How do I teach my baby to sleep?

[3ormorecharacters]

DD is 5 months, has never been a great sleeper. Until recently she was swaddled and woke frequently at night but usually settled quickly after a feed.

I've recently had to unswaddle her as she's started to roll. She now sleeps (in the Snuzpod) under a firmly tucked in blanket - couldn't take to a sleeping bag. However, her sleep has really deteriorated. She sleeps for a 2-3 hour stretch to start the night but then it's typically 45-50 minute stretches, taking ages to settle each time. I feed her most times she wakes (she's BF) and put her down nice and drowsy, but within a few minutes of being put down she's wide awake. Her hands seem to really distract her, especially if she puts them in her mouth and starts frantically sucking on them. I try lying with my arm over her chest to kind of pin her arms down loosely, but that just makes her frustrated. I try using a dummy but she just chews on it and spits it out, or knocks / takes it out with her hands. She's not distressed, though if I just leave her she does become increasingly upset. I usually end up letting her sleep on my chest, which helps her settle quicker but she often still wakes within the hour.

It's breaking me a bit now. It's like she just needs to learn to relax and keep still but I don't know how to teach her that. She's lovely in the day but I'm starting to really resent her at night and feel cross towards her. 😢 Am I doing something wrong?

Read up on the four month sleep regression! It'll pass. I'd also recommend trying again with sleeping bags, blankets aren't recommended for safe sleeping, and perhaps she's feeling restricted if they're tightly tucked in?

I think she's been in the four month regression for most of her life 😭

Yes I know blankets arent ideal but she just wouldn't settle at all in the bag. I find it hard to sleep without the weight of a blanket on me so maybe she's like me.

I would keep trying with the dummy, it will be your saviour.

Hold her two hands in one of yours as she is going to sleep. This will help her keep still and calm down. Put her hands (in one of yours) on her chest. Over time you can then move towards your hand on her chest as a settling method.

As your holding her hands with one hand, use the other hand to focus on the dummy. Make sure she is actively sucking it (briefly tapping the outside of the dummy encourages her to start sucking), little tap on the dummy any time she stops sucking. Also that hand is free to reinsert any time it drops out. Keep the sucking going until you start to see her eyes droop closed and then let the sucking slow down, stop and the dummy will drop out naturally.

Still really struggling. I'm trying to hold her hands but it just turns into a battle and winds her up more, same with the dummy. I've been her mum for 5 months and am still totally clueless about how to get her to sleep, feeling a bit useless right now and despairing about the long night ahead. 😔

I'm not surprised you're struggling, that sounds tough OP!
It sounds as if your DD has developed a sleep association with being breastfed to sleep, and this is keeping her from going from one sleep cycle to the next. How do you get her down for naps and in the evening? I would stop feeding her to sleep. When you put her to bed in the evening, feed her but make sure she wakes completely before putting her down. I would then try and settle her with the dummy, FateDestiny had given you excellent advice on that.
I would also use the same method to get her back to sleep during the night.
Whatever changes you implement, remember that it takes time to improve her sleep. You will not get immediate results.

I would also recommend educating yourself on sleep. The Millpond Sleep Clinic book is a good place to start, for example. Not only will you get some practical ideas from reading books on the topic, but you will also feel more in control. You say you feel clueless about how to get her to sleep - most first time mums are! Baby sleep is completely different to adult sleep, which is why it is important to read up on the biology of sleep and what you can do to improve it.

Thanks @NonBinaryNumbers. In terms of naps, she used to go down without a feed with me rocking her in a crib while wrapped / loosely swaddled in a blanket. Then one day she decided she wasn't going to play that game anymore and started screaming blue murder when I tried to put her down. Now she naps in her cot after being wrapped and fed to sleep (though can't wrap her now she can roll), in the car or in her pushchair.

I will try to feed her less. The problem is she's very small (still only just 12lb) so I worry that she is actually hungry when she wakes and don't want to deprive her of calories. She's become a very snacky feeder during the day (lots of 5-10 minute feeds) so I think she's getting a lot of her calories at night. I guess this could be the root of the problem actually. Not sure how to make her feed better during the day though... She's so easily distracted! We started solids today so maybe that will help? I've been trying a bottle of formula before bed for the last few nights though and it hasnt made any difference. If anything it's got worse.

You can still feed her at night though, but try to avoid putting her back in the cot fully asleep. She needs to learn to self settle, this should reduce the number of night wakings. I would start tomorrow with her naps, making sure you put her down awake.
Trying to increase her milk intake during the day is easier if you reduce her intake during the night, of course. You could start timing her feeds during the night and then reduce them by a minute or two every couple of nights.

Would you consider co-sleeping? Following The Lullaby Trust - safe sleep seven.

Also, snuzpods should not be used!!! Certainly not for overnight sleep.

This type of waking is normal, and is biologically how they are supposed to behave. Thinking of it in this way does make it easier to deal with

Are you starting solids early for a medical reason? If so is that medical reason possibly affecting sleep also? I'm thinking if its reflux or something that could be it?

There's the tommee tippee grobag type sleeping bags that can be swaddle bags but you can also leave their arms out - they feel a bit tighter round the chest area though so a sort of semi swaddle feel - one of them might help?

Does white noise work for her at all?

I think feeling cross and resentful at the broken sleep is quite normal, don't beat yourself up about that.

