Please help me someone with my 4 month old

[charliemama]

Hello I need some moral support. I have 3 lovely dcs, but my youngest is proving really hard to cope with. He has terrible wind and cries ALOT. I struggled through with the goal of 12-14 weeks in mind. But when we got there things got much worse he went from waking once to waking up to 5 times and it seems to be getting worse again. I am so low and what really hurts is that I can't help thinking that my life would be easy now without him. My other two regularly sleep more than 12 hours at night. It wouldn't be so hard if he was more settled in the day, but all he seems to do is cry. The only time he isn't is if I walk around with him preferably outside. My dh wants me just to put him down and leave him and implies it is my fault he is like this because I pick him up. I love my tiny ds so much but I am finding it hard to bond and on top of that feel I am letting my other 2 down because I am so tired and stressed. he feeds on demand and sometimes that can be very frequently. I am taking him to a co on tuesday I hope he can do something because he is my last hope and I don't know how I'll cope if things don't start to get better so I can enjoy being a mummy again.

Hi Charliemama, my DS' sleep became appalling around 4mo too so you have my sympathies. He is now 8mo and it's a LOT better, still wakes on average 3 times a night but much better than it was a few weeks back (I think 4/5mo was when it was at its very worst, one night we had to go in to him 10 times before we'd even gone to bed). I felt at the end of my tether and I have to say the thing that saved my sanity was co-sleeping. DS would start in his cot and when it all got too much in the night would come into bed with me while DH went off to the sofa.

It is definitely NOT your fault, and imo 4mo is way to young to be not feeding at night or left to cry (actually I don't think I could leave a baby to cry at any age). If you can't co-sleep, can you take one side off the cot and have it against your side of the bed? That will make the night feeds much easier for you. Also my DH was a bit worried about DS getting too used to sleeping with us, but these days he hardly ever comes in with us.

hi charliemama, i don't really have anything helpful to say other than i was the person at all the mums and babies groups with a 3month old who would cry the whole session while the other babies lay happily giggling and smiling. some days i really resented my ds. he had to be carried all day (and most of the night), was incredibly fussy and demanding.

and you know what? he grew out of it. i tried to go with it even though there were parts of me wanting to force him to play on his own/sleep on his own etc, but i just kept carrying him in a sling all day, at least i was working off some of the baby fat! gradually gradually he became more confident. he stopped crying all day. he slept in his cot instead of in my arms. started to play on his own a bit. and you know now jpeople comment on how happy and confident he is (at 10 months), it's just one big irony.

babies' development dictates that they won't always be like this. their digestion seems to take a while to adjust to this new way of getting nutrients. no disrespect to DG, but i prob wouldn't start solids esp if he seems really windy and in discomfort, it may just make it worse.

anyway, sorry i've just rambled and made no point at all. i guess what i'm saying is do the bestyou can to get through this, don't beat yourself up about it, i think most parents have days when they'd rather not have had their dc's, however wonderful they might be (it's just darn hard work), and know that even if you do nothing, things will change and get easier.

xx

oh, ps. my gut instinct is to say keep feeding him at night, you will probably just make it worse if you put up a fight by offering water at night. he probably stillneeds the nutrients at least a few times a night anyway. it's worth keeping in mind that they go through growth spurts as well sometimes, and need to feed really often to boost your milk supply.

and here is an interesting discussion on moxie about 4 month olds and how challenging they can be ask moxie
see you're not hte only one!

xx

sorry for the quick post just wanted to say don't let him cry - my DD was like this, it dosen't mean you are doing anything wrong. Night wakings and feedings are perfectly normal at this stage. To be honest, when DD 10m has a cold I offer her warm milk at night to soothe her and she goes back to no feeds soon enough. You are doing the right thing being there for your LO, sorry things are so tough for you....

Sorry you're finding it so hard atm. Not sure I can add anything to the excellent posts here, just that you are not storing up problems by doing whatever you need to to get through, whether it's co-sleeping, getting your DH to do some of the night shift, napping with your LO during the day etc. etc.

Re going back to work, DS was a very frequent feeder but didn't seem to miss it during the day when I went back to work after 6 months. He does still feed a lot at night though. DH also making comments like 'why don;t you feedhim less at night?'. Hmm, well if you're volunteering to get up for a few nights in a row so we van start night weaning (he goes very quiet at this point). Anyway, 4 months is very young and I would keep on feeding. Is he a distractable baby during the day? This can mean he fill sup at night when it's nice and quiet. BTW, we're co-sleeping (though DS is in his cot some of the night) and still night feeding.

Oh, and DS's sleep got worse after we started solids (he was a colicky baby as well so suspect digestive probs) soo I wouldn't rush with the soids.

My dh is not against co-sleeping he just doesn't feel safe if he is in the bed to! Currently he is sleeping in another room and I do take my ds into the bed with me in the early hours because I know I need a bit more sleep before my other dcs get up. However, he is still writhing and crying when he's with me usually after some patting and feeding he might sleep an hour with me. Tbh I have tried co-sleeping, but I don't sleep well so I try to avoid it. I think I have said that one of the frustrating things is that my ds goes to sleep on his own in the cot so it is not a problem of him having the wrong sleep cues.

DS also v resltess in bed or in his cot - not sure what I can advise. Have you tried giving some calpol? If it's teeth that should help (would also rule out him being in pain)

Hello,

my dd is 4 months as she wakes at least once a noght, if not twice a night for a bottle. And she often sleep s with us. The thing is as soon she gets tucked up with us, thats it, shes suddenly peaceful, otherwise she lays in her cot squirming around. Not ideal , but it means I can get some sleep and right now thats all that matters!!!!

With regards to his crying in the day , have you tried a dummy. It was not my thing and dd1 never had one, but dd2 just used to cry ALL DAY LONG. Now the dummy is my best friend, she like a different child

Charliemama, sorry this is so quick and haven't read all of the other posts but have you tried a dairy free diet? It's very difficult but I've read it can help in colicy babies because of the proteins getting in breast milk.

your DH isn't being supportive. he's taking the easy option, of course you could leave him to cry but what does that solve? He will stop crying but the cause of the crying will still be there. Don't feel pressured into doing something you're not comfortable with. Have you tried him in a sling? That way you've got hands free to deal with your other boys and lo gets some comfort.

I'd take him back to the Dr too about the reflux, get him checked over again.

Sorry I haven't got more time but I'll catch up with you on SIFTW, take it one day at a time, come and off load on us and we'll keep you upright. Big hugs.