7 week old not sleeping independently

[gbee99]

I have a seven week old who isn't sleeping on her own very well, although she sleeps on people or in a baby carrier ok. The most she'll sleep by herself is half an hour, then she'll start fidgeting and kicking her legs, quite often seeming like she needs a poo, which then wakes her up and she then starts crying, often escalating quite quickly. As an aside I think she is still learning how to poo as quite often she is straining and crying, seemingly in pain (although I've read this is just her still learning how to coordinate it).

I'm worried she's not getting quite enough sleep, on average I think it's about 8-9 hours and I've read they should be getting at least 14. I'm also worried that I'm not doing the right things so that she can sleep better by herself. Although I've read conflicting advice, so I don't know whether that's just the way it is for now and she'll naturally change, or whether I should be doing more to get her to sleep on her own.

She's currently sleeping in the living room overnight. Initially both myself and my other half took turns to be with her to make sure she was fed etc, so the other could get some proper sleep. I'm trying to do the bulk of this now that my other half has gone back to work, but it means I'm getting very little sleep as I either have to stay awake while she's on me (although I have to admit I have drifted a couple of times which I'm really worried about as it's a big no no), or if I'm lucky I'll get 1/2 hr sleep here and there when she does settle in her carrycot. Also as she's not napping by herself in the day, I can't catch up with sleep by sleeping while she does. Fwiw my other half is being a star and helping when he can, but he does have work so it's limited.

I've been reading around and trying a few different things but feel like I'm going round in circles and tbh I'm so sleep deprived I can't think straight anymore. Swaddling and white noise sometimes help to settle her in into the carrycot in the first place, but I haven't found anything that helps her to resettle herself when she wakes after 30 mins.

I just don't think the current situation is sustainable so I'd welcome any advice, particularly from anyone who's been in a similar situation. It'd be good to know when or how things could be better.

Yeah kick husband out of bed, get baby in and enjoy being able to sleep again. Get doctor to check for reflux, make sure you put baby down for a nap every 2 hours max.

I have an 8 week old. We are cosleeping. It started out of feeling like I didn't have much choice because my baby is like yours. I've read the safe sleeping guidance and am pretty much able to follow it (considering buying a firmer mattress though). I wear a tight fitted cardigan and have the duvet just on my legs to keep warm, only one pillow etc. It took a few weeks for me to get more and more comfortable with it. It's my first baby, I might be "making a rod for my own back etc" but I am getting so much more sleep and am so much happier for it. And yes, I tried swaddling, white noise, warming the bed, waiting ages to put him down etc. I continue to try a few times a week. But for me it doesn't work, not at the moment. Regards advice on the Internet, I think you can find pretty much whatever advice you want about how to get a baby to sleep and what is normal. Other than the safety stuff, I'm learning to take most of it with a pinch of salt.

Keha, that's great advice about the cardigan. I'd forgotten about that bit. Dressing nice and warm on your top half and using blankets and your body heat for the baby worked well for us. I'm almost feeling broody reminiscing about those co-sleeping nights.

Don't bother with comfort milk as it's thicker than usual formula so can make baby constipated and even more uncomfortable. I second reading up on the fourth trimester, growth spurts etc to help you understand what is normal so you can reframe the situation a bit. It is a killer and luck of the draw as to whether swaddling/white noise/sleepyheads etc work for your baby so be easy on yourself. It will pass!

I had a baby who didn't sleep during the day, just wanted to be awake and interacted with. Then just fed all night. Tried everything to get her to sleep in the Next to Me, then relented and coslept. Transitioned her to a cot at 7 months and her own room at 11, with no problems She's 3 now and still doesn't need as much sleep as I think she should have but is at least generally sleeping through!

Does she need to be on someone? I spent week 6 to about 26 sleeping with my son in his cot next to the bed and my arm on him.. It was enough contact for him (upto week 6 we did stints with him sleeping on us)

She's due a growth spur around the 8week mark.She will take a bigger feed and may sleep a bit longer.
I also changed to a sleep bag to stop the blanket being kicked off and for us that was a surprising success.
They get sarcastic way earlier than 18.

My dd was like this. I did the sitting up at night with her in the living room, even taking the cushions of the sofa so I was too uncomfortable to fall asleep. Horrendous times. She had silent reflux. After going round in circles I eventually found it was best to let her sleep in me in a stretchy sling in the day. At night, I did safe co sleeping with her but I used a sleepyhead. So only used cellular blankets and I wore a onesie. Had her nearest the wall and I made sure there was no gap and she was in the sleepy head so she had her own area. Eventually after a few month I was able to transition her in the sleepyhead to cot.

My son was like this. It is normal, although people don't talk about it. The thing I found most helpful was when I accepted that he needed to touch one of us while he slept and that this was ok and right for him. I stopped trying to fix him and adapted around him. This really helped my mental health and him. I second co-sleeping and slings. Look up how to do it safely. (Sofa is not safe). Sleep in different rooms for now. Also see if you can get at least 3 hours sleep on the trot by taking it in turns. This is one adult sleep cycle and will make you able to function.

Love2Dream safe swaddle sleep suit! Best thing I ever bought! 😊

I just wanted to post an update in case anyone is reading this and it in any way helps.

First I was so grateful to receive everyone's advice, it really was so supportive at a difficult time.

Since posting I'm getting more sleep as I'm able to put my now 12 week old baby down. We're not getting great sleep, some nights she'll often wake after 30 mins (still because she gets uncomfortable pooing - as an aside the doctor thinks this is colic related and not reflux) but it varies, one night I had an incredible 5 hour stretch, but that was a one off, however I'll often get a 2 hour stretch at some point in the night.

I tried various things based on the advice and at the moment we have a basic bedtime routine (change nappy, put gro bag on, feed to sleep) then I wait 20-30 mins before putting her in her bed to make sure she's in a deep sleep. Sometimes when she's particularly unsettled during the night I'll co-sleep for a while as I find if put my hand on her tummy she'll be less fidgety and stay more settled. During the day I try to make sure she sleeps well and doesn't stay awake too long in one stretch, but I need to actively get her to sleep (she rarely falls asleep when tired) and swaddling and white noise definitely helps. I can't always guarantee her getting to sleep, and it's currently more tricky as she's very interested in the world and playing these days! But I just make sure I keep track of her sleep and try my best, and am more accepting that she's not a great sleeper just yet.