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Original poster

Ferber method with 5 month old

75 replies

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 14/07/2021 08:53

Please be kind as I'm at breaking point. another night of two hours sleep. I'm breastfeeding and cosleeping but my son just can't settle himself at all and sometimes is awake for hours. We have a great routine in the day and is spot on with his naps but night time is awful. A good night is 3 weeks a bad night like last night innumerable. I am seeing a therapist for stress and anxiety which has developed since he was born. Last night I had a melt down and bit myself because I was so frustrated and I screamed into a pillow. I can't cope with this. I can't sleep in the day as I have a toddler. My husband tries his hardest to settle the baby in the night but he screams if it's not me. With me he witn scream but he won't settle and he will poke and scratch and kick me for hours. I've decitthis can't go on and I want to try the Ferber method with him. I know it goes against advice as he's only 5 months. We did it with my older son at maybe 7-8 months and he has slept through most of his life. Hence we are thinking of trying it with our baby. I am full of feelings of failure, guilt and feel so exhausted stressed and anxious. Has anybody else tried this method with a slightly younger baby? Any advice please. And I know sleeping training is contentious but please be kind and no nasty comments please, I'm already on the edge.

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TheWashingMachine · 14/07/2021 23:44

You poor thing. Can you get someone to look after the baby for a night or two just so you can get a good night's rest. Then after that try sleep training, personally I found a crying over tired baby worse than anything so I did the rocking thing and stayed there then slowly withdrew.

ShinyGreenElephant · 15/07/2021 00:09

Can't comment on sleep training but I agree that he doesn't sound like he's having enough day sleep which ime has a massive impact. My dd3 is 4.5m and still pretty unpredictable but I'd say she roughly sleeps-
Wakes around 5.30 / 6
Back asleep by 8ish for around an hour
Up for about 2 hours or a bit more, say 9-11 ish
Sleeps for anything from 1.5-3 hours in the middle of the day
Shorter nap somewhere between 3 and 5 - either a couple of 20/30 min naps if shes in a mood/toddler wakes her, or on a good day she will have an hour and a half

Then shes supposed to be asleep by 7 (often closer to 8) and wakes for 1 or 2 feeds in the night but we cosleep so I barely notice, just whip my boob out and we go back off to sleep. I find on days when shes been unsettled and had disjointed naps or hasn't had a good couple of hours at midday, her night sleep goes to shit a. I'd say she needs a minimum of 4 hours in the day to sleep at night.

Also, my Dd2 went through an awful sleep regression around 4.5 months which seemed to last for ages (dd3 not following in her footsteps yet thank god!). Nothing worked, I just had to ride it out and it gradually improved and by the time she was 6m it was much better again. Has your ds always been this bad or could a sleep regression be playing a part?

Anyway good luck and I really hope things get better for you

Cloudninenine · 15/07/2021 03:40

I so feel for you OP. Sleep deprivation is so awful, and makes you so depressed and anxious.

I do think five months is a little young for any sleep training that involves leaving them to cry. It really not recommended for younger babies.

What about a gentler method like Lucy Wolfe? We’ve had loads of success with our 7 month old, who was previously waking 6 times a night. It’s still not recommended before 6 months, but I think because you never leave the baby to cry it would be kinder / gentler for a younger baby.

I really hope you find a solution that works for you soon, I know what it’s like to be on your knees with exhaustion and it’s terrible Flowers

Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 15/07/2021 13:30

I don't know anything about the Lucy Wolfe method so I'll look into that. Unfortunately can't leave baby for a night as he won't take a bottle yet.
Well it sounds unanimous that he's not getting enough day sleep so I'll try and work on that thank you.

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Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 15/07/2021 13:32

It crossed my mind that this could be an extension of the 4 month regression, he had a dodgey two weeks at the date he turned 4 months and then it went to shit even more

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brushlaptop · 15/07/2021 13:52

Hey,
We did the Ferber method at a similar age and it was tough but worked. Good luck!

Mattieandmummy · 15/07/2021 14:00

I can't comment on sleep training because I don't agree with anything that intentionally leaves a child to cry.

I would seriously consider ditching all the schedules and go by when he is tired and let him sleep then. It may be that he's in the process of dropping a nap, he might be in a developmental leap, he might be a short napper. He may also need less sleep than the schedules say - all babies are different, some need a lot of sleep and some less but there's nothing wrong with either which is why I would really suggest going by your child and when he is tired. I would very gently suggest that if you step back a little bit and try not to force a routine you might be less stressed. X

mayblossominapril · 15/07/2021 14:03

It sounds like you are beyond exhaustion. It is worth checking if you are anemic (sp), I was with my first for months it made it very difficult to cope.
If you can have a break from the baby for a couple of night it would be worth it. Would your DM, MIL, sister or sil who have had a child themselves do a couple of nights for you? They will probably be able to get your baby to take a bottle and to settle.
Then you can decide what to do when you are feeling a bit better.

Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 15/07/2021 14:52

Unfortunately I don't have any family with young children. My brother wouldn't have a clue. My mum isn't well so I can't impose on her. My husband is fabulous and does try to take him and settle him. It occasionally works but usually he screams blue murder.

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WaltzingToWalsingham · 15/07/2021 15:07

5 months is a bit younger than recommended, but it sounds like you're at the end of your tether and that won't be good for you or your baby. In your position, I would try the Ferber method. Remember that for most of the 20th century, babies were left to cry in their prams at the bottom of the garden while their mums got on with the housework. My granny was horrified when I picked up my newborn every time she cried. In her day, that was considered to be "spoiling the baby" and she warned me that I was "creating a rod for my own back". I ignored her and practiced a more attachment style of parenting, but the sleep deprivation was terrible and with hindsight, I think that at times I was a worse mother because of it.

TLDR: millions of babies have been brought up using Ferberisation/ controlled crying etc, and have grown up into happy and well-adjusted adults.

WaltzingToWalsingham · 15/07/2021 15:15

Oh, one more thing, OP. Could your baby have reflux or a cows milk protein allergy? I know you're breast feeding, but if you consume cows milk, the protein can enter your milk. Have a look at the symptoms and, if it sounds like your baby, your health visitor might be able to advise you.

Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 15/07/2021 16:59

Thank you. He had reflux as a newborn but seems to have grown out of it and doesn't seem to bw in discomfort at all.

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Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 15/07/2021 17:00

And thank you for the reassurance about sleep training. I know it's contentious. I have no plan to let my baby cry for significant amounts of time, maybe just 2-4 min intervals. But first I'll try sorting day sleep.

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Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 16/07/2021 08:29

So yesterday my son had two 40 min sleeps in the morning and a 3 hour afternoon nap and he was an absolute NIGHTMARE overnight. Woke up the second I put him down in the cot do had to have him in bed with me and then he wok up around 13.00 and was awake until 4 just wide awake and poking and scratching me. I just can't do this anymore. I have no idea what I'm doing.

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Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 16/07/2021 08:30

That should say woke at 1-4am

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Mattieandmummy · 16/07/2021 08:47

Is he teething by any chance?

Mattieandmummy · 16/07/2021 08:49

I really wonder if he's trying to drop a nap, does he fight naps or is he straight off to sleep?

Mattieandmummy · 16/07/2021 08:50

Mine also was keen on a 3hour overnight party so I know how incredibly frustrating it is. Can you go to bed earlier to try to get yourself a bit more sleep?

Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 16/07/2021 11:28

I did go to bed early but it takes me a while to drop off and just as I did he woke up

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Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 16/07/2021 11:32

Getting him to sleep in the day is quite easy. Sometimes he struggles to stay asleep but yesterday I was able to extend his nap by rocking the buggy.
I don't think he's ready to drop a nap as He often gets grumpy around time for a nap. But I think possibly too much sleep yesterday. It's so hard to know what to do. We're meant to be going away for the night as a family next week and I don't know whether to wait a week and start training him after or start now to save my sanity. Any advice?

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VaguelyInteresting · 16/07/2021 21:11

I think, and I mean this gently, you’re expecting it to change for the better overnight - any change you make is going to make things worse in the short term. Whether that’s CIO or increasing his day sleep. I would keep going on trying to sort the day sleep personally, and bear with it for a bit... but you know what your resilience is like at the minute so that’s a call for you really.

@FATEdestiny is usually really good at talking this through- if she’s around.

AlexanderArnold · 16/07/2021 21:22

Sorry if I have misunderstood, but are you saying that on average your baby sleeps 7pm-4.30am? And on a bad night may wake a few times when put down at 7pm ( wind, teeth?) and then sleeps til 1am, with wakeups frequently then until morning?

Unless I have misunderstood? Mine all did this then began to sleep more regularly 7pm to 5am by around 6 months once having more solid food, then until later after a year. From my experience and my group this is really normal and you sleep when they sleep, get someone else to wrangle the toddler etc?

Original poster
Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 17/07/2021 00:46

I wish he slept 7-4! 😂 No he wakes every hour to 2 hours. I've had the occasional 3 hour stretch. Recently he's been awake for a few hours in the middle of the night.
I know you're right about giving it time but my resilience is in my boots and the slightest thing sends me over the edge at the moment.

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Homelife124 · 21/09/2021 13:52

@Higgeldypiggeldy35 how did it go? Did it work?

Sunnylands27 · 21/09/2021 20:30

How did you get on? Hope your getting more sleep Flowers