One year old still waking all night long

[Bakingmom]

My DD has never been a great sleeper. When we began putting her in her cot in her own room around 6 months old, we had a short stint where she miraculously put herself to sleep at the beginning of the night and would sleep through until morning. Then all of sudden the night wakings began again. She is now one and it’s gotten to the point where DH and I spend more time sat in her nursery holding her while she sleeps then we actually spend in bed. The sleep deprivation is unbareable. Please can someone give me any advance on what we can do to help her sleep or at least some glimmer of hope that things will get better. Very exhausted first time mum, feeling like a failure.

I was just coming to post this exact thing, I’ve been up since 4:30 trying to get him back to sleep but given up and swapped with DP because I just can’t take it.

He keeps scratching and stroking and wedging his little hands in/under you 😬😬

I’ve noticed it’s become infinitely worse since his MMR ten days ago, he’s 1 and 2 weeks old if that matters.

Is she still in her own room? Or do you bring her in bed with you?

It was insanity inducing. My DD was like this for three and half years and one day just slept through and still does. We didn’t do anything differently it was just a developmental thing.
It is the reason I only had one though!

I'm probably going to get drawn and quartered for this... But I think you may have to let him cry it out.

I don't mean leave her to cry for hours on end, but go in once for a few minutes and leave, wait a while before going back, etc.

The thing is now she's used to the dynamic where she cries/you go in/she gets comfort and attention. She has no motivation to try and soothe herself. Breaking out of this will no be easy and will almost definitely involve crying at some point.

Or you could wait till she grows out of it but that could be months, if not years.

I agree with @Marty13 I think 12-18 months is a great time for sleep training. Nothing too ott, I’d just go in and say, time to sleep, I might also take them to see the other parent to show they were asleep (even if not fake it!) and then put down. Then go back after 1 min, repeat, 2mins, repeat, 3 mins etc.

Expect a long slog the first night but it should resolve quickly! Mine went from constant waking to sleeping through in 3 nights. I’d actually never NOT sleep train at that age now.

@Bakingmom lavender oil massaged in to the soles of her feet at bedtime will help her to fall asleep
White noise, keeping the room dark, get blackout curtains. Will hopefully keep her sleeping through the night.

I was in your shoes couple of years ago and all off the above worked for me.
Good luck!!

@Hollyhead

I agree with *@Marty13* I think 12-18 months is a great time for sleep training. Nothing too ott, I’d just go in and say, time to sleep, I might also take them to see the other parent to show they were asleep (even if not fake it!) and then put down. Then go back after 1 min, repeat, 2mins, repeat, 3 mins etc.

Expect a long slog the first night but it should resolve quickly! Mine went from constant waking to sleeping through in 3 nights. I’d actually never NOT sleep train at that age now.

Another vote for this method. Worked a treat for us!

[quote Naz2009]@Bakingmom lavender oil massaged in to the soles of her feet at bedtime will help her to fall asleep
White noise, keeping the room dark, get blackout curtains. Will hopefully keep her sleeping through the night.

I was in your shoes couple of years ago and all off the above worked for me.
Good luck!![/quote]
I don’t think any of this ‘works’. Children sleep through when they sleep through. You can’t influence it. Babies this age don’t even know what sleep is, or if they have done it or not.

I have one DC (6) who didn't sleep through until 4. I did like you are and spent most of the night in her room settling her enough that I could creep out. It nearly broke me.

So with dc2(2) I put him in his own bed in the evening but once we are in bed, once he wakes he just comes in with us. Everyone sleeps, no sitting on bedroom floors in despair. Yes it'd be nice if he slept in his own bed but I'm far more relaxed with him and I know that worst case he hits 3-4 and still coming into ours I can bribe him with whatever paw patrol/Thomas toy he wants

If you can afford it I would highly recommend a sleep consultant. We used one and it was literally life changing. It was gentle sleep training methods.

