3 month old will only nap on me but sleeps ok at night

[Carbis]

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been trying to get my baby into a bit of a nap routine but he fights it every time. I’m quite happy to let him sleep on me but people have told my partner that this is a terrible thing to do. They don’t seem to offer any solutions though!

He used to sleep ok in his Moses basket during the day but now won’t sleep in it at all. He just lies there kicking his legs and smiling and after a while gets upset. So now I take him out in the sling in the morning and he’ll usually fall asleep at some point. At lunchtime, I take him up to our bedroom to feed him and try to put him down for a nap. Whenever I put him in the cot, he wakes up immediately and cries his little heart out. I’ve tried resettling him in the cot to no avail. After a few attempts of picking him up and putting him down, I’ll let him sleep on me otherwise he wouldn’t sleep at all. He sleeps fine in it at night time. The afternoon nap is the most hit and miss of all.

Am I better off letting him sleep on me for a bit and then putting him down, because at least that way he has had some rest or trying to put him down repeatedly at the start? I suppose what I’m really looking for is for someone to tell me that sleeping on me isn’t the end of the world.

I don't have any advice, my 3 month old will only really sleep on or next to me day and night. Just wanted to let you know you will be far from the only person doing this!

Mine napped on me until ten months. It's not a terrible thing to do! He is an independent little toddler now who obsessed with daddy and not at all bothered by me anymore! I look back on his baby naps with fond memories! Do what u want and ignore the critics.

It's definitely fine. Try to enjoy it. They are only babies once and just want to be close to you

My 10 week old is the same. Tbh i use his nap time as an excuse to sit down with a coffee and relax if we are home. If out he will nap in sling or pram. So long as he goes in cot/moses basket at night it doesnt bother me.

My DS is nearly 10 months and we've only managed cot naps in the last week or so. Before that, they were on us or in his bouncy chair. Even now, I usually rock him to sleep on me for 5-10 minutes before transferring him. I think I once put him down awake and he managed to fall asleep himself. He's sadly never repeated this trick!

If you really want to change it then let him
Get into a deep sleep on you and then pop him down. Keep doing this, he will start to feel Comfortable in the Moses basket. Put something that smells of you beside him

Otherwise let him sleep on you and enjoy it

.....why is it a terrible thing?

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I can totally relate to using the time to relax, it’s the only time I sit down and watch tv all day as I go to bed so early!

I suppose I’m worried that it will eventually impact on his nighttime sleep and he’ll need to be held for that too, especially with the 4 month regression looming!

I completely understand (and agree) not wanting to get into the habit of holding baby to sleep. It can be a tough habit to break. Plus, getting baby sleeping independently gives you a break from feeling touched out!

I think you're trying to run before you can walk.

Instead of going straight to baby sleeping in the Moses basket, aim instead to put baby down in something that moves. Movement helps baby settle into independent sleep.

Id highly recommend a cheapy bouncy chair for daytime naps. You can sit on the sofa and bounce baby with your foot. A flat pram or pushchair pushed back and forth works too.

Aim to put baby in there fully awake, after having need fed. A dummy helps significantly to sooth and calm baby independantly, without crying.

I have this same issue too and was literally going to start a thread until I saw your title! my daughter Is 14 weeks and goes down in cot at 6:30pm and sleeps through til 7am in her cot no fuss (although that 4 month regression is coming up and will ruin it all ) But in the day unless in pram/ car (which as soon as I get home she wakes up in). She only will fall asleep on me... It’s lovely to have cuddles but sometimes I could do with that time to get jobs done or eat! Let me know if you find a way! X

@ChloeBo85 please don't try to fix this. YOur baby is doing what they need to do! It won't go on forever and trust me, you miss this phase when it's over

I’m not trying to fix it, just one nap with him not in my arms would mean I can have one on one time with my daughter or get her tea ready etc.... I love all the cuddles and know they don’t last forever and I dont agree they ‘spoil children’ etc ... just would be nice to have one cuddle free nap in a day

ChloeBo85 have you tried naps in a bouncy chair?

Allows for movement to get/keep baby a sleep, but keeps your arms free to play with older child.

I’m quite happy to let him sleep on me
If you're happy, keep doing it! Just tune out everyone else, nod and vaguely smile and say you'll consider it.

My daughter napped on me till she was 12 months and now naps in the cot perfectly well – better, even, now she has room to starfish out. Sometimes I keep her on me just because it's nice and snuggly, though. Babies change all the time so what you're doing now won't necessarily work or not work or be the same in a few weeks or months.

