Travel Cot for Long Term Use

[BishyHarrow]

Hello, my sister has a four-year-old still sleeping in his parents' bedroom in a travel cot. They haven't attempted to get him in his own room. Members of our family have spoken to her about our concern for our nephew's physical and psychological wellbeing. She claims laziness is the reason and promises to do something. She's been saying that for years. I'm torn between my concern for my nephew and the feeling that we can't win and need to butt out. Does anybody have any advice?

Co-sleeping is unusual here in the UK after the age of two. He seems very insecure when not receiving full attention from his mother and she panders to it. He's not getting the chance to experience independence. I don't like the phrase 'emotional incest' but that's a possibility based on her behaviour. His current mattress is designed for temporary use, not four years and counting. I'm not going to push for change because my nephew will become a pawn. He has his own room and a baby's crib/cot with a poor quality mat in it. My concern is the development of his spine and his continued dependence on his mother.

It’s not that unusual in the UK but perhaps people just don’t mention it to you? He’s four so needing attention and being less confident in company are fairly common. I don’t know what “emotional incest” means to you, but if you feel he is being burdened emotionally beyond his maturity why on Earth haven’t you addressed that . I don’t think sleeping on a firm slightly padded base will hurt his spine, what on Earth has lead you to that conclusion? Soft mattresses are often the cause of back problems and as I said the norm in other cultures who don’t show endemic back problems.

Is it really you feel they are too attached and his sleeping arrangements have become the focus of that? Your comment about incest worries me. It’s a huge statement and then you follow with, I'm not going to push for change because my nephew will become a pawn. How do you balance those two stances?

Emotional incest is a parent relying on a child for emotional attachment when none other is available. If there were no attachment issues, the temporary cot wouldn't be as much of an issue. It may be a cultural thing, extended family being involved with child-rearing but as I suggested a few messages back, I think that we need to butt out - they hold all the cards.