out of my bed

[tylersmum]

i put a post on a while ago saying that i can not get ds to go into his own bed. but know the only way to comfort him is to let him in our bad till he falls asleep and then put him back into his own bed but now i am doing this 3 or 4 times a night any advice on how to comfort him and get him to sleep without putting him in our bed as i feel he is now coming depent on it.

Lie next to him in his bed until he sleeps.

he is still in a cot he is 21 months and have tried being next to his cot but he just screams

What about controlled crying?

???????????????

There are lots of threads on it if you dare to look. Basically you leave them to cry for intervals of time and keep going in. For example you start by leaving them for two minutes then go in, then build up the length of time. It is not easy and not something I'd personally do but lots of mumsnetters swear by it.

hercules is right - although she says she wouldn't do it - I did with a smaller baby - there was no way I was letting dd get used to coming into our bed! It didn't take that long either but you do need to be strong - stronger than your ds - he knows how to play you! Good luck!

i have read all the threads and looked on other sites about cc and it seems like it is for kids starting out that will not sleep i feel this is no good as it has been only the past week that he has not wanted to go to bed previously he loved his bed and slept 7.30 - 7.30 i do not understand the change as he settled well after we moved which was a few months ago now and we have not changed his routine. am finding it really difficult as can not get round the sudden change he has now been in bed crying for 20 mins am trying not to go in there but its hard.

tylersmum, you're not just leaving him to cry without going in are you? If you're going to do cc then it's a very gradual process of leaving them, not cold turkey which would be very upsetting when he's got a totally different set of sleep associations. As he's 21 months old you could also talk to him and explain that how he goes to sleep is going to change. Maybe get him some new bedding that he likes or a new toy to take to bed. And if you don't read a bedtime story close to where he's sleeping, try doing that as it will make his room / cot feel like a much more familiar place.

I lie next to my ds (24 mo) till he falls asleep (as Hercules suggested) He gets a couple of stories and then lights out. At first he would wake up and call for me but this has gradually decreased. Next step is getting him to fall asleep on his own but I'm not too bothered at the mo .

not trying cc no but was listening to his cry and he was not upset he is now in bed with me but i will try the book thing. a friend of mine plays story tapes to her girl but she is older do you think this might work with ds.

Maybe he prefers a bed to a cot - bars and all that. I put ds straight into a bed as he slept in my bed most the time - he was about 20 mo when he went into a bed.

i have had him in bed with me for 10 mins and he is asleep now. is it ok to get him asleep with me then put him down

tylersmum, I truly believe there's no 'right' or wrong' way to get your child to sleep so long as you're all happy with it and getting enough rest. If your ds's sleep association is tied up with lying with you then you might find that when he wakes in the night that's how he wants to go back to sleep again. Some psychologists think it's damaging to lie them with you and then transfer them somewhere else when they're asleep as they come to associate sleep with a lack of stability / consistency and it can make them begin to be anxious about sleeping as they know things 'happen to them' when they're asleep that they don't know anything about. But to be honest so many people lie with their kids to get them to sleep I'm not sure this can be a huge problem in reality. It might be worth trying either letting him remain in your bed where he goes to sleep initially or getting him his own bed and lying with him there so that if he wakes in the night he's still where he was when he fell asleep.

Am doing cc with my 17 month old. She previously was a fab sleeper in her cot, but then we went home to the States for 6 weeks, where we did co-sleeping, as that was the only way to get her to go to bed without waking the entire house. We did three nights of cc thus far. It was hard the first 2 nights, but the 3rd night went fairly well. She now sleeps in her cot the entire night, thank goodness!

with cc doe they play up all night or is it just getting them to sleep and when you go into see to them during intervals what are you meant to do

I think you do cc each time they wake up.

Yes, herc's right, you're supposed to do it every time they wake up. But, frankly, for me it depends upon what kind of cry it is. Sometimes my dd will wake with a shrill, startled cry like she's had a bad dream, and I find that if I go in quickly then and shush her, she never really wakes up.... CC is not an easy task, but she's been waking once a night now, rather than four or five.

When I go in to her, I try not to speak to her too much, but rub her back gently and say, "Go to sleep, xxxx. I love you." The idea is that you leave them for increasing intervals (i.e., 5 minutes, then 10, then 15, etc.).

CC is certainly not for everyone, but I've found that it helps us a great deal.

I did cc with dd at 15 months following a very bad patch of sleeping in which we tried everything else (dd's completely not into co-sleeping, she insists on her own space) first. A couple of nights were painful, after that there was a week which was still unsettled but to be honest not as bad as her sleep had been before we did cc, then it worked brilliantly. Whenever we have a little glitch now we do a v. gentle version and she's back on track fairly quickly.

You should read a really good guide to doing it like Richard Ferber's 'how to solve your child's sleep problems'. But why don't you try the story-reading, gentler things first? And talk to him. We tried lots of different things before we did cc and I always only ever use it as a last resort.

i got a full nights sleep after putting him in my bed he fell strat to sleep left him for ten mins then put him in his own bed he was awake and therefore started crying i laid him down in his cot and had to hold him down(non forcefully) and stroked his face he picked up bottle and went to sleep then he woke at 11.30 but i laid him down and stroked his face he fell asleep within minutes and that was all i heard till 7.45 this morning. feel alot better just hope i can keep it up. thanks for all the advice

That sounds great tylersmum and not too painful for all concerned! Good luck for tonight ...

managed ok tonight i sat by his cot for 20 mins as fireworks were going off but he is still asleep so fingers crossed

Ahhh, I was just thinking about you! I think I cursed myself yesterday, as my dd woke up at 4:30 a.m. and went back to sleep at 6 a.m. I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed for you!

Tylersmum, that's great. Hope it's the same for you tonight

maomao, how weird, my dd was awake for 1.5 hours in the night last night too, 3-4.30am, very strange ...

Perhaps your dd passed on some "don't sleep message" to mine! How old is your dd, prefernot? I suspect mine may have been hungry, as she wanted cauliflower (of all things!). When I said no, that it was bed time, she nodded sagely and said "cauliflower soon".