7 week old not sleeping independently

[gbee99]

I have a seven week old who isn't sleeping on her own very well, although she sleeps on people or in a baby carrier ok. The most she'll sleep by herself is half an hour, then she'll start fidgeting and kicking her legs, quite often seeming like she needs a poo, which then wakes her up and she then starts crying, often escalating quite quickly. As an aside I think she is still learning how to poo as quite often she is straining and crying, seemingly in pain (although I've read this is just her still learning how to coordinate it).

I'm worried she's not getting quite enough sleep, on average I think it's about 8-9 hours and I've read they should be getting at least 14. I'm also worried that I'm not doing the right things so that she can sleep better by herself. Although I've read conflicting advice, so I don't know whether that's just the way it is for now and she'll naturally change, or whether I should be doing more to get her to sleep on her own.

She's currently sleeping in the living room overnight. Initially both myself and my other half took turns to be with her to make sure she was fed etc, so the other could get some proper sleep. I'm trying to do the bulk of this now that my other half has gone back to work, but it means I'm getting very little sleep as I either have to stay awake while she's on me (although I have to admit I have drifted a couple of times which I'm really worried about as it's a big no no), or if I'm lucky I'll get 1/2 hr sleep here and there when she does settle in her carrycot. Also as she's not napping by herself in the day, I can't catch up with sleep by sleeping while she does. Fwiw my other half is being a star and helping when he can, but he does have work so it's limited.

I've been reading around and trying a few different things but feel like I'm going round in circles and tbh I'm so sleep deprived I can't think straight anymore. Swaddling and white noise sometimes help to settle her in into the carrycot in the first place, but I haven't found anything that helps her to resettle herself when she wakes after 30 mins.

I just don't think the current situation is sustainable so I'd welcome any advice, particularly from anyone who's been in a similar situation. It'd be good to know when or how things could be better.

I'm bracing myself to get flamed but we used the sleepyhead and it made a massive difference

This is not unusual behaviour for such a young baby.
I think you need to research safe cosleeping rather then risking falling asleep with her on the sofa.
www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

Also mabey try and catch up a little bit between your partners shifts because it's just not possible to survive on no sleep.
This is a tough age but it does get better

Thanks for replying.
Did you find your little one slept for a lot longer, or just a bit? And did it take long to transition to something else?

Sounds like she could have colic. Especially if shes constipated as well.

If you're formula feeding there are comfort milks available

If you're breast feeding then theres infacol, colic drops all available from pharmacies without prescription. Also youtube/ google colic massage.

There are also cot and crib safe wedges called wedgehogs which help elevate the babys head safely,

We were in exactly the same situation 3 years ago so hopefully this helps x

Thanks also for your reply Harriet123, I'll take a look at the link.

She's only 7 weeks old, still teeny - still in what they call the 4th trimester, she needs a warm human body to sleep on, so what. Co sleep with her, before you know it she'll be 18 and sarcastic and you'd give anything to have that sleepy 7 week old back again.

Sorry if that sounded flippant, it's late and Ive possibly had a glass of wine. But I would explore safe cosleeping and also slings, perhaps she is just a touchy baby and not yet ready to sleep by herself. Good luck xxx

We did shifts and swapped over at 1-2 am, I went to bed at 8pm and he then slept after 'handover' till morning. Because DS stayed downstairs it meant that we both got a solid block of sleep. That's the only thing I can suggest. My baby became more independent in time and now sleeps in his own cot in his own room. I just did whatever helped him sleep at the time and soon enough his preferences changed.

We did actually get less sleep once he got bigger and we stopped doing shifts but it got better eventually.

She is so tiny. Much better to cosleep in bed unless there are good reasons not to.

Also to add he's been in his own room from six months, not any younger.

We co slept a few times but after falling deeply asleep once and rolling I never felt comfortable. However it could work for you.

Handhold here OP.

DD was exactly like this. I also slept in sitting room for about three months.

After about seven weeks I was hallucinating with sleep deprivation.

So I started going to bed at 6 as soon as dh came in and sleeping till 1030. Then that was me.

It does get better. It took a long time with Dd, which I won't bore you with but it did get easier along the way.

When I felt more confident I moved to bed with next to me crib, dh in spare room. By about six months we coslept. Then we started her in cot, she came back in with me sometimes by midnight, sometimes at fourish.

At about fifteen months she suddenly stopped and sleeps all night in cot.

Just co sleep safely. You will both get a lot more sleep. OH can have the sofa. Look up the safe co sleeping guidelines.

You can co sleep and transition baby to sleep alone. It is not a rod for your own back. Babies learn and change and grow.

Have you tried swaddling? Very tiny babies wake themselves up a lot throwing their arms and legs out because they're used to being curled up in the womb. It's really easy you just need a large muslin or thin cotton blanket, there are tutorials online. It makes them feel very safe like they're being held, but you can only swaddle until they learn to roll over.

