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Original poster

Please help me someone with my 4 month old

34 replies

charliemama · 21/10/2007 10:25

Hello I need some moral support. I have 3 lovely dcs, but my youngest is proving really hard to cope with. He has terrible wind and cries ALOT. I struggled through with the goal of 12-14 weeks in mind. But when we got there things got much worse he went from waking once to waking up to 5 times and it seems to be getting worse again. I am so low and what really hurts is that I can't help thinking that my life would be easy now without him. My other two regularly sleep more than 12 hours at night. It wouldn't be so hard if he was more settled in the day, but all he seems to do is cry. The only time he isn't is if I walk around with him preferably outside. My dh wants me just to put him down and leave him and implies it is my fault he is like this because I pick him up. I love my tiny ds so much but I am finding it hard to bond and on top of that feel I am letting my other 2 down because I am so tired and stressed. he feeds on demand and sometimes that can be very frequently. I am taking him to a co on tuesday I hope he can do something because he is my last hope and I don't know how I'll cope if things don't start to get better so I can enjoy being a mummy again.

OP posts:
Tamdin · 21/10/2007 10:31

charlie sorry things are so tough for you. it sound slike it could be a mixture of things. the wind/colic i know very little but 4 months is a classic sleep regression stage. a few of us have a long standing thread where you can find some supportSIFTW

WanderingTrolley · 21/10/2007 10:33

Sorry for quick post - do you think he might have reflux?

Original poster
charliemama · 21/10/2007 10:39

I don't think he has reflux, it has been suggested by the doctor, but the paedeatrician she sent me to just said it was colic. Sometimes he can happily lie on his mat playing. He is not wanting to be held upright when he is unhappy, he wants to be held with the holder standing up and walking around. He doesn't feed for long at seems to snack, but I can't get him to feed for longer. My instinct is that he has a very sore tummy and he does produce an extreme amount of painful wind.

OP posts:
Original poster
charliemama · 21/10/2007 10:45

I forgot to say that he has a well established bedtime routine and settles himself to sleep between 6.30/7 pm. I had always thought this was the holy grail of how to get your baby to be a good sleeper so I don't know what to do now to encourage him to sleep longer. The longest stretch he'll sleep at night is 4 hours, but usually it is 2-3 hours tops. Should I give him water when he wakes instead of feeding him? he never really wakes actually, he cries in pain, but he keeps his eyes shut!

OP posts:
tibsy · 21/10/2007 10:46

hi tam!! (fellow siftw er)
charlie just wanted to lend some support. it must be hard when you've got 2 littleys to care for too? ds was a windy baby in the early days and used to settle sometimes by falling asleep tummy to tummy. i guess i was just a big hot water bottle he did eventually grow out of it and was a fab sleeper, so there is hope.
as tam says, the 4mths sleep regression was a sticking point for most of us on siftw

sorry, dont seem to have much advice, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone ((hugs))

Tamdin · 21/10/2007 10:49

cm I think 4 months is too young not to feed at night but that's totally my opinion and i'm a co-sleeping wierdo so you might wanna just ignore me

tibsy · 21/10/2007 10:51

i agree with tam, but i'm another co sleeping wierdo charlie, so you might want to ignore me too

Original poster
charliemama · 21/10/2007 10:53

I don't mind feeding him at night. but I sometimes wonder if all the little feeds are adding to the problem. What is really hard is having broken nights followed by long stressful days. People have suggested water as a way to get him to space his feeds out, but I'm worried he will fill up on water and not feed enough!! Tbh I would bottle feed him if I knew how to get him to feed for longer and less frequently. When he has a bottle (Which is rare) he usually takes 3 oz at the most.

OP posts:
tibsy · 21/10/2007 10:59

charlie, my dd was/is exactly the same. she took small, frequent amounts when she was solely bfing. even now, at 14 mths, shes more of a 'grazer' than 3 big meals a day. i guess some of us are just built that way
not that that helps when youre feeling so tired i know

Original poster
charliemama · 21/10/2007 11:02

When did you wean your dd Tibsy? I am due back at work 2 days a week in January and it is really worrying me that My ds has no feeding routine and relies on me feeding him so often.

OP posts:
tibsy · 21/10/2007 11:07

am still bfing charlie, although am at home full time atm, so didnt have an incentive to wean iyswim? dd still feeds lots if we're at home/shes unwell/teething, but she does have a bottle of cows milk to go to bed with now, so that if i am out, i know she'll take it.

tibsy · 21/10/2007 11:18

she's eating food as well, obviously think she started with 'solids' just before 6 mths

Lisa229 · 21/10/2007 19:48

Hi

Just wanted to add my support as DD2 is also quite demanding, especially compared to my DD1 who like your first two was such a contented little thing and slept through from 12 wks. DD2 is now 14 wks and definately less windy but still has days where she wants to be held, won't go down for naps. She had been waking once in the night but now has started waking earlier. We have tried giving her the dummy but we do end up feeding her. Hang in there, it will get easier although I know it doesn't feel like it. My DH has also told me to let her cry but they are still very young.

Original poster
charliemama · 22/10/2007 07:51

If anyone is still watching this thread I need some hope. Last night was the worst night since my ds was a tiny newborn. He must have woken about every 1.5 hours. Should I stop feeding him when he cries in the night? He seems to cry becuse he is uncomfortable. This is really getting me down. Especially as my dh blames me entirely and thinks I should ff every 4-6 hours and leave him crying inbetween.