I would actually consider another baby just for the naps (obviously lighthearted). They don’t do it for ever, and I really miss having a small baby snuggled up snoozing. If you need to get on then think about a sling but otherwise enjoy being the safe place. I’m still my kids’ safe place but they’re all limbs now and no squish at all

Its absolutely fine, DD slept in her cot fine but only napped on us til 6m, and then she started fighting the nap/waking after 10 minutes, so we popped her in the cot and did some v gentle CC and after 3 days, no more naps on mama and daddy. Bonus, no more feeding to sleep at night either, because she self settles!

I think I’ve jinxed it because the sleeping at nighttime is now not going well either!

@FATEdestiny isn’t it too late for a dummy? I really want to avoid one because I think it’s just kicking the can down the road but I’m really conflicted now as I just want him to be happy and rested.

At 3 months no I wouldn't say its too late, 5/6 months is too late. It will be harder work and might need a bit of perseverance and effort to get a dummy established because you're out of the newborn unconscious suck-reflex stage, but its not too late.

If used correctly, a dummy solves at least a hundred dozen more problems than it creates. Many perceived problems with dummies actually comes from not using a dummy appropriately or general unrealistic expectations about having a baby that aren't to do with the dummy directly.

To anticipate the question about using a dummy appropriately, that means:

• Age appropriate sleep time only use, not all the time use.
• Active sucking, not passively in the mouth
• Accurate expectations of how a dummy works (its for the 5-10 mins it takes to go to sleep, once asleep it serves no purpose and should drop).
• The need to teach baby the fine motor skills to handle/turn/find/pick up own dummy so that by the 7/8 month mark can start putting own dummy in independently
• Considering how baby finds own dummy in the night
• Accepting that a dummy is not, literally, a Magic Wand. They make settling to sleep much easier. But they don't mean as soon as given that all sleep problems will immediately stop
• Once baby is mobile, dummy lives only in the cot. Nothing worse than seeing a toddler out and about with a dummy in their mouth

All that done well, it means that by the time baby is 12 months old then dummy is in their mouth for a maximum of 10 minutes at each sleep time - 2-nap days, so max 30 minutes per day and could be as little as 6 or so minutes in 24 hours. Honestly, that is absolutely nothing at all and will not damage teeth or anything similar. Then wait for dummy removal until child grows out of comfort (preschool age), so no need to replace with another sleep crutch. And child is old enough to discuss, understand and be bribed out of it.

That’s really interesting, thank you. I guess there’s a risk it’s a slippery slope and then you ‘just’ use the dummy one time for this, another for that and the next thing you know, you’re trying to wrestle it off them so they can start school!

Maybe I’ll order one for back up if things don’t improve soon...

I could have written your post OP!
I love my boy but really want to get out of the habit of him sleeping on me. He does really well and even self settles at night but put him down asleep in the day and he’s straight back up again.
He’s got a bit of a feed to sleep association but won’t take a dummy.
I was going to sleep train but did a bit of PUPD pat/shush the other day and he broke his heart. A lot of the sites I’ve read talk about sleep training between 4-6 months so not sure whether to wait and do it then? Feel like I’m a bit stuck in a cycle with no way out!!

@firstimemamma @burritofan - can I ask how you got your LO to sleep independently in the end?

@ELW85 at 3 months I wasn't even thinking about it to be honest. I was very happy for ds to nap on me regularly until about ten months and even then I only stopped because he was too heavy. At ten months there was nothing I 'did' so I've got no technique to share I'm afraid. I just started putting him in his cot for naps and he took to it really well. If he ever cried and needed me I'd always go and comfort him.

You'll probably find something completely different that works for you

@firstimemamma - he’s starting nursery in October so I definitely need him used to independently sleeping by then but it breaks my heart when he cries (when I tried a bit of sleep training)

@ELW85 No technique here, just time! She got older and more active, so more tired, and started feeding to sleep again – I'd previously had to use the sling so couldn't try putting her down – so I started putting her in a sleeping bag and closing curtains around nap times and then feeding her. Put her down on the bed next to me to start with. Eventually she started reaching for her bag when she was tired. We tried transferring to the cot – some days it worked some days it didn't.

Now we do curtains closed, bag on, one story then feed to sleep and she goes down for 15 minutes in the morning - catnap as we're phasing it out – and 1.5-2 hours after lunch, though requires some resettling. But it's nice to have my arms back!

Of course we're now having toddler FOMO nap battles so it's never easy, just different. I think it's easier once they're down to 2-3 naps so a proper routine with timings, so you can establish naptime associations. Before that it's all just random sleepage.

Honestly though, I don't think you have to do much with kids, just give them what they need, nudge them in the right direction when you can, and give it time; lots of the sleep advice here amounts to months of hard work and tears with the exact same result at the same age as if you just went with the flow. But I am a routineless lazybones