8wk old baby, I'm so tired I think I'm going to die

[ChubbyScotsBurd]

I posted a while back about my baby not sleeping.

Now he won't sleep all day, sometimes not even if he's carried. I bought a sling with money we can't really afford and he screamed in it. He wakes at 5ish and then aside from naps of maybe 15 minutes tops (in his bouncy chair or being carried) he doesn't sleep at all all day.

By the evening he's so tired he's panting and wide-eyed (looks like he's on speed or something) and then he starts this frantic need to suck, usually my boob. He sucks while screaming, sometimes screaming until he's sick. Once he screamed until he went stiff, then limp - I'm sure he made himself faint. He won't tolerate a dummy, even when introduced when he's settled. I have to go to bed with him when it starts (he'll only go down to sleep at night if he sucks to sleep) but it can take up to 4 hours to get him to sleep properly. I then have to try and move him up the bed so I can sleep myself, but this often wakes him all over again. He doesn't tend to sleep for much over an hour at a time anyway.

He's taking/taken every colic remedy going but this thing is simple tiredness. He must only be getting 6-8 hours in a 24hr period. He gets terrible wind through the day but I'm working on colief which seems to be helping, but it's early days. My big problem is it takes him so long to settle down I'm sure he's waking from hunger quite soon after.

Also, this is getting progressively worse - everything seems to be getting worse. I'm sure I'm losing it, and I'm losing patience with my poor baby who realy isn't to blame, he just doesn't know how to sleep. He USED to know, but he's awful now.

No idea what else to try, I'm not coping at all, not even a bit.

Cant add too much to what has already been said apart form - you have my love and sympathy.
A cranial Osteopath will help I am sure, even if you had a cesarian.
Ring this morning and get an appointment asap.

Gosh, thank you all for your kind words and helpful advice.

Last night was great! I had to go off to bed after my last post because LO was reaching fever pitch with poor OH, and it took until after 11 to get him to nod off on the boob in bed but I didn't wake again until half past 2! He fed and wriggled for an hour before going back to sleep until half 6, then fed while OH got ready for work and he's still in our bed sleeping now! I feel like a new person (though from experience I suspect this will last for no more than a few hours ;))

While I was getting him down OH was reading your link Gertie, and shouting through "This is him, it's all him, this is what he does, what time does this osteopath open, can I phone her now?!". And spottyshoes, I was interested to hear about your baby being unable to lie flat and being a breech section baby too - do you think they're just used to having their heads raised or something? He was breech through the whole pregnancy, didn't even consider turning round.

I've tried eliminating dairy (although just stopped taking milk/yoghurt/cheese, not religious about whey etc). But seen no improvement over several weeks. Wheat would be a possibility, I don't tolerate too much wheat myself (gets me bloated). And OH has IBS although it's mainly a stress thing rather than a food thing. Maybe I need to live on oats, rice and potatoes for a bit.

Plan for today while I'm feeling good is to phone the osteopath, and take funnypeculiar's advice to get him sleeping in the day one way or another. I've been mistaken in trying to get him lying down sometimes once he's nodded off - I think I need to give in and crash out with the remote and the biscuit tin and let him sleep on my lap after a feed. He also sleeps on my shoulder OK but he's topping 13lb now so it's getting achey. Hopefully even if we have loads of 15 minute naps they'll add up to enough rest that he doesn't lose the head at night. I think last night he just got himself so totally exhausted he slept for hours, but I'd obviously rather he slept properly and regularly.

Thank you all SO much for being there last night, it's always the evenings when I get so tired I just feel like I can't go on, and I know I'm facing hours of howling before I have any prospect of rest myself. My mum has some time off in a few weeks, if things are no better then she will help. And for those kind souls offering MN help, I'm in the back of beyond in the North of Scotland so probably not very conveniently located to take up your lovely offer, but thank you all so much anyway. Why is it people in RL just don't understand? I think they don't like to admit/remember what it's like!

Must go, I can hear him groaning ... too good to be true methinks ...

It always seems worse in the evening.

Just try and go with the flow a bit. If he falls asleep on you - then just sit for a while with him while he sleeps.

If you do a feed during the day laying down in bed and he drops off - so can you.

