Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Original poster

What pushed you to sleep train using the CC method?

76 replies

oneseriouslytiredmumma · 01/08/2020 13:40

Curious to know how bad exactly other parents DD or DS sleep had become before you were finally pushed to a point that you thought sleep training them using the controlled crying method was the only option left?

At what ages have people used this method with there little people and did you have any success with it?

OP posts:
MadamShazam · 17/08/2020 09:58

I'm probably one of the anti sleep training people! However, reading what some of you have gone through with your sleep averse DC, I am not surprised you decided to sleep train. Nobody can function on inadequate sleep, parents and babies. Nobody can judge unless they have staggered a mile in your sleep deprived state!

EssentialHummus · 17/08/2020 10:07

7 months, Ferber. Within three days she was sleeping through. A year later we got stuck in hospital overnight with her and despite lights , sounds, wires, beeps etc she slept through. It made her sleep bomb-proof.

We train children to eat, use the potty, read, speak politely... I really don’t understand the drama around sleep training.

Phillymouse · 18/08/2020 03:46

So first night of cc 1.5 hrs of screaming at bed time but she fell asleep through exhaustion, that was at 9, woke at 1am screamed until now and I mean screamed with no let up. I gave in and now cuddling her to sleep

Am I a shit mum or a weak mum ?

Anthilda · 18/08/2020 03:51

Not a shit mum or a weak mum, just a tired mum @Phillymouse

Keep trying. It is difficult but lack of sleep almost drove me to the brink. No person is able to function with such severe lack of sleep.

I hope you both drift off soon Flowers

Phillymouse · 18/08/2020 03:53

She's asleep on me but she's doing that huffy snivelling crying you know when you get too upset.

I sat next to her for 2.5 hrs whilst she screamed and cried

As soon as she settles I'm putting her down

Anthilda · 18/08/2020 04:05

I dont know how other have done it and I am in no way an expert. My little one never slept properly until 2 and a half years old.
The way I did it, and it was from this site that I got the advice, was to let her cry for a bit (waited on the landing) told her I'm coming back in 5 mins.
Then say the same next time but actually extend it to 8 mins, then 10, then 15 and so on (at this point they fall asleep waiting as they are anticipating you will be back but you're chilling downstairs 🤞)

It took a couple of weeks for this to sink in.

Now she has a routine of 7pm bath, bed, book and cuddles.
Give her half an hour of my time to chat and wind down. Then I leave her, I say I'll be back in 5 mins.

I do hear her calling for me and I pop up to say goodnight a few times but there is no screaming the house down now.

I am now trying to sleep train myself as I am so used to being up at stupid hours 😂

Anthilda · 18/08/2020 04:09

Someone else mentioned too, not to engage in sleep negotiation. Just go in, say goodnight, place child back in the bed if they've climbed out.
Minimal convo. Just go back in and say goodnight, tuck them back in.
Consistent and firm

Phillymouse · 18/08/2020 04:10

I'm going to try and hold out for five nights doing this, then il try the Ferber method like you have done @Anthilda

The problem is I won't get any help from professionals until I've tried some sort of controlled crying as they are saying it's my fault for rocking her to sleep in the first place and it's all behavioural

Phillymouse · 18/08/2020 04:11

@Anthilda yeah the only thing I've said to her is "lie down" since 7:30 pm

Anthilda · 18/08/2020 04:19

Oh I totally feel you, the stress, the tiredness. It is like a slow death.
Everytime I reached out to professionals they handed me bloody booklets and leaflets, that made me feel like an inadequate parent more than anything else. But what can they do?

Does the little one have tummy problems? Mine did, and we had to up the dose of movicol slightly. This helped as she was more regular with poos and maybe in less pain.

Its been a few months for us with this sleep routine and there has been the odd night of reverting back to old ways but like I said, consistent and firm.

I hope you manage to have a breakthrough soon.

Userzzz · 18/08/2020 04:30

I realized that it was not about me, it was about them, they needed a good solid sleep. With both babies once it got to the point where they were waking constantly even after 8 months, I decided it was time for them to learn not to wait for the breast to get back to sleep. They learn very quickly if you are consistent for a week.

Remona · 18/08/2020 04:43

We did it when my DS was about 12 months. He’d wake in the night and wouldn’t settle unless one of us was in with him holding his hand. We’d resorted to having a mattress on his bedroom floor and we took it in turns to go in and then sleep with him on the mattress just to be able to get some proper sleep.

It was every single night and we were at the end of our tether so thought CC was worth trying. It took either 4 or 5 nights of going in to him, not saying a word (this is key) and laying him back down (he was always stood in his cot sobbing to be picked up). Every night we had to go in several times to put him back down but he got the message in the end. After 4 or 5 nights of this he slept through and was always a brilliant sleeper after this. Apart from when he was ill, I don’t think he ever woke in the night again after that and always slept like a top.

It worked like a dream and we wished we had done it sooner. It’s a tough few days when you’re doing it, but broken sleep every night for months on end is tough too. The end result is so worth it.

Interestingly I watched a TV programme called “Toddlers behaving very badly” on Sunday. There was a 2 year old who screamed for 2 hours at bedtime and they had to sit on the floor holding her hand in the end to get her to sleep. They had a ridiculously long winded bedtime routine so the expert had them cutting that short and trying CC. They left her for one minute, then a minute and a half then two minutes etc, each time going in and putting her back into bed without saying a word. Within 25 minutes - 25 minutes!! - she had got the message and actually got herself back into bed, tucked herself in and settled down.

