6m old no sleep -save me

[charlottero]

My 6m old just cannot sleep through the night. Not even close. She NEVER has. The best night I've ever had is 2hourly wakes and the worst 10/20 minute wakes.
I've done the sleep courses and feel like I've tried EVERYTHING. We have moved her to her own room now in the hope that things might change. I completely did my back in by simply getting up so much in the night and being with her all day.
In the day time I laugh with people about how awful it is but at night I am honestly suicidal. My husband is really helpful, but even when he does half the night we are still both up. It takes me so long to fall asleep because I just feel like she's about to wake up (and usually does.)
Things I can think of that I've tried (for weeks, if not months...)
-routine bath etc
-pitch black room
-formula night feeds
-white noise
-good day naps
-sleeping bags,swaddles,sleepyheads.
-dummy
-feeding to sleep/not feeding to sleep
-big cot/little cot
-early bedtime/late bedtime

I don't know if I even can be helped or just comfort in that someone else has the same?
I am genuinely at the end how can anyone possibly go on with 2hours sleep a night for 6 months.

I am so sorry - sounds absolutely desperate.

Could you and your husband do the night in shifts? One of you covering 8pm til 1am and the other 1am til 6am? It’s not ideal but it might help you get through it. If you have a spare room or comfortable sofa the person not on shift can sleep there. If not, heavy duty earplugs and eye mask in bed.

It will eventually get better, but I know that doesn’t help much right now

Have you considered co sleeping?

My 6 month old is up every 2hrs at the moment, currently up now as been up this time since 3am and no sign of going back to sleep. My 3 yr old will be up at 6am
and I’d quite like to kill myself

My 6 month old is no where near sleeping through the night. Up a lot. No advice, just ... you are not alone!

My youngest was like this. I tried everything!! Co sleeping was the only thing that helped! I think it literally saved my life. I was so run down though severe sleep deprivation!

@charlottero You’re not alone

Got a notification from one of the baby apps yesterday to say my DS was 200 days old. I can’t believe he’s been here for that long already. And I can’t believe it’s now been 200 nights in a row where I’ve had a maximum of 3 hours of broken sleep each night 😳😴

DH helps as much as he can but works away from home for 3 weeks at a time so I’m here on my own a lot. Like you, even when DH has him I find it really hard to switch off and go to sleep - I think because it’s usually just me here and DS relies on me waking up if he needs anything. He also doesn’t settle very easily for DH. And when I’ve got him and he goes to sleep I can’t see because I’m anticipating the next wake up 😓😴 I had terrible insomnia during my pregnancy too and it doesn’t seem to have gone. DS has been awake since 4.45 and refuses point blank to be put back down. Wakes instantly and screams the house down from this point onwards so I’m sitting holding him while he finishes his sleep.

Friends and family keep having a go at me telling me I need to go to the doctors for help with my sleeping and that I’ll need to get sleeping pills 🙄😐 Not sure how they expect me to do that and be solely responsible for a baby for weeks at a time 🙄🙄

I have so much sympathy. My DS didn't sleep until he was almost 3, I wrote so many posts like this. Honestly people will give you loads of different advice and such but I found you just need to survive. I can hardly remember it now (3.5) although it was hell at the time.
I did coslept, in fact I still do, I think it would be harder if we didn't but not sure.
Sorry not much help but I feel your pain.

Thank you! Honestly, it does help, even if it's another 2 and a half years.
To know other people have been through this really helps

@KM38 That sounds horrific. If my husband worked away there is no doubt that I would have given up. Even with him here I think about calling the Samaritans daily. Just to cry to someone!
It sounds so over dramatic in the day time but in the night seriously it feels horrific. Here's hoping we can get some sleep. Let me know if you ever need to vent though. It feels like all my mum friends get a couple of wakes a night max and then say how tired they are. To begin with I laughed it off but now I just feel like a failure!

@OnlyFoolsnMothers
It comforts me that you feel my pain. Especially with a 3 yr old too. Did they sleep badly too? I used to want a family but this mum life isn't all it's cracked up to be. Get me back to work and sleep

@Stichintime I haven't ever coslept the whole night because I've been scared to. Saying that, I'm at the point where I'll try anything.

[quote charlottero]@KM38 That sounds horrific. If my husband worked away there is no doubt that I would have given up. Even with him here I think about calling the Samaritans daily. Just to cry to someone!
It sounds so over dramatic in the day time but in the night seriously it feels horrific. Here's hoping we can get some sleep. Let me know if you ever need to vent though. It feels like all my mum friends get a couple of wakes a night max and then say how tired they are. To begin with I laughed it off but now I just feel like a failure![/quote]
@charlottero it’s really really hard! Some places use lack of sleep as a genuine torture method Have you spoken to your health visitor or doctor about how you’re feeling? Everything feels worse at 2/3am in my experience. When I posted before I was surprised by how many people commented saying they don’t keep clocks or anything in the bedroom so that they can’t see the time and it makes it much easier! It’s not something that I do personally but maybe it’s something that you could try? I do agree that sometimes seeing the time ticking by is horrific!
I think it’s also helpful to remember...friends or not...a LOT of mummies tell little porkies about how well their angel children do things! Nobody wants to be the one that looks like they haven’t got this mum thing sussed do they?! And also...all babies are SO different! I have 3 friends with kids. One 18m...had slept solidly through the night since 4m old 😐 at 18m he still clocks more daily hours of sleep now than my 6m old does!! Another friend has an 11m old. He wakes hourly on a good night and every 20 mins on a bad night. She’s now back at work and struggling. And final friend has 2 kids - one 3 years and was a dream sleeper since about 5/6months. Never up in the night, will nap everywhere and anywhere. So she had a second who is now 1 and still doesn’t sleep through.
Feel free to message me any time if you need a chat

We had to co sleep with my eldest as there was no way he would even shut his eyes in a cot. He loved co sleeping though.