So pleased you have had a better night and managed to get some sleep. Hope today is ok too. Look after yourself xxx

Fingers crossed your day is still going okay. It sounds like you now have an arsenal of things to try so at least you can try things and discard them rather than not knowing what to try!
Sleep vibes for your whole family [sleeeeeeeeep]

Hi, haven't read all the replies so sorry if i am repeating people here. My dd was like this from 2 days old-she just would not settle unles she was being held, and even then would often just cry for ages until i gave her a boob, sometimes she'd keep on crying even while on the boob and that was awful. After a few days i gave up even trying to put her down.

Luckily i had my mum and dad on hand as well as dh, and my sister and partner came to stay for a few days which gave us more hands to take turns (and they are people who could look after me rather than me having to treat them as guests).

The evenings were the worst, partly cos i was exhausted from having her all day, and also because i knew i had the night coming where it was 100% down to me(dh was back at work so didnt feel could expect him to do nights).

One night i tried absolutely everything then at about 2am(had beeen crying since 6pm) i just plonked her down on the bed and said "you can just stay there for a while and scream, I've had enough" and went to bathroom, washed and changed my bm soaked pjs. when i came back dh had taken her out of the room cos he was scared i was at breaking point and would hurt her. That was the lowest point i can remember.

Eight weeks is also a difficult time, exhaustion is taking its toll, and you are past that 6 week period after which things are "supposed" to get easier. I also felt like all the other babies were sleeping well by this point and that noone in rl could relate to my situation.

For the first 8 weeks dd slept on my chest at night and it was the only way either of us got any sleep. When she was 5 weeks i got a swing, and miraculously she would sleep in that (wouldnt sit in bouncer etc AT ALL and would wake as soon as buggy or car stopped moving), soon after she got better at taking daytime naps elsewhere so whatever people tell you i do believe swings can help babies learn to settle.

When she was 9 weeks or so i had to get up while she was sleepng on me so put her down on her tummy and for the first time she stayed asleep when i put her down. I then started giving her her daytime naps on her tummy, and soon after putting her down at night on her tummy. I remember i was petrified of cot death but it really was the only way she would sleep.

Things do get better - I promise.

My dd was so much happier once she could do things, I think she got very frustrated being a simple newborn and that was partly why she just wouldnt lie down.

Oh and persevere with the dummy if you think sucking will help him settle, dd didnt like it at first, then eventually accepted the flat avent ones and now I have a job getting it off her!

He slept in the bouncy chair a lot of the morning ... it was interrupted but I just sat with him and bounced it all morning to keep him asleep. He's back on my shoulder after a feed, just going to let him sleeeeeeep as much as poss and sod everything else (I've been getting way too stressed about the mess the house is, my bad, has definitely been contributing to my knackeredness and stress ... had been thinking that at this stage should really have recovered sufficiently to be baking most days and sewing my own clothes or something [rolls eyes]). Seeing osteopath on Fri - cross fingers.

Also - beware treehuggy moment - I think me having kind of 'given up' has helped him cos he's been more settled today, and slept WAY more than usual. Thank you, thank you, thank you lovely people.

CSB, so glad he's slept more today, hurray!!

It's so easy to get stressed about the housework etc but give yourself a break, he's only 8 wks and it's bloody hard work! Definately nap when he naps so you at least get some sleep. The housework will always be there so sod it, lol! Enjoy your baby as much as you can while he's this small

Glad you've got in to see osteopath, I'm sure that'll help, as I said it worked miracles for my ds.

Good luck x

Yes I'm sure it's because they have been so used to sitting up inside us. ds was breech from 30 weeks and there was absolutely no turning him. I also think thats what gave him amazing neck strength as he could support his head from day 1.
So glad you had a better night's sleep. It really does get better eventually - although i'm sure it doesnt help to hear that at the point when you are going through the exhaustion! x

CSB - you absolutely must think SOD THE HOUSE. Nothing matters except that you and the little one get sleep. Best of luck to you.

CSB - Soooooo glad you're having a slightly better time - & hope you have another goodish night.
And hurray for crashing with the remote and biccies, and double hurray for sodding the housework

keep us updated [smile

hey chubby, there are good days and there are baaad days!

It only gets better! Well done! xx

csb - I have one of these that I tested as part of a consumer panel I'm on. If your ds sleeps while being rocked it sounds like it might really work for you.

The only thing is, it's bloody expensive to buy and really too heavy/bulky to post but if you have friends/family in Central Scotland who would be visiting you I'd be happy to lend it to you.

