Please help with 3 year old- wakes at 5am it's killing me

[pleasehelpmesleep]

Writing this while crying my eyes out.
I love dd with all my heart but she's crippling me with these mornings.

She's never slept well ever and transitioned to a bed much better than I expected. Was waking 6am but it's now at the stage she's waking between 4.30-5.15am (for the last 6 days). Once awake she's ready for the day and will not be quiet so obviously I'm wide awake too.

I'm going to sleep about 11.30 as I lie worrying about being tired/ reduced work capability as I'm shattered but trying to manage full time job.

She's got books/ drinks but won't be quiet.
Wouldn't mind but she's also shattered.

Any tips appreciated.

My (nearly) 2 year old goes to bed at 9pm so she can wake up at 7am. If I put her to bed at 7pm she would logically be waking up at 5am. I honestly think some children need 12 hours sleep and can sleep from 7pm-7am, and some need less (like mine). I know many people will disagree with me about putting my child to bed late, but in most cultures children go to bed later.

My kids are grown up with kids of their own now. One of them went through a phase of very early waking at around age 2 or 3 - we got a Mickey Mouse alarm clock. No black out blinds or anything. It was set to a human-ish hour, and the child was told to stay in the room and play quietly/doze/not disturb us until Mickey said it was time to get up. I guess we had obedient kids because it worked a treat. Except after a week or so the blooming alarm was waking the child and us up!

@Chicchicchicchiclana

My babies/toddlers never really slept longer than 11 hours at night, it was quite often 10ish hours. Their bedtime was always 8pm and they'd wake at 6ish (bit early but acceptable) to 7ish (fine).

I think your dd's dinner and bedtime is about an hour too early. Most 3 year olds don't nap during the day.

This. 10-11 hour sleep sounds about right for 3 year olds so if they're down at 7pm then you can expect a 5-6am start. Mine is down at 8pm, asleep by 8.15-8.30, and usually sleeps until 7am.

6.45pm bedtime gives you the 1.5 hours working, an hour to unwind, and 7hrs 30 mins to 7hrs 45mins sleep. It does take self discipline Not to waste time late at night, but it is so worth that self discipline of getting an earlier night.

My 3.5 year old is asleep at 8.30/9pm (tbh usually nearer 9) and usually sleeps til 7-8am. He only seems to need 10-11 hours of sleep. Try 8pm bedtime?

We found my DD sleeps better in a colder room? Could you try changing temp? Sounds like a minor thing but keeping it cold means she really snuggles down. It sounds really exhausting.

Also yeah I think some kids just don’t need that much sleep. Mine rarely sleeps more than 11 hours at night. I put her to bed at 7:30 and she’s normally up at 6:30

I have a permanent early riser as well- DS wakes early every day. Anywhere from 5-5.30 is typical though 4.30 is not unheard of. If we make 6am it's a miracle. I just accept that he is made that way and it's me that needs to change, not him. I go to bed after 9 usually but like to be asleep by 10 so I get enough sleep. All evening jobs are done in the morning. I've just shifted my day forward to accommodate. I do think there's an element of it not being changeable. I was always an early riser as a child, until I hit my teens. When I hit my mid 20's I reverted to being an early riser (though more 7am than 5am).

I haven't read through the whole thread but I agree you are putting her to bed about an hour early. My son is the same and always has been. I think 10-11 hours is pretty normal at this age and the kids sleeping 12-13 hours are GOOD sleepers. We have a Gro clock but I've actually been looking at the yoto player as it's a clock and has stories and pod casts. I think the best you can expect is to ask your child to stay in their room and be quiet (play quietly?) until it's time to get up for everyone else.

You need to get to sleep earlier yourself op.

Dts are ten now and still get up at 6, but obviously deal with themselves now. I remember an awful phase of 430am starts for a couple of summers. Nothing changes it, they're just larks. I went to bed at 830.

Sorry reading my reply back I'm not sure it made sense. I think you are putting her bed an hour too early. You need to move bedtime later or you will continue with 5am. Try to get to bed earlier.

@Tsubasa1

My (nearly) 2 year old goes to bed at 9pm so she can wake up at 7am. If I put her to bed at 7pm she would logically be waking up at 5am. I honestly think some children need 12 hours sleep and can sleep from 7pm-7am, and some need less (like mine). I know many people will disagree with me about putting my child to bed late, but in most cultures children go to bed later.

But in many of those cultures children have a day nap for much longer (they do in my family's home country), and also far more women don't work outside the home.

Like the OP, I find early waking so hard because you can't just reallocate night time activities to the early morning. It was different when I was on maternity leave with a toddler who napped and then slept late - I still had an hour or more in the day to do some of the jobs that are hard with a toddler around, or just sit and read for 30 mins. That isn't the case when you have work to catch up on, maybe even a chance of seeing your husband or a friend etc. For 4 weeks, fine. But it feels like MN mother martyrdom to accept going to bed with your toddler so you can be up at 5 for what could be a year or more.

Yy for Wake To Sleep Method, we used it several times for dd over the years

Our DD3 goes to bed at 7:30/8. She tried the waking at 5:30/6 thing for a while, but GroClock + sticker chart has worked wonders for pushing that back to 6:45!

My eldest was an early riser for years. We tried everything suggested on this thread- he just always woke up for the day around 4 -5am.

So I started going to bed earlier - usually by 9pm and felt so much better in myself!

Also DP and I took turns in getting up with him so we weren't both knackered.

He's 14 now and doesn't get out of bed before lunchtime if left to his own devices!

Haven't had access to this since I posted and have caught up to Tuesday so far!

Thank you everyone- I didn't expect this many replies

Seems the common theme is go to bed earlier myself! Yes I think I'll somehow try to do this. Wfh seems to take over so much of my life which isn't good for me (dd isn't effected as it's done when she goes to bed).

Also I have the only child in my large circle of friends who doesn't need as much sleep- they all have 12 hour sleepers who are in bed by 6.30pm! The only one who goes to bed at 8.30pm has a 2 hour nap still- age 3!!
So I'll also try a later bedtime which may help this time (last time she still woke at the same time so she just lost about 90 mins sleep).

Will also try the night slight wake for the toilet or something thank you.

It's the birds that wake her!