I want honest answers only...

[mumma90]

When your first finally slept through; when you felt you finally got a tiny wee bit of your evenings back; when you felt "normal" again...with all that in mind ...when did you decide "oh let's try for another".

What happened and how did it pan out?

I'm asking because I'm torn having another and rocking the tiny, resemblance of a boat that was me and hubby before we had our glorious DD.

Honest answers only...

Sleep and the length of time it took to get that first night of unbroken sleep, plus all of the continued ups and downs of toddlerhood , is one of the main reasons my answer to the Q “when next” is “not yet, probably not ever”

I am very satisfied with my family and also see no reason to rock the boat. I certainly have no broodiness or maternal desire. The only reason it is “probably not ever” than just “not ever” is DH is keen for another but knows my opinion and doesn’t push the topic

I stopped breastfeeding my little one overnight when he was one, and totally, day and night, when he was 16 months. He slept through and settled well at nursery.

I got pregnant again at 20 months, so he'll be 2 1/2 when baby is here, and I will have had a year of him (mostly) sleeping through. Pregnancy insomnia is back though, but I can't blame him for that!

My little one sleeping through didn’t actually influence my decisions and I didn’t “get my evenings back” and still haven’t.
I chose to have another child when I felt my everyday life would benefit from it- after my first was 2. Then in my second marriage I knew I’d like more children with a similar age gap so mine are two and two with 3 years between each pair. And 9 years between the two pairs. If that makes sense.

Was pregnant before that point

I had 4 in 5 years. But my youngest is almost 3 and I've been having great 8 hour sleeps 95% of the time since he was 8 months old. It does depend on the child along with whether you are the sort to sleep Train or not. I didn't need to train the last child he's just a fantastic sleeper but I would have if needed. And my previous bad sleeping other children who did need sleep training now only ever wake us if in pain or sick. There's always a good reason.

DC1 was an utterly shocking sleeper. Around 18 months she went through a vaguely reasonable sleep patch. DC2 was conceived around 2 months later. Then DC1 sleep fell apart again... and DC2 was an awful sleeper too 😫

Actually my career suffered more than my marriage, although there were definitely times when we were so tired we were horrible to each other.

1st slept through somewhere around 2.5 years. 2nd is 2.5 years now and only sleeps through if in bed with me...so that is what we do. I had baby 2 when baby 1 was 18 months old so there was a good 7 months or so when I got fuck all sleep because one of them was always awake. Even though my husband would get up to toddler, our house is tiny so I would always wake. I didn't ever decide, baby2 was a very happy accident. They're now just about 4 and 2. 5 and life is pretty easy, if chaotic. So I'm glad now they're so close in age, play together, like the same things etc.

At just before 2, DS started going to bed at a reasonable time and sleeping through most nights. We decided to TTC a few months later, and I fell pregnant when he was 2+2month. At about 2+4 he had a major regression, which was the start of him exhibiting signs of ASD. He went back to been up multiple times a night, regular meltdowns and not being able to cope in child care.

That, plus pregnancy exhaustion, plus working fulltime was just to much, so I ended up giving up my new career (that I'd been retraining for since he was born, and shouldhave qualified in just before baby 2 was born) and becoming a SAHM. He didn't sleep through again until he was 3 +1/2 and baby was 8 months, and even now at 4+3 he's up a couple of nights a week, and up for the day a 6am. Meanwhile baby (now 17months) is also up 2/3 times a night, and often takes over our entire evening trying to get her to bed.

Well you asked for honest answers, and that is that everyone is perpetually tired and grumpy in the bubblegum household. Of course I wouldn't swap them for the world, but my god it's hard.

Decided a second child couldn't sleep worse than the first, so went for number 2 shortly after returning to work, because functioning at work with a toddler who thought 90mins was a complete night was hellish.
As it was DS2, as a newborn, slept better than his 2 year old brother, so it was a good call.
By the time I went back to work for a second time, the 3 year old was generally only up once between midnight and 6am, which made life manageable.

Now.

DD will be 3 in April and still doesn't reliably sleep through. Last night I got up to her only once which was great, I felt fresh this morning! The night before I was up five times

But it feels now or never for us - DH is late 30s and I'm 32. I feel mentally and physically prepared to do it all again over the next 3-4 years (not disputing it'll be hard, very aware but prepared nonetheless), then new baby will be at nursery and I'm going to focus on my re-training.

My son "slept through" at 3 months (as in, he went to bed at 7 and had a dream feed at 10:30 before we went to bed) and we dropped that late feed at 6 months. So I had a full nights sleep from 3 months onwards I'd say. We started trying for DC2 when he was a year old, but I think we'd have done that regardless of how well he slept. We wanted a small(ish) age gap and I was lucky to fall pregnant again within a few months so there will be almost 2 years between them.

