what do little babies think of controlled crying?

[longlady]

"He awakes in a mindless terror of the silence, the motionlessness. He screams. He is afire from head to foot with want, with desire, with intolerable impatience. He gasps for breath and screams until his head is filled and throbbing with the sound. He screams until his chest aches, until his throat is sore. He can bear the pain no more and his sobs weaken and subside. He listens. He opens and closes his fists. He rolls his head from side to side. Nothing helps. It is unbearable. He begins to cry again, but it is too much for his strained throat; he soon stops. He waves his hands and kicks his feet. He stops, able to suffer, unable to think, unable to hope. Then he falls asleep again." I think this description from Jean Liedloff is very convincing and very heartbreaking. Babies cannot know that their parents are in the next room.

So glad things are going well spotty!!

spotty - I found it easier doing CC at naptimes first rather than starting with nights, it was just less traumatic and tiring for me and it didnt matter if the DC didnt go to sleep as it was daytime anyway.

chibi - I don't think people really assume what worked for them will work for everyone, it's just that they can't believe it won't and want to believe that the way they did things is 'right'. I do think it's all about 'cues' and 'habit'. Whatever method you use if it doesnt improve things in 2 or 3 days then modify it. Good luck

What happened to the op btw?
Sorry for turning your thread into a CC support thread

Longlady, if you believe in Jean L and stuff
like 'there is no way of knowing what damage hardcore cc does'
(what is hardcore cc?), then Pantley is definitely the way forward.

You can find a really great MN support thread on Pantley here
and the follow up here.

Good luck!

just realised that 'op' is me! thanks DaddyJ, I've been bemused to see this become cc support thread! Maybe the anti-cc gang are on holiday...without back-up i fled back into the jungle! seriously though, i'm not peeved at how this went. If one has confidence in one's parenting - which more would have if they trusted their maternal instincts and ignored the childless 'gurus' - intentional or unintentional criticism from people who do/think differently shouldn't bother one)... On Thursday night, my dd woke up EVERY 45-50 MINUTES and by 4am I was in pieces and feeling positively venomous. times like that are what make me understand why people do cc. I could never describe it as sensitive or nurturing but if i had many more nights like that I don't know what i would think. Thanks for that link - actually, last night I finished reading the book. As you say, it is definitely the way for knackered non-tribe living Jean L fans!

Im a new mother my babe is 13 weeks old tomorrow so Im in now way an expert but what I do see is people tying themselves up in knots by reading one method or another and thinking they will look after baby like that because the evidence says this or that ie people seem to be doing things by the numbers instead of careful observation, attention experimentation and instinct for each individual baby.

Ive not read any baby manuals, my experience of the various baby raising methods came from watching Bringing Up Baby, which I found interesting but I certainly didn't swallow any of those methods hook, line and sinker as I already said with our babe her care has been based on careful observation, experimentation, attention and instinct.

Babe is sleeping through the night, in her cot in her nursery and has been for a week now. Since sleeping through at night she has been one hell of a lot happier in the day and is also very happy with her routine.
As systemaddict said she is not cruelly left to cry regardless and never was for example I read a differnce between a chattery hello cry where she seems to be muttering to herself, to the full blown wail of when she has a sore tummy, is overtired or is hungry. She has learnt to self soothe herself and has a favorite teddy and a Winnie the Poo light show that also soothe her.
She loves her cot and loves going to sleep in it. She also loves to see me in the mornings-when she complains, "hello Im awake and Im a bit hungry"- these chunnerings seem to me likes shes calling to me and of course I respond to them. She absolutely squeals with delight when she sees me and gives me loads of baby chatter as I change her first nappy of the day.

Systemaddict said "When he is like that I really do feel that he needs me to leave him to 'cry himself down' for a little while - my presence in the room keeps him awake, and it's much kinder to let him get off to sleep with a few minutes' crying than it is to try and soothe him unsuccessfully."
Ive learnt this too! During the day from her waking at 6-7am baby is very very active, she keeps going until she gets herself overtired and I am unable to soothe by rocking her cuddling her etc etc etc so she has to be put in a quiet place alone and within 5 minutes she has drifted off for a nap. Once shes had a nap of 1/2 to 1 hour usually shes always in better humour!

Elenor, really illuminating post!

longlady, come back from the jungle!
We are nice people, honest

You sound like you have found the style
that suits you and your lo perfectly.
And with a relaxed sense of humour like yours
I have no doubt you will take it all in your
stride including the sleep deprivation.

Hope to see you around on the boards

I reckon it sucks big time to babies

The force will be with them.