeds I used the Ferber technique. He independently dropped his dream feed and started sleeping through all by himself. But he's teething and recovering from a tummy bug so wasn't eating and I think he's making up for it now and has started waking for food again. Last night he woke at 10pm and 12pm but went back to sleep within a few mins independently. He woke at 5.30am and I fed him and he went through to 7am

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Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 26/09/2021 18:52

@scotabroad24 yes it worked really well and I feel miles better. Still a work in progress when those pesky teeth poke through but at least I'm getting more than an hour sleep at a time now!

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Homelife124 · 27/09/2021 10:57

@Higgeldypiggeldy35 we started this last night and it was pretty tough! At first it seemed as though it had worked! Asleep after 40 min but then woke an hour later and did not stop crying for two hours! It was awful and then woke and crying again at 5 :( Argh going to try again tonight as I feel if we stop it will have been for nothing and they were their happy usual self this morning, I really do think it’s a reaction to something new/ different at the time and not causing any long term harm but wow it’s hard!

Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 27/09/2021 13:24

@homelife124 bless you. It can be really hard. I hope tonight is better for you

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shivawn · 16/02/2022 06:04

@Homelife124 How did this go for you after that first night?

cnekeieiejeb · 22/04/2022 12:35

Is he on his back? Or side

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