What am I doing wrong ? Please help

[Bubba1208]

I posted a similar thread a few days ago , tried the advice given , unfortunately nothing worked so I'm posting again in hopes a miracle comes by , hope that's okay 🤞🏼

I have a 2 week old DS who's will not sleep unless he's in someone's arms. Me & DP are currently passing DS over every 3 hours during the night in hope for sleep. It's now at the point we're bickering & having a competition on who's more tired 🙄

I'll write what we've tried so far & id be grateful if someone could say yes that's right , no that's wrong this is how you should do it

Swaddling - DS manages to get his arms free quite easily & we have to rewrap him several times before DP decides to take it off ( repeatedly told him not to )
White noise / nature sounds - that makes us sleepy instead
Holding baby until deep sleep then transfer to crib
Letting baby get drowsy then transfer to crib
Lights off / night light on
Changed teats on bottle for fuller feed ( hv advised )
Our scent in the basket
Hand on chest as he's lowered in the crib
Stroking his face

He's easier to put down during the day , but night time is a different story. The screaming is piercing , we've apologised several times to neighbours

HV visited today & didn't seem concerned - just said this is what babies do
I'm aware he's so small & young & is still finding his way but I'd love to know if there's something we're not grasping
Me & DP aren't feeling 100% today so this hasn't helped

I'm a ftm & I can't begin to explain how many times I've cried over this. I adore my son , words can never explain how much I love him but I feel so useless

TIA

If you can justify the extra cost, we found a side sleeping crib a lifesaver. We had the snuzpod but there are plenty of others. Like co-sleeping so easier to soothe and comfort but you and baby have your own space.

Many, if not most babies are like this. Cosleeping works great.
Also, you can have an early and a late shift, one parent stays up late with the baby while the other gets a 3 hour chuck, then the other gets up at 5am or whenever with the baby.

@mustardmustard I was thinking we pick him too much
It's normally so he goes back to sleep so whoever is in bed catching up on sleep isn't disturbed
He's got some vocal cords on him when he's crying

How does your 2 week old sleep during the day ?
He's a little better , not as demanding but still kicks up a fuss

@MySocalledLoaf this is what we're currently doing
I'm on "shift" until 1:30 then DP wakes up & takes over

It's mind boggling that a 2 week old is ruling the household
He's absolutely gorgeous & I love the bones of him so I kinda let him off

The first two weeks were the worst so you might see an improvement soon.
My first slept through by 7 weeks so just take it day by day, it will end.

Cosleeping - once he is asleep in your arms can you slowly move to lying down and move so he is on one side with his face near your boob. He'll still have his head on your arm but you might be able to slide it out so it's above his head, but his body would be right next to you and still touching and you'll be lying on your side with your arm above his head.

There is some evidence that cosleeping is a greater SIDS risk and some evidence that if done safely it's not. One of the "safe" things is to be breastfeeding, I don't know if this is to do with the content of breastmilk or the way you naturally position your body when you bf lying down. However, cosleeping is definitely safer than say falling asleep on a sofa with them which you could do getting minimal broken sleep. So you have to weigh up the risks for you.

Unfortunately I also think it’s a fourth trimester appropriate behaviour. I’m sure you’ve already read about it but if not, it really helps you to realise what a difficult transition your baby is going through.
We co-slept fully until around 8 weeks then she slowly started spending more time in her bedside crib. Usually now she will sleep in her bed until around 4 then move over to ours (she’s 4 we months but let’s not talk about the dreaded 4 month sleep regression!).
With the swaddle, ours is in a tommee tippee swaddle grobag. I take her out of it if she comes into bed with me. It’s 2.5 tho and she just wears a sleepsuit underneath in about 18-20 degrees(ish)

OP.
HE IS TWO WEEKS OLD!! TWO WEEKS!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EXPECTINGG?
He WILL SLEEP EVENTUALLY ON HIS OWN BUT FOR NOW, YOURE ALL HE KNOWS, HIS SAFETY AND SECURITY IS YOU.
ENJOY THE CUDDLES, ITS WONT LAST FOREVER.

YYY to that. ^^

My baby was the same. It took 3 things:

Swaddling
White noise
Co sleeping crib

All 3 together.

I’m not sure shouting is helpful

what the hell are you expecting

Adverts and shows depict babies sleeping in cribs and cots and baskets. It comes as a huge shock to the system.

I have a next to me crib but I think ds felt a bit lost in it when he was tiny. We had a sleep pod which helped along with a sleeping bag which helped the startle reflex (he wouldn’t tolerate swaddling.)

