2 year old awake for hours every night

[mumofmeadow]

Hi all I am desperately seeking some advice/ answers/ reassurance on this. My daughter is 2 and for over a year she wakes nightly ( Atleast 3 times a week sometimes every night) for hours at a time, usually around midnight and finally falling asleep around 3/4am. During this time she is mainly quiet, just sat up in the corner of her cot, sometimes chatting, messing around with her dummy / comforter. She rarely cries out or wants me she just simply seems wide awake and happy. However the next day then she is exausted.

I have tried no naps, naps, early bed time, late bedtime, her current routine is no nap in the day ( she dropped herself - she some days does if we are out ) bed asleep by 6.30/7- she self settles. As mentioned above she wakes around midnight until 3/4 and then will sleep until 7.30/8.

I have asked numerous health visitors and no one seems to have heard of this before! I can't be the only one?! Please help! It's not my lack of sleep that's the problem it's my daughters I am worried about the most x

Sorry to hear you’re going through this. But I’m also quite happy you’ve posted this. I’ve posted Pretty much an exact same thing about 4 o clock this morning but my little one is 18 months. Started the last couple months, not every night maybe 3/4 nights a week. Can be up from 11-3 or 12-4. I’ve been googling it and can’t seem to find really anything on it at all. Starting to get me down as my little one isn’t happy to stay by herself in her cot after the first hour so I’m not getting any sleep either. Not awake and wanting to play just awake tossing and turning. Sitting up then laying down. And she is tired the next day too. Hoping someone comes along and gives us some advice 😫 but just wanted to say you’re not alone.

Sounds hellish OP, my 2 yr old woke a bit in the night for no reason, not for as many hours, but was fully awake and talking of getting up etc.

The next day when she’s tired do you let her nap? The only thing I can think of is overtired. I’d be inclined to let her nap for an hr/ hr and half after lunch and move bedtime to 8pm for at least a wk.

Of my three, two were non-sleepers and although by 3 it all righted itself and they did become absolulte champion sleepers, up until the age of 3, the lack of sleep was a huge problem. It slows down their development (they catch up, but still, you're struggling with this knackered child who is too tired to fully engage with the world around them). My youngest is now 6, but at your DD's age, he was the same: Great at self-settling, nice early bedtime, but up again half the night. It was like, the minute I got into bed, he woke up for the night.

I've not tried this, but my son was referred to the Evelina Children's Hospital sleep clinic. They've developed a sleep app. I'll link you to the app (for info) and also a page about the app's development and use. I never downloaded the app because I don't think I knew about it until my son's appointment came up, by which time, he was sleeping through the night. It's always the way! They all get there, but lack of sleep is so hard on a family. I hope this information helps.

kidssleepdr.com/

www.guysandstthomas.nhs.uk/news-and-events/2015-news/april/20150402-sleep-app-at-evelina-london.aspx

My almost 2 year old does this just not has long maybe 1.5-2 hours at the most just sitting/rolling around, chatting or quiet then falls back to sleep with no problems.
He's done this since he started to ditch his nap so I'm guessing it's because of this.

I have asked numerous health visitors and no one seems to have heard of this before!

HVs are a curious breed! They do come up with some real gems. Sleep disorders are so common! Try not to worry yourself into a state, OP.

Thank you all so much for your responses I can't even tell you how
Much weight is lifted from knowing that I'm not alone in this and also that there is light at the end of the tunnel thank you so much @TheVanguardSix for
The link I will definitely take a look at this!

@OnlyFoolsnMothers I do try and nap her, up until about 3 months ago she always napped in her cot daily but then started
To point blank refuse, I can only blame this on terrible twos / lockdown and routine being messed up! She will nap if we are in the car but won't at home although I do
Try and encourage with quiet time. I've got a 3 month old baby too so would love that day break 😂 ..

@NopeNotToday5 @TiredMum01i hope
You get some joy soon! Please keep me posted as I will
Too! ..

@TheVanguardSix honestly I spoke to one HV who was meant to be a sleep 'guru' and she said she was at a loss! No idea!! Lol just makes you feel so alone x

@TheVanguardSix also totally agree with the development by Daughter is not talking and although I know this isn't directly
Related I can't help but feel like the lack of sleep must be effecting her ability to
Focus and concentrate xx

My DS did this I think he would deep sleep from being over tired then be awake about 2am. If you read the gentle sleep book it states this is perfectly normal. I expect the HV didn't know how to stop it and neither did I.

