Please help with 3 year old- wakes at 5am it's killing me

[pleasehelpmesleep]

Writing this while crying my eyes out.
I love dd with all my heart but she's crippling me with these mornings.

She's never slept well ever and transitioned to a bed much better than I expected. Was waking 6am but it's now at the stage she's waking between 4.30-5.15am (for the last 6 days). Once awake she's ready for the day and will not be quiet so obviously I'm wide awake too.

I'm going to sleep about 11.30 as I lie worrying about being tired/ reduced work capability as I'm shattered but trying to manage full time job.

She's got books/ drinks but won't be quiet.
Wouldn't mind but she's also shattered.

Any tips appreciated.

Both my sons were early risers. I tried everything. In the end I just used to go to bed early myself say at 9, and make the most of the extra time at the beginning of the day to get stuff done. When they were a bit older I taught them to get up , go downstairs and stick the tv on.
Now they are men who will quite happily stay in bed until midday.
It is a killer OP

We had some (limited) success with wake to sleep technique. You go in and rouse them in the middle of the night, just enough to break the sleep pattern they are in but not enough that they are ready to get up...the idea is it resets their sleep pattern and we did find we got another 45 mins out of it....but offset by the need for one of us to get up and wake them at 2am! May be worth googling it in case I remember the details wrong. If its any consolation both mine were half 4/5 am wakers but now I can't get them up in the morning! Also - go to bed earlier yourself, in the summer its lovely to be up early!

If she's going down at 6.45 then I would expect an early rise.

This doesn't last forever. You need to go to bed earlier in the meantime. Embrace the mornings to do those chores you would usually do in the evening.

This bit ends eventually, it's just finding a way to ride it out rather than fighting it.

It will change
But in meantime it’s you that has to change
In bed much earlier for you!

Don't stress about the screen time. You do whatever it takes. I used to doze to Milkshake every bloody morning. There is a reason kids TV starts so early.

I admit I haven’t read all the replies but both my dc were like this and despite everything I tried they just insisted on continuing to do it. In the end I just got up with them, let them have an iPad or tv on or whatever and I slept on the sofa. Trying to get them back to sleep just seemed to make everyone more stressed. Gradually they woke up later and later and by about 5/6 they slept till about 6.30/7.

If she’s in bed at 6.45, waking at 5am is to be expected, do you really expect her to sleep longer than 10hours?
Stop sitting up until 11.30, get to bed yourself earlier.

I've got one of these and they are still up at 6am on the nose every morning even at age 9.
I would go in at 4.30 and say we're going to be quiet until 5am. Give her something quiet to do and then at 5 allow downstairs/up. I just had to give in to the battle, also try and get yourself to bed earlier. I think there is very little to be done. She may just be having a growth spurt or some other developmental stage hence the shift and may drop back to later times once that's done, but I feel your pain, mine finally shifted to 6am around 4 and half, fingers crossed it's just a phase!

I think she's going to bed very early. Start bedtime at 7 so she's asleep by 8. Then her wake up.might move too.
Is there anything happening in the morning thats waking her? Traffic/neighbour leaving or something?

I think you need to accept this is her wake up time for now and get yourself to bed earlier. If you were asleep by 10 you’d get 7 hours.

My kids are super early wakers to, so I got to bed at 9.30 and get my 7.5 hours that way. When they get up later I’ll go to bed later.

Morning, I’m in the late crowd, dd was waking at 7am but I’ve pushed it back till 8am as I’m a lazy sod myself! I can time what I want, so no nap then early to bed early to rise ect. Or long later nap so later bedtime and longer lie in. (That’s only if I have certain plans. Mostly it’s 7pm - 8am rise. My dds 2.5. She’s been a good sleeper since around 8 months, she co slept with me until 6 months and that was hell so I could tough. Single parent, and needed to be strict. She self soothes, but has rabbit, music on and star projector. When she wakes she sings and plays to herself.

I’m still in bed now but need to get us both up and ready, we do a lot in the day, now things are open. My life does mainly revolve around tiring her out but I think that’s all toddler mums.