I really hope it gets better for you soon. Sleep deprivation is awful 😞

My DC1 was an amazing sleeper- 12 hrs a night every night by 3 months unless she was ill. DC2 didn't sleep through....ever........even once...until she was 5 (that's years, not weeks or months) and can still be a bit hit and miss at 6 although much much better. DC3 is somewhere in between- 17 months and can usually settle himself and sleeps through about half the time. We tried a few different sleep techniques with DC2 with little improvement (and massive stress and sleep deprivation for me- it nearly finished me off). Then we gave up- With my younger two, less reliable sleepers, we put them in a double bed. When they get up in the night I go in and sleep with them. I go in with the first one up, and DH goes in with the second one up (which thankfully is now a rarity). It's not for everyone, but means I get some sleep rather than trekking in and out of kids bedrooms all night. I don't really have any advice other than don't blame yourself- my 3 all have the same routine- some are just better sleepers than others. Do what you have to do to get some sleep- whatever works for you!

I'm another one in the sleep train camp. Controlled crying with interval checks, as described by pp. If you want to do it then look up the ferber method. You need to give them the opportunity to learn to go to sleep on their own.

Thanks for the messages. It makes me feel better to know that I’m not the only one. @FTEngineerM my DD does the same with the scratching and trying to put her hand down my top. We recently started weaning her from breastfeeding and although she doesn’t cry for it, she seems extra clingy. We usually bring her in with us 5am onwards. We did co-sleeping from newborn to 6 month so as I’m not opposed to it, i feel now she’s too big and I don’t want to give up my bed again.
@Marty13 We used the Ferber method of sleep training when we put her in her room at 6 months and we saw brilliant results almost instantly. Then around 8 months, it just stopped working. So now I feel reluctant (although not completely opposed) to try it again. @MaMaD1990 @Hollyhead @Orangeinmybluelightcup anyone that did sleep train see any serious regression with it and had to do it again?

I sleep trained my dd at 6m and yes had to do more later. I wanted to avoid it for my ds but ended up back there again at 1yo, under guidance of a sleep consultant. Did controlled crying and also adjusted his routine to have a much earlier bedtime so he caught up on sleep debt. Not much crying hardly any at all. I've not had to do anything further. He's 4 now. He still wakes up before 6am mind!

@Bakingmom

Thanks for the messages. It makes me feel better to know that I’m not the only one. *@FTEngineerM* my DD does the same with the scratching and trying to put her hand down my top. We recently started weaning her from breastfeeding and although she doesn’t cry for it, she seems extra clingy. We usually bring her in with us 5am onwards. We did co-sleeping from newborn to 6 month so as I’m not opposed to it, i feel now she’s too big and I don’t want to give up my bed again. *@Marty13 We used the Ferber method of sleep training when we put her in her room at 6 months and we saw brilliant results almost instantly. Then around 8 months, it just stopped working. So now I feel reluctant (although not completely opposed) to try it again. @MaMaD1990* *@Hollyhead* *@Orangeinmybluelightcup* anyone that did sleep train see any serious regression with it and had to do it again?

We've had to revert back to the sleep training a few times (DD is 2). The worst was over Christmas and it took a couple of nights to get things back on track again. Whenever she'd start kicking up a fuss any other time, she's got the message that it's bed time after me going in a second time. We used the Super Nanny timed controlled crying method but not sure if it's much different from the former method. Consistency is absolutely key, so although it feels awful when you're doing it, the worst thing you can do is decide its too much and stop, it'll just upset everyone. I would recommend having a good think about if you've got the energy and will to do it right now - for me, I knew it would only be a few nights of really crap sleep and it would be over so I could see the light at the end of the tunnel!

@Bakingmom no regression here, but if you're weaning from bf, I would suggest that your OH does all the sleep training. DH took the full brunt of the work and then when they got worked up said 'Mummy's asleep we can't wake her up' and would bring them in for a visual of me pretending to be asleep. As long as they're that bit older (1+) this seems to help them understand. It took 2.5 hours the first night (never left crying for more than 3 minutes or so), 15 minutes the second night, 5 minutes the 3rd night. Worked for both DC at the same age with the same method.