Phillymouse · 18/08/2020 06:46

I ended up holding her to sleep and even then she woke at 6:30

Hopeful tonight she ll be shattered

Incrediblytired · 18/08/2020 07:20

She woke every 45 minutes for 7.5 months, being fed back to sleep each time. Then it got to the point where she wouldn’t be fed back to sleep and just f’ing screamed relentlessly. I couldn’t be a good mum (I mean she was cared for but I was miserable and exhausted - no depression thankfully) and I feared DH having a car crash or something due to exhaustion.

There is some research by Harvard which has studied the longitudinal effects and found that there are none.

Also, she probably cried less with the training that on a normal night or a bad car journey.

I’d do it again. Definitely. It was dealt with in 3 nights.

CherryBlossom456 · 18/08/2020 19:36

@Phillymouse

Keep at it! I had some horrendous nights similar to what you described

AdaFromYorkshire · 18/08/2020 19:47

We did it at about 15 months, having had every night up to then badly disturbed. It took four nights. When DD was about seventeen I told her about it. She laughed and said "Am I, like, supposed to be damaged by that?"

doadeer · 18/08/2020 21:03

@Phillymouse

I'm going to try and hold out for five nights doing this, then il try the Ferber method like you have done *@Anthilda*

The problem is I won't get any help from professionals until I've tried some sort of controlled crying as they are saying it's my fault for rocking her to sleep in the first place and it's all behavioural

What do you mean you won't get any help? @Phillymouse
Phillymouse · 19/08/2020 01:28

She's been screaming for two hours non stop how is this meant to be teaching her to self settle?

GP has sent a referral to paediatrics to cover all bases but they won't see her unless all "behavioural" routes have been explored

doadeer · 19/08/2020 07:48

@Phillymouse

I'm sorry you're having such a terrible time.

Are you following the go in and comfort her after 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 8 minutes, 8 minutes, 12 minutes routine? If she stops crying for 20 secs you reset the timer?

What is her eating like? We always had to keep a food diary when we were sleep training too.

Can you afford a sleep consultant? Mine was £220 and it was the best money I ever spent

Phillymouse · 19/08/2020 08:30

@doadeer unfortunately I can't afford a sleep consultant :(

The nursery nurse said that I was to sit next to her cot, stick my arm through the bar and pat her bum or back and if she gets up to lay her back down each time ............

Well I'm sure that's what would happen in an ideal situation but the reality is my daughter had 5 hours solid sleep ( so an improvement) but because she had five hours sleep she had the energy of the Duracell bunny and kept crying and screaming for 2 hours, sticking my arm through the bar does fuck all as she either sits straight back up when I lay her down, stands up and I'm constantly up and down like a filddlers elbow!!!!

Then she's so upset and snivelling and huffing she can't settle??? How is this teaching her to go to sleep?

Phillymouse · 19/08/2020 08:35

She ends up being upset in her sleep and by 2 am I just sat there staring at her whilst she sat there and cried. She had some water during that time but she's shouting for booby and being "taught" to go to sleep on her own.

The only thing is that there was an improvement in going to sleep initially but that was because she was exhausted from the night before antics, she had her last breastfeed and almost fell asleep on the boob, so I put her down in her cot, she cried for 10 seconds and fell asleep for five hours, then we had two hours of constant crying and screaming, with half an hour of almost settling instead of the three hours previously, then she slept from 2:45 til 7 am no wake ups !

However I'm sure this is just because she's exhausted and once she gets used to this she's going to be up again all the time

Feel like a terrible mum

doadeer · 19/08/2020 08:46

@Phillymouse

You're having a terrible time I'm so sorry. Remind me how old your little one is?

My son was crying when I was there, I tried sitting in the dark with him for hours and hours and it just made him more desperate to get out he was crying so much.

What worked for us was to following CC to the T. We made sure he had plenty of food. Even a small bowel of porridge before bed as we were dropping all breastfeeding/milk feeds. So we knew he definately wasn't crying with hunger.

We then did, bath, massage then story while having milk, teeth. And into his cot.

You really have to follow the script completely. Wait 3 mins, 5 mins, 8 mins, 8 mins etc. If you pick them up and have a cuddle it negates all the hard work you've done, that's what I kept telling myself. It was awful at first but it got easier.

Have you got a partner? Support network? I'd tell them you're really struggling and have someone to text when you're going through it to stay strong.

Ultimately when your little one starts sleeping better they will be so much happier. And so will you.

Phillymouse · 19/08/2020 13:06

@doadeer she's 19 months old

Phillymouse · 19/08/2020 13:09

@doadeer we have a solid lovely bedtime routine that's never changed she has a snack before she goes to bed she has plenty of water she has a good boob feed before bedtime so that's all sorted. What the nursery nurse wants me to do is to sit next to the cot with with my arm through for reassurance and not do the going go out method just yet. But honestly I ended up just sitting there in bewilderment until she calmed down After two and a bit hours of screaming

doadeer · 19/08/2020 13:36

@Phillymouse

My son is 19months too.

As I said we were in the same boat, which was why I did CC as me sitting there wasn't providing any comfort, as you are describing he was crying. With the CC method it took 4 days to fix and now for naps and bed I just pop him down and he does straight off, zero tears.

Obviously it's deeply personal but it sounds so upsetting for you and your daughter. I hope you see an improvement soon 💐