8wk old baby, I'm so tired I think I'm going to die

[ChubbyScotsBurd]

I posted a while back about my baby not sleeping.

Now he won't sleep all day, sometimes not even if he's carried. I bought a sling with money we can't really afford and he screamed in it. He wakes at 5ish and then aside from naps of maybe 15 minutes tops (in his bouncy chair or being carried) he doesn't sleep at all all day.

By the evening he's so tired he's panting and wide-eyed (looks like he's on speed or something) and then he starts this frantic need to suck, usually my boob. He sucks while screaming, sometimes screaming until he's sick. Once he screamed until he went stiff, then limp - I'm sure he made himself faint. He won't tolerate a dummy, even when introduced when he's settled. I have to go to bed with him when it starts (he'll only go down to sleep at night if he sucks to sleep) but it can take up to 4 hours to get him to sleep properly. I then have to try and move him up the bed so I can sleep myself, but this often wakes him all over again. He doesn't tend to sleep for much over an hour at a time anyway.

He's taking/taken every colic remedy going but this thing is simple tiredness. He must only be getting 6-8 hours in a 24hr period. He gets terrible wind through the day but I'm working on colief which seems to be helping, but it's early days. My big problem is it takes him so long to settle down I'm sure he's waking from hunger quite soon after.

Also, this is getting progressively worse - everything seems to be getting worse. I'm sure I'm losing it, and I'm losing patience with my poor baby who realy isn't to blame, he just doesn't know how to sleep. He USED to know, but he's awful now.

No idea what else to try, I'm not coping at all, not even a bit.

I experienced something very similar with my first DD too. Minimising dairy in the diet really helped. And it really WILL get better. I am sure 8 weeks was my lowest point too and around 13 weeks things did improve. I know it is said a lot but do try with the evening routine thing and trying to put him down awake. It wont work at first but gradually he will get used to the idea and will sleep better if he puts himself to sleep from awake. But that is in the future- for now emergency getting through each day is key and just roll with whatever works in terms of getting him to sleep. Very tough times indeed. I wanted to give my baby up for adoption it was so horrible. BUt it does improve and DD1 is now one of the best sleepers i know of so you might not believe it but it really will get better.

emkana, sounds extreme to you because you perhaps haven't experienced it.

I have. It was horrendous. Hard work. Exhausting.

Some new mums have better rides than others.

If you have had a good ride; Congratulations!

The only thing I can say is that it only gets better!

Gertie, think you and I had the same baby!! The car was one place I always knew ds would fall asleep, would drive for a while, then park up, for an hours peace and a read of a magazine! Osteopathy did work a treat for ds, made a difference to him within one day of the first treatment.

Where in S Wales are you, I am in Bridgend.

I feel for you, my ds was like this. I remember breaking down in tears unable to cope just wishing someone would take him away

Cranial osteopathy changed him overnight, I can't recommend it enough. It's very gentle manipulation of the head and cures no end of troubles.

FWIW, you will get thru this, sounds like your OH is a star too.

Thinking of you x

Chubby,

you will be ok!!!

A super hug with super sleepy vibes! Hopefully your little boy will pick up some!

Will he sleep next to you if you cuddle him in bed?

CSB, know what you mean about the constant movement, that's why I used the swing when at home as I could not get ds to sleep any other way. He would always stir when I stopped the buggy!

It really does get better, it just feels like forever when you are going through it. You have my sympathy (which doesn't help I know), I remember like yesterday how awful the lack of sleep was. Really hope you manage to get at least some sleep tonight xxx

Even thinking about this time with my dc makes me feel uneasy and sad.

The only thing which made it better with ds (second child) was that my expectations were so low, it couldn't be worse than I expected it to be!

ChubbyScotsBurd - will he sleep in your arms? I napped propt up in the middle of the double bed surrounded by pillows with ds - probably not recommended in any baby manuals, & certainly not the comfiest, but hey, any sleep in a storm

(mj - am in cardiff, went to ogmore beach yesterday though, it was gorgeous!)

csb - hope things improve for you soon. I remember how hard and stressful and awful it was. It doesnt last forever though - I promise.

