Travel Cot for Long Term Use

[BishyHarrow]

Hello, my sister has a four-year-old still sleeping in his parents' bedroom in a travel cot. They haven't attempted to get him in his own room. Members of our family have spoken to her about our concern for our nephew's physical and psychological wellbeing. She claims laziness is the reason and promises to do something. She's been saying that for years. I'm torn between my concern for my nephew and the feeling that we can't win and need to butt out. Does anybody have any advice?

I don't think there is anything you can do about it really, although you could suggest a trip to ikea with her to help her and your nephew pick out his 'big boy bed' and then offer to help set it up?

Is it too small for him?

If the travel cot is a suitable size for him and he’s sleeping well and is happy, I don’t see the issue.

Not knowing the age but we used a travel cot in our room for a good six months but we got a proper mattress for it rather than the very thin one it comes with.

Not sure what the issue is here tbh.

Maybe you and your family should pipe down and let your sister make her own decisions about your nephew?

Unless there’s a ridiculous drip feed coming that suggests your nephew is coming to some kind of harm then it’s really none of your business

Thanks for the feedback. It is too small for him. It's not advised to use a temporary cot and mattress for four years but we probably should just butt out. I feel sorry for the separation anxiety and potential back problems to come but, as you say, it's their decision. Thanks.

He should not be sleeping in what is literally a playpen with a hard mattress at the age of 4!! Poor baby! She is very very lazy and neglectful

Could you suggest putting a proper Mattress in there, so that’s one less issue, which would be my main concern.

I don’t think it’s neglectful though, she obviously cares otherwise wouldn’t be sharing a room with her son.

Is there another room the child could sleep in?

Poor baby.... he’s 4, not a baby 🙄

Also, are you sure it’s not a money issue and she can’t afford a bed and a new mattress?

All 5 of mine had a travel cot. I did have a mattress made for it though. Their wellbeing is absolutely fine.

If it's too small there's no point in getting a mattress for it. Can she afford a new bed? Could you buy a mattress for him instead of a Christmas present? You might be able to get a frame for it on freecycle.

She starts crying when anyone mentions it and they refuse help a lot. Buying a bed for them might be an option. I don't want to upset her again as I get the feeling that there's more to this than laziness.

Hmmmm strange one, could it be a money issue? The boy well looked after?- clean/fed/happy etc?

Abusive partner so she wants her son safe near her?

Have you spoken to her partner?

Even a toddler bed mattress on the floor in her room would be better than a travel cot.
Is that not an option if she wants to keep sharing a room?

Her partner wants us to keep out of it. His family isn't close and he doesn't understand family members' concern for each other. My other sister pushed too hard and it's now difficult to broach the subject. Maybe offering to pay for a new bed might help. Thanks for the helpful advice.

Why do you think they're doing it?

It might be the cost but it's an instinctive thing. I just feel like something's not quite right.

What's he like in general, the child?

His clinginess is a problem but otherwise, he isn't showing any outward signs of psychological difficulties.

Is it the Co sleeping or the bed you object to?

It's not that we object. Three people in one room isn't ideal but the concern is a child using a temporary mattress for four years and the potential impact on his spine. He's clingier than most children of his age and it will be more difficult for him to move to his own room when it finally happens.

Co sleeping is fairly common outside the uk as is sleeping on firmer mattresses or mats. I think you must have other reasons to be concerned about this child or reasons you feel better at caring for him than his parents. If you ARE going to push for change it’s a good idea to focus in and do some really hard thinking about what it really is that concerns you.
You mention the child is “clingy”, what do you mean by that? Why do you feel it’s related to his sleeping arrangements? Co sleeping is usually felt to foster calm and independence, why do you feel it does the opposite here?