Another better night, I think definitely in part due to many hours spent bouncing him yesterday. OH noticed him being much less grouchy when he got in from work last night. He still had a bit of a paddy in the evening and didn't sleep until after 11 but only woke once for a feed until 6.30 again. I'm feeling pooped again but more positive, just think the tiredness isn't the sort which goes away after a few hours sleep - will need a few weeks!

The house was getting me down - depressing to sit home and stare at mess all day - so a browbeaten DP has been making big inroads . Bigthief, thank you so much for your kind offer! I do have some family down that way, no immediate visits planned but if we don't get anywhere with the CO/new regime of bouncing then I will be in touch.

You folks have been fab. I felt such a fraud for struggling at this stage, I thought by now I should have been way more in control, so thanks all for making me feel less like a complete disaster.

My baby was like this and she changed overnight without cranial osteopathy. She just learned to sleep.

One thing that seemed to help was when I gave up in exhaustion, handed her to dh, went to bed and slept for almost six hours straight myself.

She slept for part of the time and he walked her round/took her out for a drive the rest of the time. He would have woken me if she'd screamed but she didn't.

The world looked so different to me when I woke up. I think she had been picking up on my desperation. It all got better from then and she slept through the night at nine weeks.

The housework can wait till he goes to school .

my kids never slept when little on their own - the thing that saved me was co-sleeping. Once I did this dd1 slept her first night & I could bf and sleep as well.
Best wishes xxx

No worries, the offer is open .

Ds had a witching hour (sometimes stretching to a lot longer than that) in the evening where he was inconsolable but it got better at about 12 weeks I think. It wasn't colic - just normal evening unsettledness I think.

Glad things are feeling a bit brighter today.

CSB, yay for another better night. Have you noticed how everyone on Mumsnet appears to be utterly dysfunctional and rubbish (slight exaggeration) whereas everyone in real life appears to be 100% in control all the time? The question is, which group are lying. I know where my suspicions lie!

I honestly don't know what I would have done without MN in my early days, never mind now. Everyone else seemed to have babies who slept and behaved and were generally angelic. I felt - and feel - that it's my fault, to the point where both dh and I have independently, genuinely, thought ds would be better off being adopted (we have other shit to deal with, i.e. dh being chronically ill, but even so). You are doing a great job. This is impossibly hard, and you are getting through it. Just keep on keeping on!

Been told to look here by another mumsnetter

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In fact it could be worse...you could be me!!

I too have an 8 week old LO - gorgeous as he is..he never sleeps on his back, feeds little and often, vomits periodically and I constantly have to hug him to confort his pains (refloux/wind/colic/and more). Since birth I have had sleeping on me in bed..it is the only way for him to get some desperately needed few hours sleep even though it is uncomfortable for me...his face looks so so tired! But am trying to get him to sleep 4-5 hours a day by being on me.

See all my threads and you will see that I too am having a nightmare of a time whereas everyone else seem sot have idyllic babies

I too feel alone, tired.

Have spent so much money on slings, reflux cushions...etc

You name it - I tried it...and there is no end in sight and I think it is getting worse

Is he gaining weight okay?

Have you kept a sleep diary? Is he LITERALLY getting 6 hours in 24 or does it just feel like that sometimes? Mine at this age got between 10-12 in 24 and that was the SHIT END OF NORMAL. But they would sleep on my chest and in a sling.

OK have read some more recent threads and things don't seem quite so dire

Good luck, some babies are shit!

They get better as they get older! Honest!

Poor you! I know how it is, you won't die, honest, it just feels like you will. i cried eery day from sheer tiredness when dd was that age, but she has slept through the night from 6mths (9 mths now).
it will get better, believe me, i speak from experience! catnap while you can, and don't feel guilty, ever.

just to add another, my 2 ds were both like this it is complete hell and i feel for you so much. it does get better, it is my opinion that, once obvious medical stuff is ruled out, that it is personality. both my boys are busy fidgity bright children now (who, thank goodness, sleep so deeply) but need running like puppies and go bonkers if overtired still. 'normal' with children is a huge range. i used to lok at my friends with babies who slept for hours thinking 'what am i doing wrong' then slowly i realised things were getting better. hth

ps can you PLEASE let us know how CO goes on friday

beem toying with idea but am not a breech, forceps, ventouse etc birth....