In the end we would play and it would wear him out faster so instead of being awake 2 - 2.5 hours he would wake for an hour. People told me he was waking up on purpose to play with me and yeah maybe, but it was focused stuff and in a way it was nice ( although I would of preferred to be asleep, I can look back fondly now ) . There are no doorbells at 2 am, no housework or dogs barking just mummy never Daddy and child . It was a long phase and then it stopped as suddenly as it started about 8 months later.

@awhitemouseinthehouse I ordered that book and after a brief flick
Through already feel so much more
Positive! Why isn't this more common knowledge ?! Thanks for
The recommendation..

Also out of interest to all you mums who have experienced this did you put your little ones in a bed whilst this was going on? And if so what was the outcome? 🙈

Would you consider getting rid of the dummy? It prevents deep sleep and can be a reason children wake up in the night if it falls out or they lose it.

My DD was a terror for waking repeatedly at night from about 4m onwards, until she was 2yr 10m. We got rid of the dummy then, and after a week or so of whinging and grizzling, she forgot all about it and now sleeps 90% reliably 7-6.30, and has done for about three months 🍾

I’m not certain of the correlation and maybe she was due to start sleeping through anyway, but maybe worth a go.

I feel for you OP, especially if you work, as no one in my office gave a single shit that I was trying to hold down a managerial role with a large team on about 5hr broken sleep a night 🙄

@WorryWartOne thank you for your
Message! I have actually thought about this! I have phased it out from the day in the last 3 weeks I did try one night doing bed without it but there was murder so I gave in! Haha but I think I'll have to bite the bullet! So
Glad to hear your getting a full night sleep now! So hard! I don't work, I am actually on maternity leave at the moment as I've just had a baby boy 3 months ago so as you can imagine I am a very tired mumma indeed! Haha

My daughter used to do this too. It’s a living hell so you have my upmost sympathies.

I don’t think I managed to do anything to stop it, she just grew out of it. By 3 slept through beautifully and even takes herself to bed when tired now.

Just wanted to pass on solidarity. It’s awful when youre in the middle of it.

I had a comfy chair by her cot and would just sit with her in silence listening to podcasts. X

And she did have a dummy actually, although I’d not made that link at the time. Worth a shot at removing now! Good luck

Have you tried transitioning to a bed? We swapped to a bed at eighteen months and DD slept so much better after that.

[quote mumofmeadow]@WorryWartOne thank you for your
Message! I have actually thought about this! I have phased it out from the day in the last 3 weeks I did try one night doing bed without it but there was murder so I gave in! Haha but I think I'll have to bite the bullet! So
Glad to hear your getting a full night sleep now! So hard! I don't work, I am actually on maternity leave at the moment as I've just had a baby boy 3 months ago so as you can imagine I am a very tired mumma indeed! Haha [/quote]
Oh gosh you poor thing! Well it’s trial and error really, maybe try losing the dummy (I agree it’s a tough plaster to rip off... my DD was NOT happy), if that doesn’t work possibly try shifting her bedtime back a bit? Or as PP says, a bed?

Best of luck, it’s really not uncommon, and I have close friends and family who also put up with sleepless nights well past the first year! Congrats on your baby too ☺️

Struggling in a similar way so no wisdom just solidarity!

My 2 year old was a dream until lock down! Would climb into her toddler bed, roll over and be asleep in 5 minutes until 7am. Now she takes forever, we have a good routine for her and I’m trying a reward chart/Gro Clock from tonight because I feel like I need to give something new a try.

We have a new baby due in four weeks and I’m at the end of my tether because I just never imagined us having these issues with her. I expected some resistance once baby was born maybe but not all these months before... I feel for you!

@kellybean18 aw it's so hard my little girl was the same prior to lock down went for her naps no problem .. bed time no problem, I did not plan for this while planning my second baby! Haha but rest assured that Atleast we aren't alone and I promise you'll get into a swing of things when baby 2 comes! If anything my toddler makes my newborns sleeping pattern look like an absolute dream 😂!! He is for sure a better sleeper than her at 14 weeks old!

Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy ❤️

@mumofmeadow

SO we had a much better night - with the reward chart and gro clock! Gave her a sticker for each part of the bedtime process (even stuff she does Fine already like brushing her Teeth, just to keep it all super positive). Also let her choose her PJs, her stories, her bath bubbles etc

Anyway we then introduced the gro clock! “The blue star means it’s time to stay in bed until the sun is out”. She got out once, we simply said “Blue star means you stay in bed” and she was asleep by 7.20!

I am hoping it’s not a fluke one off... she woke up at 6:30 saying ‘yellow sun! Sticker?’ So I’m hopeful it had an impact x

It looks like your daughter does have a nap, a 3-4 hours nap at 3/4am. Hence the ‘split nights’. If you think about it. she spends 13-14 hours a day in her bed. By the time she wakes up at around 12-1am, she already had a good stretch of 6-7 hours sleep. She then has quiet play time for 3-4 hours followed by a long nap. She is active only for about 10 hours a day so she is not tired enough to sleep for 10 hours at bedtime. All together she does get enough sleep but in the wrong pattern. What you want is for her to spend 13-14 active hours with a short power nap and 10-11 hours uninterrupted sleep at night.

While she can stay up for 10 hours, at her age toddlers need about 30-40 mins nap, starting about 7hours before their bedtime. If bed time is 6.30pm she should start the day at around 5.30-6.00am and should have a 30 mins nap at around 11am. I know you want to let her sleep longer in the morning as she is up a lot at night but if you want to keep the 6.30pm bed time, you should wake her at around 6am each morning and settle her for a 30 mins nap at around 11am. If you’d rather she slept till 7.00-7.30 in the morning, you should push the bedtime generally to 8pm and settle her for 30-40 mins nap at around 12.30. This way she doesn’t get overtired but is tired enough to fall asleep and sleep for 10-11 hours at night and be up and active for 13-14 hours a day with a 30 mins power nap. This will turn into a quiet time when she is closer to 3 and night sleep will lengthen to 12 hours.
Toddler sleep is so difficult! Hope this info is helpful and your daughters sleep will settle soon.

You say she chats and then I think you said she doesn't talk yet, does she just babble in baby talk (sweeet - maybe not in the middle of the night)? A few toys in her cot might help her.

At least she is not screaming for attention!

Mine used to settle down happily and quite cosy in between mummy and daddy so we all managed to get sufficient sleep.

This phase will pass I promise you.

@Esmymoss I have actually read a lot on this . She has been doing this probably over a year and only cut naps on the last 3 months I would say. I totally agree with you that she would be better in that pattern however she simply will NOT nap anymore.. lol she used to go up to her cot no problem and nap lovely but now protests so much this turns into screams and tears .. she will nap if we are in the car maybe but she also gets travel sick so I try to avoid using the car as a nap tool. It's so hard as I just want her to get enough sleep but how do you explain this to a 2 year old 😂 ..

@jessstan2 yes just babble! It's very cute haha x

@Esmymoss I really appreciate your response it makes total sense! X

[quote mumofmeadow]@Esmymoss I have actually read a lot on this . She has been doing this probably over a year and only cut naps on the last 3 months I would say. I totally agree with you that she would be better in that pattern however she simply will NOT nap anymore.. lol she used to go up to her cot no problem and nap lovely but now protests so much this turns into screams and tears .. she will nap if we are in the car maybe but she also gets travel sick so I try to avoid using the car as a nap tool. It's so hard as I just want her to get enough sleep but how do you explain this to a 2 year old 😂 ..

@jessstan2 yes just babble! It's very cute haha x [/quote]
I wish she was one of these 'falls asleep on the sofa' toddlers 😂

My little boy did this from 15 months til 20 months and has done it on and off the last few weeks too ( nearly 2 and a half years old )
I've never found a fix unfortunately, it's just been something he has gotten over by himself .

The only thing I can put it down to is either teething or developmental, the times when he has been waking for hours in the night has been the same times he has been learning lots / started chatting more and just growing up in general .

Sorry I have no cure but it might be something you have to just ride out , you're definitely not alone though !