I’m just here in solidarity. My youngest is 5 now but I’ll never forget how terrible the sleep deprivation was. I did find co sleeping worked best for me. It didn’t magically result in dc sleeping through, but the wakings were easier for me to manage. And I felt least miserable when I had a chunk of sleep in the morning before starting the day, so I’d do the night shift and my husband would get up at 6 so I could sleep from 5 right through to 8:30 - 3 hours of blissful unbroken sleep that I was so grateful for!!

[quote charlottero]@OnlyFoolsnMothers
It comforts me that you feel my pain. Especially with a 3 yr old too. Did they sleep badly too? I used to want a family but this mum life isn't all it's cracked up to be. Get me back to work and sleep[/quote]
My 3yr olds sleep was v diff, barely napped as a new born, usual night wake ups but once on formula and weaned slept very well (usually 1 wake up). My second has slept for longer than a couple of hrs but is in a v bad habit at present and last night was wide awake for 2hrs.
The co sleeping solution I’ve never understood, I would happily have my children in my bed, in fact I co slept with both at various points; I was still woken up!

@charlottero so sorry to hear about your baby's lack of sleep. Have you thought about a sleep consultant, it will cost but might be helpful having someone support you through as I can imagine they will have helped other families who've been at a really desperate point too. Please speak to someone when you feel like it's all getting too much

Someone I worked with a long time ago has started doing this and i think it costs £250 for the full thing with a free consultation to learn about your situation first, if its something you can afford might be worth looking into this kind of thing?

I always read these types of threads- firstly to offer huge amounts of sympathy and support and secondly to reassure myself that it wasn’t just my baby that was driving me to despair with sleep deprivation! We’re largely past it now at 2 and half and I don’t really know what was causing it but if I had my time again I’d reach out for support sooner. I’ve still got the after effects such as insomnia and anxiety to cope with as I just felt so broken by it all. Treat yourself especially kindly, speak to GP and HV if things aren’t improving and keep using others for support. It’s absolute torture but you sound like you are doing a brilliant job

@Mim21 I actually said this to my husband last night! I would pay £250 for just one night of sleep. In fact he offered to pay for me to stay in a local hotel for one night of sleep 😂

@thebearandthemare that's reassuring thank you! In the middle of the night it just feels like the worst. I go into every night feeling really hopeful that it's going to be better but it very very rarely is.

Checking in for solidarity too - it's not just you or anything you're doing, some babies just take forever to get their act together and it's the roll of the dice. Hugs and biscuits, it's soul destroying, isn't it?

My daughter had her 4 month sleep regression and woke every 45 minutes every night for eight weeks, at which point I cracked and brought her in to bed share with us. That pretty much improved it immediately to only waking every two hours, and at least made night breastfeeding easier and made it faster for me to fall back asleep again (appreciate you're on formula, but having you close might help her). I was worried about cosleeping until that point, but the first night, her dad got too close, so she squawked and bopped him on the arm so I figured she could stick up for herself by then

She still wakes every two hours a year later at 15 months, but we get the occasional block of 3-4 hours now - it does get slightly better! I'd say focus on one night or hour at a time, do whatever gets you the most sleep for that night, and worry about tomorrow's problem tomorrow.

@KM38 yes you're so right. Everything feels 10x more awful in the night.
To begin with I wondered if I had PND but if I can get sleep I'm fine. Sadly, I've spoken to HV multiple times who tells me it's normal, been referred to well-being who totally failed me after about 3 months of being messed around. I'm now paying for private counselling but I'm almost 100% sure I'd cope if my baby slept.
It sounds pretty conceited and I don't mean it to be, but before having a baby I felt like I could do most things and could achieve. Since my baby never gets enough sleep I feel like I've failed us both! X

@DuvetCaterpillar thank you for your solidarity!
I like the idea of tomorrow being tomorrow's problem. I'm getting her in my bed most days at 5am and occasionally she'll sleep another 2hrs. Then a mum at baby group told me how she'd never do that because she didnt want her baby to think that was ok. I said .... have you ever had no sleep??!!!!!!!! If you had, you'd know you will do ANYTHING! I'd let her sleep on my car roof rack if she slept.

It sounds like whenever she comes into light sleep she is waking and wanting to talk to you.
At her age, is she not old enough for an honest conversation where you just tell her that you cannot manage without your sleep and that whilst it is fine for her to wake in the night, she should not wake you up unless it is an emergency. Are there things she can do quietly like read? Could you start a reward system where she gets marbles in a jar for not disturbing you and when jar is full she can choose a present or something like that. You obviously cannot stop the walking but you can give her responsibility for managing her awakened herself.

@vdbfamily she’s 6 months old...
OP what’s her full routine? (Naps and feeds)

Apologies.....I thought you had a 6 year old!!!
I will get blasted for this but I would try sleep training. You and your husband health is also important and your baby needs to learn to settle. At 6 months it is possible that one of the wakes might still be hunger. I know my youngest was still wanting milk once at night at a year old. Have you let her cry at all or are you going straight through at the first signs of awakeness?