At weekends, get your DH to take him away in the car for an hour and drive round and round the streets while you happily sleep at home.

(Actually, this never worked for me as I'd always find some housework to do and stress out thinking... they'll be back soon. Oh god, is that him coming up the street screaming etc. What I CAN recommend, is getting DH to rock him ceaselessly in the house while you sleep in the car about half a mile away. A travel rug, Radio 4 and super-reclined seats does it for me!)

This sounds horribly familiar to me. DS (now 2) was like this and I'll be honest that he didn't settle until about 5 months + and not properly for months after that. DD (7 months) is still like this.

For me it's been a case of coping strategies and getting through the day. Sleeping when I can (near impossible now I have 2!) and having DD in bed with me. Basically DD is so horribly overtired now that she struggles to switch off.

Do whatever gets you through the day. It's not surprising you're feeling depressed, I know that feeling all too well too.

With the sling, try if you can to give it a fair shot for a few days. Go for a fast walk with it on as walking settles them better. If he'll sleep in bed with you, do that. Not the best sleep in the world in my experience, but better than nothing. Great for naps to let him fall asleep feeding on you. Get him as much sleep as you possibly can any way you can - car, buggy etc - as that'll help. Though I know that my DD doesn't take what she needs regardless of what we do to try and help her sleep. Try LOUD white noise - fan, extractor fan over hob, hoover - and motion at the same time.

Both of mine have also done the hysterical crying, hyperventilating and passing out thing! Blowing in their face tends to shock them into taking a proper breath if they get like that. Taking DD into a room with a very bright light to stare at helps too.

Oh, and definately get your DH to help out as much as he can. I'm guilty of taking on everything myself too... but try to get just one night now and then when you get a few hours sleep - get your DH to take your LO to 24 hr asda for a while!

CSB - sounds bloody awful. I have been there but with a full-time SAHD to share the load and even then it was horrific. So to be doing it mostly on your own and still be vaguely sane - you are doing bloody well.

First of all - are you bf? (I assume from your OP you are). Have you tried cutting out anything likely to be wind-inducing, like dairy, wheat, whatever?

If he will sleep when there is movement, then movement is what he needs. My ds was like this - it was crap. But you have to let things go, housework, cooking, whatever can wait. Try to get some more sleep in him.

And - more importantly - try to get some more sleep in you. Can your dp take some leave from work? Can anyone else come in during the day to give you a few hours' peace?

The other thing I'd say, is try not lying him flat at all for a few days. I looked back at my diary of ds' early days (before he was finally diagnosed with reflux) and there's a really obvious pattern of lying him down and then him crying with pain (because of said reflux) that we just didn't figure out at the time through utter exhaustion. If you can, keep him over your shoulder during the day and just see whether there's any improvement?

Best of luck to you - use CRY-SIS, but you need some on-the-spot human back-up too. Where are you? Can MN lend a hand?

Oh I really REALLY feel for you. Went through this with my first and it is an absolute nightmare - no-one understands just how bad it is unless they have been in the same situation.

dd1 would scream constanly - wouldn't feed properly - wouldn't sleep for more than an hour, even through the night. I used to blame myself - thought it was something I was doing wrong. We tried the colic treatments etc to no avail. When she was 6 weeks old dh flew me to Scotland to my mother's. She didn't stop screaming whilst I was there, but it helped knowing that even my mum, who is fab with children, couldn't pacify her. She would scream until she was scarlet and soaking in sweat. One day, after weeks of virtually no sleep, I snapped and almost threw her at a wall . Managed to stop myself and chucked her on a bed and walked out of the house and round the block as I was shaking so much.

She eventually grew out of it and I am convinced that she just wasn't happy being a baby. Once she could sit by herself and occupy herself she settled down. The only way I coped

My only advice is that you HAVE to have a break from it when you can. Try and get as much support as you can, accept help from anyone and you will come through it. Honest.

Don't know what happened to that sentence half way through . Was trying to say that the only way I coped was getting away from her occasionally.