I go to bed about 10pm but am still usually awake until 11.30 most nights overtired I think as I'm absolutely shattered.

Thanks for all the replies, really useful as I'm now thinking maybe I should just let her be rather than try and force back to sleep.
It's because there are times she will actually fall back to sleep at 5.30ish for an hour... although rare!

Yes I'm also now thinking I need to sort myself out.
I'm usually at work (laptop) for at least an hour and a half 3 nights per week to make up my hours (didn't realise how free hours at 3 isn't actually as free as it sounds) so dd isn't at nursery all week.
When I'm not working I like just chilling with the tv undisturbed as it's a treat! 😂

I agree though I do need to change myself rather than dd.
Thank you.

That’s the thing though as an adult your struggling to change your sleeping pattern so it is odd that we (and I have done the same in the past so it’s no dig) expect the same from children!

When i was in a similar situation I went to bed at the same time as my son, even if it was 7pm. At least you get some rest then!

My babies/toddlers never really slept longer than 11 hours at night, it was quite often 10ish hours. Their bedtime was always 8pm and they'd wake at 6ish (bit early but acceptable) to 7ish (fine).

I think your dd's dinner and bedtime is about an hour too early. Most 3 year olds don't nap during the day.

We did the gro-clock, black out blinds, incremental time changes to get later and later and a reward chart where she got “tokens” to buy something at the end of the week if she had been good and stayed quiet/asleep until the sunshine came out on her clock.
It worked for us x

I would start putting her to bed at 8pm. Push dinner back to 6pm and do the whole bedtime later.
It won’t work immediately, you need to be consistent for a couple of weeks.

Set the gro clock for just after her normal wake up so she doesn’t have long to wait at first.
So if she normally wakes at 5.30am, set the clock for 5.40am and then give her loads of praise and reward for staying in bed til the clock is yellow.
Next night set it for 5.50, then 6am etc.
Every morning that she has waited for the clock give her a reward.

I had this with my early riser when he was little, I did a couple of weeks of getting into bed with him, lights out and 'sleeping' together until 6am.

It actually worked and he got used to it to the point He slept until 6.

Also, blackout blinds are a saviour

Mine grew out of it at 13. Tried everything.

This is so common and between myself and a few friends that had the problem nothing helped. My DS got up between 4.30 and 5.30 for years and years and I understand its an absolute killer.

I just used to go to bed really early as otherwise i wouldn't be able to function!

My DS isn't far off a teen and is normally up between 6.30 and 7

Gosh op, that is a very very early bedtime. We have snack in childcare at 4.30, pickup around 5/5.15 then dinner at 6/6.30. Start the process of saying goodnight at 7.00, up for teeth and stories then light out around 7.45. I'd say she's asleep by 8.15 most nights, sometimes longer, and awake at 7am. This is a 2 1/2 year old. We do get the odd 6am wake up, but that's it.

Your DD is going to sleep an hour and a half/two hours before mine, its not that surprising she's waking so much earlier. I'm always amazed to read of such early bedtimes on here, before WFH DH usually wasn't home by 6.45, most of her cohort seem to go to bed at 8.

I think: you need to have a week of going to bed yourself at 9.30/10 because you need energy to effect a change in behaviour, you can't be doing it because you're desperate and overtired. Then, make a plan. I'd move dinner later, because there's study that shows the times we eat effect when we sleep. If you decide to do it incrementally: dinner and bedtime so she is in bed for 7.30, start with grow clock coming on at 5.15. Then push it back five minutes a day, without moving dinner. Give her a week to adjust. Can you just leave her quietly with a book? Stay calm, and see if you get any progress. But the first thing you need to do is top up your own sleep so this becomes more about a shift in her behaviour rather than something you desperately need to happen to function

My ds never napps and is done by 6pm. We do bath and bed at 6 and story and in bed 6.45 ish.
If he goes to bed later bixarily it means he gets up in the night or is ferral the next day as still away up at 5.30