OP posts:
Tamdin · 22/10/2007 08:27

oh dear CM i really sympathise. come join us on SIFTW and you might get more input as alot of the posters have been exactly where you are atm. It will get better.
sorry if this sounds rude/harsh but i would have a serious word with your dh and tell him to back off. your baby is still so yound and even control crying is not recommended for children under a 1 (i think?)and he shouldn't be pushing you to give up bf unless it's what you want too.

hope to see you on SIFTW soon

DumbledoresGirl · 22/10/2007 08:36

I am rather out of date with this (my youngest is 4 yo now and in his day, he would have started solids about now which always seemed to make them happier - not advocating that now before anyone jumps on me) but you seem so desperate and I am sitting here having breakfast with nothing better to do.

I have no experience of colic either but just a thought re sleeping at night. When I had my last baby (my 4th) I just could not face the night time stuff anymore so when the baby first cried in the night, dh would go and get him and he would then co-sleep with us in our bed for the rest of the night. I am utterly convinced that this helped him sleep longer. I am sure the close physical presence of his parents reassured him and meant he did not wake up so frequently. When he did wake, I hardly had to wake myself, just vaguely shove a boob in his direction and leave him to get on with it. But maybe your colicky baby would need winding..... Anyway, it was just an idle thought.

Poor you...the torture of sleepless nights and crying babies is awful, I know, but it is a relatively short time in your life.

MrsJohnCusack · 22/10/2007 08:39

I'm kind of suprised it's not reflux. Any babies I know who are like this have turned out to have reflux. It just doesn't sound right and I think you should hassle the doctors again. He could be teething by now as well....What about some sort of intolerance? A very refluxy baby I know has just been diagnosed with this and now it's being sorted the mother is like a different person...she was breastfeeing too so they think maybe something was getting through to the baby in her milk. I don't know if it's worth looking at what you eat.

My DS regressed at 4 months too (after 2 weeks of sleeping 10-12 hours,grr) and it turned out to be the classic 4 month blip then teething (he now has 4 at just 7 months and a 5th on the way, so a lot to cope with when you're very small). I wouldn't do the water thing, he doesn't need it and I do think he's too little to not feed in the night. There's no guarantee FF would make him any better or sleep any longer either.

Oh and it is NOT your fault for picking him up. Sounds like your relationship is suffering the inevitable strain that small children and crying babies put you under...I hope it's that, else your DH is being an utter arse . Letting him cry will teach him nothing, and will make him and you even more upset I should think. He's not doing it on purpose

hopefully the CO can help...sympathies

Tamdin · 22/10/2007 08:42

mrs JH and DG said everything i wanted to say. i know you said dh won't 'allow' it but co-sleeping def helped us in those early months too! (so much so that we haven't really stopped)

Tamdin · 22/10/2007 08:42

mrs JC

MrsJohnCusack · 22/10/2007 08:43

and you know I could have written your post a few weeks ago - DS was FAR FAR worse than he ever was as a newborn. I was hysterical (I posted on here a few times in utter despair). It was his blinking teeth. I was a wreck (still am a bit, but have learnt to sleep holding him now when necessary). I wanted to kill my DH and he was being nice, so yours is being totally unhelpful - you need to talk to him somehow as you don't need the extra stress of him blaming you. I think DD suffered a bit too.

Tamdin · 22/10/2007 08:45

MRS JC and DG your children are so cute. sorry off topic i know...

fishie · 22/10/2007 08:46

cm isn't it hellish. my ds was like this too, fed every two hours round the clock for 7 months. he screamed all evening too.

i think you should do whatever is neccessary to get some sleep, if that is having ds in bed with you then fine. it's what i did too.

your dh just wants it to stop and is casting around for any possible solutions. the thing about 'colic' (i don't really like the name but there isn't a better one) is that there is no reason for it or way of fixing it, which men find particularly difficult to cope with. it will end pretty soon, this sort of thing is pretty much unheard of after 6 months (i was very unlucky with 7 months of it!) don't worry about going back to work, january is ages away he'll be nearly twice as old by then.

you could also post on 'breast and bottle feeding' topic for tiktok, she has suggestions of ways to feed - ie putting to same breast not switching (sorry can't remember exactly) which may help.

DumbledoresGirl · 22/10/2007 08:48

Thank you Tamdin.

Original poster
charliemama · 22/10/2007 08:57

thankyou for all the support. I know my dh sounds like a complete git, but in many ways he is very supportive. He never knew anyone who bf until we had our ds1 and he is incredibly frustrated that he can't do more practical things to help.

i have been reading about growth spurts so I am hoping that this is part of the problem. Also my other 2 teethed at around 5 months and ds2 is very dribbly!

I think I needed to hear some survival stories as in the midst pf it it is hrad to imagine a better time will come

OP posts:
MrsJohnCusack · 22/10/2007 09:29

thanks Tamdin

yes DH's do like to solve a problem but babies just don't really go for that do they...

anyhow charliemama, DS is now 7 months, still teething like crazy, but he is better and only (crossed fingers) waking once, sometimes twice a night now. Not a great survival story yet but I am feeling a lot more human and am sure it will get better...

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