And it may help to know that my second daughter was the opposite - as placid as they come. Not that you will be even comtemplating having a second, EVER, at this stage! But what I'm trying to say is that it is not your fault. If there are no health reasons for their behaveior it appears that some babies just seem to be like this.

behaveior???

Where are you Chubby? Can anyone come round and give you a hand?

Have only skimmed thread. It sounds like you are having a rough time. It might be nothing but I would have him checked by your gp just in case.

My ds2 was like this. I tried all of the colic remedies and such. It turned out that he had food allergies. I was eating the foods he was allergic to and the protein was passing through my breast milk giving him awful tummy pains and wind. As soon as I stopped eating the foods he stopped being upset. It might be something you are eating or something else entirely.

It does sound like he is overtired though. A lovely midwife once told me that if they wake up before 30 mins in a daytime nap they need to go back to sleep. They haven't had enough. Worked a treat with my dd who would only do quick naps. Soon she was having thre two hour naps a day. hth

You have described my DS to a tee.

ANd the tiredness hit me like a sledgehammer at around 8 weeks too.

He would wake on a pin drop. If he fell asleep on me (rare at that), I'd be too terrified to move.

Have you asked GP about reflux? Can you see another GP at the practice?

I have to say, with DS it was only with time things improved. And b/feeding him in bed allowed me some valuable rest at night.

I utterly sympathise. It (literally) drove me around the twist in the end.

I cant add much advice to the wonderful stuff that has been said. My ds was a terrible sleeper, couldnt be put down - even if I went to the loo he shrieked until he was sick/coughing!)Slept about 8 hrs in all in the night between 7 - 7 and no naps in the day - maybe 20 mins in all if fell asleep whilst feeding! Dr's said it was collick but I think thats just a catch all term for what they cant diagnose. DS was a breach/cs birth so would only sleep sitting up for ages. A sling worked wonders in the early days but then just stopped working at about 6 wks. He became a nightmare at 12 weeks - really bad growth spurt and started waking every 1.5 hrs in the night - this went on until 18 weeks (he is 22wks now)and i really dont know how i coped but out of the blue it just passed, dont know how or why but he must have just 'grown out of it' as they say. He has suddenly gone from sleeping 1.5 hrs at a time to 9 hrs last night. So hang on in there hun, hopefully it will get easier! xx

OMG CSB it sounds awful. My ds wasn't as bad as that but didn't want to be put down for even a moment. I remember pacing the floors for hours at night and as soon as I tried to sit down he would wake up crying.

Do you cosleep? I started bringing him through to bed for a nap when he was calm e.g. after lavender bath in the middle of the afternoon. Would lie down with him & bf lying on my side. Would then stay and have a nap with him.

Mine did not like sling either, at first. Kept putting him in just for 5 mins or so at a time at least once every day. Still using a sling now at 15 months & he loves it.

oh CSB like others I have been there too - dd1 was horrendously colicky and never slept. You've got lots of good suggestions here - has anyone menioned buying an electric swing yet?
I think it was the most important baby gadget we ever bought TBH; dd1 - a permanent screamer before - would sit in it quietly for ages.
Occasionally we'd also let her sleep in it at night in our room, swinging away

You do have my full sympathy.

CBS - every sympathy to you. Ds2 did this from about about a month old for 16 hellish weeks. Every. Fecking. Day. Only time made a difference to him I'm afraid.

Lots and lots of good advice here. Do you have any help? Anyone who can look after your ds even if it's just pushing him in his pram for an hour whilst you get some sleep?

Oh my word, you have my every sympathy. It probably doesn't help at the moment, but you are so not alone. Anyway, practical solution - get a swing. I was loath to spend the money, as ds already had a bouncy chair (which he hates), but he absolutely adores his swing. He plays in it and waves his arms and legs around like its the most exciting thing ever, then drops off to sleep. I get to eat hot meals and have showers and all luxuries like that. And best of all, I don't even feel guilty, as he adores it so much. So, I would say, if you can strecth to it, or could even borrow one, it would be worth it. Good luck

Just a though re expense - do they do swings and things at your local toy library? If they did it would be a cheap way to find out if he likes it. x