Sleep deprivation - I want to kill myself

[Findingahappyplace]

My son is 2 years old and does not sleep. He has finally learnt to go off to sleep ok without me when I put him to bed at night, but then he will wake at 10/11pm. I go in and settle him back to sleep. Then he will usually wake about 2 and won’t settle so recently have started to bring him in to bed with me, then he will usually be awake for an hour to an hour and a half. Then will wake every 30 mins, take ages to settle, and wake up 30 mins later. Then usually awake for the day at 5.30... 6am if I’m lucky.
I just can not take it anymore and I need some advice.
Last night and this morning I have finally cracked and completely lost it with my son. Shouting at him in the night. This night when he woke at 5 and refused to go back to sleep I just screamed and cried, which scared him and made him cry.
No one I know has had babies or children that don’t sleep through the night, and listening to all my friends say they ‘can’t relate’ because their child sleeps SO well, is not helping as I have no one to talk to.
I honestly don’t know how much longer I can live like this. I can’t take it anymore.

Hi everyone just thought I’d give a little update.
Haven’t started sleep training as such because my son is still full of cold. However, accidentally turned the night light setting on his baby monitor the other night (didn’t even realise it had one!) and found he slept a bit better - although he was waking up he wasn’t screaming for me and he was managing to settle himself better.
I then went out and bought a proper nightlight with a warm light and a dimmer setting because I think the one on the monitor was a bit bright.
He slept much better last night with his new night light. Woke up twice but was not screaming hysterically like he usually would when waking up.
First time I went in and he rolled over and went straight to sleep rather than screaming and crying to get into bed with me.
He did wake at 4.30 and was quite awake and was harder to settle - but again not screaming hysterically, just struggling to sleep - but I’m putting this down to him being full of cold.
Not the best night - but he is poorly and it’s much much better than it has been.
Maybe he has been scared of the dark??
I will keep you all updated 🙂

That could defo be a factor. Fingers crossed!!

Great news OP. Hope he sleeps tonight.

Did you get the job too?

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation
He went to bed at 7.30pm last night. Then he woke up twice in a short period of time between 11pm and 12pm - not sure if this is because he’s poorly or not but I did go in to settle him, and then he went back to sleep and slept till 7am. 😁
Feels so good to get some sleep!
I’m quite prepared for things to change at any moment though lol.

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation
Oh but I didn’t get the job sadly 😟

I sleep trained a just turned 2 year old. I never wanted to use CIO but I cracked. One night I put her in her cot awake, and asked her to lie down, just once, and then I'd feed her. She stood in the cot and screamed and me for 40 minutes, while I sat next to her telling to just lie down. It wasn't the heartbroken screams of a baby, to was tantrum screaming, and as I was right there I wasn't worried about her feeling abandoned. After 40 minutes I picked her up and laid her down, and to my amazement her eyes started drifting closed. Second night another 40 minutes, but after that she didn't cry. It moved into wheedling, and negotiations, but basically I didn't let her out of the cot until morning. I was in the room all night, and gave her a hug when she woke up, but by leaning into the cot, not lifting her out. After a week or two she was sleeping really well. Giving her one of my pj tops as a comforter helped a lot.
Good luck, long term sleep deprivation is awful, and it made me want to die too.