Will a baby naturally learn to settle themselves to sleep?

[Stargirl2707]

Will a baby naturally learn to settle themselves to sleep, or do they have to be ‘taught’.
My little one is 9 months now. Still wakes every 2 hours. Never been a great sleeper.
I don’t want to sleep train as it’s not something I’m comfortable with. But just wondering, one day will he learn to link his sleep cycles and fall back to sleep himself, or will I have to ‘teach’ him?
Currently he is fed and/or cuddled and patted to sleep before placing in his cot in his own room.
After 9 months of constant wake ups through the night and 6am starts I am beyond exhausted. Just want to know there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Literally all my friends babies sleep well 😫😫😫

At 9 months and if you're feeding, cuddling or patting to sleep then no as you have now taught them this and are reinforcing it every night.

Mine did but it took her until she was 2. She always hated sleeping though. Her brother also did, he was a bit younger than 2, I can't remember how old exactly. The pp is talking nonsense, of course you won't be feeding a 21 year old to sleep! Its a matter of when not if, and whether you're willing to wait for the when to happen naturally or you want to force it.

You’re doing fine. I never sleep trained mine and cuddled them back to sleep until they were two. They now sleep though of threat own accord, no need for tears.
It’s normal for babies to wake a lot. I know it’s exhausting but your baby will start to go longer stretches of their own accord.
Enjoy the cuddles

Mine all did, except for the one I felt pressured into sleep training (he did eventually, but he was about 3!). So three out of four isn't bad going.
You could try just waiting a tiny bit longer to start soothing your baby though. Or stop sooner and just sit with them for a while.
It's hard when you are sleep deprived, but it will get better and you will find the solution that works for you. there is no absolute right or wrong here, it's often a case of making it up as you go along.
One thing- is there anyone helping you, or not helping you who could? If you re on your own then it's different, but if you have a partner who could help but isn't (sadly common) then that can make it all so much worse.

My dd did, although it took her until she was 15mo. It was hard at the time, but like you I’m in the same situation again with my 9mo ds. Would I change anything? Nope! I know it’s temporary, and I’m enjoying the extra cuddles while I still can.
I seem to remember it got better when dh got Involved and started putting dd to bed more regularly.

You don’t have to do Cry It Out to sleep train, there are much gentler methods than that that give them the idea. I recommend the Baby Sleep Solution by Lucy Wolfe to get you started. She’s on Instagram too and often posts videos of how baby sleep works.

Yes. When depends on the baby, but DD – the most arsehole dickhead bad sleeper of all babies, ever, who as a newborn would only sleep on DP's shoulder if he sprinted very fast, napped in the sling til she was one – now at 15m takes two-hour cot naps and sleeps for huge chunks at night (doesn't sleep through but 1-2 wake ups is a world away from 18,000), and is fed to sleep for naps and bed by me, or cuddled by DP. They all get there.

Do whatever it takes to survive, IMO.

No, not if you don't give them a chance to learn. If you jump in to feed/cuddle/rock/sing every time they wake up, and never let them try to put themselves to sleep, then you could be looking at years of doing whatever you taught them to rely on.

DD self settled from 5 months because we let her learn. She went down sleepy but awake, and we left her to it. Went in as soon as she got upset to calm her down, but left her awake. Minimal crying, 3 days, self settling baby.

Yes they will.
Giving them ‘a chance to learn’ ‘teaching them’ etc etc is all a load of crap IMHO

DS was fed to sleep and woke every 3-4 until 12 months. Had milk regularly through the night.
Started waking less and less and then at 18 months I just started putting him down and saying “mummy is just going for a wee”
Slept 12 hours straight and if he does wake up I just shout through to his room “night time now go to sleep” and he is fine
Best decision and no tears

I honestly would take sleepness nights over a crying baby

It goes against all your instincts to let your child cry, so why do it?

They’re so very little once and I don’t regret for a second comforting and cuddling my child

@2155User

Yes they will. Giving them ‘a chance to learn’ ‘teaching them’ etc etc is all a load of crap IMHO

DS was fed to sleep and woke every 3-4 until 12 months. Had milk regularly through the night.
Started waking less and less and then at 18 months I just started putting him down and saying “mummy is just going for a wee”
Slept 12 hours straight and if he does wake up I just shout through to his room “night time now go to sleep” and he is fine
Best decision and no tears

I honestly would take sleepness nights over a crying baby

It goes against all your instincts to let your child cry, so why do it?

They’re so very little once and I don’t regret for a second comforting and cuddling my child

FFS sleep training doesn't mean leaving your child to cry!

Yes they do, but it might take longer than you'd hope for.

I found the no cry sleep solution a really good book. It's not a solution, it's a series of ideas to try, but it helped.

I found with both of mine who I've gone for path of last resistance sleep wise which means feeding to sleep and cosleeping fully or partially, there was an improvement around a year old where some sleep cycles started to join up, and another around 18 months, when I've found they have a pattern of waking once at about my bedtime and then once or twice during the actual night. They didn't fully sleep through the night until over 2 years old, but they did get there by themselves.

And equally, feeding them to sleep doesn't mean you're not giving them a chance to settle themselves. Nowhere in the feed to sleep non rule book does it say you must drop everything and run to them. Most nights I go for a wee first and sometimes by the time I've done that he's asleep again.

I think most people understand sleep training to involve some crying. Otherwise you're just responding to them being upset which isn't really any method.