Have you tried:

Swaddling
Dummy
White noise
Holding for 20 minutes after a feed then putting back down

I didn’t realise with dc1 that babies don’t just fall asleep when they’re tired. Largely when they seem tired it’s too late so write down what time they wake up then when they’ve been awake for an amount of time, put them to sleep. I’m definitely in the sleep begets sleep camp.

I used this chart and it worked for mine. So at 7 weeks, after an hour swaddle, dummy, white noise and cuddle to sleep. Loads of short naps is normal www.mybabysleepguide.com/2013/02/average-sleep-charts-by-age.html?m=1

Nighttime will improve.

Yeah, mine was like this. She grew out of it. Don't put pressure on yourself to help her through it, it's normal enough. Bonus though, was that mine never hit a sleep regression at four months. I figured she just had it a lot earlier than most babies. By the time everyone in my NCT group was moaning about the four month regression, mine had gotten much better.

Also, use the Huckleberry app (it's free) to tell you when she's likely to need her next nap. Prevents her getting overtired, which is important, as the more overtired they get the less soundly they sleep (babies are weird).

This all sounds normal for a seven week old. I’ve had three kids and they are all like this at that age. They do slowly grow out of it. It’s exhausting.
We did a shift system, so I’d go to bed at 8pm TIL about midnight or 1am then take over from DH who would go and sleep. Rest of night was awful but it’s just how it is.
You can safely co sleep but personally I think she’s a bit little.
Don’t worry about her sleeping “independently”... they just don’t at this age! They mostly nap day and night and want to be held.
Try not to worry - just ride it out. It does improve

Definitely cosleep.

Please ignore everyone telling you that you've just got to put up with it. I had so many people telling me to 'just put up' with difficulties vecause it was 'perfectly normal' when my daughter was a newborn that I ended up with devastating mental health problems. It made me feel like I had no right to be struggling and I was a terrible mother.
There are things you can do to help your baby sleep better. She will be happier, not only because she'll be sleeping better but also because her parents are happier. Trust me.
Try the following:

• sleepy head
• swaddle
• white noise (louder than you think, loud as a shower or louder than her cry if she's crying) for the whole time she's sleeping
• put her down when her breathing seems to get a bit slower, sometime after 5 mins since she nodded off. Try picking up her arm a bit and if it just falls than she's fast asleep enough to be put down
• put a hot water bottle in the cot to warm it before you put her down (obvs take it out before you put her down)
• try swinging the carrycot to rock her to sleep
• use sleeping bags rather than blankets
• very dark room.for all sleep incl naps
• research nap gaps and use them as a guide to when to put her down for a nap

I recommend the app Little Ones if none of the above advice helps. Best of luck OP, it will get better. My LO slept atrociously at that age but since 4 months has been a perfect sleeper. Everything's a phase.

white noise (louder than you think, loud as a shower or louder than her cry if she's crying) for the whole time she's sleeping

A warning with this- I've read it can cause hearing damage in the infant. Look it up, I've not checked for scientific proof of that claim but I've seen it repeated a lot.

Co sleep with her, but NOT on a sofa. The other partner will have to sleep in the living room. I am doing co sleeping as safely as I can with my 13 week old and he is much happier :)

It's natural for tiny babies to need close physical comfort, it won't spoil her for sleeping independently later on in life. Quite the opposite.

Thanks for the info on white noise, just googled and found this
www.happiestbaby.com/blogs/baby/is-white-noise-bad-for-babies
Says it's fine but not for all night if played at high volume

They do go through a leap during 6/7 weeks. And i remember poop waking up my son as well. Happened with my son but then he started sleeping well at 2 months again (8 hours straight sleep during night) until 4 months sleep regression. We used to rock my son to sleep if he doesn't go to sleep by his own and me and my husband used to take turn. He slept by rocking till 6 months in arms/rocking chair/pram etc. And yes white noise helped too. We used an app called sound sleeper. That was a life saver for us. We didn't have to put it too loud but it had a setting that with my son's little noise it will start again so he used to go back to sleep by that without us even noticing. We removed rocking association at 5.5 months post his 4 months regression. He has been a good sleeper and slept through night apart from regression phases which came and went. Hope this helps.

I'm so thankful for all the responses so far, there's a lot of food for thought here

It's also reassuring to know that others have been in the same place, both in that it's normal and also I don't feel like I'm being totally insane taking the approach so far!

Co sleeping is great. My partner took the spare room. I used to put the baby in the middle of the bed and swap sides for breastfeeding. I'd usually position myself on my side facing the baby. It felt really natural and inviting to do this as we could hear and feel each others breathing and I could judge their temperature needs better. Found I'd wake just before the baby stirred and I'd be able to change/feed them. I could be half awake doing this and fall straight back to sleep. Took us a while to figure out with our first and I was fretting at the start. But for our second child, straight in and next to me. We never even used the cot, co slept until they were big enough to go into their own beds. Lots of different approaches, go with what feels right for you all as a family. You're doing great even when it feels so hard, trust in yourself xx