DC2 due in March, so ask me again in a few months if we were really "ready" for another 🤣

Our first was a 7-7 sleeper from 3 months until she was about 2.5 but we were advised to wait 2 yrs before ttc because I had very severe pre-eclampsia with my first. Then the sleep went south for a few months or so. We started trying when she was just over 3, had a miscarriage and then ds was born when she was nearly 4.
It did feel odd going back to the baby stage tbh. Things were much easier by the time she hit 3.5. No nappies, rational behaviour (okay, successful bribery but anyhow), sleep fixed, eats normal food so you don't have to pack everything, sleeps in a normal bed so you can leave home without a travel cot, no nap schedule to worry about etc etc.
But I always knew we'd have 2 if we could. I hate being an only one and dh is one of 3 and close to both his siblings. Ds has been a truly dreadful sleeper and with lockdown etc it's been brutal but he's adorable. For us, it's been worth it.

My second slept properly about three years before my first did!

3 years. DD was a good night time sleeper but I couldn't face going through it again before that. Unfortunately DH died just before DD's 3rd birthday so it wasn't to be. Now more glad than ever that I have an only as it would be impossible coping with 2 on my own (hats off to those of you who do!).

I dont get full nights from my 2yr 1month old....but decided it was time to try for number 2 when he stopped breastfeeding at 2yrs old. Currently pregnant. I'm just gona muddle my way through the sleeplessness and try and sleep again another 2 or 3years 😅💤

*2yr10month

My first slept through quite young, about 3 months. We had our second when she was 23 months. I must say, I miss my evenings as DD2 only naps on me (baby 10 weeks now) but it will get back there again. She has already had a few nights of sleeping through from 11 to 6. It's a short period of time to suffer in the life of being a parent. It doesnt bother me much. If it took a year for the first to sleep through I may think differently though ....

I won't be having another one, as I am too tired (and I feel old at 40, no judgement at anyone else, but I personally feel old and knackered).

He started sleeping better at 6 months when in his own room. We counted just 3 wake ups as good then. He is nearly 2 and sleeps through around 70% of the time now which is heaven compared to those first 4 months of HELL!

My first didn't sleep until he was 3, my next one slept through at six months.

DS started sleeping through the night (7pm-7am) at 7/8 months when we did sleep training and moved him into his own room. I still didn't feel ready for another one at that point because I was just so exhausted by looking after such a demanding little person. We decided to have another one when he was about 2 because things felt more manageable and he could do more for himself as well as playing independently for short periods of time. DD is due in April and we moved DS into a bed a month ago. Since then his sleep has become a bit of a nightmare again. He calls me through multiple times in the night to change his nappy and settle him. It's a bit depressing as I thought that the return to broken sleep would happen after the new baby arrives, not before! I really wanted DS to have a sibling and this was my main reasoning for having another. I am in no way prepared for going through it all again!

DD was a good sleeper. She slept through at 4 months and other than illness is still a good sleeper. Didn't try again until DD was 2 as DH was unsure about another.

Then we had DS who was a totally different ball game. Was a poor sleeper from the start and was almost 2 before he slept through the night. He is 3 now and just starting to feel back on track.

DD was lucky she came first as if DS had there might not have been another.

DS started sleeping through at about 13 months (about four days after I stopped feeding overnight - in hindsight definitely should have tried stopping earlier!). He occasionally comes into our room in the middle of the night, but we've had two years of decent sleep. Bedtimes with me were difficult for a while, but we've generally had a few hours to able to do things together in the evenings.

We knew we wanted two, and started trying when he was about 18/19 months. Currently 33 weeks pregnant and trying to mentally prepare myself to go back to disturbed nights and cluster feeding - can let you know how it's going in a few months!

We waited until DS1 was having 30hrs funding at nursery and then waited a little longer with the idea that I could be on Mat leave when DS1 started school. Luckily nature played ball and that happened. DS1 slept throigj consistently from about 14 months iirc, but we had full evenings back from around 8 months. Prior to that I was popping up to BF at 8pm (bedtime at 6pm).

DS2 followed a very similar pattern. They are now 5 and 1, and usually both are settled for the night by 6.30/7pm (DS1 is allowed to read until 7). Before we had DS2, we had a decent 2.5 years of evenings to ourselves and nights out.

Reading some if the other posts, I think we are lucky!

I'd say over 2 years old. Probably closer to 2.5 years. That's when it got easier for me. Slept all night without waking for breastmilk anymore. Was feeding to get to sleep though.

I got my evenings back quite quickly with all of mine. I think before 8 weeks they were all going up to bed at 7ish. My first two slept through before three months. My last baby only started sleeping through at a year as I didnt do any sleep training/night weaning before then and because she is my last I was happy to keeping feeding and cuddling in the night for longer. I wouldn't have got pregnant again so soon if my first two hadn't slept through. My marriage has still suffered even with reasonable sleepers.