Just to add sleep training doesn’t mean leaving a baby to cry; I sleep trained at 9 months with a no cry gradual retreat approach with an added pick up put down part if she did start to properly cry.
My DD doesn’t sleep perfectly but in the main does and could put herself to sleep at bedtime from that age. My sister who chose not to sleep train still had to shush and rock her 2 year old. I’m not sure would have been able to do it herself without sleep training but to go back to work on so little sleep would have been too difficult.

@Bitchinkitchen

I would say 90% of sleep training methods involve some crying from the child, whether that be crying for 15 seconds or 15 minutes

[quote 2155User]@Bitchinkitchen

I would say 90% of sleep training methods involve some crying from the child, whether that be crying for 15 seconds or 15 minutes[/quote]
Would you really choose a full night's sleep over letting your baby cry for 15 seconds?

If so, i recommend you speak to your HV or GP. That level of self sacrifice is truly unhealthy and you're setting yourself up for a real crisis of guilt when the day inevitably comes that you have no choice but to let your baby cry for a few minutes. Especially if you have more than one!

Just because you're a parent doesn't mean you have to completely subjugate every one of your needs to your child. You deserve rest and support as well. Please make sure you're taking care of yourself - it's the best thing for your baby too.

I'm afraid I am in agreement with @Bitchinkitchen I sleep trained my baby (now 11 months) using a no cry method. She has slept through 12 hours since she was 4.5 months old! I used a lady who was training to become a sleep consultant at the time (now www.babysleepstarzzz.com) she was very supportive and I was in complete control of what I wanted to do and what felt right for me and my baby.

I would research the methods and see how comfortable you feel with them. It was the best thing I did for both me and my baby as I was extremely tired through the day and wasnt giving her my full attention. Now we both enjoy each others company alot more 😊

@user1493413286

Sorry to hijack but did you get that method out of any particular book etc?

@Bitchinkitchen

That’s rich from someone who said I needed to speak to my GP.

I work in a referral unit, so I’ve seen the impact all manner of parenting has on children. I am the parent who 99% of the time says “oh he will be fine” and leave my child to it, but sleep training just will not happen in my household. I believe it goes against my natural instincts to comfort my child.

My choices may be odd to others, in the same way I feel it bizarre to have to train a child to sleep, but I don’t believe either option is unhealthy or requires intervention from a medical personnel.

[quote 2155User]@Bitchinkitchen

That’s rich from someone who said I needed to speak to my GP.

I work in a referral unit, so I’ve seen the impact all manner of parenting has on children. I am the parent who 99% of the time says “oh he will be fine” and leave my child to it, but sleep training just will not happen in my household. I believe it goes against my natural instincts to comfort my child.

My choices may be odd to others, in the same way I feel it bizarre to have to train a child to sleep, but I don’t believe either option is unhealthy or requires intervention from a medical personnel.[/quote]
Again, you've misunderstood me. I also think you're being rather unnecessarily judgemental - as i previously stated, sleep training does not blanketly mean leaving your child to cry without comfort.

@Bitchinkitchen

I never said it meant leaving your child to cry without comfort. Many of my friends have sleep trained and not a single one has left their child to cry without comfort, most have done the method where you go in at regular intervals to comfort the child. But I still couldn’t leave my child to cry during the night for any length of time.

@2155User I'll repeat myself once again - there are multiple methods of sleep training that do not involve leaving your child to cry at all. Like the one i used, as detailed above. Took 3 days, i went in as soon as she cried, and at 5 months i had a baby who settled by herself.

Arguing about somebody leaving their DC to cry for 15 seconds is a bit of a straw man anyway, I don't think there's any child in the world who has never had to cry for a few seconds! It's not usually physically possible to get to them in time to avoid that, and I don't think anybody is sitting there with a stopwatch counting 15 seconds until they comfort their child.

The main reason I won't do most "sleep training" methods is that I don't believe children need training to sleep - they sleep just fine if they are tired, relaxed, comfortable, and feel safe. Some are able to do that by themselves and some need the reassurance/presence of a parent to get that safety. It's likely to be an evolutionary thing.

But obviously sleep training isn't actually supposed to be about training them to sleep but about training them not to bother you. I don't really want to train my children not to bother me, not in this context.

I think some people believe sleep training teaches children to soothe themselves, but I don't believe this because I don't see how it could possibly work like that. You don't teach them to read by handing them Harry Potter at age 4, you don't teach them to swim by throwing them in the deep end with no arm bands. You start with things like picture books and the alphabet, and splashing in the shallow end. Sleep training is putting a very young child in a situation where they need to use skills they don't have yet with no opportunity to develop them or guidance on how they can do that. I feel it's important to cultivate the feeling of relaxation and safety around bedtime and then slowly wean the different parts away when I feel they are ready. Or just wait until they stop needing them by themselves, which they do.

But also, I have children who when left (because for example I can't get to them straight away or I don't realise they are crying until it has been a while) don't settle down but ramp up and get more upset/agitated. I think from reading some threads on MN that some children/babies don't do this, they complain for a little bit and then go to sleep. So sleep training probably works very well for those babies, and it's definitely not cruel in that instance.

@Bitchinkitchen

I have never said it always involves crying, but more often than not it does. I would say you’re in the minority if you’ve managed to sleep train with no tears.

Like I’ve said, each to their own, but I don’t believe you should train a baby to do something that will come naturally if you give it time.