@NonBinaryNumbers thank you! I'll try reducing night feeds a bit.

@debbs77 the Snuzpod is a crib that attaches to the side of the bed, are you thinking of a Sleepyhead? It's pretty similar to co-sleeping as she's right next to me, but not actually on the same mattress. I have tried having her in bed with me but found pretty much exactly the same issues with putting her down, with the added stress of trying to keep the duvet off her etc.

@debbs77

Would you consider co-sleeping? Following The Lullaby Trust - safe sleep seven.

Also, snuzpods should not be used!!! Certainly not for overnight sleep.

This type of waking is normal, and is biologically how they are supposed to behave. Thinking of it in this way does make it easier to deal with

Snuzpods are a crib so they're fine, are you thinking of sleepyheads or similar?

Absolutely normal.

Not much you can do.

Babies don't 'learn' to self settle. Some babies do, some babies don't,

@AliasGrape she does exhibit some symptoms of reflux which is one reason I'm weaning slightly early (though mostly it's just because she seems ready). It doesn't seem to bother her too much though - she doesn't seem to be in pain or discomfort when she wakes.

I've tried different sleeping bags which are more like swaddles, but it's the arms that are the issue. If there's any degree of freedom for them, they just fly around and seem to really stimulate her.

I do use white noise. I'm never sure if it actually makes a difference but at least it masks the noise of DH coming in a bit!

@3ormorecharacters Haha we have white noise blaring but I don't think it makes any difference to her, I might be relying on it now though.

Mine is ten months, she doesn't self settle! I've managed this far by feeding/ rocking to sleep and co-sleeping- just starting to work on transferring to cot. She slept through from pretty early but no longer does and it's like she's forgotten how - my point being don't be hard on yourself for not having 'taught her' - honestly I'm convinced its developmental and they'll get there when they get there, though I'm aware that's not much use when you're knackered and just want them to give you at least a 4 hour stretch.

My DD had a similar sleeping pattern and reflux. Eventually she was diagnosed with cows milk protein allergy. She was constantly feeding to try to soothe her stomach so you might want to check if that is a possible reason for the sleeping pattern

@AliasGrape yes I'm definitely a bit reliant on the white noise too! Thank you for your reassurance. It's the unpredictability that kills me. Every now and then she'll randomly sleep for 5 hours straight, so I know she can do it!

@Hodgewell1 that's interesting. I did consider CMPA when she was much younger and seemed to suffer much more obviously. Cutting out dairy didn't seem to make any difference then, and her symptoms just seemed to ease with time. Did your DD seem to wake in pain? Mine doesn't really which makes me think it isn't reflux, though I guess it could be minor discomfort rather than outright pain.

Not obvious pain just regular feeding and she had quite acidic smelling breath at five months which reduced naturally. It took a while for all the dairy to leave my system so I only noticed a difference after three weeks

Hmmm yes she does often have quite acidic breath. I mentioned this to the GP along with a few other reflux type symptoms on an unrelated visit a couple of weeks ago. She said weaning might help and to see where things stood after a couple of weeks of solids. Hopefully weaning will clarify the problem even if it doesn't solve it!

This type of waking is normal, and is biologically how they are supposed to behave.
Waking every 45 minutes definitely isn't normal!

@debbs77

Would you consider co-sleeping? Following The Lullaby Trust - safe sleep seven.

Also, snuzpods should not be used!!! Certainly not for overnight sleep.

This type of waking is normal, and is biologically how they are supposed to behave. Thinking of it in this way does make it easier to deal with

Confused that you’d recommend co-sleeping but then say snuzpods should not be used, could you explain? (I have a 12 week old and I have a snuzpod and also co-sleep)

@LittleRa I can only assume that poster was confusing them with sleepyhead type 'baby nests'

@NonBinaryNumbers

This type of waking is normal, and is biologically how they are supposed to behave. Waking every 45 minutes definitely isn't normal!

I assume you've studied every child on earth to come to that conclusion?

For some children, waking every 45 mins is their norm

[quote AliasGrape]@LittleRa I can only assume that poster was confusing them with sleepyhead type 'baby nests'[/quote]
Thank you @AliasGrape

Early weaning foods are low calorie, if you end up giving solids in place of milk, you end up with a baby with a calorie deficit. This is the reason for most babies struggling post weaning.

By far the most calorie dense substance to get into baby, per minute of feeding and per gram of food intake, is milk. Be that formula or breast milk.

If you are concerned your breastfed baby is hungry, far better to give additional formula milk rather than lower calorie solids pre-6 months.

Entirely reasonable that a 5-10 minute breastfeed in the daytime is a full feed.

Entirely reasonable that a 5 to 7 month old baby may need a full feed every 2h during the daytime. Post 6 months this becomes alternated solids then milk every 2h. Pre weaning, at least 2h milk feeds for 12-14hper day is not uncommon.

I assume you've studied every child on earth to come to that conclusion? For some children, waking every 45 mins is their norm
Of course not, no need to be sarcastic. A very short study on infant sleep will teach you that it is normal for babies to wake after a 45 minute sleep cycle, but not normal to need help to get back to sleep after every single wake up. And it is actually a sleep issue that is quite easy to solve (theoretically of course, all sleep issues are challenging for the parents), so your comment is no help at all to a mother who is struggling on so little sleep.