Just to add - once he'd shown them me asleep, he then took them back to their room to settle - we really think that visual/explanation helped.

So looks like going back to sleep training might be the best solution. Not looking forward to it now she’s older. @Hollyhead my DH is doing as much as he can but I feel bad because he works full time, I try do as many night wakings as I can. DD won’t go down for him at the start of the night anymore, she just screams until I take over. @MaMaD1990 @Orangeinmybluelightcup did you find it easier or harder sleep training 12+ Compared to when they were younger?

I think it depends on the child. My own experience of doing controlled crying with ds aged 1 was that it was super easy. He would self settle at bedtime but then wake for 2hrs in the middle of every night.

It sounds like the current situation isn't working for you or her. Yes, you might get crying, but you're getting that anyway. Sleep training can be hard (not always) but it's quick and everyone is better for it.

What's your alternative, really?!

@Bakingmom

So looks like going back to sleep training might be the best solution. Not looking forward to it now she’s older. *@Hollyhead my DH is doing as much as he can but I feel bad because he works full time, I try do as many night wakings as I can. DD won’t go down for him at the start of the night anymore, she just screams until I take over. @MaMaD1990* *@Orangeinmybluelightcup* did you find it easier or harder sleep training 12+ Compared to when they were younger?

I found it easier because DD's speech and understanding of words was really good. I stuck to a simple "it's time for sleep now", lay her down kiss her on the forehead and leave the room. The repetitiveness of the language in itself helped with her understanding I think too. Now she's older, she can get out of bed so it's a simple case of carrying her back to her bed (this can be more challenging than a child who can't do this!). If she gets up as soon as I lay her down or demands a drink/food/story, I don't fight it or give in to her demands, just say the same line, give her a kiss and leave the room and repeat until she's got the message. Just before bed, she tucks one of her dolls into a little bed and kisses her goodnight before she goes to bed and we also say "we stay in bed and sleep until morning" - I'm not sure if it makes a difference and this may be something to do as yours gets older but it can't hurt!

I’m surprised at that because I stopped bfing 4 months ago 🤦🏽‍♀️ And he does it to DP too. Maybe it is still remnants of skin on skin comfort from that. Hmm.

I think I caught a glimpse of a swollen gland this morning, suppose that’s not unusual after the 1 year jabs.

I suppose gentle retreat methods only work if the baby/child is feeling ok?

OP we did the gentle retreat method at 6 months and like you saw instant results

But there are sleep regressions at (I think) 8 months, 12 months and 18 months (may be off slightly)

Each time, we had to revert to our tried and tested method and each time it worked

The only time we have issues with sleep now is when he's ill and of course in those instances we cuddle and do everything we can to soothe him

Similar here. I did gentle sleep training at 8 months. It took perseverance but it worked. Every time he regresses we go back to the original method and work through it. We have managed it every time within a few days.

With my first I was against sleep training (I didn't do my research and imagined it was all about crying out) so she didn't sleep through until she was 3.5. It was hell.

@Orangeinmybluelightcup there is no other alternative I agree. Returning to sleep training it will be. She had her 12 month immunisations this morning so I will leave it a couple of days and then begin. Not looking forward to the crying, but I know it will be worth it in the end.
Did anyone wean at the same time as sleep training? Trying to stop all breastfeeds as I feel like that might help her become a little more independent. But not sure if it will all be too much at once. Already cut down to the morning feed and the odd one in an afternoon for a nap.

This is completely my opinion only but I would do both together. We stopped night feeds when we revisited the sleep training at 8 months and offered water instead.

But our DS was a good eater and with bedtime whole milk, we were confident he was full. We would have kept the night feeds if we felt he wasn't getting enough int he day/evening

I have friends who BF (I didn't) who added a little supper of porridge before bed and that also helped.