My days are wasted because of napping

[86jabberwocky]

DS is 19 months and he typically has his nap between 1pm-3.30pm. This one nap during the middle of the day ruins the whole day for me as he won't nap elsewhere apart from his own bed. I can't go anywhere, I can't plan anything because of this. I have to be at home during that time so he could nap. I feel annoyed because he never sleeps in his pushchair meaning I can never run errands, I always have to prioritise his nap before anything else. He will sleep max 1 hour in his car seat if I drive somewhere far on the motorway but apart from that, nothing replaces his bed. With the days getting shorter now, I'm really feeling down as I can't do anything. Today I left the house at 9am so I could sort some shopping out and grab some lunch with a friend, he didn't nap until I came home at 3pm meaning the final couple of hours was a nightmare as he was screaming and crying because he was so tired and was refusing to sleep in his pushchair. He typically wakes up at 8am and sleeps by 8pm. This time works well for us as DH could get some sleep and I could have time off in the evening.

My dd dropped her 2 hour nap at just gone 2, I was gutted - that peace to relax and get jobs done was the best bit of my day!

God, I miss DS's nap. I think the nap is a red herring here and the actual problem is that it's taking you 3 hours (!) to get out of the house when he wakes up in the morning. I can't really understand the waiting for him to poo thing if I'm honest but what I really don't get is why, from your description, you seem to be waiting for him to poo before you get ready? You'd have loads of time in the morning if you just headed out earlier!

I used to love that bit of the day! I'd go out in the morning, get any activities and jobs out the way. You'll miss it when it's gone

@nicky7654 I'm jealous now :) It's not as if I'm always out or plan my activities during DS nap times but there are times when I need to be out all day and him not simply napping for an hour in fresh air just puts a spanner in the works.

I will of course miss the nap times when he is slightly older but hoping he will be in nursery by then :)

I adore nap time!! I typically go out in the morning then back for lunch and a nap. My daughter is up at 8am and bed at 8pm and I push her nap back to between 1 and 2 so I get a bit more time out. She is 2 and potty trained now but I found she stopped pooing when we were out and would only do it at home which was great!

Enjoy the naps while you can! Both mine stopped napping at all at 18 months after 6 months of a consistent lunchtime nap at home each day. How I loved that 1.5 hours! They wouldn’t sleep in car or buggy, or at childminder or nursery.

You have a child who actually naps and you are complaining?!? I know this isn’t a hierarchy of suffering situation, but really, you need some perspective. There are plenty of parents who would love to have a 19 month old that could handle being out for 3 hours, even letting you eat lunch. The sleep without 2 hours of effort on your part to eek out a 20 minute nap.

He isn't going to be this age forever. This period will be gone in the blink of an eye. Don't wish it away.

Get up 1/2 hour before your baby so your ready to leave the house as soon as he has had his breakfast and make the most of the morning. You sound like you have done an amazing job with his routine - enjoy the time to yourself in the afternoon while it lasts!

Why are you waiting for him to poo in the morning?

@RaaRaaeee thank you for your reply. I typically get up before the lo so I could shower in peace 😆 but thank you. I have been very careful with his nap times since we established a routine when he was 5 weeks old where he would have two long naps during the day and a quick cat nap in the evening. During that time, I was more social and mobile as I would spend the morning nap at home and would go out after he woke up and he would again fall asleep in his pushchair for his second nap in the afternoon. It's just since we went down to one nap and that nap being bang on in the middle of the day kind of ruins the day. I ensure I'm at home when he takes his naps but on days like yesterday when I want to be outdoors longer, it kind of impossible as he doesn't sleep in fresh air. It's not that I'm complaining or ungrateful if anything, it's just I kind of expected him to fall asleep in his pushchair as he was tired. I reclined his seat but no, he wanted his bed.

@AriettyHomily he poos first thing in the morning or just after breakfast. If I'm out and he decides to poo, I have to change him in the back seat of my car. It's not a bad thing but it's not ideal as it's a small car and I have a bad back since giving birth. I avoid using public toilets due to Covid to do all the nappy change business.

Are public toilets particular Covid hot spots? Like everyone I know with a two year old, we've potty trained over lockdown so I'm spending even more time in the damn places than I would have done previously.

When mine still napped we'd be out early or as soon as naptime was over - I'd usually meet friends at 9.30/10 and then be home for 12 so we could have lunch & nap or be out the door at 2.30pm to meet straight afterwards. If you're going the shop or for coffee it doesn't really matter if it's dark or not!

I’m avoiding public loos too!!

@Disappointedkoala he touches every surface when he is lying down and his very active as I end up having to pin him down when we are on the changing table. He is very curious and wants to touch and pull anything nearby and because I'm rushing to clean him to avoid spreading the mess, I end up touching surfaces I shouldn't be as well.

Developmentally they can need naps all they like, I gave my non-sleeper multiple opportunities to nap, she just declined to take me up on the offer. This is a child who has never slept in a pushchair and I don’t mean as a toddler, I mean ever. Places were made available for naps wherever we were. But staying at home in a darkened room in silence wasn't going to happen. I’d have had to gag the older two children for a start. The toddler might need to nap but the older children need an education and the household needed me to earn money so we could all eat (toddler came to work with me some days). The childminder never got her to nap either and wouldn’t have been able to abandon her other charges to do so! Not directed at you, OP but at the posters suggesting you just have to change your life completely or damage the child’s development.

@ChanklyBore thank you for sharing your experience. I do think the damaging a child's development statement is a bit over the top anyway which I've ignored. It's just I expected some certain adaptability or he will get used to it etc type of comment from some users just as how we sleep train them to sleep on their own and self settle. We do have busy lives although in my circumstance, being a sahm gives me some flexibility hence why I choose to stay at home or plan around his nap time to ensure we are at home but thinking about multiple children in the future sends shivers down my spine on how I would manage all the school runs etc clashing with the younger ones nap time's , I guess they learn to adapt to our busy lives napping here and there or in your case never? For instance, my house needs to be silent and dark for the lo to sleep but my friends children are brought up in a chaotic house and her little boy sleeps through all of it because he is used to it, do you understand where I'm coming from?

Developmentally they can need naps all they like, I gave my non-sleeper multiple opportunities to nap, she just declined to take me up on the offer.

Ok fair enough.

But staying at home in a darkened room in silence wasn't going to happen.

Oh.. so the baby actually didn't get 'multiple opportunities' to nap...

The toddler might need to nap but the older children need an education and the household needed me to earn money so we could all eat (toddler came to work with me some days).

So sleep isn't a priority for you. Just say it.

The childminder never got her to nap either and wouldn’t have been able to abandon her other charges to do so!

How many days would the childminder have the toddler? Unless a sleep routine is consistent, of course it's going to fail.