He now sleeps well at night, only wakes twice usually (he is 11 weeks.)

Ignore the co sleeping brigade on here. Unless you'd actually planned on co sleeping, don't get suckered into it just because Sandra from mumsnet told you how wonderful it is. There are other options, you just have to find what works for you and your baby.

Have you tried the love to dream swaddles? DS hated normal swaddles, his arms just escaped and I spent the entire night reswaddling him it was a total ballache. He slept with his arms above his head naturally so the love to dream swaddle was an absolute game changer for us.

Also sounds weird but I used to put a hot water bottle in the sleepyhead / snuzpod while feeding,
So when he was put back down it was less of a transition from warm arms to cold bed, and instead from warm arms to warm bed.

Also we had the snuzpod where I used to put him back down after feeding and rest my arm on his back and we both fell asleep like that. Those side sleeper cribs are brilliant for that and you can get second hand ones from fb marketplace really cheaply

My baby was the same. I don't think it's anything you're doing wrong. Some babies just want to be close. I used to lie on my side with her cradled in the nook of my arm! My son slept in his cot with no influence from me. So completely down the baby!

Sorry if I've missed it but does he have a dummy?

All mind had a unclosed stomach muscle so when placed down to sleep let’s stomach acid burn up their throats causing pain, it happens every time you lie them flat.

You need to raise the head above stomach at all times, hence sleeping on you works.

Get a pillow and put it under the mattress.

Don’t lie flat for nappy changes or day sleeping.

The muscle closes once they can sit up ... it’s nothing to worry about

Update - after a very stressful day , turns out DS has a cold & breathing difficulties
He was kept in when he was born for 36 hrs as they were concerned about his breathing but we were allowed home eventually after they said he was fine
( did explain he had mucus on his chest as a result of the type of birth I had ?)

He's been to a&e & has to have these syringes up the nose to clear his nasal passage allowing him to breathe easier.
Since then , he's settled a lot easier
In fact he's been in his Moses basket for around 45 mins now with no crying so I'm assuming it was his breathing was affected when put on his back
So here's to hoping the problem has been addressed & is been rectified 🤞🏼

Thank you so much for everyone who's commented , & advised
I appreciate it so much
Hoping maybe someone else has took advice from this thread if they've been having trouble with their newborn sleeping

Fingers crossed I'm on the right path to sleep for the entire house 🤞🏼

Presumably an assisted birth or c-section? When babies aren’t squeezed down the birth canal the mucus from their tummies/lungs isn’t dispersed.

@TomHardyAndMe assisted birth via forceps
His heart rate was up & down throughout labour so they had me every way imaginable to try to relax him
Eventually they had to get me to push but breathing & pushing was affecting my asthma & making me feel like I was going to pass out
Next thing I knew there was 8+ people in the room & a little woman at the end of the bed with forceps pulling my insides out alongside DS

My friend's baby was like this. He was fine sleeping on someone but hated lying flat on his back. So she raised one end of cot and wrapped him up warm which he seemed to like.
Turns out he had silent reflux and as he was first baby GV and Dr treated my friend like she was over reacting.

My DD was a forceps delivery as well. They grabbed her so hard they dented her skull.

As a result she struggled to breastfeed and her tummy was full of mucus which took a few days to clear. She didn’t feel hungry with a full tummy so even less desire to BF. I started expressing and ended up doing that for a year.

@TomHardyAndMe I did debate breastfeeding as at first we thought it was the milk he didn't like but was told I couldn't as I was on morphine due to been in severe pain due to the episiotomy I ended up having

They did mention mucus been on his chest , I believe that's the reason they kept us in to monitor him.
I'm a little pee'd off with the HV ( she came Monday ) I did mention his breathing & showed her videos , as it was hard to explain the severity of it sometimes
I suggested maybe he had a cold , she just brushed it off & said we were worrying Too much

My HV told me DD’s forcep dents would “go in a few weeks”. She’s ten. Looks like they’re staying.

The first few months are really hard. You have my sympathies!

DS hated being swaddled. We wound up using sleep bags from about a week old, as he didn't want to be constricted and would kick off any blankets.

We keep the room at around 20° and have a 2.5 tog sleep bag on DS as well as a long-sleeved sleepsuit. White noise is great, but needs to be louder than you think. Blackout curtains are a must.

Good luck

I’d suggested a Love to Dream swaddle and a good whit noise machine that runs all night long. Also a cranial osteopath after the forceps delivery. Really helped my DS after a tricky labour.